Any More Chubby Twenties?

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  • MercuryBlue
    MercuryBlue Posts: 886 Member
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    Sorry if this seems negative but I have noticed a few people say things about how the want to look like they deserve their boyfriends or husbands or they compare their looks to that of their husband. That is not the point of a relationship. The problem with society today is people put so much stock in appearance. My husband loves me because I take care of him, I stand behind him and build him up, I am loyal to him and I respect him. It has nothing to do with the way I look. If he loves you you could be 300 pounds and he will think you are the hottest girl in the world. If you are looking at losing weight as a way to fix your self esteem it does not work that way. Young women need to wake up and stop looking at outward appearence because in the end it means nothing. Weightloss should be about health not looking good for some man. Seriously!

    With all due respect, I don't think you're getting the point of what people are saying here. Many people, myself included, want to feel sexy for their significant others as a gift to them. They're attractive for us and to us- so we want to be attractive for, and to, them. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good for the person you're with. I know for a fact my husband isn't going to leave me due to my size because he HASN'T- and I've been much bigger than I am now. But I want to look good for him because I love him, and I don't really feel I need to defend that, nor does anyone else. Of course it isn't 'the point' of our relationship- but, who doesn't want the person they're with to do a double-take when they walk in the room? You look at the majority of profiles of the people in this community and one of their reasons to be thin is 'to look good for their spouse'.

    I have a million reasons for wanting to lose weight- but having my husband think I'm sexy is a big one and I'm not going to apologize for it. I don't need a lecture about my self esteem, either. I have great self-esteem. I'm educated, a good mother, a good partner, a great cook, a skilled writer- and so forth. But I do not feel like I'm the best person I can be, health-wise and appearance-wise. I used to be thin before having kids- I even did some modeling. I had confidence. I FELT sexy. And despite the fact that my hubby will be attracted to me no matter what, none of it means beans if I don't feel good about myself. I don't feel sexy now, and I want that back. And I think that applies to a lot of women- how can anyone else find us beautiful if we don't? Confidence is attractive. So that's what we're trying to do: feel beautiful/sexy/attractive. Build our confidence, get our energy levels up, be who we want to be. And I don't think anyone owes you an explanation.
  • niky1215
    niky1215 Posts: 49
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    Right on MercuryBlue! That is exactly what I was thinking! Well said!
  • BamaRose0107
    BamaRose0107 Posts: 635
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    I did not ask for an explanation. Just giving my opinion if you don't like it ignore it.
  • supergirlie00
    supergirlie00 Posts: 169
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    5'3 192 pounds and will be 21 Feb 16th. I know exactly how you feel. I don't know about you but I've withdrew myself a great deal from social activities because of the way i see myself and feel. Best of luck to you keep us all up to date :]
  • kaytbognar
    kaytbognar Posts: 249
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    VLH243 - I am on that train with you my friend. I always feel like the chubby wingman when I go out with my closest friends becuase they're all much smaller than I am, it got to a point where most of my friends were guys so that I wouldn't have to be faced with just HOW big I'd gotten every time I went out for a few drinks. I hide behind the camera when it's time to take photos, and there's usually one week of every month where I just feel so gross and slobby that I can't stand the thought of anyone even looking at me. Sad, but true. But that's why we're here, right? Not just to lose weight and be healthier, but to feel better and more confident about ourselves!

    MercuryBlue - I think the water challenge is a great idea for this week. I've started keeping a pitcher of ice water on the table with me when I study spanish in the afternoons. It really helps me get the amount I need (though some days, when it's really hot, I drink so much I feel like I might float away!)


    And, RARARARARA! I did the maths today and, since I moved to PR about 4.5 weeks ago, I've lost 3.5" off my waist and hips EACH, and 20" total from all the measurements I take. It'd be nice to have a scale to see how much weight I've lost, but in the meantime, this feels like progress! Yay me!
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
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    Another Chubby and twentis here. I'm 23 yrs old and 5'5 - started MFP @ 190 and currently 183.

