Tired of explaining my diet to people
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spunkyabroad wrote: »spunkyabroad wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread.)
I understand what you're saying. But I think if someone is the type to ignore another person's stated food allergy, they're just an *kitten*. I am allergic to mangos. I break out in a painful rash all over my mouth, anywhere the mango juice touches. But it won't kill me. One of these a holes could see me inadvertently drink something with some mango juice in it and not die. They don't see the painful rash that lasts the next 3 days. They will still go on believing allergies don't exist. Not because I lied, but because they're an a hole.
Just a question- not trying to be rude- but are you allergic to actual mango or the urishol in the skin? A lot of people don't realize mango skin contains urishol and don't prepare mangos properly.
I've had the same reaction from mango juice in a cocktail and eating the actual fruit so I just avoid it like the plague.
The rash was likely due to the urishiol and not the mango itself. In case people are wondering, urishiol is the oil found in poison ivy, sumac and oak. It is also found in the skin of a mango at a lower concentration. It causes contact dermatitis where it touches. It is estimated that over 80% of the earths population is allergic to it (why some get the rash and others don't). If you don't prepare a mayo properly you can accidently ingest it. If only your mouth breaks out and no where else, I'd say it was likely from the skin, not the magi itself.
Just to be clear, I'm not advocating you going out and getting a mango to test whether it is the mango itself just incase it is. Just wanted to share this piece of information because most people don't realize mangos contain urishiol and anyone who has bad reactions to poison ivy should be really careful with mangos. Similarly, since your reaction is that bad, be really careful around poison ivy since the concentration is higher in the plants than mango.
Hah! No worries, I have no intentions of testing that out. Me and mango are just a no go. And there's no poison ivy where I live, I think that's a North American thing, but thanks for the warning.
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NJGamerChick wrote: »How does one properly prepare a mango? I usually peel the skin off like a clementine and dig in.
>.<
By not cutting into the skin when cutting it up. If you cut into the skin while cutting it, you are essentially spreading the urishiol to the edible part of the fruit.
I think google is in order for this.0 -
When anyone asks me about my 'diet', I reply; "It's simple, I eat less and move more".
Then they want to tell me about every fad diet they've recently heard about and why calorie counting simply doesn't work.
I just tell them it works for me.
The thing that bugs me a little bit is when someone will tell me to slurge- you deserve it. Yes, I've worked hard to lose weight and I do reward myself. But not with food.0 -
spunkyabroad wrote: »spunkyabroad wrote: »spunkyabroad wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread.)
I understand what you're saying. But I think if someone is the type to ignore another person's stated food allergy, they're just an *kitten*. I am allergic to mangos. I break out in a painful rash all over my mouth, anywhere the mango juice touches. But it won't kill me. One of these a holes could see me inadvertently drink something with some mango juice in it and not die. They don't see the painful rash that lasts the next 3 days. They will still go on believing allergies don't exist. Not because I lied, but because they're an a hole.
Just a question- not trying to be rude- but are you allergic to actual mango or the urishol in the skin? A lot of people don't realize mango skin contains urishol and don't prepare mangos properly.
I've had the same reaction from mango juice in a cocktail and eating the actual fruit so I just avoid it like the plague.
The rash was likely due to the urishiol and not the mango itself. In case people are wondering, urishiol is the oil found in poison ivy, sumac and oak. It is also found in the skin of a mango at a lower concentration. It causes contact dermatitis where it touches. It is estimated that over 80% of the earths population is allergic to it (why some get the rash and others don't). If you don't prepare a mayo properly you can accidently ingest it. If only your mouth breaks out and no where else, I'd say it was likely from the skin, not the magi itself.
Just to be clear, I'm not advocating you going out and getting a mango to test whether it is the mango itself just incase it is. Just wanted to share this piece of information because most people don't realize mangos contain urishiol and anyone who has bad reactions to poison ivy should be really careful with mangos. Similarly, since your reaction is that bad, be really careful around poison ivy since the concentration is higher in the plants than mango.
