Preteens eating my diet food
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I feel you, OP. I've had this same debate with my husband since we first moved in together. I was a poor grad student, and always pinched every penny at the grocery store. I allowed myself ONE treat every other week, at the time my 25 year old self would buy a box of Fruity Pebbles to have for dessert. I ate it one small bowl at a time and made it last the 2 weeks until I'd splurge again. I moved in with hubs, he would eat THE ENTIRE BOX IN ONE SITTING. And made me out to be stingy when I'd object.
I really disagree with the response of "just replace your raspberries" or "buy more next time!" It's the dead of winter. Fresh out of season berries are NOT a staple. They are a luxurious treat. Everyone in OPs family is getting treats which are appropriate to their tastes and health needs. OP should be allowed to budget herself one small luxury, and her family OWES IT TO HER to respect that. I'd be really mad if people came in my bathroom and used my fancy face cream on their elbows just because it smells nice.
And, honestly, It's not even that it's your "healthy" treat. Did you ever see the episode of "Everybody Hates Chris" where the mom has a hidden stash of chocolate turtles? THAT FAMILY KNEW BETTER THAN TO TOUCH ROCHELLE'S TURTLES. Educational television. Mom gets to have some treats that are just for Mom. Because I said so.0 -
You said money isn't a problem, so buy more fresh fruit or whatever it is that they also love. If your kids are going for healthy food, that's a positive thing! And don't label that stuff as diet food. Its food you should be eating all the time!!! If money is an issue try buying some seasonal fruits. If your kids seem to still reach for the berries, make the other fruits ready to eat and at eye level but leave your berries unwashed and out of sight.0
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MakePeasNotWar wrote: »I have two girls. I swear, one of them is going to be a dietician! She keeps talking about having "healthy snacks" and not eating certain things because they aren't healthy! LOL I keep telling her sometimes it isn't necessarily the item itself that's not healthy, but the amount of it that's unhealthy (1 cookie vs. the whole container of cookies).
I started buying greek yogurt, light string cheese, I'd get a certain sort of pretzels and portion them out into baggies....then my kids started eating them too. I just order more of that stuff now.
If my new habits of eating better is rubbing off on them, then I'm all for it!! LOL
I feel sad for your daughter and her relationship with food.
Seriously? Because she understands that the food that she eats has an impact on her health?
ETA: she never said anything about "good" or "bad" food, or shaming her for her food choices (quite the opposite, she is teaching her moderation), so maybe you are projecting a bit here?
Second this.
Kids should be encouraged to think about what they're eating and how much. Why feel sad about that?? I was taught at a young age overall good nutrition. We were allowed to have treats as well, but always within reason. Heck...we only got to drink iced tea on Sundays! I guess that was cruel as well....0 -
I agree with the "it's ok to have your own food" replies. The children already get their own special foods, why can't you.0
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Thanks guys. The labelled tupperware container is the best piece of advice. If it's slightly blocked from view and separated from everything else, they'll focus on the 100 choices they do have rather than the one thing they can't, and there will be no questions about exactly which items are off-limits. They'll follow the rule if they know what it is.
I think @EWJLang hit the nail on the head with her Fruity Pebbles story: I treat the "out of season" fruit and German dark chocolate as a luxury, whereas they treat it as a staple.0 -
You know, OP, this is also a good opportunity to sit your kids down and talk to them about respect and empathy. My kids are around the same age (I've got 9, 12, and 16 years old in this house) and it's definitely something that kids this age can stand to hear about more than once and from multiple sources. Something like,
"I spend a lot of time and energy trying to take care of this family. I am very careful when I buy and prepare our food, so that our money is spent wisely and that everyone is healthy and happy. I even go the extra mile and make sure you each get the special foods you like, like soy milk and your favorite cereals. When you eat MY special treats without asking (like my berries), or complain about not being able to eat them (like my shrimp), you are telling me that *I* am the one person in this house who doesn't deserve a special treat. That is incredibly rude and disrespectful and it needs to stop now.
In the future, if you'd like out-of-season fruit or shrimp or any other luxury food as your treat, let me know and I will buy it for you instead of your usual treat that week."
And, as far as the consequence goes, I'd just have the offending gobbler buy replacements out of their pocket money. Which would get challenging in my house because I suspect "it wasn't me" would be named the culprit more often than not.0 -
Thanks! Once the rule is crystal-clear, I don't think I'll have a problem. We definitely focus on respect and empathy a lot, more so than doling out punishments or forcing compliance out of fear. And we're Canadian, so our kids are polite and say "please" and "sorry" a lot
But buying a replacement out of pocket money is a good idea if it comes to that.
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I think it's kind of ridiculous to only buy food for yourself if your kids like it too! Especially since it's healthy!
