Tired of explaining my diet to people
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carlyy4589 wrote: »People ALWAYS push food on me. I am not always dieting but (I bring my own food and don't need handouts. Especially crackers or cookies. If my lunch is not "big enough" too bad for me I'm an adult JEEZ
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I agree that all this drama is unnecessarily caused by the original poster. It simply is not necessary. Being flexible is part of being a happy person, IMHO - it is so easy to get bent out of shape when you try to stick to something rigid.
Is it worth the family angst that you've caused? Just order shrimp and vegetables and eat a portion of it, say you're stuffed, and say "Thank you so much, this was really nice of you." Drink some extra water...
Over, finished, done. Family's happy, your husband is happy...and wow. No more drama.0 -
If you don't make a fuss about your diet people typically don't ask beyond making a passing comment. Don't engage with them on the subject and you will not have to discuss it.
^^^This. I usually don't bring it up. As others have said, I don't look at what I'm doing as a "diet" because it's just how I live my life now. For me, this is now just the new normal. The only issue I've been running into lately is now people have noticed I've lost weight, and that prompts questions. I'm usually just honest and to the point...calorie counting and exercise. Once I say that a lot of them glaze over and move on because it's not what they wanted to hear, lol. Plus, I don't turn everything down I'm offered. If it's something you want, just take a serving and work it into your calories. No need to deprive yourself. Life's too short. And I go out to eat all the time. It's totally doable...just requires a bit of preplanning sometimes if I'm trying to stay within my calories on that day.
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I don't tell people I'm on a diet, I just say no thank you if I'm offered something I don't want. The only person who's ever been an issue is my mother, she made stuffing for Thanksgiving that had pork sausage in it and got pretty butt hurt that I wouldn't eat it. I don't eat pork and haven't for almost 20 years (and she knows this). I'm sorry she was offended, however I'm an adult and I am not going to eat something I don't like, don't want or goes against my beliefs, just to make someone else feel better. (The exception would be some of the Mother's Day breakfasts my kids have made, some of which were really gross. Though I still wouldn't eat pork even if my kids made it, but since I do all the shopping this really isn't a concern).
As for the Chinese food from the inlaws. My response would be thank you for offering to bring me something, but I already have my dinner tonight panned out (or made).0 -
I am so jealous reading about all this self control and saying no. I don't know how you all do it. I see socialising as a genuine reason to stuff my face. And even more, drink. There's a massive drinking culture in the UK, it isn't unusual to consume 600 -1000 cals of booze at a social event, and if I didn't, my friends would consider me extremely dull.
I'm trying to retrain my thinking, but it feels like altering my personality and I don't like it. It will be great to be at goal and for these events to matter less.
When my parents in law arrange meals out it's a massive binge. There's just no way I could sip a gin and slimline tonic all evening and restrict myself to a low calorie meal whilst watching them stuff whatever they wanted and drink bottles of wine and cocktails. I'm incredibly impressed that people can do that, how???
The thing is, I do know how you feel. I was like this for most of my life... until I suddenly wasn't. It just clicked in my brain or something: Oh hey, I can walk past the basket of chocolates at the office. I don't have to drink another round. I can stop at one slice of bread and not eat five or six.
It's funny, because I think I was worried about what others would think of me for so long. I had built this identity as a devil-may-care-let's-have-another-cupcake girl, maybe as a defense mechanism against comments about my weight, but it became a habit and I thought that people honestly saw me that way and I was reluctant to "alter my personality" like you said. I thought if I started refusing food, or ordering salad, or turning down dessert, people would wonder what happened to me and would make a big deal about it, so I felt all this pressure not to change.
And you know what? When I finally realized I was being dumb and sabotaging my own life, I just stopped. And when came down to it, nobody noticed! I mean, really, nobody noticed. My mom did a little bit, but she's tactful enough never to say anything about my weight or portion sizes (even though maybe she should have ages ago, when I was eating way too much, but she's a Jewish mother and thinks that shovelling food on my plate is her mission in life) but after a few weeks, I started noticing more vegetables and smaller portion sizes when she'd invite me for dinner, so she caught on pretty quick. Everyone else? Nobody's said a word. I don't even think they've noticed.
