Irrational fears? Weight loss and Infidelity.
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JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Aside from religious purposes (and that's a stretch for me) I cannot think of a single good reason to stay in an unhappy relationship, especially with kids involved. I truly wish you or your friends or whoever is in that situation the best.
You be surprise to talk to a person who has encounter that in their life. It makes you wonder.
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do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
It's actually a fact. There are people in the world who prefer to suffer. It's a thing.
I'm not judging, I'm discussing. You posted this on an internet forum. We discuss things here. People have opinions. Calm down.
Good for them for placing a high value on their vows. I still believe that the fact that they have to make a decision between health and staying together is B.S. If they were that committed to each other, and if they loved each other that much, they would be in some sort of therapy to get to a better solution. It's BECAUSE they love each other that they should do that. Otherwise, they want the problem, not the solution, and they are using their vows as an excuse to do that.
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
It's actually a fact. There are people in the world who prefer to suffer. It's a thing.
I'm not judging, I'm discussing. You posted this on an internet forum. We discuss things here. People have opinions. Calm down.
Good for them for placing a high value on their vows. I still believe that the fact that they have to make a decision between health and staying together is B.S. If they were that committed to each other, and if they loved each other that much, they would be in some sort of therapy to get to a better solution. It's BECAUSE they love each other that they should do that.
I wonder that when I talk to people and they tell me all there depressing relationship issues. From what I have gather it is not a like per se. The number one reason I heard was they feel stuck and they like being with someone but hate the abuse. Heard that reason way too many times. I don't get it.0 -
If that is the case, then you probably shouldn't be in your current relationship.fenderman9 wrote: »A lot of overweight people have "good reasons" for staying overweight or rationalizations for keeping the weight on. I thought it might be interesting to explore one of them being, "If I lose a lot of weight, I'm going to be a lot more attractive and with the added attention from the opposite sex, it might affect my current relationship". Thoughts, opinions or better yet real life stories would be great to hear.
I've been thin most of my life and have enjoyed plenty of attention from the opposite gender. I have never even been tempted to cheat on a partner.
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I grew up with parents who never should have gotten married in the first place. The best thing they ever did for each other AND FOR ME was get divorced. Sometimes it is better to break up a family.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
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I guarantee you they have some serious issues you don't even know about. My parents could say exactly all of this about me and while I had a good childhood in the general sense, my home life was pretty chaotic and I still wish it had been different. How I turned out isn't the point. How I lived for the first 17 years is.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
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I dated a fat guy. He was a cheater. He cheated on some girl to get with me (I didn't know he was in a relationship). Prior to that he cheated on his wife to be with that girl. Finally he cheated on me with both the ex wife and the girlfriend and I only found all this out when he left me for the lady at work he was cheating on me with and she told me he had cheated with those two others. When I spoke with his wife she agreed that had all happened and that she had gotten him as a result of his cheating. Then we proceeded to commiserate a little, become friends and then party our butts off since she was cool people. Then we made bets predicting how long until he cheated on this one and realized we'd never know because since she was leveling up by accepting him as a cheater, there'd never be a break up and we'd never hear her crying that she'd been cheated on.
He was fat the whole time.
TL;DR
Fat people cheat too.
Ergo, staying fat to avoid cheating is an invalid strategy.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
It's actually a fact. There are people in the world who prefer to suffer. It's a thing.
I'm not judging, I'm discussing. You posted this on an internet forum. We discuss things here. People have opinions. Calm down.
Good for them for placing a high value on their vows. I still believe that the fact that they have to make a decision between health and staying together is B.S. If they were that committed to each other, and if they loved each other that much, they would be in some sort of therapy to get to a better solution. It's BECAUSE they love each other that they should do that. Otherwise, they want the problem, not the solution, and they are using their vows as an excuse to do that.
Yes there are those who enjoy suffering. But the flippant statement at the end of your post emphasized the mocking and judgmental tone.
You say things aren't black and white, but you clearly have made a black and white judgment on this person and their situation based on your beliefs. It's ok it is hard to remove your personal beliefs when discussing things you feel strongly against.0 -
woops! quoted myself...instead of ETA...sorry guys mistake!
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Infidelity knows no bounds.0
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
It's actually a fact. There are people in the world who prefer to suffer. It's a thing.
I'm not judging, I'm discussing. You posted this on an internet forum. We discuss things here. People have opinions. Calm down.
