Am I being unreasonable??
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Hmmm, I think your husband is being a bit of a pain,
BUT have you looked at it from his point of view? You have had a really stressed relationship with your Dad and he's only been to visit 3 times in your adult life. Yes he is really ill and it will be his last visit, but your husband is probably dreading it... He knows he'll have to see you upset and in a position that is going to be quite frankly bloody hard! Also he probably feels some sort of hostility towards your Dad for any kind of past (My relationship with my Dad is also pretty much non existant and my husband hates when he phones or anything like that because it is so hard on me)
Your husbands friend sounds like a long time friend, so your husband knows he can rely on him, enjoy his company etc.... If you were in your husbands shoes who would you prefer to be around?
That being said, he should also be ready to support you no matter what because that's what a relationship is about, you take the strength from your partner when you're lacking in strength yourself....
I really hope the visit goes well and that you find some peace but maybe don't be too harsh IF in fact your husband MAY be a littlw scared for you right now!0 -
Oh wow, all I can say is that I see alot of same responses, and all i can understand from them is " I will be newly single" " Or eventually divorced". And then women wonder why we do the things we do.0
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Tell his friend he needs to get a motel because you are having other guests. Your husband is being nonsupportive and needs to consider your feelings. Its your house too. Tell that friend to shove off!0
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So, the friend usually comes down over Memorial Day, and stays about a week (yikes). This year he couldn't come that week, so he came this past Sunday, and is here now.
So....put those two pieces of the story together, and I have back-to-back houseguests, which is kind of stressful, but I knew that when I made the plans with my dad, so I'm ok with that.
If the friend usually stays a week and he arrived on a Sunday, why wouldn't you expect him to say the entire week? You also stated that you knew about the back-to-back houseguests and you were okay with it.
I am a wife in a marriage of 17 years and we have visitors regularly. It does not seem like you are anywhere near okay with it. I maybe out on a limb here, but who scheduled the back-to-back visit? One lesson I learned with house guests (no matter who they are or what is going on in life) - never do a back-to-back unless you are COMPLETELY okay with it because there is always the chance of the visitors overlapping. Always give yourself a 4-7 days in between visitors. On an outside note, why wouldn't you want your dad getting to know your husbands best friend? Doesn't your husband consider his best friend family?
I say suck it up and have the visitors overlap by a day and take it on as a lesson learned.0 -
Your husband has already offered to ask the friend to leave. Hold him to that, and thank him for recognizing how important it is to you that you need dedicated time with your family, especially given the circumstances. Also thank the friend for being accommodating of your family needs.
If hubby decides to back down or the friend decides not to leave, get a hotel room for the two of them and ask them to stay there so you and the family can have a quiet, quality visit and focus on rebuilding your relationships.0 -
Heres your winner, and she s staying married forever.So, the friend usually comes down over Memorial Day, and stays about a week (yikes). This year he couldn't come that week, so he came this past Sunday, and is here now.
So....put those two pieces of the story together, and I have back-to-back houseguests, which is kind of stressful, but I knew that when I made the plans with my dad, so I'm ok with that.
If the friend usually stays a week and he arrived on a Sunday, why wouldn't you expect him to say the entire week? You also stated that you knew about the back-to-back houseguests and you were okay with it.
I am a wife in a marriage of 17 years and we have visitors regularly. It does not seem like you are anywhere near okay with it. I maybe out on a limb here, but who scheduled the back-to-back visit? One lesson I learned with house guests (no matter who they are or what is going on in life) - never do a back-to-back unless you are COMPLETELY okay with it because there is always the chance of the visitors overlapping. Always give yourself a 4-7 days in between visitors. On an outside note, why wouldn't you want your dad getting to know your husbands best friend? Doesn't your husband consider his best friend family?
I say suck it up and have the visitors overlap by a day and take it on as a lesson learned.0 -
He was not stopping her from anything. Whatever...
^^^^^The last night his friend stays (Saturday Day thru Sunday), both (your husband and his hetero life mate) should get a hotel room and party it up, leaving you and your Dad (and stepmom) some alone time.
Family first.
THIS
Too many wives try to bend and break the will of their husbands. Why do you think so many marriages fail?
There comes a time when it's just no longer worth it.
Didn't they already have an entire week together?
What about the will of the wife?