It's refreshing to realize that you don't *have* to eat at all these social occasions. There's no rule. It feels a bit awkward at first, because habits are hard to break. But at some point, you CAN go out and sip a gin and slimline tonic all evening, and maybe someone will say something once or twice but after that they will just shrug and get on with their own drinking. And you're just as much fun of a person sober, trust me. (Plus, when you lose weight and drink less, you become a lightweight -- one drink makes me slightly tipsy now, something I never could've believed earlier -- so, bonus for my pocketbook!) And if there's a meal out with friends or relatives, you just learn to order strategically from the menu, and eventually that just becomes your habit. Nobody cares what's on your plate; they're busy enjoying what's on theirs.
Live your life for you, not for others.0 -
You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
Cheat night or not, adjust a bit according especially if it doesn't happen often.
-cheat night, order food of choice that meets yours calories & macro
-order something light from the Chinese & eat your other "intended" food you want to "cheat" when they haven't arrived yet or after they leave
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Also, like others have said, be gratful, enjoy your family time & move cheat day to a different day.
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It drives me nuts that moderation doesn't end well for me and I have to keep explaining that. I've decided to tell people it's not an addiction or a satiety issue or carb cravings or some emotional compulsion or anything else. It's just that I enjoy quietly hating on all you people who can effortlessly have one piece of cake and then walk away satisfied. I am enjoying my bellyful of hatred, okay? So I'm going to be off in this corner with my steak, scowling at all the normal-weight people cruising the dessert bar for sensible portions to fit into their daily allotment. Because I like it!
I think you should probably talk to a therapist if people with normal eating habits bother you that much...
If that is normal how come so many Americans are obese or overweight? By definition, that isn't normal!
Ok, I'll rephrase.
I think you should probably talk to a therapist if people with reasonable eating habits bother you that much...
Well that joke fell flat! I was just kidding around!
Keep your day job.
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People are so used to me eating junk at lunch so when I started to bring my own lunch they automatically said "are you on a diet?" instead of saying yes and deal with the never ending questions, I just say "I am bringing my lunch to save money, I realized I spend way too much on eating out" The questions stop right there.0
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I am so jealous reading about all this self control and saying no. I don't know how you all do it. I see socialising as a genuine reason to stuff my face. And even more, drink. There's a massive drinking culture in the UK, it isn't unusual to consume 600 -1000 cals of booze at a social event, and if I didn't, my friends would consider me extremely dull.
I'm trying to retrain my thinking, but it feels like altering my personality and I don't like it. It will be great to be at goal and for these events to matter less.
When my parents in law arrange meals out it's a massive binge. There's just no way I could sip a gin and slimline tonic all evening and restrict myself to a low calorie meal whilst watching them stuff whatever they wanted and drink bottles of wine and cocktails. I'm incredibly impressed that people can do that, how???
I think most of us are affected by what others are eating and drinking, so it's partially about keeping that in mind and working with it. I do find myself eating/drinking more when out with others, but I will pre-plan for those occasions. I might exercise more and eat back all the exercise calories (which is really putting me closer to maintenance for the day since MFP overestimates caloreis big time). That's my own personal way of having "give" in my plan. I also put my calories at maintenance for the two weeks I was home for holidays. I'm OK losing a bit more slowly if it makes this all more sustainable and realistic.
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yes people are rude when you are dieting. esp if you arent overweight. I try to avoid sugar and people actually get pissed about it.0
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It drives me nuts that moderation doesn't end well for me and I have to keep explaining that. I've decided to tell people it's not an addiction or a satiety issue or carb cravings or some emotional compulsion or anything else. It's just that I enjoy quietly hating on all you people who can effortlessly have one piece of cake and then walk away satisfied. I am enjoying my bellyful of hatred, okay? So I'm going to be off in this corner with my steak, scowling at all the normal-weight people cruising the dessert bar for sensible portions to fit into their daily allotment. Because I like it!
I think you should probably talk to a therapist if people with normal eating habits bother you that much...
If that is normal how come so many Americans are obese or overweight? By definition, that isn't normal!
Eating "normal" is a human condition not a nationality issue. Obese humans eat at a calorie surplus, "normal" humans eat at maintenance.
You are wasting your time and effort with the hatred it doesn't help you reach any goal.
