my son steals food
Options
Replies
-
In my opinion i would replace the high sugary stuff with a healthier option and i would put him on a calorie based diet make sure he is getting what he needs and is filled so in the middle of the night he isnt wanting to snack break the bad habbit before it is to late i would also suggest getting him a pack of gum and tell him whenever he feels the need to snack to chew a piece of gum
nononononononono NOT KIDS!
absolutely i wouldn't put him on a diet. kids need food. boys need a LOT of food. an AMAZING amount of food. i'm constantly in shock and awe.0 -
to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:
do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?
to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:
if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?
I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.
seriously? maybe i should have said "sneaking" instead of "stealing." but really, my word choice is apparently the topic du jour, and not the issue?
ETA: when on a limited food budget, fairness is definitely an issue, when two younger brothers are sad because someone at all of the relatively rare treats, lol
If the issue really is fairness, I think you need to explain it to him as opposed to saying he is binging, etc. Just simply say that these cookies are for everyone, and we are all only going to eat 2 (or whatever number you decide). Or individually put them in bags with names on it.0 -
to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:
do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?
to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:
if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?
I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.
seriously? maybe i should have said "sneaking" instead of "stealing." but really, my word choice is apparently the topic du jour, and not the issue?
ETA: when on a limited food budget, fairness is definitely an issue, when two younger brothers are sad because someone at all of the relatively rare treats, lol
If the issue really is fairness, I think you need to explain it to him as opposed to saying he is binging, etc. Just simply say that these cookies are for everyone, and we are all only going to eat 2 (or whatever number you decide). Or individually put them in bags with names on it.
even if eating all of the treats isn't binging...if i put them in bags with names, he would eat them too. the issue is 10% fairness, 90% he can't control his his desire to eat the sweets.0 -
to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:
do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?
to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:
if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?
I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.
seriously? maybe i should have said "sneaking" instead of "stealing." but really, my word choice is apparently the topic du jour, and not the issue?
ETA: when on a limited food budget, fairness is definitely an issue, when two younger brothers are sad because someone at all of the relatively rare treats, lol
Your word choices imply a certain attitude toward eating food in secret, so yes -- the words you choose and why you choose them is very important.
Would you still use the word stealing if food were plentiful and you had more of a budget? Were you stealing food when you were eating half a cake in the middle of the night when you were 16? Do you understand what I am saying?
I think between your past issues with food and your current limited budget you are creating a problem that might not exist. Yes, your son needs to learn to share and not take more than his share of treats, but that is not an eating disorder -- that is learning not to be a jerk. It is really not unusual for teenage boys to consume a dozen cookies. I am guessing at his dad's he can do that -- so the adjustment of not being able to do it there is hard.
Do you see what I am getting at?0 -
In my opinion i would replace the high sugary stuff with a healthier option and i would put him on a calorie based diet make sure he is getting what he needs and is filled so in the middle of the night he isnt wanting to snack break the bad habbit before it is to late i would also suggest getting him a pack of gum and tell him whenever he feels the need to snack to chew a piece of gum
nononononononono NOT KIDS!
Chewing tells your body that there is food going to be arriving in your stomach soon to digest so your stomach releases an acid to break down the food, when the food dosent arrive, in the case of gum, the acid breaks down your stomach lining instead. Thats why some people get belly aches when they chew gum. I dont think it should be recommended.0 -
the activity is the biggest problem right now. the heat index has been 100+ almost every day for weeks here, and i can't reasonably tell them to get outside and play because it's a health risk.
he gets enough to eat. i'm not starving him or feeding him alfalfa sprouts and nothing else for every meal. he gets junk food occasionally - i keep a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables and peanut butter and jelly on hand, with the occasional bag of cheetos, and i bake treats maybe once a month, because for my own health i've had to curtail it.
he's binging. in secret. that's a problem.
and yes, counseling is probably the only way to fix it, and i don't have that option right now, but i'm working on making it more possible.
