We broke up because...

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  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    Had a weird friend named potatoes and people think she's a He hippie
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 20,602 Member
    Didn't understand the different between funny and hurtful
  • Hoax89
    Hoax89 Posts: 221 Member
    Always laughed loudly at inappropriate times
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    Got mad because i blew milk out of my nose at a bereavement dinner
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    Had this whole “waste not, want not” lifestyle where even spilled milk was used again 🤢
  • AdahPotatah2024
    AdahPotatah2024 Posts: 3,504 Member
    She got upset when I told her it was a waste of time to cry over spilt milk...and then accused me of this whole “waste not, want not” lifestyle!
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    After i blew the milk out of my nose, she got down in the floor and sucked it up with a straw.
  • AdahPotatah2024
    AdahPotatah2024 Posts: 3,504 Member
    After losing his chance on Jeopardy, he started practicing to be interviewed on "Hot Ones". He ate his chicken wings just like Conan O'Brien did, the current champion, and I had to clean up his mess with a wet vac...which he said was my straw. He laughed so hard at his own joke that more milk was spilt. I was so grossed out!
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    Her nickname was wet vac. They suck everything. Don't get me wrong.. that suction power is nice until they're cleaning up everyones messes.
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    There was an ever present feeling of knowing them from a past life and I couldn’t quite put my finger on who…until the mystery of it all drove me away!!
  • Hoax89
    Hoax89 Posts: 221 Member
    Constantly wanted to dig up the past and couldn't enjoy the present.
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    Didn’t understand my fascination with cemeteries…
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    Had a lot of skeletons in her closet. Literally.
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    Didn’t value keeping loved ones as close as I did. It’s too bad. I had the prime spot in the closet reserved for them.
  • AdahPotatah2024
    AdahPotatah2024 Posts: 3,504 Member
    Her tiny house obsessions..
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    (Have I mentioned that here because if not, that’s disturbingly accurate 😳)

    She refused to let us eat potatoes because potato lives matter too.
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    Could put a whole potato in her mouth... Wait... maybe that wasn't such a bad thing...
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    edited May 2024
    He kept breaking up with me over the weirdest things. But I swear this is the last time!! “Don’t choke on your food, Cat. It’s unattractive and unladylike.” Gosh, I’ll choke on potatoes, if I want to. You’re not the boss of me!! 😤
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    She all of the sudden quit choking on "potatoes" and i knew she had been fake gagging all along. I don't need that in my life.
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 20,602 Member
    He kept his true self hidden from everyone...
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    She was having an identity crisis. One day a lovely woman in B&W, the next a coffee cup, and then a cardboard box. I truly could not keep up.

    (Happy you’re back to yourself, my friend)
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    I sent her the voice message that she demanded. She said my voice made her think of her great aunt Edna who smoked 27 packages of cigarettes each day and passed in 1988. She could no longer be with me as it hurt too much to be reminded of her. 😭
  • AdahPotatah2024
    AdahPotatah2024 Posts: 3,504 Member
    I asked for a sexy voice message and she sent me audio clips of the Simpsons Marge's sisters.
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    I found out her and @Cat0703a were sending each other cartoon porn, and smoking cigarettes.
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    He couldn’t appreciate art that was deeply meaningful, provocative and erotic.
  • cmsienk
    cmsienk Posts: 20,602 Member
    She couldn't put up with my travel schedule
  • maplesyrupandchicken
    maplesyrupandchicken Posts: 92 Member
    She was always out of town and would never let me go with her.
  • AdahPotatah2024
    AdahPotatah2024 Posts: 3,504 Member
    He complained that I was the one who was always out of town even though he was the one who moved to Canada...
  • Cat0703a
    Cat0703a Posts: 17,577 Member
    She not so secretly hated Canadians after her last partner fled to this beautiful country. We lasted as long as typing out this message…
  • slimgirljo15
    slimgirljo15 Posts: 269,456 Member
    The scratching and spitting was a turn off.. 😂