Tactless Boyfriend!
Replies
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Sorry but you didn't nip it in the bud when you had the chance.
Time to sit down and have an honest chat. Tell him you don't want to hear his stupid comments anymore. That's it.0 -
3 hours in the gym is too long.
You could get the same results or better with something higher intensity which would be done in an hour at most.
^^ This. Agreed. I think any trainer would tell you that if you can consistently work out for 3+ hours a day, you're not getting a great work out because your body NEEDS to rest, esp when you are doing weights and strength training.0 -
I've had similar comments in the past, and tbh you just need to give it to him straight! If he meant it or not, is in my opinion not the issue. The issue is how it affects you, and if you're not happy with these comments, just sit him down, and explain that it's making you feel kinda ****ty, and perhaps suggest what would help instead.. then if he's a good boyfriend he should understand and support you in more helpful ways
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In all honesty, he sounds somewhat insensitive and maybe a little controlling. Judging from your pictures and your ticker, you are quite small right now. Him being concerned that you are not working out 4 hours a day is a little strange to me. I think you look great!0
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Grow up. He's trying to talk to you about something he can see you are passionate about. A little awkwardly perhaps, but since you're not giving him much to go on, give him a break.
And three hours at the gym?
He probably is trying to figure out when he might get a chance to see you again.
Did you not read? He was criticizing her for not doing 4 hours!!!!!
Some of these responses here are making me sick.
I know right? I feel like I am on a battered women's syndrome site or something...
Blame the victim popped into my head at one point.
And telling somone with mental health issues (ED) to "buck up" is just plain cruel.0 -
Grow up. He's trying to talk to you about something he can see you are passionate about. A little awkwardly perhaps, but since you're not giving him much to go on, give him a break.
And three hours at the gym?
He probably is trying to figure out when he might get a chance to see you again.
Did you not read? He was criticizing her for not doing 4 hours!!!!!
Some of these responses here are making me sick.
I know right? I feel like I am on a battered women's syndrome site or something...
Holyyy....he was probably just kidding about the yogurt thing, and the exercise thing was probably just his way of motivating her. If she HAS done 4 + hours in the past then it's not an unreasonable thing to say. And BATTERED WOMAN SITE? Are you kidding???? Clearly you have NEVER been in an abusive relationship, or you would not even dare say that.0 -
You have to ask yourself, "Do I want to spend the rest of my life being judged by this guy?" Because he'll never stop...it only gets worse.
I dated guys like this...guys who make you feel good and overtime they start nit-picking and making you doubt yourself. THESE GUYS ARE NOT WORTH IT!
Successful relationships are built on mutual respect and support.0 -
Healthy relationships are based on honesty. Having an ED and not telling your boyfriend about it but getting upset that he's making comments that could possibly be in jest (we don't know his tone of voice, facial expressions, etc.) is hiding something from him, something that's important that he know about. Both parties are wrong in this instance. Sorry.0
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I have been married to the most insensitve arsehole when it comes to weight issues for the last 22 years. He does however have a lot of redeeming qualities, he just doesn't get it when it comes to people being overweight. There has been alot of comments that have almost started WWIII or a divorce. You have to weigh the good and the bad and don't ever stop telling him when he says something stupid. Hopefully he will get the message. I'm sure he is basically a nice guy and good to you. We shouldn't judge him because we do not know him. There is good in everyone.0
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Grow up. He's trying to talk to you about something he can see you are passionate about. A little awkwardly perhaps, but since you're not giving him much to go on, give him a break.
And three hours at the gym?
He probably is trying to figure out when he might get a chance to see you again.
Did you not read? He was criticizing her for not doing 4 hours!!!!!
Some of these responses here are making me sick.
I know right? I feel like I am on a battered women's syndrome site or something...
Holyyy....he was probably just kidding about the yogurt thing, and the exercise thing was probably just his way of motivating her. If she HAS done 4 + hours in the past then it's not an unreasonable thing to say. And BATTERED WOMAN SITE? Are you kidding???? Clearly you have NEVER been in an abusive relationship, or you would not even dare say that.
Verbal and emotional abuse. It's not battery in the legal sense but it's abuse. BTDT0 -
One - your college should provide free health services with 10 dollar co pay along with counseling. Look into that.
Two - your college may even have a free gym so you won't have to join the ymca.
Three - Your boyfriend sounds like a trigger for you and I commend you if you haven't lapsed back into negative habits.
Let go a little bit of the control with working out. If you're working out 3 to 4 hrs a day are you replenishing that with protein? Carbs?
