Question for the Men

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  • weeblex
    weeblex Posts: 411 Member
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    Guys - what are your thoughts on that. Do you like doing the chasing or would you rather be chased?

    As I posted earlier, always having to do the chase sucks, you get double the action if both of you chase :)
  • HulaHips83
    HulaHips83 Posts: 129
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    First, yes, I have tried talking to him in a nonconfrontational way. I told him that I love him and I think he is amazing which makes me super attracted to him. I even tried to keep it lighthearted and joked that it's his fault for being so cute. I asked if there was something I needed to do differently. His response was that there was nothing wrong other than that I was putting pressure on him. So I didn't bring it up again.
    Second, I do EVERYTHING for him. I cook his meals, care for his daughters, clean his house, pay his bills, and give him his way on almost everything. I've never neglected him in the bedroom a single time. He's never even heard the word "no" from me. So it's not a situation where he's ever been denied and has given up. I don't care for the excuse about being tired because I work full time, am a full time student, and do pretty much everything around the house and with the kids. I'm tired too, dang it. But I'm never THAT tired.
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
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    My husband tells me he gets tired of having to initiate it. He wants me to do that more even though I've never said no. Could that be it? Does he want you to be more playful or maybe 'attack' him for it??


    Guys - what are your thoughts on that. Do you like doing the chasing or would you rather be chased?


    Definitely initiate more. No doubt
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
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    My husband tells me he gets tired of having to initiate it. He wants me to do that more even though I've never said no. Could that be it? Does he want you to be more playful or maybe 'attack' him for it??


    Guys - what are your thoughts on that. Do you like doing the chasing or would you rather be chased?


    Love it when my wife initiates.
  • MassiveDelta
    MassiveDelta Posts: 3,311 Member
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    Guys - what are your thoughts on that. Do you like doing the chasing or would you rather be chased?

    As I posted earlier, always having to do the chase sucks, you get double the action if both of you chase :)

    <---Initiator 16 years .... Its not cool. just saying
  • LonLB
    LonLB Posts: 1,126 Member
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    First, yes, I have tried talking to him in a nonconfrontational way. I told him that I love him and I think he is amazing which makes me super attracted to him. I even tried to keep it lighthearted and joked that it's his fault for being so cute. I asked if there was something I needed to do differently. His response was that there was nothing wrong other than that I was putting pressure on him. So I didn't bring it up again.
    Second, I do EVERYTHING for him. I cook his meals, care for his daughters, clean his house, pay his bills, and give him his way on almost everything. I've never neglected him in the bedroom a single time. He's never even heard the word "no" from me. So it's not a situation where he's ever been denied and has given up. I don't care for the excuse about being tired because I work full time, am a full time student, and do pretty much everything around the house and with the kids. I'm tired too, dang it. But I'm never THAT tired.


    If everything you say is true, and he doesn't want you he is gay, or cheating.
  • jonward85
    jonward85 Posts: 534 Member
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    First, yes, I have tried talking to him in a nonconfrontational way. I told him that I love him and I think he is amazing which makes me super attracted to him. I even tried to keep it lighthearted and joked that it's his fault for being so cute. I asked if there was something I needed to do differently. His response was that there was nothing wrong other than that I was putting pressure on him. So I didn't bring it up again.
    Second, I do EVERYTHING for him. I cook his meals, care for his daughters, clean his house, pay his bills, and give him his way on almost everything. I've never neglected him in the bedroom a single time. He's never even heard the word "no" from me. So it's not a situation where he's ever been denied and has given up. I don't care for the excuse about being tired because I work full time, am a full time student, and do pretty much everything around the house and with the kids. I'm tired too, dang it. But I'm never THAT tired.

    Having 3 of my own...if you can work full time, be a full time student and do everything around the house by yourself you need a friggin medal! That's a rough life. Make his *** work around the house too. Dishes and cooking for goodness sake.
  • paul7799
    paul7799 Posts: 98 Member
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    First, yes, I have tried talking to him in a nonconfrontational way. I told him that I love him and I think he is amazing which makes me super attracted to him. I even tried to keep it lighthearted and joked that it's his fault for being so cute. I asked if there was something I needed to do differently. His response was that there was nothing wrong other than that I was putting pressure on him. So I didn't bring it up again.
    Second, I do EVERYTHING for him. I cook his meals, care for his daughters, clean his house, pay his bills, and give him his way on almost everything. I've never neglected him in the bedroom a single time. He's never even heard the word "no" from me. So it's not a situation where he's ever been denied and has given up. I don't care for the excuse about being tired because I work full time, am a full time student, and do pretty much everything around the house and with the kids. I'm tired too, dang it. But I'm never THAT tired.

    Might be anxiety. As for the pressure thing he claims that is probably just the fear he has to talk about what is going on.

