How to motivate my girlfriend to exercise?
Replies
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »Sounds like you two need to sit down an have a talk. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you love her enough to stay regardless. If it comes down to a health issue with her, that's a different story.
Also, instead of trying to make her go to the gym, why don't you try getting her to go for a walk with you?
i tink he said he tried the walk thing and she said no …
OP - sounds you all are going in different directions….just break it off now and seek out someone more active ..
case closed...
Also this. In spite of what people may tell you there is no shame in not wanting ending your relationship because of this. You aren't a scumbag. You're a guy who has changed his ways and desires a woman of a similar lifestyle who you're attracted to. If your girlfriend isn't that then be done. Don't bet on her changing into what you want, as heartache follows that path.
I disagree since you just started lifting and all and she isn't preventing/arguing with you about going to the gym, that's pretty awesome. Also what happens if you do find someone who lifts.. and then injure yourself and you can't lift anymore ... would it then be okay for her to leave you?
However . . . at your age ... odds are you wont be with her forever... IMO live it up until you get to like 28-29 and then look at settling down.
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so when he cooked "rich" meals for her that is loving..but then switching to healthy meals makes him a level 1 scumbag???? really???0 -
Tedebearduff wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »Sounds like you two need to sit down an have a talk. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you love her enough to stay regardless. If it comes down to a health issue with her, that's a different story.
Also, instead of trying to make her go to the gym, why don't you try getting her to go for a walk with you?
i tink he said he tried the walk thing and she said no …
OP - sounds you all are going in different directions….just break it off now and seek out someone more active ..
case closed...
Also this. In spite of what people may tell you there is no shame in not wanting ending your relationship because of this. You aren't a scumbag. You're a guy who has changed his ways and desires a woman of a similar lifestyle who you're attracted to. If your girlfriend isn't that then be done. Don't bet on her changing into what you want, as heartache follows that path.
I disagree since you just started lifting and all and she isn't preventing/arguing with you about going to the gym, that's pretty awesome. Also what happens if you do find someone who lifts.. and then injure yourself and you can't lift anymore ... would it then be okay for her to leave you?
However . . . at your age ... odds are you wont be with her forever... IMO live it up until you get to like 28-29 and then look at settling down.
wow, the reasoning behind your advice just gets worse and worse….-3 -
You have to lead by example, so keep doing what you are doing. If this is important to you then you do you. You can encourage her but don't be pushy about it. If she isn't ready to do it then all the talking in the world won't help. Something personal has to happen to her for her to get it in her head that this needs to be done. Until then, she will most likely continue on the path she is on even if it makes her unhappy. You let her come to you for help. If she does, then it will be for her own reasons and not because she thinks you are not attracted to her, which only causes resentment for having to lose the weight because of you. Just my 2 cents.0
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Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I wish my husband would food prep for me.
All I want is a little food prep, someone to spot me, and some cuddles, but I went and married some damn fast food inhaling cardio bunny. (Likewise he'd probably like less precooked chicken breast, protein smoothies, and more couples 10 miles runs.)*
*These aren't real complaints. I find the vast difference in our fitness loves amusing.
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Just dump her.-2
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I'm sure you don't realize you're doing this, but you do sound very paternalistic. Most don't want parents for partners. Her own attraction to you could be diminished, and she may not be enthusiastic about spending time together if she feels like you are her father. Food is probably even more comforting to her right now.
I don't know what you should do about your relationship. There's no way for me to know. But what you're doing isn't working, so try something else. If she really wants to meal prep, she will.
One other question-when is the last time she had her thyroid levels checked?
so caring about his GF's health, and weight is "paternalistic", really???
based on that statement OP could never say anything one way or another about a partner that he said he does in fact love….
geez, some the defensiveness for OP's GF in this thread is amazing...
No, the caring about her weight and health isn't an issue. The way he talks comes off as paternalistic, and if a woman wrote this post, I'd say she sounded pretty maternal.
He talks of spoiling her and of taking a night to give her three days worth of food, not because she truly can't do it, but because he's trying to change her into doing what he feels is right. That's going to come off as parental, not partner.
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Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I wish my husband would food prep for me.