    Its amazing how much I am nodding my head as I read all your posts cuz like a lot of you I have been hiding from the camera, terrified to see what I do look like in pictures, cringe, and not going out cuz number 1 none of my clothes fits anymore and b. there will be a lot of "skinny" girls out there to make me feel self conscious - and going to the beach? out of the question.

    The only difference is before college I never struggled with my weight. was always a size 6 or 8 - always popular and even prom queen and the whole nine yards. Flash fwd to college - eating out all the time, staying up late and snacking, etc, I gained a lot of weight. Now it's time for it all to come off.

    For now my goal is 170 - after that I will set some new ones. I just want to look good and feel comfortable with myself and my body, for myself, for my family, for my bf too. So lets do this! :drinker:
  • ali258
    ali258 Posts: 403
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    If you are looking at losing weight as a way to fix your self esteem it does not work that way. Young women need to wake up and stop looking at outward appearence because in the end it means nothing.

    I definitely agree with this. I had lost 80 lbs, and put back 70 of it over the past two years. Even though I was in great shape -- walking or jogging 5 or 6 miles a few times a week and training for a half marathon -- it never clicked in my head that I was healthy and looked good. Obviously, I could see in the mirror that I had lost weight, but every time I folded my laundry, I was shocked at how small my clothes were. I would pick out clothes in the store that were too big because my brain didn't get that my body had changed. I was at the weight I had set as my goal weight (174) and felt like I needed to lose about 50 more pounds before I could ever be thin enough. My skinny profile pic is just about the only picture I have from my lowest weight because I still didn't feel like I looked thin enough to take lots of photos.

    Maybe for some people that have been thin most of their lives and have recently gained weight this isn't as big of a problem mentally. But I have been overweight the vast majority of my life (except when I've been successful on diets), and the mental part seems to take a lot longer to adjust for me than the physical part. That's why this time around, I'm getting rid of the excuses, and working on the mental part as much as the physical part.

    Anyone else gone through the same thing? Or working on adjusting mentally to a new healthier lifestyle?

    -Alison
  • kaytbognar
    kaytbognar Posts: 249
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    Alison,

    I am with you. Part of my journey is acknowledging my outward appearance (for a long time I just ignored that fact that I was continually getting bigger than I was already, and I ignored and denied the fact that it bothered me) and embracing the fact that, while it is not and should not be the only source for self esteem, it's okay to feel --something--, be it good or bad, about the way I look.

    I don't know if it exactly applies, but I've been reading a book that discusses body maps, and how our brains have a number of diverse and complicated 'mental bodies' (to put it simply.) There was one section that recounted studies done on anorexics, and how their body maps/mental bodies (and therefore their ideas of how they looked) did not align with the reality of their size--when given calipers to measure themselves they would open them far, far wider than necessary. One study was done with a young woman who was asked to wear a skintight wetsuit of sorts, the idea being that having some sort of sensory input on all surfaces of the body would help to reconcile the disjointed images of the mental and physical body. It was found to be effective, however only when the young woman was regularly wearing the suit (intervals of about 1 hour 3xdaily or something.) Reading about this has made me consider how I might suffer from a similar misconception, since I often have a much different image of what size I "feel" and what I see when I look in the mirror. Makes me wonder if I shouldn't invest in a skintight catsuit or something to try this experiemnt on my own, LOL!

