Does anyone have a Narcissistic Mother?

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  • MindyBlack
    MindyBlack Posts: 954 Member
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    Um, yes.
  • crystal_darling
    crystal_darling Posts: 53 Member
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    Wow! That is literally my mom AND my older sister!! Growing up was hell! I hardly if ever speak to my sister, thankfully she lives pretty far, and I try to avoid my mother as much as possible. Glad to know I'm not the only one but its sad to know many people have family members like this.
  • Bobby_Clerici
    Bobby_Clerici Posts: 1,828 Member
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    I think mama would have gotten the pillow treatment..... sociopaths win out against narcissists.
    But good Luck with your situation....:flowerforyou:
  • monipie
    monipie Posts: 280 Member
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    this makes me so sad because i do realize that my mother is. i don't want to make my kids feel the way i felt growing up. sometimes i see myself mirroring my mother and i freak out.
  • Enigmatica
    Enigmatica Posts: 879 Member
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    Yes. I finally shut her out of my life about 5 years ago. Then I was finally able to move forward with my life, get healthy, lose weight, and experience genuine happiness. By the way, my ex-husband was diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder when we had to go through psych evaluations as part of a custody battle. Once I learned what that was I realized muther has the same thing. Found out it's quite common for children of narcissists to marry narcissists. But I won't be making that mistake again, lol.
  • Finigan84
    Finigan84 Posts: 85
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    My therapist recommended a book to me "Will I ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers" by Karyl McBride. This book really opened my eyes as I would have never called my mother narcissistic although I have always known something about our relationship was very wrong.

    My mother is someone I see once a week. I have tried to sever ties with her because of the way she treats me but, I see her for the sake of my father (they are still married) who deserves a relationship with his granddaughter.

    No idea how to break this hold she seems to have over me but, I am learning...
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    gosh... look at all of us!
    my mother? in the words of my therapist, ''she's nuts.''
  • ElizabethObviously
    ElizabethObviously Posts: 380 Member
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    My mother lives only 6 miles away and I see her maybe 2x a month. Mainly so my daughter can visit. Because my mother has told me that my daughter WILL stay the night on certain days. We have been out of town before, and my mom call and say when are you bringing her over? do we need to come get her? And we say Well we are out now, busy. And her reply is...well you'd better bring her over soon. This is MY night. Like really??? I am almost 30 and my mom is dictating when my own daughter stays with me???

    I wonder if ours mothers are at the root of our weight gain?
  • ShareeMorty
    ShareeMorty Posts: 324 Member
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    I totally get what your saying...maybe one day down the road you may forgive her...hate is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. You will be the only one that sufferers for it.

    Right now take care of yourself...
    [/quote]

    This. This forum opened up a can of worms for me...and i wrote a long paragraph of what I'm going through right now but then deleted it...don't want to get too personal. I do struggle with the Biblical commandment to honor your parents; they have caused me so much pain. I mean my poor self image (for example) is not from being bullied at school as a child but from my parents. Anyways I hear ya'll. The one good thing that came out of all this is that I know what I want in my future husband and what I won't stand for. A man only gets one chance when it comes to physically abusing my kids or me. A man will have to go through me to put their hands on my kids. The not so great is that I don't know if I want to have kids and not because i'm afraid that I may repeat what I've experienced, but because I want to make sure that I am 1000% ready to provide the child with things that money can't buy, with things that my children can't wake up one day and write me a check for it...with love, patience, understanding, support, etc. I always say that unborn children are in a better place so if I decide to bring them into this world I need to make sure that I am ready and do all I can to make them feel loved. So yeah this experience helped me realized what type of mother I don't want to be. Anyways If anyone knows how I can work on forgiveness when the other person denies any responsibility let me know. Thanks for this post.
    [/quote]

    If you are self aware enough to not want to repeat the behaviour with your own kids then you will be a great mom. I have 2 kids who I adore and I let them know everyday that I love them and am proud of them, I still discipline them when they need it. But if nothing else my kids know I love them.
  • ShareeMorty
    ShareeMorty Posts: 324 Member
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    I wonder if ours mothers are at the root of our weight gain?

    Oh most definately, the voices in my mind that tell me I am not good enough, I will never lose weight, nobody will ever love me, I am fat and useless all come from her! My weight gain was completely related to my zero self worth, if she had been the kind of mother who loved and supported me then I would been way less likely to eat my feelings into obesity.
  • Finigan84
    Finigan84 Posts: 85
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    this makes me so sad because i do realize that my mother is. i don't want to make my kids feel the way i felt growing up. sometimes i see myself mirroring my mother and i freak out.



    I am always worried about this with my daughter. When I was pregnant with her I cried and cried sometimes thinking I would be a mother like the one I have. My poor husband didn't know what to do with me. My girl is 6 now, happy, healthy, ambitious and confident but, I still doubt myself every day.
  • VelociMama
    VelociMama Posts: 3,119 Member
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    this makes me so sad because i do realize that my mother is. i don't want to make my kids feel the way i felt growing up. sometimes i see myself mirroring my mother and i freak out.

    The fact that you're self aware enough to recognize this means you are likely not a narcissist yourself. My father has no idea how big of a narcissist he is. He has no empathy or self-awareness of his impact on others.