All I want is a little food prep, someone to spot me, and some cuddles, but I went and married some damn fast food inhaling cardio bunny. (Likewise he'd probably like less precooked chicken breast, protein smoothies, and more couples 10 miles runs.)*
*These aren't real complaints. I find the vast difference in our fitness loves amusing.
Me too!!0 -
All you can really do is offer your support. Let her know you are there to help when she's ready to make a change.
I don't see a problem with asking her to go for walks, though. Walking as a couple is pretty nice in my opinion; it's a good time to chat.0 -
I didn't say that. I said that he is checking her fridge to find out whether she is eating his food. I in no way said he couldn't look in his own fridge, and I am a bit concerned you read that in my post.I feel a bit sorry for her to be honest. For a while you and her have had the same lifestyle and everything has been tickety-boo. Then you find a new hobby and are now criticising her weight, her looks, her lifestyle and her health. You are also showing controlling behaviour by cooking her meals and then checking her fridge to see if she's eaten them. When she said she wanted to get involved in food prep maybe she meant she wanted to do it herself, and you've basically just taken over. Also, have you checked she likes the food you've made? Not everyone goes mad for kale and kohlrabi surprise.
I would be heartbroken if I found out my SO was discussing my weight on a forum, any forum. Have a chat with her about your concerns but stop picking on her. if she's anything like me that will drive her to eat even more!
so looking in the fridge and seeing a "moldy uneaten meal" that OP cooked is "controlling"…wow!
so anytime he opens his fridge that is controlling??? really???
They don't live together, so why is he checking her fridge?
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Tedebearduff wrote: »Liftng4Lis wrote: »Sounds like you two need to sit down an have a talk. You need to decide how important this is to you and if you love her enough to stay regardless. If it comes down to a health issue with her, that's a different story.
Also, instead of trying to make her go to the gym, why don't you try getting her to go for a walk with you?
i tink he said he tried the walk thing and she said no …
OP - sounds you all are going in different directions….just break it off now and seek out someone more active ..
case closed...
Also this. In spite of what people may tell you there is no shame in not wanting ending your relationship because of this. You aren't a scumbag. You're a guy who has changed his ways and desires a woman of a similar lifestyle who you're attracted to. If your girlfriend isn't that then be done. Don't bet on her changing into what you want, as heartache follows that path.
I disagree since you just started lifting and all and she isn't preventing/arguing with you about going to the gym, that's pretty awesome. Also what happens if you do find someone who lifts.. and then injure yourself and you can't lift anymore ... would it then be okay for her to leave you?
However . . . at your age ... odds are you wont be with her forever... IMO live it up until you get to like 28-29 and then look at settling down.
...what? Getting injured so badly he can no longer lift is a wee different than someone just not being interested. And he doesn't have to find someone who lifts. Maybe he finds a girl who loves to hike or kyack or run ultras. Maybe he finds a girl who is active and can broaden his horizons in that regard. Hopefully they'd have other stuff in common and challenge each other to do more and get better.
Or I guess he could stay with the girl he's with now because she doesn't stop him from lifting...?
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In this case, YES. :bigsmile:
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I love exercise and eating healthy my man is a chef so loves all food , he cooks and I cook I weigh my food he doesn't and he doesn't mind weighing it for me he is bigger than we first met and in that time we have had 2 children.
I ask him to come play football with me and children etc, he recently started C25K and it came from him I encourage him and make his lunches everyday but I do not force my lifestyle on him I suggest things we could do together but if he wants to snack at night on chocolate ( he does a lot) I will join him but with fruit or a greek yogurt we are 2 different people who love eachother and make it work. he thinks MFP is a bit OCD and I think hes carefree style is lazy we just respect its what the other does. So my advice accept her date her and stop moaning about her or just break up because you cant change her and why would you want to? you say you love her so part of love is respect and acceptance.0 -
I didn't say that. I said that he is checking her fridge to find out whether she is eating his food. I in no way said he couldn't look in his own fridge, and I am a bit concerned you read that in my post.I feel a bit sorry for her to be honest. For a while you and her have had the same lifestyle and everything has been tickety-boo. Then you find a new hobby and are now criticising her weight, her looks, her lifestyle and her health. You are also showing controlling behaviour by cooking her meals and then checking her fridge to see if she's eaten them. When she said she wanted to get involved in food prep maybe she meant she wanted to do it herself, and you've basically just taken over. Also, have you checked she likes the food you've made? Not everyone goes mad for kale and kohlrabi surprise.