If you do not have these things you mess up your metabolism. Why are you working out so much? Do you need to tone? get your mind off of things? Is there anything else you can do with your day to get your mind off having so much control over your body? Consider how many calories you burn working out vs how many you are eating..maybe talk to a nutritionist about long term goals.
I was just browsing on here and noticed this topic and from one ed to another I know it's hard. Luckily enough I have a sister and a brother in law as a psychologist so I was able to seek help early.
Getting rid of your boyfriend will only be solving half the problem. The other half is yours to fix. Consider that your control. I remember being anxious going off to college too! Could it be that you're hyperfocusing on food and workouts due to that stress? Regardless keep your head up and love yourself.0 -
Grow up. He's trying to talk to you about something he can see you are passionate about. A little awkwardly perhaps, but since you're not giving him much to go on, give him a break.
And three hours at the gym?
He probably is trying to figure out when he might get a chance to see you again.
Did you not read? He was criticizing her for not doing 4 hours!!!!!
Some of these responses here are making me sick.
I know right? I feel like I am on a battered women's syndrome site or something...
Holyyy....he was probably just kidding about the yogurt thing, and the exercise thing was probably just his way of motivating her. If she HAS done 4 + hours in the past then it's not an unreasonable thing to say. And BATTERED WOMAN SITE? Are you kidding???? Clearly you have NEVER been in an abusive relationship, or you would not even dare say that.
Please, I am 37 years old... and my ex husband used to try to beat my *kitten* on a weekly basis and I went to jail along with him on a weekly basis because I fought him back with all my might every time. I have even had a loaded pistol shoved in my face... Within a year I left his *kitten* for good... that was18 years ago. If the OP's *kitten* boyfriend was just kidding WTF is her feeling's hurt? If she feels the need to come on here and rant about the douche there probably is a problem. If there wasn't why would she even waste her time to type a paragraph about this idiot boyfriend. Don't make excuses for him.. A PENIS is not worth it!0 -
Holyyy....he was probably just kidding about the yogurt thing, and the exercise thing was probably just his way of motivating her. If she HAS done 4 + hours in the past then it's not an unreasonable thing to say. And BATTERED WOMAN SITE? Are you kidding???? Clearly you have NEVER been in an abusive relationship, or you would not even dare say that.
Actually, I'll think you'll find that this is where abusive relationships can and do start. From someone who knows BTW.0 -
I think you letting him know about your past would help the situation greatly. If he is the "sweet guy" you claim, then it shouldn't be a problem.0
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Sorry...but he sounds like a d##k! he doesnt love you if he's making stupid comments like that after you've had an ED. Im lucky to pull an hour of exercise a day and Im exhausted. In my opinion, you are doing way too much exercise in one day, especially if its one class after the other. maybe do morning ones, then evening ones. Stay strong and dont let him break you.
Just saw he doesnt know about your past. Maybe something you should tell him. Might shut him up.
Agree with this - completely0 -
"- see how he's behaving (and reacting to the pizza I'm planning on having tomorrow night!) "
This guys seems like an ED incarnate judging and mocking every tiny thing you put in your mouth and being dissapointed that you're ONLY doing 3 hours of intensive cardio.
Whether he's an innocent fool or a manipulative jerk who wants to control his girlfriend (sounds like the latter to me as teasing you about eating an entire pot of yoghurt, unless he was being sarcastic as it's not alot, is not the same as teasing you for eating 5 big macs in a row) based on his attitude I think you need to get rid of him for the sake of your recovery.
Good luck on your recovery! But honestly without telling him about your ED if you're not comfortable, please tell him "comment on what I'm eating again and I'll shove this pizza slice so far up your backside you'll be digesting it backwards... now go get me a sammich"
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you need to be honest with him about your past. Also, this negativity about food is not going to help you. Is it really worth it if he's making you feel like crap?0
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It's been said on here before, but I'll say it again: IF you want to keep him around, AND not slip back into your ED, you need to tell him about it, and ask him to stop making comments about your eating and exercise habits, except to support you as you continue to move away from the ED....Advice? I would have no idea how to approach the subject if I were to try to talk to him about it, as he knows nothing of my ED past.
Additionally, if YOU have not seen an ED specialist, I highly recommend doing so, and if this guy is going to be a big part of your life, you should ask the specialist to teach him how to support you.
If the guy is a summer romance, and you have no intention of telling him about your ED, then get rid of him now. He's putting voice to all of the things you have probably tried to silence in your own head. That's dangerous territory.0 -
Why haven't you told him, exactly?0
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Grow up. He's trying to talk to you about something he can see you are passionate about. A little awkwardly perhaps, but since you're not giving him much to go on, give him a break.