Good for them for placing a high value on their vows. I still believe that the fact that they have to make a decision between health and staying together is B.S. If they were that committed to each other, and if they loved each other that much, they would be in some sort of therapy to get to a better solution. It's BECAUSE they love each other that they should do that. Otherwise, they want the problem, not the solution, and they are using their vows as an excuse to do that.
Yes there are those who enjoy suffering. But the flippant statement at the end of your post emphasized the mocking and judgmental tone.
You say things aren't black and white, but you clearly have made a black and white judgment on this person and their situation based on your beliefs. It's ok it is hard to remove your personal beliefs when discussing things you feel strongly against.
Wut? You are reading way to much into this. And you are reading a tone that isn't really there in the way you think it is.
Let me ask you something - are you talking about yourself? Because that's the only reason I can think of that you are taking what I'm saying so personally. Honestly, what are you hoping to get out of this thread?
I have not made a judgement on anyone. I have simply stated that if two people love each other so much that they will stay together in this situation, then they should love each other enough try to resolve those issues so that they can both be healthy and happy. If they do not make that effort, then they are choosing to live with the problem. Because it is, in fact, a problem to want to stay heavy simply for the reason of avoiding infidelity.0 -
fenderman9 wrote: »A lot of overweight people have "good reasons" for staying overweight or rationalizations for keeping the weight on. I thought it might be interesting to explore one of them being, "If I lose a lot of weight, I'm going to be a lot more attractive and with the added attention from the opposite sex, it might affect my current relationship". Thoughts, opinions or better yet real life stories would be great to hear.
There are some people who have similar mindsets. In some individuals, they use their level of fitness, particularly a lack thereof, as a kind of "attention shield". Something has gone on in their life and they don't want people attracted to them, or at least not physically attracted.
Having been subjected to catcalls and sexual harassment, myself (even as a guy, it happens), I'm very familiar with what it's like to not want people paying attention to your physique. But that issue can be overcome, in part, by focusing on performance. My focus is on being stronger, moving faster, and having better endurance.
The physique does follow as a side-effect, and I am starting to like what I see in the mirror more and more each day. But I've developed some countermeasures, between my thicker hide, more developed interpersonal skills, and other things, so that if I happen to get catcalls or harassment, again, I'll be able to deal with it better than when I was in junior high.
When it comes to relationships, if you're concerned that your relationship won't hold up to getting additional attention from members of the gender you're attracted to, you need to beef up on your relationship skills. It doesn't take much muscle to put up your hand and move your diaphragm and vocal chords in a way to say "I appreciate the attention, but I'm in a relationship". The hard part is developing the willpower to say that, mean it, and stand by it.0 -
What if being fat makes you more attractive to fattie lovers? The perception that you are keeping yourself fat so your insignificant other won't feel threatened is false. Being fat just makes you attractive to a different group of people.0
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
It's actually a fact. There are people in the world who prefer to suffer. It's a thing.
I'm not judging, I'm discussing. You posted this on an internet forum. We discuss things here. People have opinions. Calm down.
Good for them for placing a high value on their vows. I still believe that the fact that they have to make a decision between health and staying together is B.S. If they were that committed to each other, and if they loved each other that much, they would be in some sort of therapy to get to a better solution. It's BECAUSE they love each other that they should do that. Otherwise, they want the problem, not the solution, and they are using their vows as an excuse to do that.
Yes there are those who enjoy suffering. But the flippant statement at the end of your post emphasized the mocking and judgmental tone.
You say things aren't black and white, but you clearly have made a black and white judgment on this person and their situation based on your beliefs. It's ok it is hard to remove your personal beliefs when discussing things you feel strongly against.
Wut? You are reading way to much into this. And you are reading a tone that isn't really there in the way you think it is.
Let me ask you something - are you talking about yourself? Because that's the only reason I can think of that you are taking what I'm saying so personally. Honestly, what are you hoping to get out of this thread?
I have not made a judgement on anyone. I have simply stated that if two people love each other so much that they will stay together in this situation, then they should love each other enough try to resolve those issues so that they can both be healthy and happy. If they do not make that effort, then they are choosing to live with the problem. Because it is, in fact, a problem to want to stay heavy simply for the reason of avoiding infidelity.