    Most people never really think about it, but there's a lot of different aspect to weight loss, probably why it's so difficult for some people to succeed at it. What kind of things are you doing to build your mental strength? Are you finding that it's helpful at keeping you motivated on the more active fitness goals you have set for yourself?
  • pattitricia85
    pattitricia85 Posts: 376
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    Can I join this???? I am 24 and a little chubby. I have lost about 15 pounds since last April but the last two and a half months i have really let it go. I haven't gained anything back but i think i have lost muscle since i have not been exercising. I was running 4-5 days a week and elliptical 1 day a week. My goal this time is to do more stregth training. I jogged this weekend and today i brought my gym bag to work and I am going to the gym when i leave today. I would like to lose one full dress/pants size, maybe two. I try not to go by the scale too much because i am pretty muscualr in my legs and when i am a size 4 i weigh 140 pounds so the scale can be deceiving for me.
  • sarachana
    sarachana Posts: 24
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    on the topic of mental health :) ive decided this week that i was going to stop shrinking away from compliments about my weight loss and figure ( I have a FIGURE!!!! not just a blob!) my friend told me that i look amazing and i just said thank you. ive never done that before!

    as for the drinking challenge, im in! but for myself im going to add another part to this challenge, i will seriously reduce the amount of ice coffees (the slushy kind...) that i drink at work. ive never really calculated exactly how much i drink but i always give it 300 calories on my food diary. and that needs to stop and make room for real food.

    as planned, i ran today! it was the first time in a month and although i wasnt as in shape as i was a month ago, i was still able to run which made me happy :) tomorrow i wont be able to run like planned cuz i have another 14 hour work day (BOO!). ill have to figure out a way to make up for it so that i dont start to slack off.

    i love this group, thanx everyone! have a great day!
    sara
  • jessicajoy87
    jessicajoy87 Posts: 905
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    Hi everyone. I hope all is well with everyone. Gotta go, kids!
  • MercuryBlue
    MercuryBlue Posts: 886 Member
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    I think a lot of people confuse self esteem and confidence, when really there's a difference between the two. Your confidence can certainly INFLUENCE your self esteem- but isn't necessarily the whole parcel, you know? Like, I have great self esteem. I know I'm a good wife, mother, lover, friend, cook, employee (and so on and so forth). I'm happy with who I am.

    Confidence, on the other hand, is a different story, lol. I don't want to look at myself and think 'gross!" I want to be happy with who I am. And when I'm happy with who I am, that will translate to other people...

    That's just me, I guess. I'll never understand people who can't see themselves as thin when they clearly are! Probably because I have the reverse problem! At the other end of the scale, it took me a long time to realize how big I'd gotten. I was in total denial about how much I weighed because, in the mirror, I didn't think I looked too bad. But for some reason, when I see myself in pictures, I'm like, 'Blech! Who is that person? I don't know her.' No I know what they mean when they say the camera adds ten pounds!

    But I do agree, mental health is important! It's why I'm making it a personal goal to be more positive in general... because it does affect my energy levels and my desire to do things.

    sarachana - I LOVE iced coffees! I have had to wean myself off of those, and it wasn't easy! I'm doing pretty good about drinking only water, but I do get sick of it for sure!!! I just remind myself that those are calories I could be eating, instead....

    pattitricia85 - Welcome! Sounds like you've got some good ideas about what you want to achieve! Good luck to you!

    ali258 - I'm definitely adjusting to living a healthier lifestyle. There are some things that I've learned pretty much since birth that I'm having a hard time shaking. Like 'clean your plate'- I was always taught not to waste food. Sometimes I catch myself eating even when I'm not hungry because I'm not 'finished' yet. I am training myself to take smaller portions and eat off of smaller plates so that I'm not leaving anything behind. Also, I was always taught that if there is free food, you eat it. Doesn't matter if you're hungry or not- it's free! Buffets, potlucks, parties in general... I eat even when I'm full! So now when I go to someone's house and there's food, I have been reminding myself to say 'No, thank you" and to hover by the fruit and veggie platters. :)
  • Tdenman
    Tdenman Posts: 8
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    Hey I was hoping to join this group. I am a 6' 3 22 year old male who has put on 30 pounds in the last year ( good old bank job). As I have let myself go this past year I have found myself getting more and more depressed and desiring to do less and less. I want to kick start my weight loss and I think this would be a perfect way to do it. Right now I weigh 250. My goals will be.