Hah! No worries, I have no intentions of testing that out. Me and mango are just a no go. And there's no poison ivy where I live, I think that's a North American thing, but thanks for the warning.
So lucky! Poison ivy runs rampant around here. One of my neighbors was dumb enough to burn it 2 years ago instead of just throwing it out and successfully caused the rash in his lungs from inhaling the smoke. He was miserable for weeks .0 -
NJGamerChick wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »How does one properly prepare a mango? I usually peel the skin off like a clementine and dig in.
>.<
By not cutting into the skin when cutting it up. If you cut into the skin while cutting it, you are essentially spreading the urishiol to the edible part of the fruit.
I think google is in order for this.
Yeah definitely. I'm bad at explaining lol. There are a few good videos on YouTube that show it.0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
I've lived with this. With celiac disease.
Not easy at all, having a family not understanding that you're not being rude, you really CAN'T have just one bite of lasagna or some of that chicken where they just dragged a piece of bread through the serving dish.
I was diagnosed almost 18 years ago, and my extended family never bothered researching the disease and trying to understand. They're quite used to me bringing my own food and not going to restaurants by now. Dieting makes no difference.
Yep. This.
I was diagnosed last year. My husband still brings home fried chicken, Mac and cheese, mashed potatoes covered in gravy and green beans then wonders why I get frustrated that there's nothing to eat but green beans!
But as for family Chinese dinner, move your cheat meal one day and get something that fits into your plan tonight. I know it's a bother, but really- it's family and you have to live with these people (and I know something about difficult in laws let me tell you!). Sometimes peace is better then keeping an arbitrary schedule.0 -
I totally understand how you feel. Whenever we are out to eat my husband is always wanting me to try his food. I say no and he says "it's just a bite, it can't hurt you". My best friend is the worse. When I turn down places she wants to eat because I know there isn't anything healthy for me she says " you need to treat yourself sometimes". Really people! That's how I got in this situation in the first place. I live in the deep south. Turning down food is a huge no no. People don't understand so you can't tell them anything. As for people saying you don't have to turn down dinner plans it's not that simple. Yes if your asked ahead of time you can plan but sometimes it's last minute or someone asks after you already had a high calorie meal. There's all kind of possibilities.0
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NJGamerChick wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.
Ok, but I wouldn't say I have a garlic or gluten or an other alergy. It would be like "Do you want chinese food? or cake? or pizza?" And I'd be like "Nope I'm alergic." I think if it was people who are continuously pushing food on you they'd get it.0 -
For me, because I'm only trying to lose a few pounds I get a lot of "You don't need to lose weight, why are you on a diet?" or "one cookie won't kill you" type remarks. Well sorry people. I'm 5'1 if I eat more than 1200 calories a day I won't lose weight. My friend who is 5'9"....sure a cookie won't kill her diet but for me I have to be really careful (or find 2 hours a day to exercise which isn't practical for me). I have this figured out. I know what works for me and if that cookie puts me over my 1200 it won;t work, period.
So I usually don't say anything about a diet...if they offer me something I can;t fit into my daily calorie count I just say "no thanks, I'm fine." or "I brought my lunch" or "I have other plans" they don;t need a reason why every time. Sometime I lie and say I already ate or just had a snack. lol
If they ask personal questions about your goals you can always say, "Sorry, that's not something I'm sharing with others."
that exactly like me, im not overweight so everyones like you dont need to bal bla and start discussing it which ps me off. and dont you find it so rude when people judge your food? like if i eat nuts whilst theyre having biscuits im offending them, i get wierd looks from people but hav learnt to ignore it
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paulawatkins1974 wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.
Ok, but I wouldn't say I have a garlic or gluten or an other alergy. It would be like "Do you want chinese food? or cake? or pizza?" And I'd be like "Nope I'm alergic." I think if it was people who are continuously pushing food on you they'd get it.
Why do you have to say allergy though? Why not just say- no thanks I don't like that food, or nah, I'm not in the mood? If looking for an excuse- no j can't afford to, works wonders as well.0 -
paulawatkins1974 wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.