As long as he stays hydrated, being outside in the heat isn't necessarily bad. It's been really bad here as well in Indiana, and when it's over 100 I tell the boys to stick close to home so I know they have easy access to waters and I make sure they drink plenty of it. They also swim, but I realize not everyone has access to a free pool. I got them each one of those little sports tote bags they can throw over their shoulders and they take 4 or 5 bottles of water with them when they know they are going to be gone a while. Sometimes they even walk to a local pizza shop where they split an order of breadsticks and play free video games in the a/c for a few hours, or they walk the local ice cream shop and and get ice creams and sit there and talk. They are eating, and probably nothing terribly healthful, but they are also walking 2-5 miles at a time when they do it, even in the heat. They never complain about it being hot (much like they insist on wearing cargo shorts in the winter and never complain about being cold). Teens seem impervious to the temps (as long as they look cool). But like I said, I realize that not every neighborhood is walking/kid friendly.
Often kids hide or lie about things simply because they feel like they will get in trouble for the "offense". So maybe instead of crying and scaring him into not eating secretly at night, just explain it's okay if he has 2 or three cookies and a glass of milk in the middle of the night, but not a dozen. If he's still hungry after that, he can have all the apples he wants, or all the carrots he wants, or whatever. Take the emotion out of it in front of him. Your reaction will probably just make him feel he needs to hide it more because he feels you will be upset with him.0 -
It sounds like your household is going through a bit of turmoil and your son is picking up on that. I'm jumping the gun here, but it sounds like a broken household with a lot of frustrations - the tight money, divorce, many kids to feed, no health insurance, etc.
Here's the advice I wish my parents had gotten when I was a kid sneaking food into my room: listen to your son. Talk to him about what's going on and try to figure out what might be bothering him. Hug him...a lot. Remind him that you love him no matter what, and that you will always be there for him. That kind of thing will go a long, long way. In the end, the most important thing to remember is that your job here is about providing unconditional love and support.0 -
to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:
do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?
to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:
if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?
I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.
seriously? maybe i should have said "sneaking" instead of "stealing." but really, my word choice is apparently the topic du jour, and not the issue?
ETA: when on a limited food budget, fairness is definitely an issue, when two younger brothers are sad because someone at all of the relatively rare treats, lol
Your word choices imply a certain attitude toward eating food in secret, so yes -- the words you choose and why you choose them is very important.
Would you still use the word stealing if food were plentiful and you had more of a budget? Were you stealing food when you were eating half a cake in the middle of the night when you were 16? Do you understand what I am saying?
I think between your past issues with food and your current limited budget you are creating a problem that might not exist. Yes, your son needs to learn to share and not take more than his share of treats, but that is not an eating disorder -- that is learning not to be a jerk. It is really not unusual for teenage boys to consume a dozen cookies. I am guessing at his dad's he can do that -- so the adjustment of not being able to do it there is hard.
Do you see what I am getting at?
ok, i remove the word "steal." it's obviously more important than hiding the eating. i do understand what you're saying, and i'm not trying to be mean or snarky here - it's not just about a dozen cookies one night. it's about a habit that's been a problem for a long time, and i get up every day to see what i no longer have in the cupboard. food budget totally aside.0 -
My son is 14 and stick thin, naturally. He can eat a box/bag of cookies in one setting but I have to set limits for him too, even though he is is thin.0
-
It sounds like your household is going through a bit of turmoil and your son is picking up on that. I'm jumping the gun here, but it sounds like a broken household with a lot of frustrations - the tight money, divorce, many kids to feed, no health insurance, etc.
Here's the advice I wish my parents had gotten when I was a kid sneaking food into my room: listen to your son. Talk to him about what's going on and try to figure out what might be bothering him. Hug him...a lot. Remind him that you love him no matter what, and that you will always be there for him. That kind of thing will go a long, long way. In the end, the most important thing to remember is that your job here is about providing unconditional love and support.
thank you.0 -
It sounds like your household is going through a bit of turmoil and your son is picking up on that. I'm jumping the gun here, but it sounds like a broken household with a lot of frustrations - the tight money, divorce, many kids to feed, no health insurance, etc.
