How to motivate my girlfriend to exercise?
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You either accept your girlfriend as she is or you don't. You have no control over whether she will make positive changes or not. And nagging her will only make it more unlikely that she does what you want her to do (that's human nature). Sadly, until she's truly ready to make a change, ANY statement you make to her related to making healthier choices will be interpreted by her as nagging. Anyway, it took me some time to accept what the Serenity Prayer really means....and whenever I catch myself getting frustrated at how someone acts or reacts, I start thinking about the Serenity Prayer and let it go....because I have no control over how someone else acts or reacts....I have no control over what someone else does or doesn't do.
Serenity Prayer
Reinhold Niebuhr (1892-1971)
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
IKR? Since most people are in fact bull ****ing when they state their goals, it's absolutely RIDICULOUS that he had to make it his life's mission to help you accomplish this one. I understand how angry you must be. Please chuck the system in my general direction to show him you mean business and I'll help you get rid of it. Sorry you've had to put up with this!!
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
Fitness and food prep aren't hobbies?
Does it sound like they are for his girlfriend? Really?
They don't have to be her hobbies for him to do the food prep tho. It's his hobby, as gaming is my husbands. Interest was expressed in his hobby and he acted.
Do you see he possibly may have overacted? If food prep were a hobby for her that she wanted to get involved with, he wouldn't have done it for her. As that would miss the point of food prepping being the hobby/activity. I'm guessing she doesn't give a darn if he does his own food prep in his own place.
If a woman posted this, and I told her she was being too maternal to her partner, people wouldn't really have much of an issue with this at all. (And I would. The more a partner pushes, the more the other pulls away; the more one pulls away, the more the other pushes. Someone has to change, and he's the one here asking for advice.)0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
Fitness and food prep aren't hobbies?
Does it sound like they are for his girlfriend? Really?
so his hobbies have to match hers..really????
wow, most woman would love to have a guy that cooks them dinner..
but it sounds like you are one of those.." I am woman I don't need a man to do anything for me types.." geez...0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
Sure, until her sexual attraction to you depended on you toeing the line.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.
Try again. That was not your point. You were trying to say most people would have some bug up their *kitten* if they came to find their meals prepped for them, which I think you've got to be fairly oblivious to think that's the case
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
Sure, until her sexual attraction to you depended on you toeing the line.
nice assumption ..
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
IKR? Since most people are in fact bull ****ing when they state their goals, it's absolutely RIDICULOUS that he had to make it his life's mission to help you accomplish this one. I understand how angry you must be. Please chuck the system in my general direction to show him you mean business and I'll help you get rid of it. Sorry you've had to put up with this!!
If she was expected to then play the games in a manner that he chose, that would actually kind of suck, yeah.
This is not a post where someone said that they did a single kind gesture because their partner expressed interest. He asked how he could motivate her-my suggestion is to back off, since he can't do it for her.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
Fitness and food prep aren't hobbies?
Does it sound like they are for his girlfriend? Really?
They don't have to be her hobbies for him to do the food prep tho. It's his hobby, as gaming is my husbands. Interest was expressed in his hobby and he acted.
Do you see he possibly may have overacted? If food prep were a hobby for her that she wanted to get involved with, he wouldn't have done it for her. As that would miss the point of food prepping being the hobby/activity. I'm guessing she doesn't give a darn if he does his own food prep in his own place.
If a woman posted this, and I told her she was being too maternal to her partner, people wouldn't really have much of an issue with this at all. (And I would. The more a partner pushes, the more the other pulls away; the more one pulls away, the more the other pushes. Someone has to change, and he's the one here asking for advice.)
I don't think he overreacted, no. She expressed interest on his hobby so he did some food prep for her, probably in hopes she'd see how handy it was and take a greater interest. I express interest in gaming but probably won't buy the system myself so my husband buys it for me and sets it up in hopes I'll enjoy it and take a greater interest.