It is not me, but someone I do care about very deeply. The reason for the unfulfillment in the relationship isn't abuse of any kind but a lack of intimate spark or attraction. They love each other beyond measure, but this person knows if someone they sparked with found them attractive the temptation to cheat may be more than they could conquer. Is it really so wrong to take steps to keep temptation from knocking?0 -
I guarantee you they have some serious issues you don't even know about. My parents could say exactly all of this about me and while I had a good childhood in the general sense, my home life was pretty chaotic and I still wish it had been different. How I turned out isn't the point. How I lived for the first 17 years is.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
I have the knowledge needed to make the statements I made.0 -
Unless you read minds, no you don't.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
I guarantee you they have some serious issues you don't even know about. My parents could say exactly all of this about me and while I had a good childhood in the general sense, my home life was pretty chaotic and I still wish it had been different. How I turned out isn't the point. How I lived for the first 17 years is.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
I have the knowledge needed to make the statements I made.
0 -
Unless you read minds, no you don't.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
I guarantee you they have some serious issues you don't even know about. My parents could say exactly all of this about me and while I had a good childhood in the general sense, my home life was pretty chaotic and I still wish it had been different. How I turned out isn't the point. How I lived for the first 17 years is.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
I have the knowledge needed to make the statements I made.
You two need to take it to the bikini mud pit to sort things out. On video0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
It's actually a fact. There are people in the world who prefer to suffer. It's a thing.
I'm not judging, I'm discussing. You posted this on an internet forum. We discuss things here. People have opinions. Calm down.
Good for them for placing a high value on their vows. I still believe that the fact that they have to make a decision between health and staying together is B.S. If they were that committed to each other, and if they loved each other that much, they would be in some sort of therapy to get to a better solution. It's BECAUSE they love each other that they should do that. Otherwise, they want the problem, not the solution, and they are using their vows as an excuse to do that.
Yes there are those who enjoy suffering. But the flippant statement at the end of your post emphasized the mocking and judgmental tone.
You say things aren't black and white, but you clearly have made a black and white judgment on this person and their situation based on your beliefs. It's ok it is hard to remove your personal beliefs when discussing things you feel strongly against.
Wut? You are reading way to much into this. And you are reading a tone that isn't really there in the way you think it is.
Let me ask you something - are you talking about yourself? Because that's the only reason I can think of that you are taking what I'm saying so personally. Honestly, what are you hoping to get out of this thread?
I have not made a judgement on anyone. I have simply stated that if two people love each other so much that they will stay together in this situation, then they should love each other enough try to resolve those issues so that they can both be healthy and happy. If they do not make that effort, then they are choosing to live with the problem. Because it is, in fact, a problem to want to stay heavy simply for the reason of avoiding infidelity.
It is not me, but someone I do care about very deeply. The reason for the unfulfillment in the relationship isn't abuse of any kind but a lack of intimate spark or attraction. They love each other beyond measure, but this person knows if someone they sparked with found them attractive the temptation to cheat may be more than they could conquer. Is it really so wrong to take steps to keep temptation from knocking?
Yes, yes it is. For several mental and physical health reasons.
But also, as another poster astutely said, being thin or fat does not automatically mean that temptation is going to come knocking or not come knocking. There is always going to be a risk of temptation happening. If a person needs to stay fat to not cheat, they need to get real with themselves and take some personal responsibility for their behavior.0 -
Unless you read minds, no you don't.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
I guarantee you they have some serious issues you don't even know about. My parents could say exactly all of this about me and while I had a good childhood in the general sense, my home life was pretty chaotic and I still wish it had been different. How I turned out isn't the point. How I lived for the first 17 years is.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
I have the knowledge needed to make the statements I made.
Do you believe there is any child that comes away from their childhood without some issues caused by the time they spent under the care of imperfect beings we call parents?
And yes I have the needed knowledge.0 -
This whole thread reaffirms my belief that I am, in fact, well-adjusted and sane.
I don't even know myself anymore!0 -
When I don't want to cheat I just don't wear deodorant. BO is a way better opposite sex repellant than fat.0
-
I've purposefully gained weight before to help deflect unwanted attention and it works. I'm a bartender and for a time I was just sick and tired of all the overtly sexual comments. It was better to feel unattractive than like a piece of meat. I actually prefer being fat in terms of the anonymity it gives you, but the health benefits and the ability to be more active greatly outweigh the ability to "hide" behind my fat that I gave up. I've gained and lost 60 pounds 8 times over my life, so I've had a lot experience with the pros and cons of being overweight vs. being a healthy weight. For me, there were some psychological benefits to being fat. I felt like my fat protected me in that I could tell what kind of a person someone was by how they treated me. I have lots of male customers who treated me terribly when I was fat (like yelling "Did you eat everything in this bar, you fat #$%&?" when I would have to ask them not to smoke inside or something and now it's like I'm their BFF. People are fake and being fat helps cut through some of that.0
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MyChocolateDiet wrote: »When I don't want to cheat I just don't wear deodorant. BO is a way better opposite sex repellant than fat.
