People on here need to stick to feedback the user asks for?!?!
thcguy123
Posts: 55
I have been posting on here a long time over the years.
What I have found is two things:
1.) When you ask for something like a good diet book or a great workout website that is what you want to hear about from other community members. But for some reason it always goes straight off topic with things like "you don't need a book - just make your own plan" or "you should know how to eat right - just eat less calories". THAT IS NOT WHAT WAS ASKED - IF YOU DON'T KNOW A GOOD BOOK WHEN SOMEONE ASKS THEN JUST DON'T POST! We get all excited when we see someone left a comment and might have an idea for us - then we get online and it's something off topic we didn't ask for.
2.) People just don't get it. Everyone doesn't think, perform, act the same way. When I see people say they can't get themselves to stick with something OR can't seem to get motivated to start OR can't stop eating fast food and then the only thing I hear back isn't support but negativity I get angry.
Instead it's feedback like "just get up and do it" or "just don't eat it then". If it was as easy and just getting up and exercising or getting up and eating right then some of us wouldn't have this problem. These types of replies make people want to stop trying and give up because your telling them that their struggle with these issues isn't real - why's it so hard for you and not me type of thing. How about some positive feedback like "try this - a 5 minute walk a day isn't so bad - don't worry about the 30 minute walk till your ready". How about - the first step is just driving down to the gym and walking in - if your not ready them go home but I bet you will be inspired to try it" OR "try eating better and giving yourself a fast food cheat day".
Instead I read more and more often others just telling people they are lazy and sound lazy and if you can't do it yourself you need to just try harder. The one I love the most is when they think your just having a pitty party. Maybe you do need some pitty because you feel like the dirt on the bottom of your shoe (but you also need positive reinforcement constantly and it helps)! It's depressing to read because I know when I hear that kind of feedback on my posts it makes me want to give up. Why can these other people just get up and go but it's so had for me. Why don't people realize fast food is addicting as cigarettes and alcohol and cocaine and that is why it's hard to stop instead of just telling other to "stop eating it then"!
With that said - I REALLY APPRECIATE the great feedback that some people leave (more and more rare though). Replies that stay on topic or tell you when they don't know. People who tell you they know how you feel and what they did - not put you down for being too lazy to stick with it. Message boards like this are where I get a lot of my info, feedback, motivation, etc - hopefully people can stay positive and stick on topic. Try to remember how hard it was when you hadn't been in the gym for 30 years, was hundreds of pounds overweight, and didn't know how to eat anything but fast food. It takes some people a lot of POSITIVE motivation to keep going - let's spread that around the board!!!
What I have found is two things:
1.) When you ask for something like a good diet book or a great workout website that is what you want to hear about from other community members. But for some reason it always goes straight off topic with things like "you don't need a book - just make your own plan" or "you should know how to eat right - just eat less calories". THAT IS NOT WHAT WAS ASKED - IF YOU DON'T KNOW A GOOD BOOK WHEN SOMEONE ASKS THEN JUST DON'T POST! We get all excited when we see someone left a comment and might have an idea for us - then we get online and it's something off topic we didn't ask for.
2.) People just don't get it. Everyone doesn't think, perform, act the same way. When I see people say they can't get themselves to stick with something OR can't seem to get motivated to start OR can't stop eating fast food and then the only thing I hear back isn't support but negativity I get angry.
Instead it's feedback like "just get up and do it" or "just don't eat it then". If it was as easy and just getting up and exercising or getting up and eating right then some of us wouldn't have this problem. These types of replies make people want to stop trying and give up because your telling them that their struggle with these issues isn't real - why's it so hard for you and not me type of thing. How about some positive feedback like "try this - a 5 minute walk a day isn't so bad - don't worry about the 30 minute walk till your ready". How about - the first step is just driving down to the gym and walking in - if your not ready them go home but I bet you will be inspired to try it" OR "try eating better and giving yourself a fast food cheat day".
Instead I read more and more often others just telling people they are lazy and sound lazy and if you can't do it yourself you need to just try harder. The one I love the most is when they think your just having a pitty party. Maybe you do need some pitty because you feel like the dirt on the bottom of your shoe (but you also need positive reinforcement constantly and it helps)! It's depressing to read because I know when I hear that kind of feedback on my posts it makes me want to give up. Why can these other people just get up and go but it's so had for me. Why don't people realize fast food is addicting as cigarettes and alcohol and cocaine and that is why it's hard to stop instead of just telling other to "stop eating it then"!
With that said - I REALLY APPRECIATE the great feedback that some people leave (more and more rare though). Replies that stay on topic or tell you when they don't know. People who tell you they know how you feel and what they did - not put you down for being too lazy to stick with it. Message boards like this are where I get a lot of my info, feedback, motivation, etc - hopefully people can stay positive and stick on topic. Try to remember how hard it was when you hadn't been in the gym for 30 years, was hundreds of pounds overweight, and didn't know how to eat anything but fast food. It takes some people a lot of POSITIVE motivation to keep going - let's spread that around the board!!!