    30 day goal: 240
    60 day goal: 231
    90 day goal: 224

    Good luck everyone
  • nolachick
    nolachick Posts: 3,278 Member
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    There are some things that I've learned pretty much since birth that I'm having a hard time shaking. Like 'clean your plate'- I was always taught not to waste food. Sometimes I catch myself eating even when I'm not hungry because I'm not 'finished' yet. I am training myself to take smaller portions and eat off of smaller plates so that I'm not leaving anything behind. Also, I was always taught that if there is free food, you eat it. Doesn't matter if you're hungry or not- it's free! Buffets, potlucks, parties in general... I eat even when I'm full! So now when I go to someone's house and there's food, I have been reminding myself to say 'No, thank you" and to hover by the fruit and veggie platters. :)

    Oh my those are my TWO BIGGEST PROBLEMS! something that helped - ali posted once that finishing all ur food will not help all those starving people out there. So don't feel guilty to stop when u are full andleave some on ur plate.
  • jessicajoy87
    jessicajoy87 Posts: 905
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    There are some things that I've learned pretty much since birth that I'm having a hard time shaking. Like 'clean your plate'- I was always taught not to waste food. Sometimes I catch myself eating even when I'm not hungry because I'm not 'finished' yet. I am training myself to take smaller portions and eat off of smaller plates so that I'm not leaving anything behind. Also, I was always taught that if there is free food, you eat it. Doesn't matter if you're hungry or not- it's free! Buffets, potlucks, parties in general... I eat even when I'm full! So now when I go to someone's house and there's food, I have been reminding myself to say 'No, thank you" and to hover by the fruit and veggie platters. :)

    Oh my those are my TWO BIGGEST PROBLEMS! something that helped - ali posted once that finishing all ur food will not help all those starving people out there. So don't feel guilty to stop when u are full andleave some on ur plate.

    I had that problem too. What I did and it helped me, was i used smaller plates. It also feels like you are eating more but really its less!:wink:
  • pattitricia85
    pattitricia85 Posts: 376
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    I am the worst in social situations... i love eating at potlucks and can just snack for 2 hours!!! I am trying this Christmas season to not make food the center of the Holidays, i won't be baking at all this year and whatever i bring to a party or family members house will be healthy! I love making/eating appetizers like stuffed mushrooms and artichoke spinach dip so no more of that this holiday season :(
  • Crunchytxmama
    Crunchytxmama Posts: 169 Member
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    MercuryBlue--I had that problem too, of not seeing myself as getting bigger, or looking bad because of it. I still thought I looked pretty good if I fixed my hair and did my makeup. Last summer ('08) I asked my husband to start taking pics of me with the kids--I was afraid they were going to think that their mother was totally absent during their childhood! I was APPALLED at how I looked when I saw those pics! The worst was when we went to the beach and I was wearing a swimsuit! I have been heavy pretty much my whole life, but I couldn't believe how old I looked! I'm 27 years old and I looked 37. I looked like my mother! I realized that I was letting my 20's pass me by. This was supposed to be the best time in my life! The time when I looked young, fit, and sexy! At that point, I really resolved to change.

    My starting weight was 199, which was also appalling, because I swore I'd never climb over 200 lbs, and here I was about to be 200 lbs. at 5'4", and I'd just bought a pair of size 18 jeans.

    It's been slow for me, with lots of stops and starts but this morning I was 147 lbs., and I'm very fit and strong. I would like to lose a bit more weight, but I'm the thinnest I've ever been at about a size 9-10, so overall I feel really great. I look like a 20-something again! This past summer was the most fun I've had since I was a kid. I went to the beach and had a ball with my kids, and went to the pool everyday and didn't feel embarassed to be in a swim suit! I hadn't been to the pool in about ten years.