I would be heartbroken if I found out my SO was discussing my weight on a forum, any forum. Have a chat with her about your concerns but stop picking on her. if she's anything like me that will drive her to eat even more!
so looking in the fridge and seeing a "moldy uneaten meal" that OP cooked is "controlling"…wow!
so anytime he opens his fridge that is controlling??? really???
They don't live together, so why is he checking her fridge?
Maybe he wanted a soda....?
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I've been together with my girlfriend for 1 1/2 years and still madly in love with her. We're both college students in our early 20's, so maintaining a healthy lifestyle has been difficult where fast food is just so convenient. She's always been on the heavy side to begin with as I am somewhat as well, and that never bothered me before. Lately I began exercising a lot more and eating a lot more healthier, I've never felt more alive and was always full of energy. But over the time we've been dating, she's been growing very lazy and unmotivated, and her diet is a bit overindulging and I worry about her health. I exercise almost 5 times a week (less due to an injury recently), and every time I ask her if she would like to join me, she refuses every time (she even has a small gym right downstairs in her apartment complex and still refuses to go).
I feel like it is partially my fault, since I love to cook rich foods and often spoil her with it. But when I became focused on my own health and started cooking more healthier options, she just stopped eating my cooking entirely and just goes out to eat. She also complains to me she is very self-conscious and insecure of her looks, and at the start of 2015, she made her new years resolution to exercise more and eat healthier, yet she has made virtually no effort in doing so.
I feel like her lifestyle is really affecting our relationship. I love her to death and she is still very beautiful in my eyes, but just the thought of her unhealthy lifestyle has diminished my sex drive. While it may seem shallow for saying that, I don't want her to keep going down this path since it'll lead to more health problems and she already is dealing with a condition called hyperthyroidism.
What can I do to approach her that she would be more interested in a healthier lifestyle. Is there any way I can get her to exercise with me or to push for eating healthier?
Don't make her exercise - take her on dates
- walk in the country and a picnic
- rollerblading, horseriding, bike ride
- dancing all night
- all night sex
It doesn't have to be the gym .. it just has to be fun
*sneak attack*
THIS!!!0 -
so when he cooked "rich" meals for her that is loving..but then switching to healthy meals makes him a level 1 scumbag???? really???
Can you please provide a source where I called him a level 1 scumbag? Or where I said the "rich" meals were loving?
He asked for help. I didn't call him names. I said he's probably not even aware that he's doing it. I'm not sure where all the emotion is coming from on this.
If I were talking about the meals I wanted to make and came home to find a good deal of it prepped, I'd be pretty pleased and grateful to my husband. If I came home and found the next three days of food he wants me to eat, not so much. And really? Neither would you. We know you like your moderation. Would it feel good to come home to three days worth of food that someone else deems acceptable for you to eat, or would you rather go out and grab some fast food?0 -
You have changed. Through your journey to be healthy, your priorities have changed to a healthier lifestyle. If you aren't sexually attracted to her and she has no interest in changing her health, time to move on. You can't change her. You would benefit from someone that has similar priorities and goals as you do.0
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I didn't say that. I said that he is checking her fridge to find out whether she is eating his food. I in no way said he couldn't look in his own fridge, and I am a bit concerned you read that in my post.I feel a bit sorry for her to be honest. For a while you and her have had the same lifestyle and everything has been tickety-boo. Then you find a new hobby and are now criticising her weight, her looks, her lifestyle and her health. You are also showing controlling behaviour by cooking her meals and then checking her fridge to see if she's eaten them. When she said she wanted to get involved in food prep maybe she meant she wanted to do it herself, and you've basically just taken over. Also, have you checked she likes the food you've made? Not everyone goes mad for kale and kohlrabi surprise.
I would be heartbroken if I found out my SO was discussing my weight on a forum, any forum. Have a chat with her about your concerns but stop picking on her. if she's anything like me that will drive her to eat even more!
so looking in the fridge and seeing a "moldy uneaten meal" that OP cooked is "controlling"…wow!
so anytime he opens his fridge that is controlling??? really???