I told my wife when we were dating and just 16 years old that I was going to live life my way and totally on my own terms, and that I'd never change. She married me anyway, knowing what was coming.
And pushing 50 years old, I am the same person I was at age 16 but with more bulges, bald spots, bunions and boils.
Maybe she thought about jetting a few times - who knows?
Remember, the one in any relationship that cares the least gets to make the rules. :smokin:
You seem to pride yourself in the fact that your wife's feelings mean nothing to you. It sounds like you're still trying to prove that you're a man and nobody tells you what to do. That is childish for a 50 year old man. If your wife has no say in anything you do that is probably more out of fear than respect.0 -
is it possible that we are getting a skewed perspective?
i mean from what the OP says - her husband is an inconsiderate ***, his friend is a worthless piece of ****, and all they do is act like goofy teenagers with their video games and whatnot. And they are both being inconsiderate ******, and dumping on the next visitors on purpose.
I'm just throwing it out there that it's possible that there is another side.
That said, there certainly is a compromise that can and should be found, rather than a fight. Someone needs to say "here's the situation, what can we do to fix it/handle it" not place blame or make demands.0 -
I say suck it up and have the visitors overlap by a day and take it on as a lesson learned.
I may agree with that if not for her father that she has a strained relationship with that she wants to repair wasn't dying. Those are some extenuating circumstances.
(I also don't think your husband is being inconsiderate for not having thought of it--we can't expect people to read our minds, we have to tell them what we need.)0 -
No, it's called "for better or for worse".
He was not stopping her from anything. Whatever...
^^^^^The last night his friend stays (Saturday Day thru Sunday), both (your husband and his hetero life mate) should get a hotel room and party it up, leaving you and your Dad (and stepmom) some alone time.
Family first.
THIS
Too many wives try to bend and break the will of their husbands. Why do you think so many marriages fail?
There comes a time when it's just no longer worth it.
Didn't they already have an entire week together?
What about the will of the wife?
I told my wife when we were dating and just 16 years old that I was going to live life my way and totally on my own terms, and that I'd never change. She married me anyway, knowing what was coming.
And pushing 50 years old, I am the same person I was at age 16 but with more bulges, bald spots, bunions and boils.
Maybe she thought about jetting a few times - who knows?
Remember, the one in any relationship that cares the least gets to make the rules. :smokin:
You seem to pride yourself in the fact that your wife's feelings mean nothing to you. It sounds like you're still trying to prove that you're a man and nobody tells you what to do. That is childish for a 50 year old man. If your wife has no say in anything you do that is probably more out of fear than respect.
These poor ladies bent on changing and controlling their men are usually the ones left holding the bag.
Again, my wife is wealthy, educated, had 5 kids and is in peak condition.
She's no little frail woman in fear of her own shadow.
And she's also secure enough in her own life not to need me hovering over her.
I could not imagine living any other way, but to each his own.
You men marry these needy ladies, and you make your own beds.
So, sleep in them :drinker:0 -
You're not being at all unreasonable. Your husband basically told you how it's going to be, without your input, then made you out to look like a villain because you're prioritizing your dying father's visit.
Your husband is a *kitten* and I really hope this isn't normal behavior for him. I agree that he and his friend can go get a hotel room for just the two of them so they can play games while fondling one another0 -
pushing 50 years old, I am the same person I was at age 16
Your wife is a lucky woman0 -
You are not being unreasonable. Your husband should be more understanding but I would not worry about how you look to his friend. Your husband should have explained to him that the situation with your father is delicate and you would like the last visits you can spend with him to be a private family matter.0
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Deleted--I'm a meanie head.0
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OP I blame you for this. You should have locked down a leave date. I know my own husband's weaknesses (and he knows mine!) and we are a functioning partnership because we can communicate about it. If you know that your hubs goes all 7th grade with his buddy around and you need him gone on a specific day, you should have made sure BEFORE he came. Now you are a lousy hostess.
I think you should spring for a hotel for your parents until the buddy is gone. It's your scheduling mistake (and your husband's) so you pay for it. It is incredibly rude to kick someone out of your home when they are a houseguest. More than likely your hubs didn't tell him that he had to be out on a certain day.
ETA When my hubs' best friend comes to visit he is treated like family. I would never, ever ***** about or to him while he is staying with us.0 -
I'm in the minority, but I don't really see the overlapping visits as being a big deal. It's not as if his friend is moving in. He only visits once a year.