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Replies
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Here are a few example of what I mean from my posts:
*I asked for a book with grocery lists and meal planner.
Reply: There's nothing you can't eat, you just need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight.
*Asked about a quick workout routine to tone up fast.
Reply: Buy a time machine. Should have started months ago.
*Asked about diseases that can cause weight gain.
Reply: You're looking for the easy way out.
*Asked for pre-made breakfast shake ideas (not something I had to make myself)
Reply: Couple thoughts. First, don't have time or don't want to make time?
These aren't the really mean ones calling me lazy and worthless. Jeez.
Not that bad but stay negative and on topic please!!!
-4 -
I agree. When I first joined I couldn't find bridges in the exercise database so posted and asked how to log it on MFP. I got a bunch of responses saying I shouldn't log it. One telling me to write it in a book (??). Then a bunch more defending all the great advice I got from those telling me not to log it. Finally, one nice person did answer my question.-3
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I agree. I was on this site years ago and I can definitely see how the replies have taken a downward turn.
I just recently came back on because it was so aggravating to read so many s....well...crappy responses from what I can only assume are crappy people.-2 -
i have had great experiences with groups-but the main boards suck.0
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Here are a few example of what I mean from my posts:
*I asked for a book with grocery lists and meal planner.
Reply: There's nothing you can't eat, you just need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight.
*Asked about a quick workout routine to tone up fast.
Reply: Buy a time machine. Should have started months ago.
*Asked about diseases that can cause weight gain.
Reply: You're looking for the easy way out.
*Asked for pre-made breakfast shake ideas (not something I had to make myself)
Reply: Couple thoughts. First, don't have time or don't want to make time?
These aren't the really mean ones calling me lazy and worthless. Jeez.
Not that bad but stay negative and on topic please!!!
So basically, you want people to do all the work for you and lie to you?
Until the terms of service state that you may not have an opinion, there really is no reason for these threads. I am not mean because I will tell you what is actually required to lose weight. Eat less, move more. Do it every day for a long time. It's not easy, but it's simple.
You don't need a grocery list, literally any food that fits your calories works. You can't "tone up" fast, you can lose fat through a calorie deficit and when the fat drops off you will be "toned" underneath. It takes me about 45 seconds to make my shake in the morning (protein powder, water, ice, instant coffee).
Honestly what I'm tired of on MFP are threads with people arguing about off-topic BS. Like "hey guys how do I paleo?" turns into 2 people arguing about how bad planet fitness is.-9 -
This content has been removed.
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KGRebelRanch wrote: »I agree. I was on this site years ago and I can definitely see how the replies have taken a downward turn.
I just recently came back on because it was so aggravating to read so many s....well...crappy responses from what I can only assume are crappy people.
Wait, wait... you came back BECAUSE you wanted to get aggravated? lol.0 -
Welcome to the internet.0
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-4
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In the words of CCP: HTFU__drmerc__ wrote: »Why is everyone on MFP so mean?
Because of posts like the OPs.
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Though there are rude/sarcastic/mean people who feel the need to post unhelpful responses I believe most people are coming from a good place. It is hard to tell someone's tone in a typed message so I try to keep an open mind about their intentions. For example the person saying you don't need a book probably though they were being helpful and educating you. If you get responses that are rude like calling your lazy, flag them. I flag rude comments when I see them and others do as well.
I do understand your frustration though. I wish the forums had a more positive tone sometimes.0 -
For your first point, some of the responses to your question were actually appropriate.
What they want to let you know is: Don't limit your choices of food because a book tells you to. This often leads to failure because of strong cravings and bland repetitive options..and less money in the wallet. Instead, eat what you feel like but know what you are eating.
Learn that when you decide to eat many servings of a junk food, that leaves you with less calories for the rest of the day and the feeling of being hungry. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have any junk food. Of course it's normal to crave some, but make room for that junk food so that you're not left with a hungry feeling at the pit of your stomach at the end of the day.
I hope what I said makes sense to you. We just don't want to see you fail. We don't want to see anyone fail. Our opinions come from our experiences and we're just trying to pass that along.
Edit:
This is how I learned. When I began this journey, I would eat whatever I want as long as I stayed within calorie range. I would end up being so hungry at the end of the day. I learned to spend my calories wisely while allowing myself treats every now and then..the results were good. I wasn't left hungry at the end of the day and I got to eat my cake too!0 -
Yes, please flag my totally innocuous posts as abuse.-7
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Is this a new guideline? This is a public forum.
Can you take what you need and leave the rest?
