We broke up because...

PaperDoll_

He wouldn’t dress up as a ninja turtle for me

liftorgohome

She liked clawing my back too much.

AppleCrumbles0

He liked the gym more than me

epr31295

She only wanted me so she looked awesome in snapchat filters!

liftorgohome

All he was into was snapchat pics of himself with ears.

TheMrWobbly

He took pictures holding people's ear - no idea who he got them from?

Masyn88

had Van Gogh issues, like Daddy issues, but darker...

calno8294

She didn’t like when I called her daddy.

susan5481

She would only take photos sideways

NoHookUpZone

Never got off your *kitten*

mattig89ch

she didn't like my lack of cooking

PaperDoll_

Was always serving me Spaghetti-o’s. Would it kill you to open a can of ravioli once in awhile!?

lx1x

She eats all the brownies and never share.

susan5481

He remembers everything

AliNouveau

She stole all my hats

Masyn88

She hated all my stoles

KelleyCakes

She kept finishing off all the coffee leaving me none.

TheMrWobbly

Apparently what is hers is hers and what is mine is hers as well

Alzzi_2

Too cute

mattig89ch

Didn't like blueberry muffins

slimgirljo15

We did? First I knew

terrordawg

She kept licking me in public! I’m not a piece of meat Jo!!

halflingpie

She ironically treated me like a piece of meat.

AliNouveau

He found a black fly in my Chardonnay, isn't it ironic

eelamme

Because she said my feet smelled of saurkraut

halflingpie

I'm Mr. Play it safe, afraid of a fly...

AliNouveau

I dunno he packed a suitcase and kisses the kids goodbye

terrordawg

She waited her WHOLE damn life to take that flight

slimgirljo15

I came home and the furniture and her were missing

halflingpie

There was a traffic jam and I was already late...