Almost in tears and I can't quite explain why

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  • historygirldd
    historygirldd Posts: 209 Member
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    I know what you mean. My twin brother, who won't tell me how much he has lost,, has obviously lost a lot and looks totally different. He started well after I did. At a 4th of July gathering, I walked up and he was running the grill, I did not recognize him until he turned around. He looks so young. I became so green with envy, but then I put on my big girl panties and reevaluated my food and exercise. As twins we can be very competitive so a warning to him - watch out. I am on your tail.
  • beccarockslife
    beccarockslife Posts: 816 Member
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    I get this. I'm a naturally competitive person, I like to compete and my weight loss journey has been no different really. People around me have lost faster and easier than me, even if they were lighter to start with, but then other people haven't.

    What made a massive difference to me is telling myself to run my own race. Other people do not have the same struggles, body or life pressures that I do. Comparing two people is ridiculous. We are totally different with different demands on our time, different functions of bodies and different levels of fitness and health. No two people are alike so any comparisons are null and void. Secondly I started to really celebrate other peoples success. At first I did find it difficult. I won't lie. I don't think that makes me a horrible person just someone who needed to recognise her own success for what it is. When I recognised other peoples success I started to feel better about mine. Fake it till you believe it.

    The lack of protein in your diet will hold you back, it runs our bodies and it builds our strength. Sugar screws with our body. You have more of the screwing and less of the strong!
  • myfitnessnmhoy
    myfitnessnmhoy Posts: 2,105 Member
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    I just read her responding e-mail and for some reason which I can't explain and find totally selfish--I am on the verge of tears. She explained my Aunt is doing low carb, low cal and has been walking3-4 miles a day. She said she buying clothes at a thrift store because she is changing sizes so much and she is currently in a size 12.

    That is when a complete feeling of failure came over me and I could have let tears fall. I think I am jealous. I have been doing this journey longer and even though I know I didn't have as much weight as my Aunt to lose but I still haven't made as much progress as she has. I am not wearing a 12. I went from a size 16 to a 13 and that is where I have been for the past 4 months... I should be happy for my Aunt and I shouldn't feel this way but somewhere in my screwed up head I am mad at myself for not being a 12 too.

    I'll get over it.

    Low carb / low cal will cause fast weight loss, but is harder to sustain and especially harder to maintain long-term. There are many paths to weight loss, and you should be proud that you are taking the one that leads to the highest chance of LONG-TERM success, while also recognizing that your aunt is doing a wonderful job herself using her own chosen path, but she's going to have a much greater struggle than you are when she reaches her goal.

    Regardless of the chosen path, you and your aunt are both doing the right thing in your own way. She's the hare, you are the tortoise. But you aren't racing each other, you're just competing with yourselves, and it's the kind of race where your time doesn't count - finishing the race is all that counts.

    Take your time, do it right, and be prepared to encourage and support your aunt when she reaches her goal, because her hard work will come when she transitions to maintenance.
  • MommaKit79
    MommaKit79 Posts: 852
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    I COMPLETELY understand how you feel! There is a girl who I went to HS with who was always considerably thin, or at least looked Healthy, through school, in pagants and everything...and afterward, put on about 100 lbs. She started right after school, then got married and had 2 kids. We stopped being friends and then later saw her and she had lost a bunch of weight. There was an article in the local newspaper about her winning a pageant a few months back and found out she had surgery to lose the weight, saying there were other health issues that prompted the decision. But now, everytime I see her, I get that "jealous" feeling about her being thin and me not yet.

    NOW, while that happens, it also gave me new motiviation to get down to my goal weight, ON MY OWN, without surgery like she did. So, use it as motivation to "meet" or "beat" her at it, if nothing else.

    BUT, like everyone else hsa said, you cant compare Apples and Oranges so dont compare yourself to your Aunt. You know what you have done (over 50 lbs is AWESOME) and know what you are capable of doing. Just keep pushing forward, be happy for your Aunt, and use it as motiviation to keep yourself "in the game" and moving!

    GOOD LUCK with the rest of your journey!!
  • gwenmf
    gwenmf Posts: 888 Member
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    Thank you everyone. This is what I needed and this is why I posted my feelings. I need the outside view looking in. I needed someone to grab me by the shoulders and give me a BIG shake!

    Iknow this whole journey has a lot to do with "re-configuring" the brain also. Which is VERY HARD FOR ME. And my response/reaction to my grandmother's e-mail is very dramatic. I know this but can't change my feelings and there is even a voice in the back of my head as I type this "stop bit**in' and get over it!"