If a woman posted this and you said she was being too maternal I'd have the same "Really? REALLY?" Reaction.
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
Sure, until her sexual attraction to you depended on you toeing the line.
nice assumption ..
Didn't he say her lifestyle has reduced his sexual attraction to her?0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
IKR? Since most people are in fact bull ****ing when they state their goals, it's absolutely RIDICULOUS that he had to make it his life's mission to help you accomplish this one. I understand how angry you must be. Please chuck the system in my general direction to show him you mean business and I'll help you get rid of it. Sorry you've had to put up with this!!
Hah. Alas this was a hypothetical and the odds of me parting with my 3ds (with the pokemon X/Y skin) are pretty small.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
Sure, until her sexual attraction to you depended on you toeing the line.
nice assumption ..
Didn't he say her lifestyle has reduced his sexual attraction to her?
yes, but you made your comment in reference to what I said. So you made an assumption about me with zero information about me....
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
Fitness and food prep aren't hobbies?
Does it sound like they are for his girlfriend? Really?
They don't have to be her hobbies for him to do the food prep tho. It's his hobby, as gaming is my husbands. Interest was expressed in his hobby and he acted.
Do you see he possibly may have overacted? If food prep were a hobby for her that she wanted to get involved with, he wouldn't have done it for her. As that would miss the point of food prepping being the hobby/activity. I'm guessing she doesn't give a darn if he does his own food prep in his own place.
If a woman posted this, and I told her she was being too maternal to her partner, people wouldn't really have much of an issue with this at all. (And I would. The more a partner pushes, the more the other pulls away; the more one pulls away, the more the other pushes. Someone has to change, and he's the one here asking for advice.)
I don't think he overreacted, no. She expressed interest on his hobby so he did some food prep for her, probably in hopes she'd see how handy it was and take a greater interest. I express interest in gaming but probably won't buy the system myself so my husband buys it for me and sets it up in hopes I'll enjoy it and take a greater interest.
If a woman posted this and you said she was being too maternal I'd have the same "Really? REALLY?" Reaction.
Exactly. I don't think it's the "take a step back" portion of the advice that's throwing folks for a loop...
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
Hobbies are a tad bit different than breaking habits that leave you overweight and your boyfriend less sexually attracted to you. I'm guessing that the second one is a bit more loaded.
Fitness and food prep aren't hobbies?
Does it sound like they are for his girlfriend? Really?
so his hobbies have to match hers..really????
wow, most woman would love to have a guy that cooks them dinner..
but it sounds like you are one of those.." I am woman I don't need a man to do anything for me types.." geez...
No, his hobbies don't have to match her's. I'm guessing that if he had prepped her some pizza or cheeseburgers, she would have eaten them. He's trying to get her wants to match his in this case.
I do love when my husband cooks dinner. Because when he does, I know it's not because he's trying to change me. You have no idea how wrong you are about my relationship-I do what I can do for myself on the regular, appreciate that I can't do everything and have gratitude for what he does, and love the random surprise of him doing something for me that I could do for myself.0 -
I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
The answer to your question is it's called "supper time" in the majority of households. Here's what Mama cooked. You don't want it, take a long walk off a short cliff. Did I just invent this??
Thank you for proving my point, mama. She's not his child, they aren't living together, and she's not the one here complaining food. She's taking that long walk to a fast food place. He's the one having an issue with her not eating what he makes her. She clearly doesn't want him to make her food if she isn't eating it. So just stop. If he enjoys cooking, he can cook and offer her some. She shouldn't be obligated to eat it.
Try again. That was not your point. You were trying to say most people would have some bug up their *kitten* if they came to find their meals prepped for them, which I think you've got to be fairly oblivious to think that's the case
Ok. I'm a vegan. If my husband came home and found three days worth of vegan meals prepped for him and didn't like it, what would you say? (For the record, he sometimes talks about going vegetarian but I also know he's nowhere close to actually doing that.)