    I'd like the encouragement to finish losing the weight. I've been maintaining this weight since May, but saying I want to lose more. I feel like I have a mental block against going under 140. I have never in my entire post-puberty life been in the 120's or 130's. I was probably 120 in the 5th grade. I can't even visualize myself there, and its like I'm afraid of overreaching myself. I entertain the idea of maybe wearing a bikinni and being one of "those" girls at the beach, but then I feel like "who am I kidding?" I can be fairly thin, but not one of those sexy girls in a bikkini. I feel like I told myself for YEARS that even if I was thin, I could never wear a size 4 or 6...I told myself that I wasn't built that way, but I don't really think that's true.
  • ali258
    ali258 Posts: 403
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    I don't know if it exactly applies, but I've been reading a book that discusses body maps, and how our brains have a number of diverse and complicated 'mental bodies' (to put it simply.) There was one section that recounted studies done on anorexics, and how their body maps/mental bodies (and therefore their ideas of how they looked) did not align with the reality of their size--when given calipers to measure themselves they would open them far, far wider than necessary. One study was done with a young woman who was asked to wear a skintight wetsuit of sorts, the idea being that having some sort of sensory input on all surfaces of the body would help to reconcile the disjointed images of the mental and physical body. It was found to be effective, however only when the young woman was regularly wearing the suit (intervals of about 1 hour 3xdaily or something.) Reading about this has made me consider how I might suffer from a similar misconception, since I often have a much different image of what size I "feel" and what I see when I look in the mirror. Makes me wonder if I shouldn't invest in a skintight catsuit or something to try this experiemnt on my own, LOL!

    Most people never really think about it, but there's a lot of different aspect to weight loss, probably why it's so difficult for some people to succeed at it. What kind of things are you doing to build your mental strength? Are you finding that it's helpful at keeping you motivated on the more active fitness goals you have set for yourself?

    kaytbognar: What is the name of that book? It sounds like a really good thing for me to read.

    For my mental weight loss struggle, I'm making small goals for myself and getting a reward for myself every 10 lbs and ever 10% of body weight I lose. I'm trying to get things that I will either wear or see around my house to remind me of my progress. Just reinforcement that even if I feel like I haven't changed, I will have things to remind me that I lost 10 lbs, 20 lbs, etc.

    I also think I'm going to end up talking to a therapist at least once or twice to get some more input on what I can do to help me maintain and be happy with the weight I am. I think a lot of it has to do with always being overweight and always wanting to lose weight, so when I've lost enough, it's hard to just turn off what I've always told myself about needing to be thinner or healthier or eating better. Also, the last time I was thin, I was getting more attention from random people, and that's not something I'm comfortable with at all. I hate that mentally I'm more comfortable being fat.

    I don't really have a ton of trouble keeping to my physical and eating goals once I'm on track. It's just a matter of not losing steam once I do reach my goal. I'm a perfectionist and very hard on myself, so I'm just used to that. Weight has always been the one area I can't keep under control. When I used to jog, I would push myself harder and hard, and just keep telling myself that I wasn't going to kill myself from jogging, and if I did, I'd be dead so it wouldn't matter. Anyone else think like this as a push?

    -Alison
  • ali258
    ali258 Posts: 403
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    I'd like the encouragement to finish losing the weight. I've been maintaining this weight since May, but saying I want to lose more. I feel like I have a mental block against going under 140. I have never in my entire post-puberty life been in the 120's or 130's. I was probably 120 in the 5th grade. I can't even visualize myself there, and its like I'm afraid of overreaching myself. I entertain the idea of maybe wearing a bikinni and being one of "those" girls at the beach, but then I feel like "who am I kidding?" I can be fairly thin, but not one of those sexy girls in a bikkini. I feel like I told myself for YEARS that even if I was thin, I could never wear a size 4 or 6...I told myself that I wasn't built that way, but I don't really think that's true.

