Am I being to harsh?

My sister does this all the time. We've invited her and her husband over for an adult night -- meaning leave your son with a sitter and just party and have fun and if you drink too much then stay over -- and the last straw was when she bailed on me because her best friend from Boston was coming in and she "hadn't seen her in months" when the last time she actually kept a date and came over had been the year prior. Now mind you, she and I live all of seven miles away from each other.

After that my husband told her that she and my BIL weren't invited over any more. Period. We still haven't had them over yet and I'm skeptical to invite them because I know she'll cancel for some stupid reason.

It is seriously frustrating when you invite someone over, make plans and they cancel for a dumb reason. I get that things come up and I completely and totally understand that. I've had to cancel last minute on people because I was ill. I honestly and truly made the effort to go out, slept all day etc etc but just couldn't do it. But when someone continuously cancels and the reasons are lame then you really need to just stop inviting them places.

I keep trying to make plans with a friend to hang out. I know she works long hours, and I told her if she's to tired to hang out that I understand. We had plans to go to the lake and hang out if she was feeling okay. She texts me that she's grumpy and has stuff to do at home so she's not ganna go to the lake.

I'm feeling upset, hurt, and resentful towards her. I understand that she has stuff to do at home, but if she had stuff to do at home, shouldn't she NOT be making plans on going to the lake? And if she's to tired to go to the lake of all places, then shouldn't she be resting instead of doing house stuff? She keeps pulling stuff like this and I'm very open to hanging out whenever, but when we make plans, it's like she just comes up with other stuff to do it seems like. I'm not the type of person who wants to start a confrontation, and I really don't want to start an argument... Idk what to do about it. Any ideas?

this is the type of stuff i never understood in female friendships. i think you're taking it as a personal slight when it doesnt need to be. how dare her not feel like going out when YOU wanted to :laugh: girl if you want to go out, then go out , with or without your flakey friend. it's that simple

you said yourself that you made plans to go to the lake IF she was feeling OK .. she said she wasnt feeling OK which according to the original agreement means that she wouldnt go, right?

if she flakes all the time then either stop inviting her to stuff or invite her to things that you'll be doing in a group anyway and if she shows up great and if not then that's fine too.

i have a few female friends who are huge homebodied flakes and that's fine because that's the way they are. i know if i really want to see them i have to go see them at their place.

i have a friend who is kind of like this. i have just lowered my expectations to the point that i don't expect plans he/we make to actually happen.

that way i'm not angry when they fall through. and on the occasion that we end up doing something, then that's cool too.

That's a good idea. It's just sad cuz almost everyone I know does this. The only person I can literally rely on is my fiance. And I love my fiance, but it would be nice to find a girl I really get along with and actually puts effort into the relationship.

we have also (my wife and i) just started to make plans on our own and invite him. if he doesn't come, we still do whatever - but he's welcome to join us.

I can see myself in your friend.

Speaking as someone who does this, I am a "people pleaser". I honestly want to be all things for all people and try very hard to do so. But I often overextend myself and end up backing out of committments because I just can not do it all. I don't mean to hurt my friends in the process I just don't know how to prioritize everything. Maybe your friend has the same issue.

She's just not that into you...

Haha. Yeah.

I've just given up on a certain flakey friend of mine. My friend is even more confusing because SHE is the initiator of our meetups. I'll agree to meet with her, but she'll cancel on me 90% of the time. I had enough of it the day she called to cancel our "date" when I was in my car driving to her house. Now I just have to deal with her flakey phone calls. She'll call me up and tell me that she has some free time and wants to catch up. A few minutes into our conversation she'll say she has to go because her husband just came home. She does this to me during every phone call -- same excuse every single time, too.

One of my friends is the same and changes plans at the last minute to suit her kids (aged 18 and 20) it has got to the point where she is the last person I contact as the plans will probably fall through anyway. It's a shame because she is good company but she is her own worst enemy, she is always complaining that she never goes out - probably because she does this to all her friends.

I know I've been in this situation where someone's canceled on me (recently, went to the movies alone because my friend canceled unexpectedly. It happens) and I know that there are times I've flaked out when I am too tired or busy and don't want to go out...I try to not do that too often and I don't do it when it's something like concert tickets bought in advance, unless I'm deathly ill.

I really think you need to be having this conversation with your friend, not with a bunch of strangers on the internet forums who don't know the whole situation. We don't know you, we don't know her, you seem to be a little defensive in response the advice you're receiving, and you say that all your friends are like this? You have a lot of flaky friends, in that case

Tell your friend, again: "I'd love to hang out with you when you're available. Please let me know when it is best for you." Put the ball in her court. Don't invite her to do anything for a while. Make some new friends that might be a bit more reliable.

It's not you..... it's me.
Just move on...I'll be OK

THIS may be too harsh, but it needs to be said. You need to understand that you are not a priority to your friend. She is obviously over-taxed and has a lot of crap to do. The truth of the matter is that she is too busy to hang out with you. She shouldn't have to apologize for it. You aren't paying her bills or cleaning her house. However, if she consistently doesn't have time to hang out, stop inviting her. This is the key to success--get over it and go to the lake anyway. Why should you stop your life just because a friend can't go do something? If she's too busy, she'll miss out. You shouldn't sit on your laurels and wait around for her. Eventually she will either--make time for you, or fade away as people in our lives sometimes do. Shrug it off. It's a natural part of life.

I have had this happen to me, but the sad truth is that you might just end up losing a friend over it. After a while, you get frustrated and stop asking. You gotta cut your losses and move on.