We broke up because...

Kvm11628

Truer to act like Chevy Chase.

g44219

lol she started calling me Clark

Kvm11628

Found Superman Underoos in his laundry. Strange superhero fetish.

g44219

she said I was faster than a speeding bullet. I wasn't that quick

Kvm11628

His insults were more powerful than a locomotive

g44219

she wanted to wear boots to bed with spurs on them

Wonderwomanvik

Nothing I did spurred him into action

Kvm11628

She was always about action. Sometimes talk was nice too.

Wonderwomanvik

I couldn't shut her up. 24/7. Even in her sleep.... Talk talk talk

g44219

she always gave me the silent treatment.

Kvm11628

He would never be silent. Talk talk talk all the time.

g44219

her routine was come home, hold hand up for me to shut up, shoot down a shot of bourbon, then say "ok you can talk now"

Kvm11628

Wait. Have you been spying on me?

angiep153

She thinks he's stalking her so she was up all night with a gun

g44219

haha called the cops saying I was peeking in her window. I was trying to serenade

Kvm11628

Nobody serenades with binoculars.

Wonderwomanvik

She said nobody was calling her

Wonderwomanvik

Your nobody called today, and she hung up when I asked her name!

angiep153

She wants to know everyone's name

Wonderwomanvik

She never remembered any of our friends names.

angiep153

She hates when I forget someones name I mean she has too many u cant remember all of them

angiep153

They don't like the name game

Unknown

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angiep153

Um tells lies about me even ask his parents they know that he farted

Wonderwomanvik

Her ex was a creepy stalker

angiep153

She's bothered by my stalker

nitroalley

He Shaved!!

Wonderwomanvik

He shaved me

myheartsabattleground

He refused to support my kombucha addiction... and makeup addiction... and amazon shopping addiction.

cristalcarrillo7

She didn't like my mom's food