Tired of explaining my diet to people
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emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
So you would be okay if someone offered me something sweet and I said no thank you, I'm diabetic when I am not?0 -
I don't usually discuss my diet, but if someone asks me, I'm more than happy to go into every boring detail, including BMR / TDEE, calorie counting in general, macros tracking, weighing my food, and then we can move on to exercise, including my routine, my HRM, apps I use, workout venues, etc. If a person isn't into this stuff, they probably won't bring it up again.0
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emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
So you would be okay if someone offered me something sweet and I said no thank you, I'm diabetic when I am not?
What's bothering you with that?0 -
emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.0 -
I didn't sift through the last 5 pages- so if its not on topic- feel free to ignore me
I don't normally discuss my diet with others but if they ask if I am losing weight I usually say yes and if they ask how, I'll explain how. The frustrating part is when coworkers/friends come running to me to tell me what crazy diet they are on and ask my feedback on it. some of the diets they come up with are crazy.0 -
jennifershoo wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
So you would be okay if someone offered me something sweet and I said no thank you, I'm diabetic when I am not?
What's bothering you with that?
I have explained this multiple times on this thread. You falsely claim you have an allergy, then eat a good you may or may not realize has they food you are claiming to be allergic to in it, people will think we'll if you can eat it so can the other person who is actually allergic.
This 100%. It is one of the major reasons I don't eat anything I haven't prepared myself.NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
You may ask well what is the big deal about an allergy. Well if I am exposed I end up with a tube down my throat and on a ventilator for 3days to a week. Anyone who thinks lying about allergies is okay, would you like to pay for the ICu room I end up in?
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kommodevaran wrote: »
If it's a consolation, you didn't come across like that to me, I got the "stuff ourselves with food we don't like" so I got you. But I'm not a native speaker either, so who knows
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Truly not trying to be combative, just curious about the thought process behind using a food allergy as a polite excuse to decline an insistent offerer putting other people in danger and even killing others?
I have some allergies. My daughter has the same. They are life threatening for her but not for me. So maybe I'm biased, but I take food allergies very seriously. I haven't used allergies as an excuse to refuse food, but luckily I don't have people around me who won't take a polite no thank you for an answer.
How exactly is this dangerous? If the argument is that it makes people not take allergies seriously, let me tell you some people are just *kitten* and won't take allergies seriously. I've been to the er with my daughter because people didn't take it seriously or believe in the face of all evidence. I don't see how Billy Bob saying he is allergic to whatever would make those people any less or more inconsiderate *kitten*.0 -
You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
"Chinese" food is gross. Real Chinese food is good, but that nasty, gelatinous stuff they call Chinese food here is not good. You could just request consume soup. It's just a broth and it looks like you're joining in on the festivities.
... I can see it from both sides. I know you find it annoying, but it is kind of rude to refuse all of it - you may as well not attend (go somewhere else?). They didn't ask you what kind of food you want, they asked you what you want from somewhere specific. They've chosen what is best for them to bring, and you should try to make the best of it. That's life. Request steamed veggies, consume soup, etc. Eat to your typical deficit number and do your "precious cheat" the next day.
That's subjective.
Damn straight.
I've had American Chinese food that was great and certainly not 'gelatinous', and I've had it where it was lousy.
I've had 'real Chinese food' that was great, and I've had it where it was lousy.
My advice to VeryKatie is to quit going to crappy Chinese restaurants. Admittedly, this is hard - the crappy ones vastly outnumber the good ones, at least around here.
I can't find any good places! Except dim-sum (Is that technically Chinese? I don't even know). My city isn't all that big and it seems like there's maybe 1.5 good Chinese food places, you know (including the dim-sum place)? And then if it's take out it's cold by the time you eat it and I just generally don't like cold food. And then it changes if you nuke it... I promise I'm not even that picky a person. Totally sounds like I am right here.
Of course, the real point of my original post was for the OP to specify some things she's willing to eat so that she can maintain a good relationship with people who will be in her life forever, and then to have her cheat meal the next day instead.0 -
It's like being a witness in a courtroom, or talking to a customs agent. Give short one-word answers and don't volunteer anything.
This is the best, most succinct recommendation of how to deal with unwanted questions/discussions about diet I've ever heard. Wish this were Reddit so I could give you gold
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I think it's a bit ridiculous to tell the OP she's being rude for turning down food. If I was her in-law, I would think "great, saves me some money." Feeding 4+ people is not cheap, so if you think about it, she's doing the smart thing by not wasting their money on something she's not going to eat.
The convo between me and my family:
Family member: Do you want (insert random food here)?
Me: No, I'm good.
Family member: Are you sure?
Me: Yep, I'm good.
Family member: Ok. Just making sure.
And that's the end of the discussion. My family realizes that I'm trying to lose weight, they realize that I'm a picky eater, and they also realize that I'm an adult. And they respect it.
I also follow the "everything in moderation" credo, but that doesn't meant that I'm obligated to eat everything.0 -
You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
"Chinese" food is gross. Real Chinese food is good, but that nasty, gelatinous stuff they call Chinese food here is not good. You could just request consume soup. It's just a broth and it looks like you're joining in on the festivities.
... I can see it from both sides. I know you find it annoying, but it is kind of rude to refuse all of it - you may as well not attend (go somewhere else?). They didn't ask you what kind of food you want, they asked you what you want from somewhere specific. They've chosen what is best for them to bring, and you should try to make the best of it. That's life. Request steamed veggies, consume soup, etc. Eat to your typical deficit number and do your "precious cheat" the next day.
That's subjective.
Damn straight.
I've had American Chinese food that was great and certainly not 'gelatinous', and I've had it where it was lousy.
I've had 'real Chinese food' that was great, and I've had it where it was lousy.