    The tired thing is not an excuse but an explanation. The penis is a complex organ to the point of being a pain in the *kitten*. Fatigue will kill a man's sex drive and cause ED. Sucks but true.
  • dellrio
    dellrio Posts: 131 Member
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    Probably just bored - I would be after 5 years... Change things up, find something exciting to do together (in the bedroom or not), it may help.
  • ErinBeth7
    ErinBeth7 Posts: 1,625 Member
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    First, yes, I have tried talking to him in a nonconfrontational way. I told him that I love him and I think he is amazing which makes me super attracted to him. I even tried to keep it lighthearted and joked that it's his fault for being so cute. I asked if there was something I needed to do differently. His response was that there was nothing wrong other than that I was putting pressure on him. So I didn't bring it up again.
    Second, I do EVERYTHING for him. I cook his meals, care for his daughters, clean his house, pay his bills, and give him his way on almost everything. I've never neglected him in the bedroom a single time. He's never even heard the word "no" from me. So it's not a situation where he's ever been denied and has given up. I don't care for the excuse about being tired because I work full time, am a full time student, and do pretty much everything around the house and with the kids. I'm tired too, dang it. But I'm never THAT tired.

    I would say it's definitely him. Since I don't know the whole situation (only you do) I can't really advise further.
  • Gunnarbear
    Gunnarbear Posts: 186
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    Sorry to say this but professional counseling is something you both should be considering. The root cause needs to be dealt with and repaired or the marriage needs to be justified for other reasons. Otherwise there is not going to be much hope. Wishing you the best in hopefully getting things worked out.
  • SeanNJ
    SeanNJ Posts: 153 Member
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    No matter how hot they are, someone is tired of their *kitten*. That means you too.

    Unfortunate, but true. It could be simple boredom.

    Question: Did he want kids from the start? Is he living in silent fear of the possibility of a third?
  • DoOrDoNotThereIsNoTry1
    DoOrDoNotThereIsNoTry1 Posts: 149 Member
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    You forgot to mention one thing...your personality may not have changed and maybe your body has to an extent but working back to get it. Now, instead of his hot wife, girl what have you. You are now the mother of his children! He does see you in a different way. Not only that, he is not the priority anymore...the kids are. I think you need to have a heart to heart talk and get to the crux of the problem. He may or may not share. But playing games and telling him "no" and all that will definitely not help the situation...only make it worse.
  • jdploki70
    jdploki70 Posts: 343
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    Duh, hes cheating
    Actually, the opposite is more likely. Cheating men will try to have more sex with the wife as a sort of compensation for the dishonesty.

    Lack of sex drive is a key indicator in lots of different maladies for men. He could be going through some sort of life change, but when it happened to me I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.
  • BullDozier
    BullDozier Posts: 237 Member
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    Duh, hes cheating
    Actually, the opposite is more likely. Cheating men will try to have more sex with the wife as a sort of compensation for the dishonesty.

    Lack of sex drive is a key indicator in lots of different maladies for men. He could be going through some sort of life change, but when it happened to me I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism.
    Didn't read the whole thread but this is a good point. I don't know how old the OP's husband is, but when I hit 30, the drive started sliding down hill. My testosterone is on the way down, could be the same for him.
  • iWaffle
    iWaffle Posts: 2,208 Member
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    Perhaps he should get his testosterone levels checked. Seriously. Low T happens to more guys than you think and all that crazy female chasing is more chemical than you know.
  • Randyamc
    Randyamc Posts: 365 Member
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    Have you ever actually asked him what the problem is??

    this

    ^^This, I'm always baffled by couples that are not able to communicate. I refuse to spend my life with someone who is not cable of doing this. I'm truly sorry if he won't man up and discuss his feelings. Telling you that you are putting pressure on him is just avoidance and not an acceptable answer. This will require an actual discussion. Not short retorts fired back and forth, that's not communication.
  • HulaHips83
    HulaHips83 Posts: 129
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    No matter how hot they are, someone is tired of their *kitten*. That means you too.

    Unfortunate, but true. It could be simple boredom.

    Question: Did he want kids from the start? Is he living in silent fear of the possibility of a third?

    Actually he wanted kids sooner than I did. I wanted them, but I could have waited. He and I are both in agreement that we don't want a third. He knows I have done everything in my power to ensure that too. The thought of having that ugly pregnant belly again makes me physically sick.
  • Jackdog89
    Jackdog89 Posts: 57 Member
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    Second, I do EVERYTHING for him. I cook his meals, care for his daughters, clean his house, pay his bills, and give him his way on almost everything.

    I've never neglected him in the bedroom a single time. He's never even heard the word "no" from me. So it's not a situation where he's ever been denied and has given up. I don't care for the excuse about being tired because I work full time, am a full time student, and do pretty much everything around the house and with the kids. I'm tired too, dang it. But I'm never THAT tired.

    Sounds to me like there is something else going on in your relationship other than the lack of intimacy. The fact that you do so much AND you give him his way on everything is not healthy. It should be 50/50, and you shouldn't be caving into him, period.

    I agree with you, I can't see how anyone could be THAT tired. I've never told my wife no, no matter how tired I am. Is it quality, when I'm that tired? meh.... But still. =)
  • rextcat
    rextcat Posts: 1,408 Member
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    Duh, hes cheating
    ^this^

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