Dating/Relationships
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47Jacqueline wrote: »Hmm... broke up with my last bf 2 Xmas' ago. Knew he wasn't interested in anything permanent from the getgo and that was fine at the time. Time passed, I changed, he did not. So I moved on.
For the past 4 months, I've been on 4 dating sites. My latest "date" was an ok evening, but the conversation consisted of me asking an open-ended question and him answering in a finite way; me going on for a bit on that open-ended topic, then asking another open-ended question and him answering in another finite way. Yada yada.
Well, I got a great new profile picture out of it (see above) when a woman at the museum we visited volunteered to take a picture of me in the conceptual art show we were viewing.
Heeheehee you're so cute! Are you an artist yourself?
I HATE when you wind up with a person who has no conversation skills and is unable to show any interest in you back.0 -
Hmm, have been single for 9 years. At this point I think I actively keep myself out of potential relationships as I'm so used to being alone. Strangely...it doesn't bother me very much.
Certain times of year it can get a bit lonely sure, but the rest of the time you barely notice. I build up impossibly high standards, especially for a guy like me, but the beauty of it is, no one can meet these standards, so I never have to take that step of getting emotionally attached.0 -
@SassyMoonbeams I totally understand. Many years ago, I had a similar situation with someone in another country. I felt like we connected with each other sooo well, and I had completely fallen for her. We were talking about meeting in person some day, maybe moving in together (was looking into legal issues with immigration, work, etc.). Then one day, she stopped showing up online. She just suddenly stopped responding to messages and wasn't online anymore. I found out a few months later that she had been in a pretty bad car wreck... it's tough, but sometimes things just happen that we cannot control and it isn't our fault that a good relationship ended. We are sometimes a victim of circumstances.0
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I've been single since, well....always. I've never been on a date, I've been kissed exactly once, and the closest thing I've experienced to a relationship was an online friendship that turned into a complete trainwreck. I developed unrequited feelings for him and was toyed with and used for 2 years. I'm also awkward, nearly friendless, socially inept, and I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. All things considered, I can't help but believe I will never experience real, mutual attraction.
I've learned something from all of that, though. As uncommon as it is for someone my age to be so inexperienced, I'm just not ready yet. I have nothing to offer, but I'm not willing to settle for someone unhealthy for me either. My most important realization? The only person who can fill the emptiness I feel, is me. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to focus on ourselves. So, that's my plan. I have no hope for a miracle, but I'm going to keep becoming better. Maybe someday, when I'm finally ready, I'll get lucky.0 -
The thing about relationships is you'll only ever get it right once, and that's the one that lasts for ever. Just have fun along the way
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I have been single for a while myself.0
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The thing about relationships is you'll only ever get it right once, and that's the one that lasts for ever. Just have fun along the way
So incredibly true! I've been in many relationships that have been long term, and one marriage, but I realize that there's only ONE out there for me which will be the forever kind of thing. I'm enjoying the fun of dating and just taking time to be ME. My forever guy will come along when he is supposed to, but for now - it's about having fun and taking time to just be me
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TheNoLeafClover wrote: »I've been single since, well....always. I've never been on a date, I've been kissed exactly once, and the closest thing I've experienced to a relationship was an online friendship that turned into a complete trainwreck. I developed unrequited feelings for him and was toyed with and used for 2 years. I'm also awkward, nearly friendless, socially inept, and I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. All things considered, I can't help but believe I will never experience real, mutual attraction.
I've learned something from all of that, though. As uncommon as it is for someone my age to be so inexperienced, I'm just not ready yet. I have nothing to offer, but I'm not willing to settle for someone unhealthy for me either. My most important realization? The only person who can fill the emptiness I feel, is me. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to focus on ourselves. So, that's my plan. I have no hope for a miracle, but I'm going to keep becoming better. Maybe someday, when I'm finally ready, I'll get lucky.
You sound so much like me, not even slightly exaggerating here. I can relate on literally everything you say there. It's kind of reassuring really that someone else is like this, as awful as I'm sure that sounds, sorry.
