• Ellaskat
    Ellaskat Posts: 386 Member
    Does the lack of support/sabotage take the form of him simply continuing to practice the same behaviors that he always has, e.g., eating the same foods and continuing to maintain the same activity level?

    As others have said, just because we change, that doesn't mean others around us automatically do, nor should they have to. If he always ate chips, sweets, etc, it's no more fair to expect him to suddenly adopt your new habits than it would be fair for him to actually sabotage you (although I'm having a hard time thinking of examples of actual sabotage, aside from force feeding or something extreme).

    I see a lot of posts with people requesting their significant others to not buy certain foods, to leave them in the car or at work, etc, because their SO continuing to purchase and eat these foods (the way they typically always have, it had just never been an issue until the other person made it one) constitutes sabotage or a lack of support. To me it's just someone continuing to live their life the way they always have, and has absolutely nothing to do with the other person's decision to change their habits. I never understood this; it seems like a really surefire way to build resentment in a relationship.

    Of course, without any details in the OP, it's really hard to tell if this is the case or if I'm way off base.

    For me, being married means being willing to make changes/sacrifices to help my spouse, because I love him. That doesn't mean my spouse has to change his eating with me, but I disagree that it's too much to ask your spouse to not bring it home, etc.

    I have a sugar problem- I just can't have it in the house, or I'll go on a binge and eat it all if I get a craving. I've eaten 24 jumbo cupcakes in one sitting because they were there.

    My husband gets that. Shoukd I have better self control? Probably, but I've tried for years- if it's in the house, I will eat it. My husband supports me, so he only brings home what he plans to eat that day, or over a weekend. Any more and I'll eat whatever is left.

  • ladydianna62
    ladydianna62 Posts: 35 Member
    I don't expect him to change and I wouldn't want him to just because I did but if he goes out to get a milkshake don't bring in another and say "I got this one for you" to me that is sabatoge especially if he knows I trying really hard to change if he don't want to that's fine I get that but don't try to pushing me in to failing because I'm not going to
  • Aemely
    Aemely Posts: 694 Member
    I really appreciate all these replies you don't know how helpful they are to me I'm gonna keep on moving forward because this is a no turning back for me only positive thinking and moving forward hopefully I can get him on the right track also who knows

    You can do it! You are in control of you. :smile:
  • Well I was once the butt hurt spouse....I had found out I was pregnant and my hubby kicked off his diet routine the same month...I was upset because I had always been the fit one and here I was getting bigger everyday while he dropped weight and looked like Adonis. Eventually I realized that I was afraid he was judging me for getting bigger and that this was my problem not his. In the end I got over myself when I realized he didn't care what I ate or judged me for getting bigger. Give him time...once he realizes you aren't leaving/judging him he will come around. :)
  • shifterbrainz
    shifterbrainz Posts: 245 Member
    jgnatca wrote: »
    You can tell me if its happening again. Last night, hamburgers for dinner meal were 7+ ounces cooked. My eating plan for nearly 5 years has been for 3 ounces of meat or meat substitute for the dinner meal. Ooops or sabotage?
    In my house I would have cut the burger in half and set the other half on the side table.

    Yup, that's what I usually do. It just puzzling and an unnecessary challenge to self control. I suppose it's said "practice makes perfect" but by now, this is a bit ridiculous :)