My advice to VeryKatie is to quit going to crappy Chinese restaurants. Admittedly, this is hard - the crappy ones vastly outnumber the good ones, at least around here.
I can't find any good places! Except dim-sum (Is that technically Chinese? I don't even know). My city isn't all that big and it seems like there's maybe 1.5 good Chinese food places, you know (including the dim-sum place)? And then if it's take out it's cold by the time you eat it and I just generally don't like cold food. And then it changes if you nuke it... I promise I'm not even that picky a person. Totally sounds like I am right here.
Can you use UrbanSpoon to get some ideas for good Chinese food places around you? Do you have any friends who might know a good place?
All I know is that I'm going to get me some Chinese food tomorrow after I leave my pole class. You guys have got me craving some.0 -
anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
It's not just not eating the same thing in this case. It's a matter of being grateful for a kind gesture, which is treating them to dinner. If this were me, I'd eat a portion that fit into my calories for the day and save my cheat meal for another night.
Bringing them a meal may be a kind gesture, but it it's not food she wants to eat, why the heck should she have to eat it?
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NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
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Whether or not I was trying to lose weight, I am not eating anything I don't want to eat. And the reasons why are irrelevant. Why are some advicing the OP to fit it in or lie or anything other than "No thanks. I am not having Chinese food tonight"?. Period.
I've been losing weight via CICO since September. I think I went to restaurants 2 or 3 times in the time and managed to find dishes that fit my goals. The difference is that *I* wanted to go to the restaurant. I wasn't pressured to go. I would not go if I didn't want to. To each his own. Some like choose to eat any or all things in moderation and others choose to avoid things that might sabotage their weight loss. There is no right or wrong. It's up to the individual.
I must have some kind of "repellant" because people just don't pressure or harrass me like that. I think it's like a previous poster said. If you keep your answers short, direct and to the point, you probably won't have any issues. Don't leave the door open for people to offer an opinion on what you're doing and they generally won't.0 -
You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
"Chinese" food is gross. Real Chinese food is good, but that nasty, gelatinous stuff they call Chinese food here is not good. You could just request consume soup. It's just a broth and it looks like you're joining in on the festivities.
... I can see it from both sides. I know you find it annoying, but it is kind of rude to refuse all of it - you may as well not attend (go somewhere else?). They didn't ask you what kind of food you want, they asked you what you want from somewhere specific. They've chosen what is best for them to bring, and you should try to make the best of it. That's life. Request steamed veggies, consume soup, etc. Eat to your typical deficit number and do your "precious cheat" the next day.
That's subjective.
Damn straight.
I've had American Chinese food that was great and certainly not 'gelatinous', and I've had it where it was lousy.
I've had 'real Chinese food' that was great, and I've had it where it was lousy.
My advice to VeryKatie is to quit going to crappy Chinese restaurants. Admittedly, this is hard - the crappy ones vastly outnumber the good ones, at least around here.
I can't find any good places! Except dim-sum (Is that technically Chinese? I don't even know). My city isn't all that big and it seems like there's maybe 1.5 good Chinese food places, you know (including the dim-sum place)? And then if it's take out it's cold by the time you eat it and I just generally don't like cold food. And then it changes if you nuke it... I promise I'm not even that picky a person. Totally sounds like I am right here.
Can you use UrbanSpoon to get some ideas for good Chinese food places around you? Do you have any friends who might know a good place?
All I know is that I'm going to get me some Chinese food tomorrow after I leave my pole class. You guys have got me craving some.
It seems what I like is not the same as what UrbanSpoon likes in terms of Chinese food. I mean, tons of people like the stuff I describe as being gelatinous and gross... but... for obvious preferences, I don't like that. So it's not very helpful in this case. I found the 0.5 good restaurant through a friend. It has half authentic food and half Americanized food.
That being said - I'm the kind of picky eater that even if it's not something I'd choose, I'd still eat it. The only thing I actually have to pass on is scalloped potatoes. The smell of them actually makes me run to the bathroom to barf. It's so weird! I don't even know WHY! I guess it's the scalded milk? But still, logically I don't see why that makes me almost barf.
OH that brings me to a tactic I use that I forgot about - it's called the "Put a bunch of other stuff on your plate so that it's full by the time the thing you hate comes around and you can use the 'my plate is too full' line" trick. It's a pretty self explanatory name for a trick. But of course... then you have to eat everything else on the plate. Hopefully it's 60% veggies...0 -
jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.0 -
Whether or not I was trying to lose weight, I am not eating anything I don't want to eat. And the reasons why are irrelevant. Why are some advicing the OP to fit it in or lie or anything other than "No thanks. I am not having Chinese food tonight"?. Period.
I've been losing weight via CICO since September. I think I went to restaurants 2 or 3 times in the time and managed to find dishes that fit my goals. The difference is that *I* wanted to go to the restaurant. I wasn't pressured to go. I would not go if I didn't want to. To each his own. Some like choose to eat any or all things in moderation and others choose to avoid things that might sabotage their weight loss. There is no right or wrong. It's up to the individual.
I must have some kind of "repellant" because people just don't pressure or harrass me like that. I think it's like a previous poster said. If you keep your answers short, direct and to the point, you probably won't have any issues. Don't leave the door open for people to offer an opinion on what you're doing and they generally won't.I visit my parents every Friday and every Friday this is the conversation:
Mom: Hey are you going to eat lunch?
Me: Nah
Mom: You never want to eat what I with us
Dad: Ah leave him alone. He doesn't want to eat what we are eating
I enjoy what they are eating, I just don't feel like eating it. Because it's my choice as an adult what I eat.
Pretty much this.
I pay my own bills, therefore I decide what I do and don't do.0
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