Question for the Men

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  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    Honestly, it could b u
  • Ashatack
    Ashatack Posts: 41
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    Your beautiful and so are your children. I dont have experince with this but keep up the good work and stay strong if you want it to change continue trying to change it. Work even harder to do better and he will see the effort you are putting in to make him happy. If he dosent make it more obvious. cook for him and cater to him and if it dosent change there might be an issue... You get more bees with honey....
  • Krizzo87
    Krizzo87 Posts: 14,186 Member
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    I have the same issues with my husband to be quite honest. He doesn't seem to want me, either. Good thing I know how to take care of myself.. :wink:
  • melann1974
    melann1974 Posts: 84
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    I'm not a man, but here is my thoughts....

    Once you have children, you life changes... You are less focused on him and focused on the children. Maybe it's not the weight, but how you look??? i.e... you used to take time to put on pretty lingerie, makeup, hair, etc, now you don't feel like it? Maybe he is stressed by being a father (and now a provider for a whole family). There could be a lot of different reasons, it's hard to say without knowing you guys.
  • EyeLikeTacos
    EyeLikeTacos Posts: 324 Member
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    Chain of Events...

    1. Pre-children, hot body, pretty, boyfriend can't keep his hands off
    2. Marriage, kids, body changed
    3. Still the same woman, just with more weight, same man turns me down all the time
    4. Losing weight, not completely back to the hot body but obvious progress has been made, he's still not interested

    Since everything about me is the same except my body, am I correct in assuming my body caused his disinterest?

    Note: It won't hurt my feelings

    Yes and no...I went through this with my ex....

    When I met my ex she was on the College Dance team...SMOKIN Body...
    After she had our son...she gained a lot of weight and she had a gut like really bad.

    She hated the gym...never changed how she ate (At like McDonald's and fast food all the time) She even hates cooking...Every dollar she got she spent it on hair dos and clothes...she tried to find comfort and sex appeal by buying expensive clothes and purses....instead of focusing on taking care of her body....

    my disinterest was the fact that she would not do something to take care of her body...I communicated with her she may never have that pre-baby weight...but at least do the best you can...She sat around on her butt and ate crappy food and watched Reality T.V...and never did anything...so I didn't want to have sex with her becasue her attituted towards taking care hersself wasn't on my level..she had no more sex appeal for me...
  • AmyLRed
    AmyLRed Posts: 894 Member
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    the basic answer is no.

    How old is he? your profile says you are 29, so you are in or entering your sexual peak. Male peak is like 18. His sex drive has likely changed alot over the last 5 years, especially with kids in the house. Everyone is different, and some guys on here will still clam to be studs with an 18 year old sex drive. Im sure some of them are, but definitely dont assume its you or your body. I would look at your relationship over all, how it has changed and evolved, do you feel close in other ways too, etc.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    So urself a favor & do not listen to other women
  • cheerforsteelers
    cheerforsteelers Posts: 686 Member
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    I want to say this kind of pisses me off that you have to try and do all these things to get him interested or whatever. He should communicate with you. He should also put in effort, but I don't see anything about him trying. You shouldn't have to be the one to please all the time. I always hear how you should never say no to sex with your husband, but what about the husband saying no? Takes as much toll on the woman as it would on the man. Also, YOU'RE DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You're not sitting around complaining about your body. You're working on it and that takes time.
  • galaxiegal
    galaxiegal Posts: 90
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    the basic answer is no.

    How old is he? your profile says you are 29, so you are in or entering your sexual peak. Male peak is like 18. His sex drive has likely changed alot over the last 5 years, especially with kids in the house. Everyone is different, and some guys on here will still clam to be studs with an 18 year old sex drive. Im sure some of them are, but definitely dont assume its you or your body. I would look at your relationship over all, how it has changed and evolved, do you feel close in other ways too, etc.

    this... been with mine for 5 years and the drive just kinda fizzles after a while. As far as I'm concerned its normal because when he does want some, I'm not worried about whether or not he finds me attractive!
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story
  • live2runnj
    live2runnj Posts: 157
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story

    Phhaahhaahhaa......
    I second that.
  • LauraMacNCheese
    LauraMacNCheese Posts: 7,198 Member
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story

    You said "relations"...that makes me giggle :bigsmile:

    Sorry...resume your discussion...
  • HulaHips83
    HulaHips83 Posts: 129
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    So urself a favor & do not listen to other women

    That's why I'm asking the men. I want the carnal, physical answer. Guys are visual, so it seems like my appearance would be the obvious culprit. Don't get me wrong, I'm pretty (not bragging, just being honest), I dress nice, my hair and makeup are always well done, and I even maintain cuteness around the house by wearing cute yoga pants and tank tops. I have other men notice me and flirt with me, just not MY man.
  • DesignGuy
    DesignGuy Posts: 457 Member
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    There are so many things that can be right or wrong, none of us know.

    I highly doubt it's your body UNLESS he never loved you in the first place. (Love not lust)

    Aside from that, he's decided to play for the other team, there's another woman, he's not functioning right now or he's looking. Of course his sex drive could of died. But if he's not being loving outside of the bedroom, that cancels this excuse out.
  • trophywife24
    trophywife24 Posts: 1,472 Member
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    I'm sorry to have to say this but..... do yo think he's interested elsewhere? I know that in my personal relationship, the day that my husband stops being grab-*kitten* is the day that I'm going to be like wait a minute, then who's *kitten* are you grabbing? That would be my first and foremost thought. If you're certain that's not going on, maybe he really is just depressed. Not that you could ever get a guy to admit that, heaven forbid.
  • BigDaddyBRC
    BigDaddyBRC Posts: 2,395 Member
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story

    Not entirely. There could be plenty of reasons outside of these that start with the mental connection. Then move to the physical connection.
  • Lone_Wolf70
    Lone_Wolf70 Posts: 2,820 Member
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story

    I agree with this...now its because I write it, but, im right
  • thebaconbeast
    thebaconbeast Posts: 560 Member
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    Ladies, lets b honest, speaking as a man there r only a small number of reasons why a guy wont have...relations

    His junk dont work
    He thinks ur ugly
    Hes gay
    Hes cheating

    Thats it, end of story

    5) the quality of bacon has declined.
  • morgansmom02
    morgansmom02 Posts: 1,139 Member
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    Duh, hes cheating

    Just to make sure, you should check his texts and email
  • Tat2dDom624
    Tat2dDom624 Posts: 1,226 Member
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    In my opinion, it's when you have kids that your intimacy starts to decline. It's happened to my wife and i after we had both our kids. As mentioned before, you and your husband's focus is on the children, and not on yourselves. Both of you need to make a conscious effort to re-kindle what you had before the kids came into the picture. If he's not the type to initiate things, then you take control. See what kind of reaction he'll give you, and if it's a negative one, sit down with him and discuss what's going on. If you just accept the fact that he's not paying attention to you, then you'll never get down to the root of the problem.

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