I do agree that I wouldn't have made my son give up his room for the friend. I would have set up an air mattress (you can get em pretty cheap) or had the friend stay on the sofa.
I would not have turned this into a fight, for sure. Pick your battles. A short overlap in house guests isn't really that big of a deal in the grand scheme, IMO.0 -
No, it's called "for better or for worse".
He was not stopping her from anything. Whatever...
^^^^^The last night his friend stays (Saturday Day thru Sunday), both (your husband and his hetero life mate) should get a hotel room and party it up, leaving you and your Dad (and stepmom) some alone time.
Family first.
THIS
Too many wives try to bend and break the will of their husbands. Why do you think so many marriages fail?
There comes a time when it's just no longer worth it.
Didn't they already have an entire week together?
What about the will of the wife?
I told my wife when we were dating and just 16 years old that I was going to live life my way and totally on my own terms, and that I'd never change. She married me anyway, knowing what was coming.
And pushing 50 years old, I am the same person I was at age 16 but with more bulges, bald spots, bunions and boils.
Maybe she thought about jetting a few times - who knows?
Remember, the one in any relationship that cares the least gets to make the rules. :smokin:
You seem to pride yourself in the fact that your wife's feelings mean nothing to you. It sounds like you're still trying to prove that you're a man and nobody tells you what to do. That is childish for a 50 year old man. If your wife has no say in anything you do that is probably more out of fear than respect.
These poor ladies bent on changing and controlling their men are usually the ones left holding the bag.
Again, my wife is wealthy, educated, had 5 kids and is in peak condition.
She's no little frail woman in fear of her own shadow.
And she's also secure enough in her own life not to need me hovering over her.
I could not imagine living any other way, but to each his own.
You men marry these needy ladies, and you make your own beds.
So, sleep in them :drinker:
First of all I'm a woman not a man. She can be successful and afraid of a chauvinistic husband at the same time. You already said you don't care as much about your wife as she does about you. As a husband you should want to be there when she is going through something as emotionally difficult as losing a parent. I feel extremely sorry for your wife but you did warn her what a pig you are before y'all married.0 -
Right, easy to issue challenges through the safety and anonymity of a computer.
He was not stopping her from anything. Whatever...
^^^^^The last night his friend stays (Saturday Day thru Sunday), both (your husband and his hetero life mate) should get a hotel room and party it up, leaving you and your Dad (and stepmom) some alone time.
Family first.
THIS
Too many wives try to bend and break the will of their husbands. Why do you think so many marriages fail?
There comes a time when it's just no longer worth it.
Didn't they already have an entire week together?
What about the will of the wife?
I told my wife when we were dating and just 16 years old that I was going to live life my way and totally on my own terms, and that I'd never change. She married me anyway, knowing what was coming.
And pushing 50 years old, I am the same person I was at age 16 but with more bulges, bald spots, bunions and boils.
Maybe she thought about jetting a few times - who knows?
Remember, the one in any relationship that cares the least gets to make the rules. :smokin:
You're such a bad *kitten*
:yawn: :ohwell:
Awesome!! :drinker:
That's big :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
I have to side with Bobby on this one. I have known my wife for 13 years, been married 8. (since 2004). I was always a YES MAN and did EVERYTHING she asked. I would plan to go fishing with my Dad 2 weeks in advance then she would plan something 2 days before I went fishing and expect me to drop my plans. I did 99% of the time. About a year ago I changed... I evolved, knowing I had to stand up for myself and do what I WANTED to do as long as I planned it out in advance with no conflicts. Now, when I resist, I am the jerk. A marriage is a partnership, but you don't lose your individuality.
I would agree if she changed things on him at the last minute. She says she told her husband his friend would need to be gone by Saturday morning due to her fathers visit. It sounds like the last minute changes were made by the husband and friend.0 -
Your husband and his friend are being inconsiderate over-grown baby men. Where I think it's cool that they still get together and hang out as 'dudes' once a year.....and weekend cool..but A WEEK is a very long time! Especially if he can't figure out on his own that it's time to pick up his toys and go home now. Your relationship with your Father now that he's been diagnosed with cancer is very important. This maybe your last chance to rekindle the relationship and give you both comfort and closure in what might be his final days. Hubbie and friend need to grow up.0
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I'm curious if the husband's friend is married?..with children?0
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