Irrational fears? Weight loss and Infidelity.
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This thread is quite interesting.0
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You know, it's funny. Today I got whistled at coming out of the gym. Somehow, I didn't end up sleeping with the whistler. And I'm single! Go figure...0
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You know, it's funny. Today I got whistled at coming out of the gym. Somehow, I didn't end up sleeping with the whistler. And I'm single! Go figure...
I just learned how to multi-quote.
Forum skill upgraded.0 -
JeffseekingV wrote: »
... you're killing me. By any chance have you seen the season finale of Silicon Valley? There's a skit that comes to mind.
I posted my pics of my weight loss and 2 mfp ladies messaged me about a 3 some0 -
hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, that's not crazy.
What is crazy, however, is deciding to stay heavy solely because you cannot trust yourself to behave in that situation. Terrified is one thing, action is another.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, that's not crazy.
What is crazy, however, is deciding to stay heavy solely because you cannot trust yourself to behave in that situation. Terrified is one thing, action is another.
It's amazing the power fear has. Many people act out of fear, it is one of the primal motivators of action.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, that's not crazy.
What is crazy, however, is deciding to stay heavy solely because you cannot trust yourself to behave in that situation. Terrified is one thing, action is another.
It's amazing the power fear has. Many people act out of fear, it is one of the primal motivators of action.
And the healthy thing to do in that case would be to talk to a licensed professional about how to make good decisions, instead of decisions that are fear based.
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, that's not crazy.
What is crazy, however, is deciding to stay heavy solely because you cannot trust yourself to behave in that situation. Terrified is one thing, action is another.
It's amazing the power fear has. Many people act out of fear, it is one of the primal motivators of action.
Are we talking about Republicans now?0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, that's not crazy.
What is crazy, however, is deciding to stay heavy solely because you cannot trust yourself to behave in that situation. Terrified is one thing, action is another.
It's amazing the power fear has. Many people act out of fear, it is one of the primal motivators of action.
Are we talking about Republicans now?
No, but God has made an appearance in the soup thread. SMH.
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, that's not crazy.
What is crazy, however, is deciding to stay heavy solely because you cannot trust yourself to behave in that situation. Terrified is one thing, action is another.
It's amazing the power fear has. Many people act out of fear, it is one of the primal motivators of action.
And the healthy thing to do in that case would be to talk to a licensed professional about how to make good decisions, instead of decisions that are fear based.
Again this person is working on it. I feel I have said that many times now....
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, that's not crazy.
What is crazy, however, is deciding to stay heavy solely because you cannot trust yourself to behave in that situation. Terrified is one thing, action is another.
It's amazing the power fear has. Many people act out of fear, it is one of the primal motivators of action.
Are we talking about Republicans now?
Bahaha Haha. Love that one0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, that's not crazy.
What is crazy, however, is deciding to stay heavy solely because you cannot trust yourself to behave in that situation. Terrified is one thing, action is another.
It's amazing the power fear has. Many people act out of fear, it is one of the primal motivators of action.
Are we talking about Republicans now?
No, but God has made an appearance in the soup thread. SMH.
I have it on authority tha Jesus loves sopa de albondigas.0 -
Well than you are not allowed to disagree with "processing kills nutrition." That's just for atheists.0
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But I'm catholic, so it's ok. Pope Frankie said we can accept science again.0
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ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
Yes, I agree. That is extremely unfortunate. I can understand why weight and health would not be a priority in such a situation.
Health isn't a real issue this person is 5'10ish and fluctuates between 160ish-180ish.
This doesn't make much sense. If they are only gaining a few lbs how would that make them undesirable to the opposite sex, which is apparently the goal? But health is not only about weight. What you describe is not healthy.
But when this person is heavier they are able to dismiss compliments while when they look leaner or more fit they find them uncomfortable. Their insecurity has nothing to do with how others think of them and everything to do with how they feel.
So they purposely make themselves more unattractive to theirself. Um, yeah, no psychological disorder there.
Your distain for this persons choices has been noted, and again they are working on it. The op asked for examples and I gave one I know of. Your judgment of them with the limited info you have gotten from some message board posts is unfortunate.
My judgment is not of them, it's of your description. I've made that distinction several times. What you describe is an unhealthy way of thinking and living. I would not feel disdain for someone living that way, I would feel pity. As it is, I don't really feel anything since I don't even know if this is a real person or if your description is accurate.0 -
ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »hbrittingham wrote: »ThePhoenixIsRising wrote: »
That kind of person should really rethink being in a committed, monogamous relationship then.RekindledRose wrote: »Temptation is a powerful thing.
Everyone who has said that a person shouldn't change who they are simply because they are slimmer is missing the point. When a person is more attractive they will have more opportunities to flirt or cheat. Someone who knows that they are easily tempted may in fact opt to keep on their weight as it is both a psychological and physical 'shield' to help keep temptation away.
I've had plenty of opportunities to cheat in my life and I haven't because I'm committed to my partner. The attention is flattering and nice, but that's as far as it goes.
So those who desire a monogamous relationship but struggle with temptation should deny themselves the relationship?
It is nice you have never felt these struggles, but to condemn someone to a life without something they want because they have to work harder for it than you do is wrong!
That makes no sense to me. If someone desires a monogamous relationship, why would they struggle with temptation? The definition of monogamous is having one mate or spouse. If you are being tempted, then maybe you aren't ready for a monogamous relationship. Or haven't found the person you want to be monogamous with. Maybe I am naive.
To the OP's question, no, I have never desired to cheat on my husband. I don't cheat, fat or thin. Neither does he.
In this instance it is a commitment made as a young person that has been honored and love has grown over the years, but that sexual spark many are fortunate enough to experience has been absent. This person loves the person they are with but after being married and having children felt that chemistry with someone they worked closely with. This terrified them and also made them long for that feeling.
Is it really wrong to stay with a loving partner just because you felt a spark with someone else?
Is it really that crazy that someone who never felt that spark before would be terrified of what would come about if they felt that strong connection again?
No, it's not crazy. But it's not realistic in a long term relationship to expect that spark of excitement you get in a new relationship. I've been married for almost 23 years and together for 25 years with my husband. I met him at 23 and married him at 25. Over time a marriage grows into something more than the infatuation and butterflies you felt at the beginning. You can still have a spark, but it takes work, sometimes a LOT of work. But the shared history and shared core values may never be there with that person who is making your belly do somersaults, even if it seems like they are on the greener side of the fence.
If you want to be committed to your SO and not cheat, then you might want to put that energy you are using on this other person back into your relationship and see if you can spark things up. It's worth it. I am married to my best friend and the only man I want to sleep with, because we both make the effort to make our marriage as good as it can be.
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But I'm catholic, so it's ok. Pope Frankie said we can accept science again.
Hahaha! "Pope Frankie"! Love it. This is indeed one weird thread. I commented on the first page because I knew someone who, while very obese, "worried" that she wouldn't be able to handle all the attention if she lost weight, but I suspect it was just an excuse and a way of saying she wasn't really ready to. I didn't think so many would assume people would actually ACT on those feelings if/when they lost weight, but clearly I was wrong.0
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