Threads do get hijacked. I thought that was what your post was going to be about. I try not to do that, but I start having a discussion and then sometimes I go OT.0 -
I considered quitting the message boards because I was attacked for making a suggestion that some people didn't agree with. The original post had asked for suggestions, so it was really up to that individual to take away what they liked, and leave the rest. I provided links to professional advice and guidance on the topic as well. My final post on the issue was directed to the nasty commenters: "It seems that some people on MFP need to eat a Snickers bar, since they are not themselves when they are hungry". If you have seen the Snickers ads, you will appreciate the humor. Apparently, some people are also ugly on the inside.-2
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levitateme wrote: »Here are a few example of what I mean from my posts:
*I asked for a book with grocery lists and meal planner.
Reply: There's nothing you can't eat, you just need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight.
*Asked about a quick workout routine to tone up fast.
Reply: Buy a time machine. Should have started months ago.
*Asked about diseases that can cause weight gain.
Reply: You're looking for the easy way out.
*Asked for pre-made breakfast shake ideas (not something I had to make myself)
Reply: Couple thoughts. First, don't have time or don't want to make time?
These aren't the really mean ones calling me lazy and worthless. Jeez.
Not that bad but stay negative and on topic please!!!
So basically, you want people to do all the work for you and lie to you?
Until the terms of service state that you may not have an opinion, there really is no reason for these threads. I am not mean because I will tell you what is actually required to lose weight. Eat less, move more. Do it every day for a long time. It's not easy, but it's simple.
You don't need a grocery list, literally any food that fits your calories works. You can't "tone up" fast, you can lose fat through a calorie deficit and when the fat drops off you will be "toned" underneath. It takes me about 45 seconds to make my shake in the morning (protein powder, water, ice, instant coffee).
Honestly what I'm tired of on MFP are threads with people arguing about off-topic BS. Like "hey guys how do I paleo?" turns into 2 people arguing about how bad planet fitness is.
Nice example. At least I hope you were simply trying to provide an example of what the OP was talking about.-1 -
That's how the kids do it here. Just use the flag system like I do. As a like system.levitateme wrote: »Yes, please flag my totally innocuous posts as abuse.
For example. You got a like!
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If someone asked me face to face to recommend a book for a specific topic, my answer would be "I don't know of one" OR "I don't know of one, but I will ask around" OR, "here is one I found helpful". Why would I answer, you are too lazy? Or that you are looking for someone to do the work for you?
So YOU got it! Good for you. Now someone else is trying to get theirs. No need to be sarcastic. Would you give the same answer face to face?
If people would just think about how they would answer a question face to face instead of HIDING behind a computer screen and spouting sarcastic comments, the world would be a better place. Just cowardly!0 -
levitateme wrote: »Yes, please flag my totally innocuous posts as abuse.
Pretty sure half the people in here use flags as the MFP version of a like button-1 -
moremuffins wrote: »levitateme wrote: »Yes, please flag my totally innocuous posts as abuse.
Pretty sure half the people in here use flags as the MFP version of a like button
I like you.-2 -
LEVITATEME's post above is a good example of what I mean. Not the positive feedback most people need.
It's great it takes you 45 seconds to make a shake - I don't have that time so I am looking for something I can grab from fridge and walk out door. But I didn't ask that anyway so don't comment unless you know of a good pre-made shake suggestion.
Eat less - move more - really?!?! Yes it's true but it's about the least helpful thing I have ever heard. What people on here need is something in depth - links to a website you use, a book that really turned things around, some tales from your journey that might inspire them. Eat less and move more doesn't help lay out any specific plans which is what people here need.
And "you don't need a grocery list". Do you realize people who go the store without a grocery list tend to overeat and buy fattening items they don't need. Your always better shopping with a list. Yes - many of us DO need a grocery list and don't know how to make a healthy one ourselves.
POSITIVE FEEDBACK IS WHAT WE NEED! Not just you telling us it's all so simple and acting like why can't we all just figure this out.
-7 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »levitateme wrote: »Here are a few example of what I mean from my posts:
*I asked for a book with grocery lists and meal planner.
Reply: There's nothing you can't eat, you just need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight.
*Asked about a quick workout routine to tone up fast.
Reply: Buy a time machine. Should have started months ago.
*Asked about diseases that can cause weight gain.
Reply: You're looking for the easy way out.
*Asked for pre-made breakfast shake ideas (not something I had to make myself)
Reply: Couple thoughts. First, don't have time or don't want to make time?
These aren't the really mean ones calling me lazy and worthless. Jeez.
Not that bad but stay negative and on topic please!!!
So basically, you want people to do all the work for you and lie to you?
Until the terms of service state that you may not have an opinion, there really is no reason for these threads. I am not mean because I will tell you what is actually required to lose weight. Eat less, move more. Do it every day for a long time. It's not easy, but it's simple.