    Crunchytxmama: I completely understand where you're coming from. Have you tried looking for other people on here with a height and build similar to yours who are in the 120s or 130s? Maybe seeing a lot of other people who have been bigger and gotten down to those weights could be encouraging. Also, maybe if you just aim for 139 and make that a short-term goal, it will help you break through that barrier at 140. Have you seen a doctor or at least looked at a BMI chart to see if you should even be that low? At 5'4", that's probably about right though, since I'm 5'5" and my goal weight of 174 puts me just barely into the top of the "overweight" category. I just don't feel like I need to weigh in the 130s or 140s though. It seems too small for me, but I guess we'll see where I end up.

    -Alison
  • MercuryBlue
    MercuryBlue Posts: 886 Member
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    I am the worst in social situations... i love eating at potlucks and can just snack for 2 hours!!! I am trying this Christmas season to not make food the center of the Holidays, i won't be baking at all this year and whatever i bring to a party or family members house will be healthy! I love making/eating appetizers like stuffed mushrooms and artichoke spinach dip so no more of that this holiday season :(

    I'm with you here!

    In my case, I'm the queen of excuses. I can make any excuse to justify any bad behavior I want. There's always 'something' that is causing me to eat and make me fat. "Oh, it's okay to indulge, it's my son's birthday"... then two days later, "I have to eat junk food, I'm at the movies! It's part of the experience!". Then the next time I have to eat it because it's free, or because it's Christmas, then a week later, it's my birthday. There's always some 'reason' why I 'need' to eat junk food. It doesn't help that it is soooooooooo good!!!! And in my family, Christmas isn't a one-day thing. We have a big family so there's Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day..... and all the leftovers that I 'have' to eat because I don't 'want it to go to waste'.

    It's very hard to get out of that mentality!!!

    MercuryBlue--I had that problem too, of not seeing myself as getting bigger, or looking bad because of it. I still thought I looked pretty good if I fixed my hair and did my makeup. Last summer ('08) I asked my husband to start taking pics of me with the kids--I was afraid they were going to think that their mother was totally absent during their childhood! I was APPALLED at how I looked when I saw those pics! The worst was when we went to the beach and I was wearing a swimsuit! I have been heavy pretty much my whole life, but I couldn't believe how old I looked! I'm 27 years old and I looked 37. I looked like my mother! I realized that I was letting my 20's pass me by. This was supposed to be the best time in my life! The time when I looked young, fit, and sexy! At that point, I really resolved to change.

    Congratulations on all you've achieved so far!

    It's funny because there are days I'll get dressed up and think I look great- until I see a photo of myself and think 'bleh! What the heck!?' What's funny is that my younger sister is shorter than I am and outweighs me by about ten pounds (she and I had our last babies 11 weeks apart). She's also struggling to lose weight- but when I see her, I don't think she looks bad at all. I think she looks really pretty. Why is it we can be so hard on ourselves, but ignore those same 'faults' in others? It's bizarre.

    It's strange, in general, how we perceive ourselves and others. Talking about it really helps.

    I also think I'm going to end up talking to a therapist at least once or twice to get some more input on what I can do to help me maintain and be happy with the weight I am. I think a lot of it has to do with always being overweight and always wanting to lose weight, so when I've lost enough, it's hard to just turn off what I've always told myself about needing to be thinner or healthier or eating better. Also, the last time I was thin, I was getting more attention from random people, and that's not something I'm comfortable with at all. I hate that mentally I'm more comfortable being fat.


    I think this wouldn't hurt for me, either. You know, I had a scary realization a few months ago! I was eating well, exercising, and feeling good. Then my husband and I got in a fight about something stupid, and I proceeded to sit down and eat a lot of garbage. It's almost as if I wanted to punish him- like, if you're gonna be a jerk, I'm going to stick you with this 'fat' wife! It was so strange and passive-aggressive. And at the end of the day, I wasn't hurting anyone but myself! I'm also a total control freak, and the fact I can't control my own weight ticks me off. But the thing is, I AM controlling it. I'm just controlling it in the wrong direction. Since that day, I've gotten a totally new perspective about eating when I'm angry. Now I try to channel bad feelings into something productive- like housework!

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