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SassyMoonbeams wrote: »I'm starting to really, really get discouraged too. It seems like as soon as things start getting intense, it just all turns into a shitshow. I've had this good friend for almost 8 years now, never met...he lives in another country. Earlier this year he wanted to fly down and visit me and I kinda shot him down cause I was getting over a 6 year relationship that ended terribly. Anyway, me and this friend reconnected end of November and just....the timing was right for me and we fell head over heels for eachother. Talked every day, Skyped, were planning on meeting in April....
Then his chronic illness started flaring up a couple weeks ago and I haven't talked to him in a week. I've messaged him to ask how he is cause he was waiting for test results....nothing. He reads my messages but no response. It is absolutely breaking me. And this is a guy I've known for ages and really trust and I've told him things that maybe a handful of people know about me. I miss him every damn day and I'm trying my best to keep my chin up but I honestly........I'm worried about him and so so sad.
It's just things like this that make me lose hope completely.
I ended up speaking to someone on here who I was randomly friends with from another country. Got on great, had wonderfully weird conversations, e-mailed each other, vaguely discussed meeting up in no great detail. Then just nothing, it all stopped. Bit of a shame really, but lesson learned. No more putting any great faith in internet friendships, I'd rather meet someone first and then use the internet to keep that relationship/friendship/whatever you want to call it going as opposed to the other way around. But I understand people do find happiness off the internet, but for someone like me, the reassurance of a physical presence is needed.
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TheNoLeafClover wrote: »I've been single since, well....always. I've never been on a date, I've been kissed exactly once, and the closest thing I've experienced to a relationship was an online friendship that turned into a complete trainwreck. I developed unrequited feelings for him and was toyed with and used for 2 years. I'm also awkward, nearly friendless, socially inept, and I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. All things considered, I can't help but believe I will never experience real, mutual attraction.
I've learned something from all of that, though. As uncommon as it is for someone my age to be so inexperienced, I'm just not ready yet. I have nothing to offer, but I'm not willing to settle for someone unhealthy for me either. My most important realization? The only person who can fill the emptiness I feel, is me. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to focus on ourselves. So, that's my plan. I have no hope for a miracle, but I'm going to keep becoming better. Maybe someday, when I'm finally ready, I'll get lucky.
I was also a late bloomer myself. I know some men who are 27-28 and right where you are right now.
I like your thinking though that you feel as though you can take some responsibility and better yourself although you might not be the problem. A dark forest in Pennsyltucky (not my words). Before I moved out there, I told this girl I was moving to Waynesboro and that was how she describe where I was living. I got to live in Waynesboro for a little over a year and yes things are a little different than other places.0 -
scottacular wrote: »TheNoLeafClover wrote: »I've been single since, well....always. I've never been on a date, I've been kissed exactly once, and the closest thing I've experienced to a relationship was an online friendship that turned into a complete trainwreck. I developed unrequited feelings for him and was toyed with and used for 2 years. I'm also awkward, nearly friendless, socially inept, and I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. All things considered, I can't help but believe I will never experience real, mutual attraction.
I've learned something from all of that, though. As uncommon as it is for someone my age to be so inexperienced, I'm just not ready yet. I have nothing to offer, but I'm not willing to settle for someone unhealthy for me either. My most important realization? The only person who can fill the emptiness I feel, is me. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to focus on ourselves. So, that's my plan. I have no hope for a miracle, but I'm going to keep becoming better. Maybe someday, when I'm finally ready, I'll get lucky.
You sound so much like me, not even slightly exaggerating here. I can relate on literally everything you say there. It's kind of reassuring really that someone else is like this, as awful as I'm sure that sounds, sorry.
No, it doesn't sound awful. The fact that you can relate is actually reassuring to me as well. I very nearly didn't post that comment, but I'm glad I did now.0 -
TheNoLeafClover wrote: »scottacular wrote: »TheNoLeafClover wrote: »I've been single since, well....always. I've never been on a date, I've been kissed exactly once, and the closest thing I've experienced to a relationship was an online friendship that turned into a complete trainwreck. I developed unrequited feelings for him and was toyed with and used for 2 years. I'm also awkward, nearly friendless, socially inept, and I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. All things considered, I can't help but believe I will never experience real, mutual attraction.
