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We broke up because...
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I'm a dog person0
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She was a mutant.0
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after 3 months of not returning my calls and text messages I decided to dump her0
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He just wasn't patient enough.0
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Too hot for my own good0
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He was slow on the uptake.0
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Huh?0
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he acted like he couldn't hear me all the time0
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He was a low-talker. (Only make sense if you watch Seinfeld)
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He actually liked Seinfeld.0
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He liked Friends0
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He liked Teletubbies. Freaked me out.0
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I thought she kept leaning in for a kiss0
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Turns out the kiss was a fart!0
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Was funnier than me0
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he made me think of the Elvis song hound dog0
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Wouldnt let me big the big spoon0
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Kept wanting to dress up like Elvis. And not young Elvis. Vegas Elvis.0
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Fought about being the big spoon0
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kimvmajor kept coming between us, that's how mean she is0
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The real me involved feathers and oil0
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I think he wanted to be tarred and feathered
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Too many mirror pics0
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He didn't like my yelling macaw0
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She held my cats hostage0
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She didn't like my yelling.0
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She had night terrors and would scream in my ear0
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