*sniff* How you doin'?0 -
MyChocolateDiet wrote: »When I don't want to cheat I just don't wear deodorant. BO is a way better opposite sex repellant than fat.
You sure about that?
0 -
You are awfully certain that you know all the deep down thoughts, feelings and fears of other people and also that you know what goes on in people's homes when you aren't there -- and that what they tell you is 100% truthful. Must be nice to have a super power.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
Unless you read minds, no you don't.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
I guarantee you they have some serious issues you don't even know about. My parents could say exactly all of this about me and while I had a good childhood in the general sense, my home life was pretty chaotic and I still wish it had been different. How I turned out isn't the point. How I lived for the first 17 years is.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
I have the knowledge needed to make the statements I made.
Do you believe there is any child that comes away from their childhood without some issues caused by the time they spent under the care of imperfect beings we call parents?
And yes I have the needed knowledge.
If you're talking about yourself, fine. But that means you have four siblings who also grew up in such an environment and you're again making assumptions you have no right to make.
Obviously, everyone has something going on and sometimes those issues can't be avoided. But modeling a dysfunctional relationship for your children for the sake of keeping a family together isn't OK.
0 -
I want to lose weight to feel that I am more attractive to my partner. He already finds me attractive at my current weight, we started dating when I was at my heaviest. I've never been lacking for attention from men now, when I was a bit bigger or when I was smaller, but I have no interest in anyone else. I'm not saying I'm super attractive I consider myself average. I do however work in 2 separate environments dominated by men. I can see how some might be concerned about this if they are not satisfied in their relationship. This might be an indication that the relationship needs work. Not just thin people get attention from the opposite sex. If someone has a fear they cannot be faithful to their partner if they lose weight, perhaps they need to take a good look at why and what would change. I don't think weight has anything to do with infidelity.
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
It's actually a fact. There are people in the world who prefer to suffer. It's a thing.
I'm not judging, I'm discussing. You posted this on an internet forum. We discuss things here. People have opinions. Calm down.
Good for them for placing a high value on their vows. I still believe that the fact that they have to make a decision between health and staying together is B.S. If they were that committed to each other, and if they loved each other that much, they would be in some sort of therapy to get to a better solution. It's BECAUSE they love each other that they should do that. Otherwise, they want the problem, not the solution, and they are using their vows as an excuse to do that.
Yes there are those who enjoy suffering. But the flippant statement at the end of your post emphasized the mocking and judgmental tone.
You say things aren't black and white, but you clearly have made a black and white judgment on this person and their situation based on your beliefs. It's ok it is hard to remove your personal beliefs when discussing things you feel strongly against.
Wut? You are reading way to much into this. And you are reading a tone that isn't really there in the way you think it is.
Let me ask you something - are you talking about yourself? Because that's the only reason I can think of that you are taking what I'm saying so personally. Honestly, what are you hoping to get out of this thread?
I have not made a judgement on anyone. I have simply stated that if two people love each other so much that they will stay together in this situation, then they should love each other enough try to resolve those issues so that they can both be healthy and happy. If they do not make that effort, then they are choosing to live with the problem. Because it is, in fact, a problem to want to stay heavy simply for the reason of avoiding infidelity.
It is not me, but someone I do care about very deeply. The reason for the unfulfillment in the relationship isn't abuse of any kind but a lack of intimate spark or attraction. They love each other beyond measure, but this person knows if someone they sparked with found them attractive the temptation to cheat may be more than they could conquer. Is it really so wrong to take steps to keep temptation from knocking?
Yes, yes it is. For several mental and physical health reasons.
But also, as another poster astutely said, being thin or fat does not automatically mean that temptation is going to come knocking or not come knocking. There is always going to be a risk of temptation happening. If a person needs to stay fat to not cheat, they need to get real with themselves and take some personal responsibility for their behavior.
They have taken personal responsibility. They do work on their fear and lose weight. They also gain when they feel too many people comment on their body. While temptation can come at any time they feel less worth the attention when heavy so are able to shrug it off.
The original reason I shared this was to say yes some people do feel this way.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
do you even realize how judgmental you sound? They love each other and place a high value on the marriage vows they exchanged. You don't have to approve but the judgment is not needed or helpful.ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »JenAndSome wrote: »Wow, a whole new excuse for people to not put effort into their appearance. I am pretty sure that if someone is worried they will stray from their relationship if they lose weight, they would stray from their relationship if someone approached them while they are overweight, too. Might as well be sexy while being a cheating douche, right?