    :flowerforyou:
  • ElizabethObviously
    ElizabethObviously Posts: 380 Member
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    Speaking of pregnancy....my mom told me a few years after my daughter was born, that when I sat the whole family down to tell them I was pregnant she almost threw up. REALLY makes me want more kids ya know? I do know if I ever do get pregnant again, I will not be telling her until I am pretty far along. I can not believe she would think that much less TELL ME!
  • glovepuppet
    glovepuppet Posts: 1,710 Member
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    My mother lives only 6 miles away and I see her maybe 2x a month. Mainly so my daughter can visit. Because my mother has told me that my daughter WILL stay the night on certain days. We have been out of town before, and my mom call and say when are you bringing her over? do we need to come get her? And we say Well we are out now, busy. And her reply is...well you'd better bring her over soon. This is MY night. Like really??? I am almost 30 and my mom is dictating when my own daughter stays with me???

    I wonder if ours mothers are at the root of our weight gain?
    if living with your mother damaged you, don't let her demand your daughter spend time alone with her.

    however dire my mother is, my grandmother is worse. i still harbour seething resentment for my mother allowing unsupervised time with her when she knew, first hand, what a damaging experience her mother could be. i find it very hard to forgive that.
  • quietlywinning
    quietlywinning Posts: 889 Member
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    It's okay to say, "No, Mom." No explanation required. But honestly, if you are allowing her to dictate your daughter's life, you are allowing her to abuse your daughter just as she abused (and obviously still abuses) you. What is this teaching your child? She is seeing two types of people - the abuser and the abused. She will have to pick which type of person to be - abuser or abused. Show her that there is another choice. Stop the abuse. I was able to stop it by letting my parents know that *these* are the rules.....and if they wanted to see my children, they would abide by my rules. I was absolutely willing and ready to walk away and not let them see my kids if they didn't follow my rules for how they would behave towards me and towards my kids.
    My mother lives only 6 miles away and I see her maybe 2x a month. Mainly so my daughter can visit. Because my mother has told me that my daughter WILL stay the night on certain days. We have been out of town before, and my mom call and say when are you bringing her over? do we need to come get her? And we say Well we are out now, busy. And her reply is...well you'd better bring her over soon. This is MY night. Like really??? I am almost 30 and my mom is dictating when my own daughter stays with me???

    I wonder if ours mothers are at the root of our weight gain?
  • asdandme
    asdandme Posts: 72 Member
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    Good lord thats my mom!!!! Had no idea it had a name. I came to the realization a long time ago that nothing I did would make her love me. I am ok with that and no longer hate her, I feel sorry for her, but do not want her in my life. I am in a great place right now and am getting remarried....she will not be on the guest list(my 1st wedding she showed up in a wedding dress and walked down the aisle with flowers in her hands like she was the bride!!!) I will not let her spoil my special day with my wonderful guy....cause I deserve to have a awesome day!!!!:angry: you can add me if you want.:smile:
  • HardyGirl4Ever
    HardyGirl4Ever Posts: 1,017 Member
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    No, my mom just straight out puts me down.


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  • half_moon
    half_moon Posts: 807 Member
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    My father is a textbook narcissist. I no longer speak to him. I cut off communication last year, and I've been much happier for it though it took me 27 years to get to that point.

    Unfortunately, it's never easy to do that, but sometimes it has to happen for you to move forward in life.

    My father is a very toxic person in my life. His method of manipulation is neglect and talking behind my back. I couldn't deal with it anymore.

    My dad and your dad could be the same person. Every psychiatrist has told my dad that he is a "textbook narcissist". It's so hard. I just keep wanting to believe that this time he won't manipulate me and lie and twist things and constantly be planning something with every word he tells me-- anything to benefit him. I want to believe him. I haven't completely cut him out yet, but I've only seen him once in the last six months and have kept contact very limited. My brother just cut him out and is very happy about it. He says it isn't easy abut it's so much easier than having anything to do with him. I keep saying "if he does one more thing, I'm out..." and then I just can't. :/ I'm the only kid that still talks to him, and I feel somehow like he needs me. But he doesn't! I wonder if there is a website for narcissistic fathers...
  • Artemis726
    Artemis726 Posts: 587 Member
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    Wow- My husband and I suspected my mother was NPD along with other disorders, but this website hits on so, so many different aspects. Gaslighting, the dictionary, engulfing, invalidation, the sexual weirdness- so much. I was literally gasping while reading. It's like someone was watching and taking notes. It led to all kinds of issues for me, but I wasn't able to make a break until I saw her trying to repeat the same mind-screwing techniques with my daughter, despite us trying to set reasonable boundaries. She was just 'above it all'. :frown:

    I haven't spoken to her in almost 4 years now, and it has been the most painful and lonely thing I have been through as well as the most liberating. Please feel free to add for support and chat. So sorry you all are dealing/have dealt with this, too. :flowerforyou:
  • uzit_13
    uzit_13 Posts: 41 Member
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    No, but I have a father with Borderline Personality Disorder, which kinda overlaps with Narcissism, and is still HELL!!! What's even worse? Finding out I have the exact same thing (ahhhhhh!!!!!) Only makes sense since children learn from their parents.

    http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stop-walking-eggshells/201109/the-world-the-borderline-mother-and-her-children

    http://bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a108.htm


    Like others in this thread, moving out and away have been beneficial. Moving to a place that's far away from an airport is even better so they can't get to you as easily (experience talk'n). Years of therapy including DBT and CBT have helped me deal with my childhood so I can now talk about it and not get all worked up like before.

    If I ever had kids I would NEVER leave them alone with my father. EVER!!!! Unless there were someone else around, like my mom or friend.

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