I've learned something from all of that, though. As uncommon as it is for someone my age to be so inexperienced, I'm just not ready yet. I have nothing to offer, but I'm not willing to settle for someone unhealthy for me either. My most important realization? The only person who can fill the emptiness I feel, is me. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to focus on ourselves. So, that's my plan. I have no hope for a miracle, but I'm going to keep becoming better. Maybe someday, when I'm finally ready, I'll get lucky.
You sound so much like me, not even slightly exaggerating here. I can relate on literally everything you say there. It's kind of reassuring really that someone else is like this, as awful as I'm sure that sounds, sorry.
No, it doesn't sound awful. The fact that you can relate is actually reassuring to me as well. I very nearly didn't post that comment, but I'm glad I did now.
I hope you both have someone around to bounce this stuff off of. I know how much this *kitten* can hurt to keep it bottle up.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »TheNoLeafClover wrote: »I've been single since, well....always. I've never been on a date, I've been kissed exactly once, and the closest thing I've experienced to a relationship was an online friendship that turned into a complete trainwreck. I developed unrequited feelings for him and was toyed with and used for 2 years. I'm also awkward, nearly friendless, socially inept, and I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. All things considered, I can't help but believe I will never experience real, mutual attraction.
I've learned something from all of that, though. As uncommon as it is for someone my age to be so inexperienced, I'm just not ready yet. I have nothing to offer, but I'm not willing to settle for someone unhealthy for me either. My most important realization? The only person who can fill the emptiness I feel, is me. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to focus on ourselves. So, that's my plan. I have no hope for a miracle, but I'm going to keep becoming better. Maybe someday, when I'm finally ready, I'll get lucky.
I was also a late bloomer myself. I know some men who are 27-28 and right where you are right now.
I like your thinking though that you feel as though you can take some responsibility and better yourself although you might not be the problem. A dark forest in Pennsyltucky (not my words). Before I moved out there, I told this girl I was moving to Waynesboro and that was how she describe where I was living. I got to live in Waynesboro for a little over a year and yes things are a little different than other places.
Yeah, my location doesn't exactly help matters. There is not much here except trees, cows, fields, and people I really don't get along with. I know there are others out there who struggle with the same issues, I guess it's just easy to forget that when it seems everyone else is more experienced than me. I feel a bit better now, though. Thank you.0 -
TheNoLeafClover wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »TheNoLeafClover wrote: »I've been single since, well....always. I've never been on a date, I've been kissed exactly once, and the closest thing I've experienced to a relationship was an online friendship that turned into a complete trainwreck. I developed unrequited feelings for him and was toyed with and used for 2 years. I'm also awkward, nearly friendless, socially inept, and I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. All things considered, I can't help but believe I will never experience real, mutual attraction.
I've learned something from all of that, though. As uncommon as it is for someone my age to be so inexperienced, I'm just not ready yet. I have nothing to offer, but I'm not willing to settle for someone unhealthy for me either. My most important realization? The only person who can fill the emptiness I feel, is me. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to focus on ourselves. So, that's my plan. I have no hope for a miracle, but I'm going to keep becoming better. Maybe someday, when I'm finally ready, I'll get lucky.
I was also a late bloomer myself. I know some men who are 27-28 and right where you are right now.
I like your thinking though that you feel as though you can take some responsibility and better yourself although you might not be the problem. A dark forest in Pennsyltucky (not my words). Before I moved out there, I told this girl I was moving to Waynesboro and that was how she describe where I was living. I got to live in Waynesboro for a little over a year and yes things are a little different than other places.
Yeah, my location doesn't exactly help matters. There is not much here except trees, cows, fields, and people I really don't get along with. I know there are others out there who struggle with the same issues, I guess it's just easy to forget that when it seems everyone else is more experienced than me. I feel a bit better now, though. Thank you.