They don't live together, so why is he checking her fridge?
Maybe he wanted a soda....?
Or maybe the smell of rank weeks old food draws him to the fridge. Ugh.
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so when he cooked "rich" meals for her that is loving..but then switching to healthy meals makes him a level 1 scumbag???? really???
Can you please provide a source where I called him a level 1 scumbag? Or where I said the "rich" meals were loving?
He asked for help. I didn't call him names. I said he's probably not even aware that he's doing it. I'm not sure where all the emotion is coming from on this.
If I were talking about the meals I wanted to make and came home to find a good deal of it prepped, I'd be pretty pleased and grateful to my husband. If I came home and found the next three days of food he wants me to eat, not so much. And really? Neither would you. We know you like your moderation. Would it feel good to come home to three days worth of food that someone else deems acceptable for you to eat, or would you rather go out and grab some fast food?
She does state from time to time that she wants to eat healthier. I agree with the comment made that she may not have liked some of what he prepped, especially if they didn't have a conversation about options she might like first. But if I wanted to eat healthier and was being lazy but my fridge was always stocked with the fruit and veg, pre-cut up marinated meats, etc, that I wanted, personally I would not be offended
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Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I wish my husband would food prep for me.
All I want is a little food prep, someone to spot me, and some cuddles, but I went and married some damn fast food inhaling cardio bunny. (Likewise he'd probably like less precooked chicken breast, protein smoothies, and more couples 10 miles runs.)*
*These aren't real complaints. I find the vast difference in our fitness loves amusing.
Me too!!
The dream.
OP can, I'm sure, find a woman who will appreciate his food prep.
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so when he cooked "rich" meals for her that is loving..but then switching to healthy meals makes him a level 1 scumbag???? really???
Can you please provide a source where I called him a level 1 scumbag? Or where I said the "rich" meals were loving?
He asked for help. I didn't call him names. I said he's probably not even aware that he's doing it. I'm not sure where all the emotion is coming from on this.
If I were talking about the meals I wanted to make and came home to find a good deal of it prepped, I'd be pretty pleased and grateful to my husband. If I came home and found the next three days of food he wants me to eat, not so much. And really? Neither would you. We know you like your moderation. Would it feel good to come home to three days worth of food that someone else deems acceptable for you to eat, or would you rather go out and grab some fast food?
She does state from time to time that she wants to eat healthier. I agree with the comment made that she may not have liked some of what he prepped, especially if they didn't have a conversation about options she might like first. But if I wanted to eat healthier and was being lazy but my fridge was always stocked with the fruit and veg, pre-cut up marinated meats, etc, that I wanted, personally I would not be offended
I state from time to time that I want all sorts of things. It doesn't mean I want my husband to make it his personal mission to make me get them.
Yes, I'd be thrilled if I came home and found my fridge stocked with spinach, pineapples, grapes, tofu, and fresh tomatoes, peppers, onions, and some sprouts. Because my husband knows I love those foods and already eat them and can turn them into meals I already eat regularly. He'd be doing that to support me, not change me.
I know GF says she wants to change sometimes, but OP wants her to change. It's obvious. If it's obvious from one post on the internet, it's obvious to her too. I don't think that makes it him a scumbag. But he asked for help, and what he is doing now clearly isn't working out for him. What he does next depends on what he feels is best for himself and his relationship.0 -
I believe in just staying positive. Constanty talk about how great you feel and how delicious healthy foods can be if prepared correctly (research how many diet experts are now realizing that fat is actually good for you) (then form your own opinion in that). Ok, back to my point. Just be a shining example and start making friends that go to the gym and eat healthy with you so she'll feel left out. Of course invite her every time but go even if she says no. And it won't hurt if your new gym friends are hot.-1
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Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I find it funny to be honest. I know that when I started weighing and measuring my food and she saw me making progress I was told "If you're going to weigh your food then you should do the same for me". Obviously not everyone sees the same things as controlling.
Did OP's girlfriend ask him to meal prep three days of food for her? If she did, and I missed it, I reverse my opinion. Her mentioning that she wants to meal prep isn't quite the same thing. In most other threads, we talk about personal responsibility. He can't take it for her, but he sounds like he's trying to. That probably doesn't feel good to her either.0 -
Okay. So you said hyperthyroidism but I think you might mean hypothyroidism. Hyperthyroidism, when significant, causes a person to lose substantial amounts of weight, and can lead to having to have the thyroid removed.