If moderation doesn't work for you perhaps you should find another technique that does work. All techniques for maintaing a calorie deficit require effort and dedication and none of them are easy. So big deal if one of them doesn't work for you. There is an endless supply of techniques that work for different people.
The I hate you for being able to browse the dessert bar and not gain two pounds was a joke! I need a snark font!
I know people who maintain easily eating a huge variety of foods, including sugary foods, but they are rare. My sister does it. I love her to death until she tries pushing her healthy trail mix on me and I give in and eat the whole bag.
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Just say you are allergic to that type of food or say "no thank you" and don't elaborate. Both should work just fine0
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I wish saying "No thank you" was that easy. I get people who will offer me something and I politely say no thank you and they get ugly. I suffer from Celiac Disease, so I try to stay away from wheat for the most part, not completely, but I do limit it so when people say "one piece of cake won't kill you" it really makes me mad. They are right it won't "kill" me but it sure won't help me!
People just don't get it!0 -
"No, thank you. But thanks for asking!" is a completely appropriate response. It's NOT rude to turn down food. You should be allowed to control what you consume.
Also, when hosting a guest, you are supposed to find out what the guest will and won't eat before cooking for them. It's incredibly rude for a host to cook something that a guest is allergic to, doesn't like, or can't eat for whatever reason. Part of being a good host is making sure you are meeting your guests needs, not pushing your own agenda onto them. I have friends who are gluten free, allergic to seafood, just don't like pork or whatever. I always make sure what I make for them fit into their dietary guidelines.0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »I suffer from Celiac Disease, so I try to stay away from wheat for the most part, not completely, but I do limit it so when people say "one piece of cake won't kill you" it really makes me mad. They are right it won't "kill" me but it sure won't help me!
People just don't get it!
Not for nothing, but if you actually do have Celiac then you really need to stay away from all gluten, even trace elements.0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »I suffer from Celiac Disease, so I try to stay away from wheat for the most part, not completely, but I do limit it so when people say "one piece of cake won't kill you" it really makes me mad. They are right it won't "kill" me but it sure won't help me!
People just don't get it!
Not for nothing, but if you actually do have Celiac then you really need to stay away from all gluten, even trace elements.
I don't eat gluten everyday but I may have a PB and J sandwich on wheat bread once a week. Because I haven't found a gluten free bread that I like yet. I am still new to this.0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »I don't eat gluten everyday but I may have a PB and J sandwich on wheat bread once a week. Because I haven't found a gluten free bread that I like yet. I am still new to this.
Hey, I'm not criticizing. I just think that there's a lot of misunderstanding out there about celiac and gluten-free. It's become something of a fad diet, or a habit that lots of non-celiac people have gotten into either because they suffer from IBS or other, or because it's trendy.
The challenge is that it leads many people to believe that a little bit of gluten is fine to feed actual celiac sufferers, when in truth it's not and it would make them very sick. I have a couple of friends in that boat, and it drives them nuts.0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »I don't eat gluten everyday but I may have a PB and J sandwich on wheat bread once a week. Because I haven't found a gluten free bread that I like yet. I am still new to this.
Hey, I'm not criticizing. I just think that there's a lot of misunderstanding out there about celiac and gluten-free. It's become something of a fad diet, or a habit that lots of non-celiac people have gotten into either because they suffer from IBS or other, or because it's trendy.
The challenge is that it leads many people to believe that a little bit of gluten is fine to feed actual celiac sufferers, when in truth it's not and it would make them very sick. I have a couple of friends in that boat, and it drives them nuts.
Celiac is the cause of my severe anemia. (I am too young to have this many health problems) But when I turn something down, I wish I didn't have to explain myself. People think everyone can eat anything they want, I wish I could.0 -
auntchellebelle wrote: »I wish saying "No thank you" was that easy. I get people who will offer me something and I politely say no thank you and they get ugly. I suffer from Celiac Disease, so I try to stay away from wheat for the most part, not completely, but I do limit it so when people say "one piece of cake won't kill you" it really makes me mad. They are right it won't "kill" me but it sure won't help me!
People just don't get it!
I'm sorry, but ... what? You have celiac disease and don't avoid wheat completely? Are you aware of the risk you're taking and what repeated gluten exposure can do for celiacs?
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