Here's the advice I wish my parents had gotten when I was a kid sneaking food into my room: listen to your son. Talk to him about what's going on and try to figure out what might be bothering him. Hug him...a lot. Remind him that you love him no matter what, and that you will always be there for him. That kind of thing will go a long, long way. In the end, the most important thing to remember is that your job here is about providing unconditional love and support.
Yes. Unconditional love. Whatever size you are.0 -
to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:
do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?
to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:
if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?
I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.
seriously? maybe i should have said "sneaking" instead of "stealing." but really, my word choice is apparently the topic du jour, and not the issue?
ETA: when on a limited food budget, fairness is definitely an issue, when two younger brothers are sad because someone at all of the relatively rare treats, lol
If the issue really is fairness, I think you need to explain it to him as opposed to saying he is binging, etc. Just simply say that these cookies are for everyone, and we are all only going to eat 2 (or whatever number you decide). Or individually put them in bags with names on it.
even if eating all of the treats isn't binging...if i put them in bags with names, he would eat them too. the issue is 10% fairness, 90% he can't control his his desire to eat the sweets.
Have you tried it? We are offering suggestions, but you only seem to hear the negative. People, including me, have suggested not keeping sweets in the house (perhaps going out for ice cream on occasion) and telling him the situation about sweets so he can begin to understand at an early age the financial hardships you are having. Maybe you guys can do a project about what are always foods and what are sometimes foods. It doesn't have to be about binging, but you are the one who seems to be focused on a very serious eating disorder that you have unfairly diagnosed your young son with without the benefit of a therapist. For some people it's binging for others its eating, that's a fact.0 -
Why does everyone recommend therapy for a 12 year old kid? His mother is on here and obviously cares, why can't she continue to talk to him?? It's your son.... therapy isn't the answer to life.0
-
to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:
do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?
to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:
if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?
I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.
seriously? maybe i should have said "sneaking" instead of "stealing." but really, my word choice is apparently the topic du jour, and not the issue?
ETA: when on a limited food budget, fairness is definitely an issue, when two younger brothers are sad because someone at all of the relatively rare treats, lol
If the issue really is fairness, I think you need to explain it to him as opposed to saying he is binging, etc. Just simply say that these cookies are for everyone, and we are all only going to eat 2 (or whatever number you decide). Or individually put them in bags with names on it.
even if eating all of the treats isn't binging...if i put them in bags with names, he would eat them too. the issue is 10% fairness, 90% he can't control his his desire to eat the sweets.
Have you tried it? We are offering suggestions, but you only seem to hear the negative. People, including me, have suggested not keeping sweets in the house (perhaps going out for ice cream on occasion) and telling him the situation about sweets so he can begin to understand at an early age the financial hardships you are having. Maybe you guys can do a project about what are always foods and what are sometimes foods. It doesn't have to be about binging, but you are the one who seems to be focused on a very serious eating disorder that you have unfairly diagnosed your young son with without the benefit of a therapist. For some people it's binging for others its eating, that's a fact.
okay, i think we've officially reached the point all forum posts get to
if i don't agree with someone, i'm being unfair and only seeing the negative. check.
thanks everyone 0 -
to those who think i'm projecting and/or that it's normal to binge:
do you think a former binge eater does not recognize the signs?
to those of you who think "steal" is too harsh a term:
if i came home with $20 and gave $5 to each of my sons and kept $5 and one of them got into everyone's wallets during the night, took all $20, and went to the Gamestop and i found him playing a new game the next day, and asked him where it came from and where everyone's money went, and he said, "i don't know..." would that be "stealing"?
I think you need to stop calling it stealing. Period. I think it's the wrong attitude to take if you are actually worried about your son OVEREATING and not the supposed injustice of not everyone getting a cookie.
seriously? maybe i should have said "sneaking" instead of "stealing." but really, my word choice is apparently the topic du jour, and not the issue?