You said money isn't an issue, just buy enough for everyone. It's totally selfish that you get the raspberries and no one else does.0 -
This is the converse of what was my problem. We have two teenage boys with massive appetites, so there was an ever-stocked snack shelf. Problem was, I couldn't resist. I made a simple change ... we stopped buying snack food, and gave to boys cash weekly so they could buy their own (shops are within walking distance). Now the snacks "belong" to them, so I'm no longer tempted.
You could do something similar ... just earmark a shelf with "Mom's snacks", off-limits to everyone else.0 -
It's not too mean to label food as yours. You do a lot for them. Don't feel guilty.0
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Sabine_Stroehm wrote: »I have two girls. I swear, one of them is going to be a dietician! She keeps talking about having "healthy snacks" and not eating certain things because they aren't healthy! LOL I keep telling her sometimes it isn't necessarily the item itself that's not healthy, but the amount of it that's unhealthy (1 cookie vs. the whole container of cookies).
I started buying greek yogurt, light string cheese, I'd get a certain sort of pretzels and portion them out into baggies....then my kids started eating them too. I just order more of that stuff now.
If my new habits of eating better is rubbing off on them, then I'm all for it!! LOL
I feel sad for your daughter and her relationship with food.
Why?
because caring about what goes into your body automatically equals eating disorders zohmygod call child protection services!!!11
seriously though, when kids get on a "kick" they always take it to an extreme. eventually the enthusiasm will wane a little bit, and the kid will understand they can have unhealthy foods in moderation and it's not going to kill them.0 -
Thanks guys. The labelled tupperware container is the best piece of advice. If it's slightly blocked from view and separated from everything else, they'll focus on the 100 choices they do have rather than the one thing they can't, and there will be no questions about exactly which items are off-limits. They'll follow the rule if they know what it is.
I think @EWJLang hit the nail on the head with her Fruity Pebbles story: I treat the "out of season" fruit and German dark chocolate as a luxury, whereas they treat it as a staple.
Excellent solution! And I'm impressed that you weren't tempted to get in there and quibble but just looked for ideas that would work for you.
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If the problem is it being mixed in with everything maybe you should get a little mini fridge and put your stuff in that? Most have a little freezer section and I got mine for $10 at a garage sale. If they still don't get the message you could even put a lock on it. Haha0
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I don't punish my kids for eating my food, but they certainly know better than to. If they want something I got just for me, they ask (I'm a good sharer). If it's something they repeatedly ask for, I just buy double so they don't have to ask anymore.
But there's a pretty firm rule in this house - you get something special for yourself, no one else is allowed to touch it without permission. This applies to food for my girls, too. 0 -
Holy wow I never thought there were so many people that felt it was wrong to have separate foods and to not just let your kids eat whatever they can grab. I have separate food in my house for some things. Many things are communal - our fresh fruit basket, bread, milk, etc. Those are for everyone. Some things are just for the kids - string cheese, GoGurt, shredded wheat, chicken nuggets, etc. And some things are just for me/my husband. If they take food they don't have permission to (as in, it's not communal and they didn't ask first), they have consequences. It's not any different than anything else in the house. Some things are communal, some things are not, and if you take something you're not supposed to and don't have permission to, then it's a problem. It's fine to set a boundary here. Label, let them know, enforce appropriate consequences if they step over that boundary. It's not selfish at all. You're entitled to have things for yourself sometimes too.0
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holly55555 wrote: »I think it's kind of ridiculous to only buy food for yourself if your kids like it too! Especially since it's healthy!
You said money isn't an issue, just buy enough for everyone. It's totally selfish that you get the raspberries and no one else does.
No. It's not.0 -
as someone who was once that teen who kept eating mom's "diet food", unless it was something particularly tempting i probably would have stayed away had she simply asked me (that is, if it actually annoyed her). even though we have the household mindset that foods do not particularly belong to one person, your average teenager is respectful enough to acknowledge those boundaries. but, in a well-stocked fridge, a tupperware way in the back with "mom's" written on it would also make this clear.0
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I am the mother of four and I know how hard it can be to have things for ourselves. I always say the only reason I have stayed pretty close to my weight range is because I can't finish anything because of the kids.
But they are older now and I can talk to them. My children wouldn't think of eating my greek yogurt, or the individual Salmon pouches I buy, or my almond milk, without asking me first. They would consider it to be really inconsiderate, unsupportive AND they know they would be in trouble with me and they don't want that.
I envy those of you with endless food budgets where the answer is "just buy more" but we are working to be debt free and I don't work as many hours as I could because I want to be with my kids more, so my husband (who does the cooking/ grocery shopping) runs a tight ship here with the food budget and the kids really support and respect those goals too!
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Yes, kids will eat ALL the food. I go to the fridge and my strawberries are gone - that's life
In saying that, I don't buy all separate stuff for everyone. Think yourself lucky it's not grown girls you've got, along with food I need to be up quick to get my own jeans/shoes/tops etc. =D0
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