Aren't you a peach! Is there a reason this topic created such a harsh and judgmental response from you?
I don't know, maybe it's just that I am not a fan of people who make excuses or people who cheat. If someone is so worried about their ability to be faithful that they choose to stay overweight, maybe they shouldn't be in that relationship at all.
So choosing to break up a family is somehow more honorable to you than choosing to be overweight?
That's not at all what I said. What I said was they would probably cheat if given the opportunity no matter what weight they are. Using the excuse they would cheat if they lost weight is not a good reason to stay overweight. What's more honorable to me is choosing to take care of yourself and your responsibilities and not being stuck in an unhappy relationship for the sake of holding your family together.
so weight does trump family for you. That's fine, I just understand your animosity for those who chose family over weight now.
Yes that's exactly what I said.
I am a divorced mother of three and I can guarantee you my children are much better off than they would be if their father and I were still in our dysfunctional, unhappy marriage. Now he and I can have actual conversations and make mutual decisions regarding our children without it turning into an instant battle. If others want to "hold the family together" no matter what, more power to them. I personally think sometimes people shouldn't be together and should make responsible decisions for their kids that sometimes include 1. choosing to be healthy and/or 2. not being in an unhappy relationship.
I admire your strength to make that separation, that is a hard choice! I just hope you understand sometimes people chose the opposite, and deserve the same admiration for their dedication to their person values.
Or....
They should get some serious couples therapy so that don't have to life this way. It's not so black and white. This is such an unhealthy approach to relationships, family and personal health I would be concerned for the kids. They are going to learn from this behavior and repeat it, which is terrible.
The kids are strong successful adults who love their mother and father dearly.
Every one of them(5 in total) is healthy, and while they had their issues with relationships when they were younger(who doesn't) they are all in healthy and happy relationships now.
You are correct it isn't black and white which is why judging someone by your values is just silly.
So what family are they exactly holding together now then? If the adults are all well adjusted, why not just move on be happy.
But, hey, there are actually a lot of people enjoy suffering.
It's actually a fact. There are people in the world who prefer to suffer. It's a thing.
I'm not judging, I'm discussing. You posted this on an internet forum. We discuss things here. People have opinions. Calm down.
Good for them for placing a high value on their vows. I still believe that the fact that they have to make a decision between health and staying together is B.S. If they were that committed to each other, and if they loved each other that much, they would be in some sort of therapy to get to a better solution. It's BECAUSE they love each other that they should do that. Otherwise, they want the problem, not the solution, and they are using their vows as an excuse to do that.
Yes there are those who enjoy suffering. But the flippant statement at the end of your post emphasized the mocking and judgmental tone.
You say things aren't black and white, but you clearly have made a black and white judgment on this person and their situation based on your beliefs. It's ok it is hard to remove your personal beliefs when discussing things you feel strongly against.
Wut? You are reading way to much into this. And you are reading a tone that isn't really there in the way you think it is.
Let me ask you something - are you talking about yourself? Because that's the only reason I can think of that you are taking what I'm saying so personally. Honestly, what are you hoping to get out of this thread?
I have not made a judgement on anyone. I have simply stated that if two people love each other so much that they will stay together in this situation, then they should love each other enough try to resolve those issues so that they can both be healthy and happy. If they do not make that effort, then they are choosing to live with the problem. Because it is, in fact, a problem to want to stay heavy simply for the reason of avoiding infidelity.
It is not me, but someone I do care about very deeply. The reason for the unfulfillment in the relationship isn't abuse of any kind but a lack of intimate spark or attraction. They love each other beyond measure, but this person knows if someone they sparked with found them attractive the temptation to cheat may be more than they could conquer. Is it really so wrong to take steps to keep temptation from knocking?
Yes, yes it is. For several mental and physical health reasons.
But also, as another poster astutely said, being thin or fat does not automatically mean that temptation is going to come knocking or not come knocking. There is always going to be a risk of temptation happening. If a person needs to stay fat to not cheat, they need to get real with themselves and take some personal responsibility for their behavior.
They have taken personal responsibility. They do work on their fear and lose weight. They also gain when they feel too many people comment on their body. While temptation can come at any time they feel less worth the attention when heavy so are able to shrug it off.
The original reason I shared this was to say yes some people do feel this way.
OK, but that's not at all how you have presented the situation in this thread.0
This discussion has been closed.
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