0 -
How do people get through life being offended by such miniscule things.
If you mean me, I'm not offended. I think he's trying to help. I think it's coming off as overbearing, and considering that he said he's madly in love with her, I thought he might be interested in some ideas about why it's not having the results he wants.
Daiko, my husband doesn't meal prep for me or get involved in my health goals other than listening to me when I talk. I don't think he's a jerk. I guess some people do get to win.
I assure you if you wrote a post talking about your husband who doesn't get involved in your health goals at all a dozen people would flock to call him a jerk.
I thought about that same exact thing a little while ago. There is a huge double standard. Huge. I'm just really happy to see a few women in this thread that can see things from both sides.
So, real talk time. I've been kinda meh about my motivation lately. I want to get leaner but I'm also happy with how I look, so its harder to be as focused as I was 30 pounds ago. I do my best work with a tangible goal and a general desire to be leaner cause idk, it'd be cool...not that tangible.
Husband says to me "you stick to your goal for 30 days and I'll take you to Disney."
If I came to the forums and told this story he'd be tipped apart for holding rewards over my head and 'bullying' me or forcing me to adhere to something I'm not willing to do on my own or some such bull crap. He'd probably be called paternalistic and controlling.
None of that is true though. He's just a guy who wants to help out his lazy wife.
Also I'm totally working to go to Disney.
There is always a dynamic between 2 humans that are together for a long time that outsiders won't always see. They can assume based on how what they have experienced but it won't always be accurate. I personally see nothing wrong with your husband using a reward as motivation. Why not.
In my situation about 2 weeks ago we were home and she says to me "you know what my goal for this summer is? I want to have my back very defined like this" then she shows me a few pictures. So basically lean and extremely defined. I feel it's possible for her. She had great muscle development in her back from us training heavy. All she needs to do is lean out. Approximately 10 lbs. As we all know those 10 are not easy for everyone. She drinks, I don't and on the weekend she will drink a bottle of Pino over the couple of days and I do remind her that she has a goal and needs to hold herself accountable. Does that make me an *kitten* for bringing it up? Nope and I don't badger her either. But every now and then I remind her that she has an achievable goal and I can help her get there. If she fails she can only blame herself. Her goal is vanity and there is nothing wrong with that.
When we first started dating in 2007 there was a day she said to me that she needed a few new shirts because she felt like her clothes weren't nice, they were getting worn out and she felt "raggity", it really bothered me to hear her say that. Ever since that day 1 of my missions has been to never let her feel that way about the clothes she wears. So I bust my butt working to provide for what we need and those luxuries she wants. My plan is to work hard, my agenda is to have her feeling sexy.
People find my comments above offensive or machismo or whatever. But the truth is there is a reason they are with the person they are with and not with me. Because in this life you won't please everyone and I'm 100% fine with that.
Amen, to all of this is general but especially the part I bolded.0 -
I've been together with my girlfriend for 1 1/2 years and still madly in love with her. We're both college students in our early 20's, so maintaining a healthy lifestyle has been difficult where fast food is just so convenient. She's always been on the heavy side to begin with as I am somewhat as well, and that never bothered me before. Lately I began exercising a lot more and eating a lot more healthier, I've never felt more alive and was always full of energy. But over the time we've been dating, she's been growing very lazy and unmotivated, and her diet is a bit overindulging and I worry about her health. I exercise almost 5 times a week (less due to an injury recently), and every time I ask her if she would like to join me, she refuses every time (she even has a small gym right downstairs in her apartment complex and still refuses to go).
I feel like it is partially my fault, since I love to cook rich foods and often spoil her with it. But when I became focused on my own health and started cooking more healthier options, she just stopped eating my cooking entirely and just goes out to eat. She also complains to me she is very self-conscious and insecure of her looks, and at the start of 2015, she made her new years resolution to exercise more and eat healthier, yet she has made virtually no effort in doing so.