    I am going to do as everyone suggested. This isn't a race maybe in another 4 months I'll be wearing a 12, Maybe I should try a 12 on today and see how the do or don't fit and use that as motivation? Cause as I sit here and think...I haven't even tried a 12 on yet.....How do I know?

    I will reevaluate my eating habits which have been CRAP. I will reevaluate my meals, which have been CRAP. I will reevaluate and set goals--which I haven't done in 3 months. I will use my Aunt's success to push me harder--maybe instead of 15 push-ups I will think about that size 12 and do 25.

    I will stop whining, start smiling and keep moving. I can and I will.

    Love this! Keep us posted~! I"m betting those 12's are here and now or very close~!
  • shara85
    shara85 Posts: 70 Member
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    Let me just say that I am jealous of YOU! I would love to be a size 13, lol. The grass is always greener, right? And I think you are doing a terrific job!
  • Softrbreeze
    Softrbreeze Posts: 156 Member
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    You are human, sweetie! And you are right- you will get over it- it's just one of those blows life gives to everyone. We ALL know someone who has a super easy time losing the weight (makes you wonder why they were ever fat to begin with, eh?). My husband is one such person and he is 300 lb! You will get there and having gone more slowly, you will probably be more prepared to stay there. Hang in!
  • tarcher007
    tarcher007 Posts: 3
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    When you begin to celebrate victories for others, it releases selfishness and the burden of jealousy. What your grandmother's really saying is if your aunt can do it, so can you!
  • Krys_140
    Krys_140 Posts: 648 Member
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    Thank you everyone. This is what I needed and this is why I posted my feelings. I need the outside view looking in. I needed someone to grab me by the shoulders and give me a BIG shake!

    Iknow this whole journey has a lot to do with "re-configuring" the brain also. Which is VERY HARD FOR ME. And my response/reaction to my grandmother's e-mail is very dramatic. I know this but can't change my feelings and there is even a voice in the back of my head as I type this "stop bit**in' and get over it!"

    I am going to do as everyone suggested. This isn't a race maybe in another 4 months I'll be wearing a 12, Maybe I should try a 12 on today and see how the do or don't fit and use that as motivation? Cause as I sit here and think...I haven't even tried a 12 on yet.....How do I know?

    I will reevaluate my eating habits which have been CRAP. I will reevaluate my meals, which have been CRAP. I will reevaluate and set goals--which I haven't done in 3 months. I will use my Aunt's success to push me harder--maybe instead of 15 push-ups I will think about that size 12 and do 25.

    I will stop whining, start smiling and keep moving. I can and I will.

    And Crystal, with THIS attitude - you WILL succeed!!!
  • mogletdeluxe
    mogletdeluxe Posts: 623 Member
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    It's a huge can o'worms, this weight loss business. So many mixed emotions.

    Looking at it negatively/spitefully vs. positively:

    - the faster it comes off, the easier it goes back on vs. slow and steady wins the race

    - your Nan isn't celebrating your achievements vs. yours is gradual, people will remark far more quietly about a gradual loss than a sudden one

    As others have said, if you must use the negative emotion then use it to kick you into touch :) Or go softer on yourself and realise how much you HAVE achieved, and not lose sight of that.

    I'm a naturally very competitive person, and used to struggle with people around me losing more weight or 'doing better'. I learned to celebrate it or use it as a yardstick, because all it would do was eat me up otherwise.

    Good luck, this journey is hard enough at the very best of times xxx
  • xNJAx
    xNJAx Posts: 170 Member
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    Slow and steady wins the race.

    That is all. :)

    Sounds like you're on the right track looking at your meals again and giving yourself a little extra kick-start. You'll be in that size 12 in no time...if not already! x
  • Savagefit
    Savagefit Posts: 12 Member
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    I'm jealous of you that you have lost 52 lbs! A lot of people wish they were in your shoes! Feel good about what YOU have accomplished!! Plus,sounds like she is crash dieting doing low carb and low calories. She ma ynot keep it off but you will because you learned the slow steady way!!!
  • onceagainigo
    onceagainigo Posts: 15
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    Sometimes its just the scale of the task you want to do, and sometimes we have a bad day hon, dont worry about it. It might not even be that you are jealous, maybe just upset that you have stalled. No biggie.

    Just make sure that you carry on doign what you're doing. Have you updated your goals now that you have lost some weight? It may tell you tlo consume less calories and it may kick your plateau.

    Chin up, and hope thigns improve x
  • TinaDay1114
    TinaDay1114 Posts: 1,328 Member
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    I think we ALL (especially women) struggle with beating ourselves up for every perceived "failure." We are our HARSHEST critics. I feel your pain, because I've found myself in that same spot, crying, feeling like a failure, all because I'm comparing myself against something else and not measuring up. :flowerforyou:

    I try to just see this as part of the journey -- maybe if I can learn to give myself a break, to enjoy my successes more, and to keep looking inward instead of comparing outward, I'll have made some bigger strides than just pounds along the way.

