"You lost weight."

I know I was fat so when someone tells me I have lost weight it doesn't bother me one bit. I love it!! It keeps me going. I heard from my "second mother" "Babe you have lost weight. You look so much better than you did before". It was nice to hear that all my hard work is paying off.

With this state of mind as a guideline, I'd just stick to a generic, "You look great" rather than "You look skinnier" or "You lost weight!"
-wtk

Wait, wouldn't it be the opposite though?
If you say, "You look great," it kind of implies that they didn't look so great before. Which can be considered offensive. But if you say the latter, it's pretty much just stating a fact.

How do you figure? When you say "You look great," you are making a decided observation about that very moment. You are not implying that someone did not look great before. He or she could have looked fantastic and, at this point, also looks great. If a person speculates and is offended, that is his or her fault for reading into what you have said.

With that in mind, when you say, "You've lost weight," you are making a comparison between how a person has looked in the past and how he or she looks in the present. A person can hear "You look skinnier" and rationally think, "I look skinnier than I was before...that's a helluva way to put that."
-wtk

This isn't the first time I've heard of people being offended. What's more, I still see people are reacting with disdain bordering on hostility for the admittedly sensitive individual who didn't want her weight pointed out. When people get offended, I think what people react to is the idea that they didn't look attractive or beautiful before.

I've always been a normal-sized person, but last summer I lost a good 20 pounds--I'd say I went from being normal to slender. At first it was nice to hear, but after the 10th or so "You lost so much weight!" it began to give me a bit of a complex. We want weight loss to be permanent, but the fact is, life can get crazy and weight will change. I began to feel like if I gained the weight back, I wouldn't look beautiful anymore. It made me absolutely TERRIFIED to put on any weight.

So yes, I think it's a compliment, but at the same time, if your friend had heard it a hundred times already and has begun to feel like she looked awful before, that may have been why it was a sensitive topic for her. But you meant it honestly, and from a point of understanding since you're trying to lose weight as well, so don't feel too bad!

I've learned from MFP that one should first contact an attorney and a PR rep before complimenting someone about weight loss.

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

It's obvious that I look bad... so I look forward to hearing nice things about myself.

Honestly, I LOVE hearing that I lost weight (especially because after I lost 25 lbs, I didn't even realize it until people told me), but I do get annoyed when people say it really loudly in front of a large group of people. Maybe it's just because I'm super insecure and shy, but I just don't like a bunch of people focusing on the "old" me and thinking about how much I had let myself go. I prefer if people just say "wow, you look great!". Then, depending on how comfortable a person is talking about their weight, they'll probably say either "thank you, i've been working out a lot/lost 20 lbs/etc.".

There is something about me that makes people remember me as fatter than I am. I'm talking about 5'6" in the 145-150 range, and EVERY SINGLE TIME I'd see someone after a few weeks, they'd always tell me I'd "lost so much weight!" So yeah, that got annoying.
If it wasn't someone I was close to, or had previously shared weight loss chats/goals with, I'd just stick with "you're looking great, what's your secret?" and let them dish about the weight loss if they want to or just smile and say thanks. But with someone you've had talks with about wanting to lose weight, getting upset definitely seems like an odd reaction. I don't think you were out of line.

Something might not offend 999 out of 1000 people but if it offends that one person who is a good friend I feel like crap, even tho it was unintentional. Best thing to do is apogologize and keep their sensitivity in mind.

It's obvious that I look bad... so I look forward to hearing nice things about myself.

You don't look bad at all! You're very pretty!

Well thank you

I think your friend is a weirdo. Who doesn't like their accomplishments acknowledged?!!