I think your location might hurt a little bit. Although shippensburg was probably the most interesting place I have been to. Especially those bars. I have never been hit on by someone taller than me. This girl was a full head + literally taller than me. My whole height being an issues went right out the window.
I was dancing with her and could not believe that I was staring at like her upper shoulder blades. Some how her legs were not that much longer than mine.0 -
Too many people waste time looking for that ideal someone. No one is ideal. We all have issues and rough edges, the trick is to find someone willing to bump into your rough edges until they fit perfectly with their own rough edges. Oh and don't say "well I have to be attracted to him/her" You are asking to be single forever if looks are the first quality you go for. You need to get to know people to know if they are attractive because attraction has to be more than skin deep. There is someone for everyone but your someone might not look like you expect. They might not have all the bells and whistles but they may still be the one person that can make you happy in the long run.0
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This thread is interesting.. and yes I've bee reading it the whole way through. I have dated, long term, short term, 1 date, 3 dates, online, etc. Just over a year ago I went through a lot of "stuff" and was completely hooked on someone that was crazy for me but couldn't bring himself to being with me. With that, I swore off being with anyone and decided to focus on myself and my job... I did, for 2 weeks. I then travelled for work from Ontario to Quebec and met a co-worker, for the 2nd time, and we just hit it off. We've been together since. It's going to be a year next month. I left my family and friends 8 hours away and moved to Quebec in July and I've never been happier.
Many people said it and I never believed them, stop looking and it just happens. It did. We have been talking engagement and I've already picked out my ring.
If there is anyone who has been through hell and back with relationships, it's me. I was once told by a councillor "You've been through more at the age of 25 (I'm now 32) than any 50 year old I know!" Imagine, I still have another 7 years to top that off! It was a rough go, but worth every sacrafice and heart ache. I now have the man I've been waiting for my whole life and an awesome step son 0 -
This thread is oddly comforting. My first relationship spanned 3 years (age 19-22), but was internationally long distance...and not like a little bit long distance, it was US to UK. So I saw him a total of 4 times in 3 years. We went our separate ways around August, still friends though. I tried dating after, got lead on and/or used. I figured the first time is shame on you, after that it's just a reoccurring pattern with myself being the common element. Conclusion was that maybe I'm just not at that point yet, too naive and trusting to date. So I've decided to take a year long dating hiatus for 2015. No looking, no dating, just focusing on myself and my own personal goals. I don't mind being single, I'm comfortable alone.0
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Nerdy...plenty of time and guys for you to date! Wise to take time to yourself!0
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Single two years but I'm OK with that. Mostly I enjoy being single, sure I miss having a spouse every now and then but mostly I rock the single parent life lol0
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TheNoLeafClover wrote: »scottacular wrote: »TheNoLeafClover wrote: »I've been single since, well....always. I've never been on a date, I've been kissed exactly once, and the closest thing I've experienced to a relationship was an online friendship that turned into a complete trainwreck. I developed unrequited feelings for him and was toyed with and used for 2 years. I'm also awkward, nearly friendless, socially inept, and I suffer from crippling depression and anxiety. All things considered, I can't help but believe I will never experience real, mutual attraction.
I've learned something from all of that, though. As uncommon as it is for someone my age to be so inexperienced, I'm just not ready yet. I have nothing to offer, but I'm not willing to settle for someone unhealthy for me either. My most important realization? The only person who can fill the emptiness I feel, is me. It sucks, but sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves, is to focus on ourselves. So, that's my plan. I have no hope for a miracle, but I'm going to keep becoming better. Maybe someday, when I'm finally ready, I'll get lucky.
You sound so much like me, not even slightly exaggerating here. I can relate on literally everything you say there. It's kind of reassuring really that someone else is like this, as awful as I'm sure that sounds, sorry.
No, it doesn't sound awful. The fact that you can relate is actually reassuring to me as well. I very nearly didn't post that comment, but I'm glad I did now.
I'm glad I started this thread, I don't feel so much of an outcast now, just part of a group of people who haven't yet figured it all out.
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