    Hang in there girl -- and don't feel silly, or selfish, or bad about those feelings. We ALL have them sometimes. And it's not because we wish bad things for others. We just flog ourselves too much.

    Hang in there. Take out some old photos, and let yourself see how far you've come. And then really really savor that success.
  • auroranflash
    auroranflash Posts: 3,569 Member
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    First off, *hug*

    Realize that working hard and strictly watching calories can also take a toll on you emotionally. I'm sure you know your and her situation is different. If you know you are doing the best you can, then ease up on yourself. You have no standards you need to meet except your own, and that should always mean taking amazing care of yourself and putting in the time and effort you deserve.

    If you are doing these things, you will meet your own success. When you compare yourself to others, you will always find a way to come up short. It is pointless, and you have done a fantastic job so far. Keep your head up. Look in the mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful and you deserve every minute of effort you put into making yourself the best you can be. :heart:
  • laddyboy
    laddyboy Posts: 1,565 Member
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    Yeah, what they said. LOL

    You're doing great. Slow and steady win the race.
  • HoneyIShrunktheMom
    HoneyIShrunktheMom Posts: 76
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    First of all, I want to give you a big ((hug)). It sucks to feel like someone is doing better than you and in the back of your mind you have these feelings like maybe you aren't doing enough and somehow you've failed yourself. I've been there.

    That is completely normal. :)

    Now ... stop feeling like that. :) Seriously. Just stop. Tell yourself that those feelings are just silly and you do not need to validate them with anything.

    You have came SO FAR and you are doing it in a way that is healthy and in a way that is teaching yourself lifelong habits. You aren't limiting carbs or limiting this or that. You are eating in a way that will allow you to lose and also will eventually allow you to maintain the fantastic loss that you have achieved.

    You're doing everything right! Got that?! :) Keep going! Don't you dare allow yourself to feel like you are less than anything or anyone. This journey is about YOU and no one else. If you keep moving in the right direction, you will get to your final goal. Slow and steady wins the race!
  • Ahluvly
    Ahluvly Posts: 389 Member
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    Hey there,

    Just read your post. It's perfectly normal to envy what people have or have accomplished if the thing is something you want for yourself. However, what works for one does not work for another and you need to draw a line under this right now. You need to work out what is important to you and use that as YOUR drive.

    I have friends who are doing a diet club (SW/WW etc) and yeah, it did get my goat a little that they had lost so much weight in a shorter amount of time but, at the end of the day, what I'm doing is eating nutritionally better for me, adopting long term lifestyle changes, and exercising regularly so I know I'm on the right pathway. If it takes 2 years to lose all of my weight then so be it. I'd rather do it this way and for it to take longer but with a higher success rate of not gaining the weight back, than lose it through being miserable and denying myself of loads of foods I can't have.

    Weight management is not simply about losing weight (or gaining it even). It's about your relationship with food and how you feel about it. We link pleasure and pain to food and the confusion starts when we link both emotions to the same food. If you've stalled, it would help you looking at the foods you eat....that you like so you can make a decision whether long term these foods are making you happy or not. If they're not then get rid.

    You have to cut yourself some slack, you've done amazingly well so far and you can continue to do so. Like I said earlier, draw a line under how that email made you feel and do something you enjoy....e.g. go shopping, get your nails done, read your favourite mag or watch your favourite movie. You are in charge of your feelings which means you can feel happier about this little glitch.

    Good luck on your journey pet! :)
  • TinaDay1114
    TinaDay1114 Posts: 1,328 Member
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    I should be happy for my Aunt and I shouldn't feel this way but somewhere in my screwed up head I am mad at myself for not being a 12 too.

    P.S. Wanna hear MY recent sob story? I bought a scale the other day that had a "body fat" reading on it. After stepping on it, and seeing that number, I cried like a big baby. I was the same person I was the day before, but suddenly the new scale had me blubbering. :noway: Silly, huh?!?

    See? We all do it.
    BTW, I took the darned thing back to the store. I'm gonna stick w/my old scale and just keep keepin' on.
  • sweettoothfairy
    sweettoothfairy Posts: 212 Member
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    Chin up girl!.. see my ticker below.. yeah its been like this for a whole year.. i have people around me who doesnt train hard started off few months back and today they are at healthy weight and i am still stuck, i have my days where in i cried bucket full of tears but everything said and done, i hvnt given up.. ... NOTHING CAN DE-MOTIVATE ME..and i will not STOP .You are doing great.. keep at it!! Success comes to those who believe it.

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