Should you leave your OH if they are not supportive?
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You can leave your partner whenever you want and you don't need to give a reason.
How long have you been together? Is this the only problem? How are other aspects of your relationship?0 -
The decision just isn't that hard. Do you want this person around? Are you happy with them?
If you aren't happy or just don't want them around anymore, Yes, you should break up with them. You deserve to be happy. They deserve to be with someone who is happy with them.
I'm the Queen of letting it go too long, wanting to dump someone but not wanting to hurt them. It's not easy. But, when you're sure it's not working out, you need to just tell them. Rip the bandaid off, don't let it get eked off, in the little-by-painful-little way.
If the person is a jerk, that's easy. "I don't love you. We fight. You're a jerk. I want you gone. Have a nice day." If they're a jerk you're dating, you can do it on the phone or via text. If they're a jerk you're married to, it can be done via lawyer. "This is your notice that we are over." So easy to dump jerks.
When you think they're a fantastic person, it's so, so much harder. It's awkward, uncomfortable and painful for both sides. But if it needs to be done, just do it. Don't drag it out. That's harder for everyone. Have the backbone and respect for that person to break up with them, in person.
You just have to decide what you want and then take action. Not always so easy to decide, but only you know what you want, so you have to boil it down. Do I want this person around? Do they make me happy?0 -
I don't think this has to be something you break up over but it kind of sounds like you are feeling pretty negative about him in general. What are his good qualities? What reasons do you have to stay with him? If you don' t like him, or his lifestyle, that much then maybe you should seperate from him.
Talk to him about your goals. Prelog different foods and show him your food diary so he can see what fits. Plan meals in advance with him. If he doesn't like vegetables that doesn't prevent you from eating them. Plan take out once a week to compromise- eat smaller portions.
Don't eat the food you really don't want to eat. Say " thanks for thinking of me. This doesn't fit my plan for the day unless I exercise for another hour. Would you like to join me in exercise, or you can eat it alone or shall I save it for tomorrow?"0 -
I agree that this is tough.
What I eventually did was stop shopping for the foods that were going to set me off, and I asked my husband to keep "his" snacky things in his college fridge. He does eat them in front of me, but they're not there staring me in the face every time I open a cabinet or the fridge. I also just started saying "no," or ordering something healthy from the menu if he said he wanted takeout.
And then again, sometimes I DO have junky takeout with my husband. I just eat way less of it (counting the calories, obviously), and have a giant salad or broccoli on the side.0 -
Does he know that you are trying to change your eating habits? How long have you been at this and how long has this been a problem? If the two of you have been together for awhile and the takes outs have been a part of a regular routine he may just be getting them for you out of habit, or that he doesn't know that you are trying to change. Either way you need to be communicating your concerns to him. Nothing is going to change if he doesn't know it's an issue for you.0
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I second the questions regarding exactly how you've presented this to you OH. Have you really, clearly told him that this is important to you, and that it is very hard for you to resist when he brings home tons of food? Or do you just kind of sigh and look down and maybe mutter "But I'm trying to lose weight," to which he's bound to respond "Oh, you can have just a little" (I only bring this up because this is how I used to handle it, LOL)? Because a reaction more along those lines will tell him, "She really wants this, and I really want to make her feel happy, so I'll tell her it's okay."0
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Does OH think you are supportive of all of their goals? Probably not.
Do you think they should leave you because of it? Probably not.
So I'm not sure this is really about being...supportive.
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There's a difference between not actively supporting and actively undermining. I can't imagine being with someone who deliberately sabotaged my goals.0
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What he does should not matter. Based on your description, I think it is unfair to say he isn't being supportive. He is being polite. If your partner goes out to buy food...whatever that food is... it would be strange if they did not at least ask you if you wanted something. If he is used to serving large portions, why should he change what he considers a portion for you? You're a grown up...put your own food on the plate and just say no when he asks if you want anything.
This isn't that complicated. Should you leave him? If you don't enjoy being with him, yes. Otherwise, suck it up and take responsibility for what you eat.
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Ya, just break up. You know you want to...0
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My partner is not supportive at all he never puts me down but he will always buy me take outs/ give me massive portions ect (I don't eat them all and say no) but I just want a bit of support! He is a bit of a slob doesn't eat any fruit of veggies doesn't exercise I'm not asking him to id just a bit of encouragement for myself. I have not been happy with my weight for a while and if I'm totally honest it is making me depressed I am going to make sure I still to my goals this year
I just wanted to know if anyone is in this same position?
Whether or not you leave a partner is a person decision. As for weight loss, that's 100% up to you.
Stop allowing him to dish your food up and get your own.
Eat the kind food you want, even if it means eating something different than he eats.
Exercise whether or not he wants to.
Stop looking to him for support. He may actually think he's being supportive when hes' not.
Best of luck!0 -
That's a very dramatic title. If you're asking if you should discontinue your relationship with this person (not husband, presumably) over fast food, it doesn't sound like you are terribly committed to this relationship...
Then again, I had been married for 5 years at your age, so ... I'm biased in favor of committed long-term relationships. Also, I've learned that you are the only person responsible for what you eat and how you exercise; if you don't take personal responsibility, you won't succeed. 0 -
Posting the title, Should you leave your OH if they are not supportive?, and then having your post be about little things, is pretty dramatic.
I smiled when I read your reasons you feel he is not supportive, but only because I sometimes get irritated at my partner for bringing me some type of food (because it's a hard one for me to resist and I don't have enough calories left) or situations where I feel he wants me to eat something with him and I don't want to eat (because the food is so good that I want to eat it but would rather stick to my calorie goals for that day, so I make the choice not to eat it).
So, my reasons for seeing my honey as not being supportive fall back on me and really have nothing to do with him. I wouldn't leave him in a thousand years over dietary differences.
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I used to get mad at my partner for bringing me home "treats," which is the wrong response. As typically I find those an gesture of love (he's thinking of me), and he got more upset of how I rejected his gift than why. Just yesterday he brought me home a bag of chips, instead of getting mad I portioned it all into reasonable snack amounts and thanked him. He thought it was a great idea and he can see that I don't need more chips for awhile (I keep a basket of portioned snack foods out for easy grabbing). I did this as I am not eliminating my favorite treats from my diet, I'm adjusting my lifestyle.
My partner bringing home food/ordering take out/making a dinner I typically wouldn't make myself is not a reason for me to leave him. If he was deliberately sabotaging me (IE putting me down, teasing me with food), that would be an issue. Not trying to be helpful or kind in ways he's used to.0 -
I'm reminded of something else as well. I was irritated at my beau's family for getting me See's candy for Christmas, figuring they were trying to put weight back on me.
Nah, not at all. They know I love See's and they were just being kind to me.
Where is that See's candy now? In the cabinet. When I want some, I take it out, choose piece, weigh chocolate, log it, but box away, open mouth, and eat. : 0 -
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