You don't need a grocery list, literally any food that fits your calories works. You can't "tone up" fast, you can lose fat through a calorie deficit and when the fat drops off you will be "toned" underneath. It takes me about 45 seconds to make my shake in the morning (protein powder, water, ice, instant coffee).
Honestly what I'm tired of on MFP are threads with people arguing about off-topic BS. Like "hey guys how do I paleo?" turns into 2 people arguing about how bad planet fitness is.
Nice example. At least I hope you were simply trying to provide an example of what the OP was talking about.
Hey guys, please make up a list of food I should eat, and also tell me how to work out, and where to buy my smoothies BUT DON'T TELL ME I SHOULD JUST FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF BECAUSE YOU DID. THAT'S MEAN AND RUDE AND ABUSIVE.
So tired of the crybabies on these forums dude. If you can't handle the internet, don't use public forums.
-12 -
i have had great experiences with groups-but the main boards suck.
I agree with this... I have had GREAT success with the groups. I met a lot of very supportive people who are actually willing to answer your questions and give helpful advice. I try to stay away from the main forums but will pop on from time to time (obviously LOL)
Best of luck to all on their journey!0 -
levitateme wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »levitateme wrote: »Here are a few example of what I mean from my posts:
*I asked for a book with grocery lists and meal planner.
Reply: There's nothing you can't eat, you just need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight.
*Asked about a quick workout routine to tone up fast.
Reply: Buy a time machine. Should have started months ago.
*Asked about diseases that can cause weight gain.
Reply: You're looking for the easy way out.
*Asked for pre-made breakfast shake ideas (not something I had to make myself)
Reply: Couple thoughts. First, don't have time or don't want to make time?
These aren't the really mean ones calling me lazy and worthless. Jeez.
Not that bad but stay negative and on topic please!!!
So basically, you want people to do all the work for you and lie to you?
Until the terms of service state that you may not have an opinion, there really is no reason for these threads. I am not mean because I will tell you what is actually required to lose weight. Eat less, move more. Do it every day for a long time. It's not easy, but it's simple.
You don't need a grocery list, literally any food that fits your calories works. You can't "tone up" fast, you can lose fat through a calorie deficit and when the fat drops off you will be "toned" underneath. It takes me about 45 seconds to make my shake in the morning (protein powder, water, ice, instant coffee).
Honestly what I'm tired of on MFP are threads with people arguing about off-topic BS. Like "hey guys how do I paleo?" turns into 2 people arguing about how bad planet fitness is.
Nice example. At least I hope you were simply trying to provide an example of what the OP was talking about.
Hey guys, please make up a list of food I should eat, and also tell me how to work out, and where to buy my smoothies BUT DON'T TELL ME I SHOULD JUST FIGURE IT OUT MYSELF BECAUSE YOU DID. THAT'S MEAN AND RUDE AND ABUSIVE.
So tired of the crybabies on these forums dude. If you can't handle the internet, don't use public forums.
^This x2. Are we babies or adults?-5 -
Having thick skin helps. You're more likely to attempt to digest the information regardless of how it's presented.
If you're thin skinned and run screaming from the room every time someone offers blunt advice then you're probably not ready for a change.-3 -
levitateme wrote: »Yes, please flag my totally innocuous posts as abuse.
Don't worry. It's becoming the symbol of saying something "right" on these boards.
0 -
Here are a few example of what I mean from my posts:
*I asked for a book with grocery lists and meal planner.
Reply: There's nothing you can't eat, you just need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight.
*Asked about a quick workout routine to tone up fast.
Reply: Buy a time machine. Should have started months ago.
*Asked about diseases that can cause weight gain.
Reply: You're looking for the easy way out.
*Asked for pre-made breakfast shake ideas (not something I had to make myself)
Reply: Couple thoughts. First, don't have time or don't want to make time?
These aren't the really mean ones calling me lazy and worthless. Jeez.
Not that bad but stay negative and on topic please!!!
But, those are truthful answers.-3 -
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hollydubs85 wrote: »Here are a few example of what I mean from my posts:
*I asked for a book with grocery lists and meal planner.
Reply: There's nothing you can't eat, you just need to be in a calorie deficit to lose weight.
*Asked about a quick workout routine to tone up fast.
Reply: Buy a time machine. Should have started months ago.
*Asked about diseases that can cause weight gain.
Reply: You're looking for the easy way out.
*Asked for pre-made breakfast shake ideas (not something I had to make myself)
Reply: Couple thoughts. First, don't have time or don't want to make time?
These aren't the really mean ones calling me lazy and worthless. Jeez.
Not that bad but stay negative and on topic please!!!
But, those are truthful answers.
Yes, but they weren't what the OP wanted to hear.
0
This discussion has been closed.
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