Am I being to harsh?

Harsh implies that you are being cruel or unpleasantly severe. I would not say you are being harsh. You may be acting a little misunderstanding.

I don't care to pry into your friend's circumstances, but my best recommendation would be to say, "I'd love to hang out with you when you're available. Please let me know when it is best for you." Be easy going and articulate that you don't mind last-minute invites.
-wtk

Find a new friend...seriously....
If somebody says they are going to be somewhere, be there or do not commit.
I had a friend who planned to meet me for tennis, then just never showed up.
No call - no show!
Once, shame on him, but twice?
Shame on me!
I booted that loser from my life and felt glad when later, he lost his job, because I could have connected him with friends that would have got him right back in the workforce. He knew this and called, and I totally ignored him....SWEET!:devil:
Being a lousy friend who can't show up means he'd be a lousy employee, and there is no way I'd recommend him to anybody.

i have a friend who is kind of like this. i have just lowered my expectations to the point that i don't expect plans he/we make to actually happen.

that way i'm not angry when they fall through. and on the occasion that we end up doing something, then that's cool too.

Harsh implies that you are being cruel or unpleasantly severe. I would not say you are being harsh. You may be acting a little misunderstanding.

I don't care to pry into your friend's circumstances, but my best recommendation would be to say, "I'd love to hang out with you when you're available. Please let me know when it is best for you." Be easy going and articulate that you don't mind last-minute invites.
-wtk

^^^^This. Put the ball in her court, and if she doesn't hit it, then she's done playing, and so are you.

Sometimes things just get in the way and even with the best will in the world there is always something to come between what you want to do.
My best friend and I are always making plans to see each other but it normally takes at least 5 or 6 aborted attempts before we actually get around to doing it. We have made 3 dates in the last 2 weeks but for some reason or another we're still no closer to meeting, whether it is her having to rearrange or me.
I wouldn't take it to heart, neither would I be annoyed at my friend for cancelling, life just gets in the way! :ohwell:

I don't think you are being harsh, but if she legitmately has stuff to do at home in addition to working long hours then I do understand her position. She might really want to go and do fun stuff, but when it all comes down to it she is a responsible person who wants to get her stuff done. I personally would probably avoid the responsibility and do the fun stuff then regret it later when my house was a mess.

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My sister does this all the time. We've invited her and her husband over for an adult night -- meaning leave your son with a sitter and just party and have fun and if you drink too much then stay over -- and the last straw was when she bailed on me because her best friend from Boston was coming in and she "hadn't seen her in months" when the last time she actually kept a date and came over had been the year prior. Now mind you, she and I live all of seven miles away from each other.

After that my husband told her that she and my BIL weren't invited over any more. Period. We still haven't had them over yet and I'm skeptical to invite them because I know she'll cancel for some stupid reason.

It is seriously frustrating when you invite someone over, make plans and they cancel for a dumb reason. I get that things come up and I completely and totally understand that. I've had to cancel last minute on people because I was ill. I honestly and truly made the effort to go out, slept all day etc etc but just couldn't do it. But when someone continuously cancels and the reasons are lame then you really need to just stop inviting them places.

I keep trying to make plans with a friend to hang out. I know she works long hours, and I told her if she's to tired to hang out that I understand. We had plans to go to the lake and hang out if she was feeling okay. She texts me that she's grumpy and has stuff to do at home so she's not ganna go to the lake.

I'm feeling upset, hurt, and resentful towards her. I understand that she has stuff to do at home, but if she had stuff to do at home, shouldn't she NOT be making plans on going to the lake? And if she's to tired to go to the lake of all places, then shouldn't she be resting instead of doing house stuff? She keeps pulling stuff like this and I'm very open to hanging out whenever, but when we make plans, it's like she just comes up with other stuff to do it seems like. I'm not the type of person who wants to start a confrontation, and I really don't want to start an argument... Idk what to do about it. Any ideas?

this is the type of stuff i never understood in female friendships. i think you're taking it as a personal slight when it doesnt need to be. how dare her not feel like going out when YOU wanted to :laugh: girl if you want to go out, then go out , with or without your flakey friend. it's that simple

you said yourself that you made plans to go to the lake IF she was feeling OK .. she said she wasnt feeling OK which according to the original agreement means that she wouldnt go, right?

if she flakes all the time then either stop inviting her to stuff or invite her to things that you'll be doing in a group anyway and if she shows up great and if not then that's fine too.

i have a few female friends who are huge homebodied flakes and that's fine because that's the way they are. i know if i really want to see them i have to go see them at their place.

i have a friend who is kind of like this. i have just lowered my expectations to the point that i don't expect plans he/we make to actually happen.

that way i'm not angry when they fall through. and on the occasion that we end up doing something, then that's cool too.

That's a good idea. It's just sad cuz almost everyone I know does this. The only person I can literally rely on is my fiance. And I love my fiance, but it would be nice to find a girl I really get along with and actually puts effort into the relationship.

we have also (my wife and i) just started to make plans on our own and invite him. if he doesn't come, we still do whatever - but he's welcome to join us.

I can see myself in your friend.

Speaking as someone who does this, I am a "people pleaser". I honestly want to be all things for all people and try very hard to do so. But I often overextend myself and end up backing out of committments because I just can not do it all. I don't mean to hurt my friends in the process I just don't know how to prioritize everything. Maybe your friend has the same issue.

She's just not that into you...

Haha. Yeah.

I've just given up on a certain flakey friend of mine. My friend is even more confusing because SHE is the initiator of our meetups. I'll agree to meet with her, but she'll cancel on me 90% of the time. I had enough of it the day she called to cancel our "date" when I was in my car driving to her house. Now I just have to deal with her flakey phone calls. She'll call me up and tell me that she has some free time and wants to catch up. A few minutes into our conversation she'll say she has to go because her husband just came home. She does this to me during every phone call -- same excuse every single time, too.