And three hours at the gym?
He probably is trying to figure out when he might get a chance to see you again.
Did you not read? He was criticizing her for not doing 4 hours!!!!!
Some of these responses here are making me sick.
I know right? I feel like I am on a battered women's syndrome site or something...
Im feeling a little ill myself! This girl is looking for support and people are actually telling her to "buck up" "dont be so thin skinned" "Grow Up" and making all sorts of excuses for someone to emotionally abuse her. I think thats F@#$ING CRAZY!!!!! Its clear we have some serious issues psychologically thrughout this thread. Its like the wounded trying to heal the injured and I dont think its healthy, helpful or responsible. I would advise you to surround yourself with people that love and support you and talk with a professional that is trained in eating disorders and self esteem issues. You have the power within you to be as happy, strong and healthy as you want to be. Sometimes we all need a little guidance in tapping that inner power. I think in this case it is probably healthier to get your guidance from someone you trust and or someone that is qualified. Good luck my Dear and be well.0 -
Yep sounds reallly sweet
. Would rethink whole boyfriend thing. People can change diet, appearance, some habits (smoking, drinking, etc) but rarely do they change their personality. If it is an impulse reaction then it will NEVER change. If it bothers you now 20 years from now it will make you wanna choke him. Life is too short to be angry all the time. 0 -
It sounds like he's a freaking sociopath! Dump the chump!0
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Change is difficult for those around us. It is not necessarily that they are being critical but more likely just a little anxiety around things that are not "business as usual." My wife does the same thing and it is simply equal parts of her own insecurities, change in a couple decades worth of routine and just natural observation. If you changed anything else and didn't get feedback (tactless or not) you would be upset i.e. an new hair style or color. Share your feelings with him and then let it go, as long as his comments are just clumsy and not abusive then accept him for who he is.0
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One - your college should provide free health services with 10 dollar co pay along with counseling. Look into that.
Two - your college may even have a free gym so you won't have to join the ymca.
Three - Your boyfriend sounds like a trigger for you and I commend you if you haven't lapsed back into negative habits.
Let go a little bit of the control with working out. If you're working out 3 to 4 hrs a day are you replenishing that with protein? Carbs?
If you do not have these things you mess up your metabolism. Why are you working out so much? Do you need to tone? get your mind off of things? Is there anything else you can do with your day to get your mind off having so much control over your body? Consider how many calories you burn working out vs how many you are eating..maybe talk to a nutritionist about long term goals.
I was just browsing on here and noticed this topic and from one ed to another I know it's hard. Luckily enough I have a sister and a brother in law as a psychologist so I was able to seek help early.
Getting rid of your boyfriend will only be solving half the problem. The other half is yours to fix. Consider that your control. I remember being anxious going off to college too! Could it be that you're hyperfocusing on food and workouts due to that stress? Regardless keep your head up and love yourself.
I'm trying as hard as I can to not mess up my metabolism - I have the weight loss set to only 0.5lbs a week on here (giving me 1430 cals per day) and I eat back some of my exercise calories (usually up to 1700-1800). This leaves me usually netting 1000ish, but I've heard that MFP can overcalculate burn so I don't want to eat back more of my exercise calories. I have my percentages on 50/30/20 for carbs/proteins/fats and am usually right on in terms of proportions. I started going to the gym so much because I love zumba, and through that I met a lot of people, many of whom take part in various other classes at the gym and told me all about what those classes have done for them so I thought "I may as well try this too"...a few months on and it's just built up to about 3 classes a day because now I have the time because it's the summer holidays. I'm working out a lot because I do want to tone up. I've (pretty much) accepted that I can't healthily lose much more actual weight, but I'd still like to lose fat and maybe build muscle. I would like to talk to a nutritionist but I don't have access to one near where I live. Do you think going to a regular doctor would be helpful? I've heard they often don't know much about nutrition and can be unhelpful?
Thanks for being so helpful and supportive by the way - some of the comments on here aren't making me feel great.0 -
I can't hear his tone of voice and don't know him to be able to accurately comment on this, but could it be he's become a little codependent and him asking all those questions is just b/c he's making sure you're making some changes? With every addict (including ED) comes at least one codependent...0
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You need someone who will support you in getting past your ED. Sarcastic or not, his comments are getting under your skin and affecting you (they would affect me too). You need to have a talk with him and explain what you are trying to acheive and that you need him to help you through it, not hinder you. There is a reason why you aren't doing 4 hours at the gym and it's not because you are lazy.