ETA: when on a limited food budget, fairness is definitely an issue, when two younger brothers are sad because someone at all of the relatively rare treats, lol
Your word choices imply a certain attitude toward eating food in secret, so yes -- the words you choose and why you choose them is very important.
Would you still use the word stealing if food were plentiful and you had more of a budget? Were you stealing food when you were eating half a cake in the middle of the night when you were 16? Do you understand what I am saying?
I think between your past issues with food and your current limited budget you are creating a problem that might not exist. Yes, your son needs to learn to share and not take more than his share of treats, but that is not an eating disorder -- that is learning not to be a jerk. It is really not unusual for teenage boys to consume a dozen cookies. I am guessing at his dad's he can do that -- so the adjustment of not being able to do it there is hard.
Do you see what I am getting at?
ok, i remove the word "steal." it's obviously more important than hiding the eating. i do understand what you're saying, and i'm not trying to be mean or snarky here - it's not just about a dozen cookies one night. it's about a habit that's been a problem for a long time, and i get up every day to see what i no longer have in the cupboard. food budget totally aside.
Fun story my parents tell: my brother is 8 years younger than me -- when he hit about 10-11, I left home but my parents food budget increased by nearly 25%. They had to buy twice the amount a cereal and snacks. This continued until my brother left home. My brother never hid his eating -- but my parents had enough money to buy groceries and have extra, so he never needed to. I have no doubt that he would have been sneaking about eating if they had a more limited financial situation. I don't think that would have indicated an eating disorder so much as it would have indicated a teenager struggling to understand that you can't have everything you want just because you want it because budget is limited.
Really. Look into the situation at his father's -- if he has access to whatever he wants, when he wants at his dad's coming to your house where things have to be stricter because of budget concerns probably is what is causing the sneaking -- not disordered eating (which is something you are bringing to the table).0 -
Not to be rude, but don't post a forum topic that is highly controversial and then be so unreceptive to the strong ideas of others'. If you have all the answers or are just looking for sympathy, don't ask for help.
I can bet that people on a fitness site have very strong ideas involving food and binging. I can also personally attest to the fact that I had a mother growing up who made my binging worse by telling me I was stealing food, that she kept on the top shelf to prevent me from accesing it, which only enticed me more. This act of treating my brother differently from me and being called a food theif has had a long lasting effect. For the record, I believe we were all trying to help.0 -
Oh and my parents used exercise as punishment (for non-food related "infractions") Ask me how that screwed me up.0
-
I would punish him for the sneaking/lying/not sharing and ignore the overeating if hes a healthy weight.
Talk to him about self control, sharing and how we cant always have what we want and leave the fat issues out of it unless he actually has a weight problem. He just sounds like a greedy little kid.
And for the move of God do not tell him he has "your metabolism". That's setting him up for failure for sure.0 -
Oh and my parents used exercise as punishment (for non-food related "infractions") Ask me how that screwed me up.
Boo hoo. Blame mommy and daddy for all your current problems.0 -
Not to be rude, but don't post a forum topic that is highly controversial and then be so unreceptive to the strong ideas of others'. If you have all the answers or are just looking for sympathy, don't ask for help.
I can bet that people on a fitness site have very strong ideas involving food and binging. I can also personally attest to the fact that I had a mother growing up who made my binging worse by telling me I was stealing food, that she kept on the top shelf to prevent me from accesing it, which only enticed me more. This act of treating my brother differently from me and being called a food theif has had a long lasting effect. For the record, I believe we were all trying to help.
i know you were trying to help, and i'm grateful. i am! i know my son pretty well, is all, and i know when to back away from the keyboard. i'm not angry at you, i don't think you're being mean, and i don't agree with every single post here, but i think you have a very valid point. which is why i'm backing off my son
really, really, thank you everyone. you made me think. a lot. thank you.0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 392.1K Introduce Yourself
- 43.6K Getting Started
- 259.9K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.7K Food and Nutrition
- 47.4K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 403 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.8K Motivation and Support
- 7.9K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.3K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.4K MyFitnessPal Information
- 23 News and Announcements
- 999 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.4K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions