Help...please....at the end of my rope... I NEED this.

Never in a million years would I have expected to have received this many responses. I apologize for my lack of replying until now. After I made this post I went to take a shower, then my fiance got home and I became distracted, followed by sleeping and a walk to the store, etc. I'm finally sitting down to an alarming amount of support that I just almost cannot believe but absolutely appreciate. I only feel bad that I cannot respond to each and every one of you individually, but I will notate that I took the time to read all four pages of information.

A little bit about my situation, although unrelated to the topic of budgeting and willpower-finding entirely, is that we also have no car (but walking is not something I'm unfamiliar with - I love it as an exercise regimen), and live with 2 other people as a roommate thing so fridge space and freezer space especially is extremely limited. About my budget, though, because someone mentioned I am/was only a cashier part-time, I have daycare expenses for my daughter that are back owed to the tune of 1,000.00 and stacking monthly (her father is footing things and neither of them live with me). Then a prior other bill that is sitting around for another 200, but not stacking as it's just something back owed that I could not pay and now won't be able to for a while. Regardless, none of that truly has anything to do with weight loss so I'll get back on topic - just thought I'd throw the information out there.

Almost every single one of you are and were eye openers to me, and provided me with very valuable information. I spoke with my fiance and did some mental self searching and I completely agree with the sentiment that it is all in my hands. But my mind is not always this 'stable', for lack of a better term. I am in fact seeing a psychiatrist very soon, so that matter IS being addressed, for those concerned. I realize that this is completely within my control as to whether or not this is important enough to me to put on the right mindset. Just like cigarettes, or drugs, food is a serious addiction for me, as is carbonation which is why I keep returning to sodas. So in all honesty I came here hoping that someone would do exactly what all of you have done, which is not only to provide me with the moral support I desperately desire, but to offer real-world suggestions for what I can do on such a limited budget. Sure I could have perused the internet for a zillion hours, but I came here because this community is a place I trust, a place where the results are PROVEN and photos provide me EVIDENCE to support people's claims. I don't know, but it feels more real here. So, just for anyone maybe wondering why I came here lazily instead of doing my research, that was/is why...

Sit ups are my favorite do-it-yourself exercise, alongside walking, and I fully intend to start on a daily or bi-daily basis. My biggest fear right now is that if I jump into everything altogether, I will quickly blunder or feel/become overwhelmed. Then again I also fear that if I don't jump into it, I won't take it seriously enough or something. I don't know. Fear is an excuse for a lot of things in life and I need to stop making excuses. Just do it.

To those of you who have listed meal plans, external links, exercise regimes, and who have extended your knowledge, wisdom, and even friendship courtesies to me, thank you from the bottom of my despaired heart. By no means do I wish to throw a pity party but I truly appreciate every word of it all. I can't make exact quotes since I just processed many pages of many paragraphs of text but rest assured that I will bookmark my thread and come back to these posts as a means of support to myself when all else fails or when I need direct examples. Such as the breakfast/lunch/dinner/snacks list, I was astonished. And I will gladly take anyone up on their friendship offers, as I obviously need all the help I can get...

In my history, there was a time when I did weigh over 200 lbs, I was 205 to be exact. I discovered this at the doctor's office, and that's the day I started getting scared for my health. My grandfather suffers diabetes, and I don't ever want to end up that way. I made it down to 160lbs through counting calories and exercising, back when foodstamps were there to help me and I wasn't the only one bringing in the groceries and I had a vast array of options to go off of. I was losing weight to the tune of 10 lbs a month and everything was on my side, including my mental health. I had no way of knowing that my mind would suddenly turn topsyturvy overnight and my world would be flipped upsidedown and I would say to myself "Just enjoy life and enjoy all the food you want - so long as you're happy, right?"

That one line, that one sentence, will come back to haunt me. But I need to be ready. And now, thanks to this website, I hope I WILL be ready. MFP has helped me before, but I was so ashamed of my failure after all of that hard work and time, that I stopped coming here and regained all of my weight. I feel/felt like a failure but I decided to come back, because this amazing, wonderful community is the one place I feel I have some hope. Where I can SEE people like all of you, what you have done, and what you're doing. And moreover, where I can FEEL the support and maybe when I'm in a better place give some of it back.

Enough. I'm sorry for talking your heads off, but to be fair you spent the time replying so I figured I'd give the same respect in kind. Thanks again. I wish you all the very best. And I wish myself the very best. T.T

[EDIT] P.S. - http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/2672/giantsub.png

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Because some people were questioning the 'sub' tactic, I decided to take a picture. The sub I mentioned is over a foot in length, and quite thick, easily accounting for an entire day's worth of food, and is $3.98 at my local store, with half a sub pre-cut for only $1.98. Meanwhile vegetables are 2.00-3.00+ per lb. T.T But I had not considered frozen vegetables, which would probably be cheaper, if I have enough freezer space. Our landlord has two large dogs and two cats, all of which he freezes a lot of chicken legs/etc for and home-cooks for them every day/night, so freezer space is veeeerrrryyyyyy tight sadly. But hey, thought I'd throw the perspective out there.