Personally, he seems like a ****.0 -
I am sorry if I offended anyone with my anger or outburst's. I don't like to see women be hurt by men.. It's personal and I have seen it so much. Make's my blood boil... I will try to sit on my hands. I just hope the original poster can see where he is wrong. It's abuse period!0
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I am so sorry about what happened. I am currently in recovery from an ED so I have been there. How long have you and your boyfriend been together? Are you two seriuos? It might be a good idea to talk to him and be honest. If he doesn't know, and you plan on being with him for a while, he could contiue to provoke ED thoughts and what not which could lead you down a road you don't want to go... if you want to talk about this more, feel free to message me. I hope things get better! Guys can be clueless.
We've been together on and off since October (I make that...9ish months?). It's pretty serious - we were VERY close as friends when we weren't dating so it's been that kind of relationship more than a very sexual one.
Something that complicates matters is we're both going to colleges in different US states at the end of the Summer - we're just having the last few weeks of fun together now before we have to break up...I'd rather not bring something serious like that into conversation during our last few weeks of fun, but at the same time I don't want to keep being shaken up by thoughtless comments these last few weeks either. I added you by the way
From an older happily married man, There's been "some" truth in many of the responses you got so far. There are some confusing things you've said though. You initially describe him as a "super sweet" guy, but the comments he makes are not those of a super sweet guy. You describe the relationship as pretty serious and 3 sentences later you're talking about breaking up at the end of summer? How serious can it be if you're breaking up? I realize you're going to different colleges but serious relationships can survive those types of stresses. Mine did. Several of the responders said men are tactless and often say stupid things. I would agree with that statement. If he doesn't know about your ED and you don't want to tell him, that's fine, but if it's affecting your old ED triggers, he can't change his own behavior if he doesn't know what he's not supposed to say. Of course, many of the women would argue, and probably rightfully so, that any guy who is making stupid comments like this, isn't worth keeping around anyway. Are you truly in love? If not, move on, if you are and want to hold onto the relationship, a deeper level of honesty is going to be necessary at some point. It kind of depends on what YOU want. Just my 2 cents
^Hit the nail on the head!0 -
One - your college should provide free health services with 10 dollar co pay along with counseling. Look into that.
Two - your college may even have a free gym so you won't have to join the ymca.
Three - Your boyfriend sounds like a trigger for you and I commend you if you haven't lapsed back into negative habits.
Let go a little bit of the control with working out. If you're working out 3 to 4 hrs a day are you replenishing that with protein? Carbs?
If you do not have these things you mess up your metabolism. Why are you working out so much? Do you need to tone? get your mind off of things? Is there anything else you can do with your day to get your mind off having so much control over your body? Consider how many calories you burn working out vs how many you are eating..maybe talk to a nutritionist about long term goals.
I was just browsing on here and noticed this topic and from one ed to another I know it's hard. Luckily enough I have a sister and a brother in law as a psychologist so I was able to seek help early.
Getting rid of your boyfriend will only be solving half the problem. The other half is yours to fix. Consider that your control. I remember being anxious going off to college too! Could it be that you're hyperfocusing on food and workouts due to that stress? Regardless keep your head up and love yourself.
I'm trying as hard as I can to not mess up my metabolism - I have the weight loss set to only 0.5lbs a week on here (giving me 1430 cals per day) and I eat back some of my exercise calories (usually up to 1700-1800). This leaves me usually netting 1000ish, but I've heard that MFP can overcalculate burn so I don't want to eat back more of my exercise calories. I have my percentages on 50/30/20 for carbs/proteins/fats and am usually right on in terms of proportions. I started going to the gym so much because I love zumba, and through that I met a lot of people, many of whom take part in various other classes at the gym and told me all about what those classes have done for them so I thought "I may as well try this too"...a few months on and it's just built up to about 3 classes a day because now I have the time because it's the summer holidays. I'm working out a lot because I do want to tone up. I've (pretty much) accepted that I can't healthily lose much more actual weight, but I'd still like to lose fat and maybe build muscle. I would like to talk to a nutritionist but I don't have access to one near where I live. Do you think going to a regular doctor would be helpful? I've heard they often don't know much about nutrition and can be unhelpful?
Thanks for being so helpful and supportive by the way - some of the comments on here aren't making me feel great.
It's not necessary to work out 3 hours per day...I was knocking myself out tryin to get results till I started ChaLEAN Extreme...I worked out an hour per day for 5 days per week...built muscle and put my metabolism in overdrive. My default pic is 60 days into that program. But you have to EAT on this program. Skinny isn't sexy, STRONG is! Have you sought professional help for your ED?0 -
Since he is your boyfriend, shouldn't you maybe inform him of your ED past. Maybe he will be a bit more sensitive about the situation then.0
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