If instead, she is suffering from HYPOthyroidism, there are some things you will need to try and understand...
The condition comes with a couple of secondary effects that a person cannot control. These effects are depression, lack of energy, and many vitamin deficiencies. While hormone therapy can help these situations, they do still occur even when the thyroid is "well-managed" by medication.
In case this was missed. Seriously, the hypERthyroidism was probably the only thing that stuck out to me in all of the post.
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It's hard enough changing to a healthy lifestyle and maintaining it. Now the OP should be doing it for another adult? We all know that you have to be ready for "this". If you are just going through the motions it's not going to work.
OP: You're young and in college, you're not married, no children or other attachments. Just move on. I was reading between the lines and the bottom line is 1) you have changed, 2) she is lazy and unmotivated, 3) you have to tiptoe in your conversations with her, 4) you aren't sexually attracted to her anymore. There are probably more but we can stop there. Just move on and find someone who is interested in what you are. That's what solid relationships are built on. My advice would be different if you were married but you're not. Just get to steppin'. There is no shame in that. I did something similar. Ended a relationship with a couch potato in August and started getting healthy in September. We were together for 4 years and I went from fabulous to fat in that time. I stopped doing stuff I liked (being active, eating healthy most of the time) and just sat around eating and watching tv with him. It wasn't his fault; I am an adult. But I decided that I would be better off with someone who was more active. There were other reasons too but that was probably the biggest one. I probably would never date a couch potato again. That's not my cup of tea. I'm happiest when I'm sweating it out! I want a relationship where we can pace each other. Built in workout buddy and spotter! Training for different events together. Exploring healthy cuisines. You're missing out on that. Hearing only your side of the story I would hit the road.
Sounds like you don't want to be the bad guy. You won't be. Do you and move on while you still can.0 -
It's hard enough changing to a healthy lifestyle and maintaining it. Now the OP should be doing it for another adult? We all know that you have to be ready for "this". If you are just going through the motions it's not going to work.
OP: You're young and in college, you're not married, no children or other attachments. Just move on. I was reading between the lines and the bottom line is 1) you have changed, 2) she is lazy and unmotivated, 3) you have to tiptoe in your conversations with her, 4) you aren't sexually attracted to her anymore. There are probably more but we can stop there. Just move on and find someone who is interested in what you are. That's what solid relationships are built on. My advice would be different if you were married but you're not. Just get to steppin'. There is no shame in that. I did something similar. Ended a relationship with a couch potato in August and started getting healthy in September. We were together for 4 years and I went from fabulous to fat in that time. I stopped doing stuff I liked (being active, eating healthy most of the time) and just sat around eating and watching tv with him. It wasn't his fault; I am an adult. But I decided that I would be better off with someone who was more active. There were other reasons too but that was probably the biggest one. I probably would never date a couch potato again. That's not my cup of tea. I'm happiest when I'm sweating it out! I want a relationship where we can pace each other. Built in workout buddy and spotter! Training for different events together. Exploring healthy cuisines. You're missing out on that. Hearing only your side of the story I would hit the road.
Sounds like you don't want to be the bad guy. You won't be. Do you and move on while you still can.
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Just loving how offensive it is for a guy to do food prep for a girl.
I find it funny to be honest. I know that when I started weighing and measuring my food and she saw me making progress I was told "If you're going to weigh your food then you should do the same for me". Obviously not everyone sees the same things as controlling.
Did OP's girlfriend ask him to meal prep three days of food for her? If she did, and I missed it, I reverse my opinion. Her mentioning that she wants to meal prep isn't quite the same thing. In most other threads, we talk about personal responsibility. He can't take it for her, but he sounds like he's trying to. That probably doesn't feel good to her either.
She said she wanted to do more meal prep, so he went ahead and prepped some meals for her. I imagine if she said she wanted to vacuum and OP went ahead and did that for her no one would be complaining.0 -
Get out of the relationship. It seems both of you would be happier. Neither one of you seem like bad people, just not right for one another.0
This discussion has been closed.
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