Ok, but I wouldn't say I have a garlic or gluten or an other alergy. It would be like "Do you want chinese food? or cake? or pizza?" And I'd be like "Nope I'm alergic." I think if it was people who are continuously pushing food on you they'd get it.
I was just using garlic as an example.
I get people pushing gluten products on me, or things that they claim I can eat around. It just doesn't work that way for me or anyone who has real issues, and it's tiring trying to have an even remotely normal social life surrounded by issues and being scared of eating something because some jerk decided not to take the proper precautions based on presumptions made through other people's actions.0 -
I saddle up and tell them I was/still am very overweight and I know it. I want to be around for my wife and daughter for a long time. I'm making a lifestyle change and I don't care who knows it. Then if they are pushy or act like *kitten* I tell them they should maybe try it too. I have no problem telling get people where I stand.0
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"I'm not hungry" works pretty well, people don't ask questions.0
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You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
Didn't read every reply but yes, you're being rude. At least they're asking you what you'd like. If they had just ordered something without asking you what you want, sure, I'd be annoyed. But here... you're just being ungrateful and rude. I don't like Chinese food much either but I'd have no problem finding something I like if it was offered to me, and within my calories too! If it's not cheat worthy, then eat within your calories, it's not like you HAVE to have a cheat meal every week.
I've been in the situation where I had to 'waste' calories on a high calorie meal I didn't want though (and I was hungry), so I agree that it sucks, but here you have the choice... I just fail to see what you're complaining about.0 -
Didn't have that problem. I lost 100lbs and my own mom didn't even know I was going on a diet. Don't tell people if you do not want to explain. Keep it to yourself or just tell the few people you think you might need for support. Also if you have a carb addiction then until you get that under control stay away from temptation even if other people don't agree.0
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Wiseandcurious wrote: »It's like being a witness in a courtroom, or talking to a customs agent. Give short one-word answers and don't volunteer anything.
This is the best, most succinct recommendation of how to deal with unwanted questions/discussions about diet I've ever heard. Wish this were Reddit so I could give you gold
Well, thank you! I'll take the compliment even without the Reddit gold.
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I am so jealous reading about all this self control and saying no. I don't know how you all do it. I see socialising as a genuine reason to stuff my face. And even more, drink. There's a massive drinking culture in the UK, it isn't unusual to consume 600 -1000 cals of booze at a social event, and if I didn't, my friends would consider me extremely dull.
I'm trying to retrain my thinking, but it feels like altering my personality and I don't like it. It will be great to be at goal and for these events to matter less.
When my parents in law arrange meals out it's a massive binge. There's just no way I could sip a gin and slimline tonic all evening and restrict myself to a low calorie meal whilst watching them stuff whatever they wanted and drink bottles of wine and cocktails. I'm incredibly impressed that people can do that, how???0 -
"No thank you." then followed by "shove it up your a**e" if they don't immediately get the message. No need to justify, explain or tread carefully. I choose what goes into my body, I have no problem never speaking to someone who refuses to respect that.0
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Typically, if you don't make a big deal of it… they won't either. You can just say no… if they ask why, you can just say "I'm just not in the mood right now" and shrug it off. As time goes on… it will become the new normal. They may stop offering things to you altogether or they may still offer, but when you say no… there really won't be a question. DON'T EXPLAIN! Not only is it none of their business… but if you do try to explain you are opening yourself up to questions, judgment, and/or unsolicited advice.0
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Anyone else having the frustration of people constantly asking you to explain your diet and goals to them? I wish I could just say "no thank you" to food being offered without them asking why and having to explain. Then when I say that I'm watching what I eat it's like it becomes a debate issue and I'm having to defend myself and/or repeat my refusal several times. I don't really want to have to discuss it, it's tiresome. Am I alone in this? Sorry for the rant but I'm wondering if other people have had the same experience and have tactics that are effective at cutting off the line of questioning that comes after turning down food or eating related invitations without being rude.
I don't know why you can't just say no thank you. It sounds more like a people-pleasing issue than anything.
Additional reasons, should you really feel the need to explain yourself: I'm not hungry, really, I just ate, I'm going out for dinner, I have a hot date, etc.
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