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We broke up because...

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Replies

  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Hairy nuts ..I mean he gave me a bag of nuts with hair in it ..mean .. :D
  • WantonHeartTroubledHead
    WantonHeartTroubledHead Posts: 877 Member
    she will only slow me down when the zombie apocalypse begins
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    He disappeared..why no officer!! That is not a new cement floor in the basement..and the lime is for the gardens .. B)
  • WantonHeartTroubledHead
    WantonHeartTroubledHead Posts: 877 Member
    She reminded me daily she watched enough CSI to actually get away with murder
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    edited July 2017
    He wanted to try autoerotic asphyxiation, it went horribly wrong ..He died
  • WantonHeartTroubledHead
    WantonHeartTroubledHead Posts: 877 Member
    She asked me what I don't like about myself, and I explained I can sometimes be anal. She misunderstood, dropped trow, and proffered her bottom. In church. At a funeral.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    Caught molesting the corpse at said funeral..police took him away..smh
  • WantonHeartTroubledHead
    WantonHeartTroubledHead Posts: 877 Member
    Making love to her was like molesting the dead
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    edited July 2017
    He was so bad I pretended to be dead..praying it was over with sooner..then I found out he was a necrophiliac..wanted me to play dead all the time
  • WantonHeartTroubledHead
    WantonHeartTroubledHead Posts: 877 Member
    She told everyone at my grandma's funeral that she could see granny's nipples through her burial gown
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    WantonHeartTroubledHead wrote: »
    She told everyone at my grandma's funeral that she could see granny's nipples through her burial gown

    He was very very close to granny..
  • WantonHeartTroubledHead
    WantonHeartTroubledHead Posts: 877 Member
    She cost me a lot of money hiring a personal strainer. Someone to get all the hard bits out of her food as she lost her teeth at her age
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    I drew the line at changing his depends
  • WantonHeartTroubledHead
    WantonHeartTroubledHead Posts: 877 Member
    I took her to a hardcore show and after she screamed, "Where is the hardcore porn?" I explained Agnostic Front was playing
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    He wanted me to listen to his fave musician
    Chad Morgan..couldn't do it
  • SuperStampede
    SuperStampede Posts: 1,662 Member
    The sexy time was so awesome, i forgave her the first time she screamed "Chad Morgan..." but when she wouldn't stop, had to let her go.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    edited July 2017
    wrestle me all the time
  • liftorgohome
    liftorgohome Posts: 25,455 Member
    She never wanted to have sex
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    tjkita wrote: »
    She never wanted to have sex

    He only wanted missionary :(
  • SuperStampede
    SuperStampede Posts: 1,662 Member
    We were WILD, doing it everyway possible, but when she started asking me to position myself two blocks down the street and call before I came back... I suspected something was wrong.
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    :o I was getting ready for you :*
  • SuperStampede
    SuperStampede Posts: 1,662 Member
    She was always asking me to get a running - start! :smiley:
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    SuperStampede wrote: »
    She was always asking me to get a running - start! :smiley:

    :laugh: broke our bed with his superman leaps ..
  • striderb
    striderb Posts: 5,843 Member
    slimgirljo15 wrote: »
    SuperStampede wrote: »
    She was always asking me to get a running - start! :smiley:

    :laugh: broke our bed with his superman leaps ..

    Always closed her legs in mid flight - what a tease.
  • SuperStampede
    SuperStampede Posts: 1,662 Member
    Broke our bed tying me up with her Wonder Woman lasso... made me tell the truth... I Liked it!!
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    edited July 2017
    He was again calling someone else "Wonder Woman" :astonished:
  • Bonny132
    Bonny132 Posts: 3,617 Member
    Kept calling me wonder man, I suspected it referred to our new hunky neighbor who kept popping over to borrow a cup of sugar.
  • FabulousFantasticFifty
    FabulousFantasticFifty Posts: 195,832 Member
    She broke my Lasso that time she tried to wear my uniform
  • SuperStampede
    SuperStampede Posts: 1,662 Member
    She was the real Wonder Woman... I made a mistake, because the suits all look the same... she didn't forgive me.
  • Bonny132
    Bonny132 Posts: 3,617 Member
    He tied me up in bed for some sexy time, then dived from the chest of drawers wearing his superman outfit. Unfortunately he fell and knocked himself out. After 5 hours of screaming I was finally rescued by the firefighters. I could never live it down as it was his colleagues, and they brought it up on every single gathering we had.

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