I feel like her lifestyle is really affecting our relationship. I love her to death and she is still very beautiful in my eyes, but just the thought of her unhealthy lifestyle has diminished my sex drive. While it may seem shallow for saying that, I don't want her to keep going down this path since it'll lead to more health problems and she already is dealing with a condition called hyperthyroidism.
What can I do to approach her that she would be more interested in a healthier lifestyle. Is there any way I can get her to exercise with me or to push for eating healthier?
konoha457,
I have not read the other replies. You can never change another person, or get them to do anything they don't want to do. If she wants to change her lifestyle, she will do so in her own time.
Have you tried talking to her about your feelings? That would be a first step.
0 -
How do people get through life being offended by such miniscule things.
If you mean me, I'm not offended. I think he's trying to help. I think it's coming off as overbearing, and considering that he said he's madly in love with her, I thought he might be interested in some ideas about why it's not having the results he wants.
Daiko, my husband doesn't meal prep for me or get involved in my health goals other than listening to me when I talk. I don't think he's a jerk. I guess some people do get to win.
I assure you if you wrote a post talking about your husband who doesn't get involved in your health goals at all a dozen people would flock to call him a jerk.
I thought about that same exact thing a little while ago. There is a huge double standard. Huge. I'm just really happy to see a few women in this thread that can see things from both sides.
So, real talk time. I've been kinda meh about my motivation lately. I want to get leaner but I'm also happy with how I look, so its harder to be as focused as I was 30 pounds ago. I do my best work with a tangible goal and a general desire to be leaner cause idk, it'd be cool...not that tangible.
Husband says to me "you stick to your goal for 30 days and I'll take you to Disney."
If I came to the forums and told this story he'd be ripped apart for holding rewards over my head and 'bullying' me or forcing me to adhere to something I'm not willing to do on my own or some such bull crap. He'd probably be called paternalistic and controlling.
None of that is true though. He's just a guy who wants to help out his lazy wife.
Also I'm totally working to go to Disney.
That's really funny.
Six or so years ago, when I was once again attempting to lose weight, my DH (then boyfriend) said that he would buy me an outfit (shoes and all) if I lost 20 lbs. It wasn't in the jerky way that most people would interpret it just coming out of the blue. I was talking about my motivation failing and was thinking about using clothes to motivate me.
I never did lose those 20 lbs then.
I've lost 35 or so recently. I'm wondering if that offer still stands...
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
Ummm if you actually read his response o page one he said that she told him she was interested in food prep because she did not want to eat as much fast food...so he went ahead and did it for her because she was genuinely interested in it..
so let me get this straight..his GF says yes she is interested in food prep, OP goes and ahead and does said food prep, and OP is then "paternalistic" for doing what GF said she was interested in....really?
I did read it. You're right, doing everything for her his way is working out for him. Keep doing exactly what you're doing!
You didn't respond to my question about how you would react if someone else decided your meals for the next three days.
how is it his way when she told him she was interested in food prep????
If someone just decided out of the blue and I never said anything about it, then yea, I would find it disturbing.
if I told my GF that I was interested in food prep and would not mind trying it, and then she went ahead and did it, then no, I would not be upset/disturbed.
I told my husband I was interested in gaming and that jerk went out and bought me a DS and an assortment of games. He even had it charged, on, and the stylus out and ready when I got home.
How dare he!
how paternalistic of him ..
sounds like a controlling jerk who wants to run your life....
I sincerely hope that you find yourself someone who does all the things OP is doing for his girlfriend. Enjoy it.
if I had a GF that wanted to cook me meals and was generally concerned about my health I would be happy ...
Sure, until her sexual attraction to you depended on you toeing the line.
nice assumption ..
Didn't he say her lifestyle has reduced his sexual attraction to her?
yes, but you made your comment in reference to what I said. So you made an assumption about me with zero information about me....
The only reason we are talking about you or me is in context to the OP's situation.0
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