Tired of explaining my diet to people
Replies
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It's like being a witness in a courtroom, or talking to a customs agent. Give short one-word answers and don't volunteer anything.
This is the best, most succinct recommendation of how to deal with unwanted questions/discussions about diet I've ever heard. Wish this were Reddit so I could give you gold
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I think it's a bit ridiculous to tell the OP she's being rude for turning down food. If I was her in-law, I would think "great, saves me some money." Feeding 4+ people is not cheap, so if you think about it, she's doing the smart thing by not wasting their money on something she's not going to eat.
The convo between me and my family:
Family member: Do you want (insert random food here)?
Me: No, I'm good.
Family member: Are you sure?
Me: Yep, I'm good.
Family member: Ok. Just making sure.
And that's the end of the discussion. My family realizes that I'm trying to lose weight, they realize that I'm a picky eater, and they also realize that I'm an adult. And they respect it.
I also follow the "everything in moderation" credo, but that doesn't meant that I'm obligated to eat everything.0 -
You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
"Chinese" food is gross. Real Chinese food is good, but that nasty, gelatinous stuff they call Chinese food here is not good. You could just request consume soup. It's just a broth and it looks like you're joining in on the festivities.
... I can see it from both sides. I know you find it annoying, but it is kind of rude to refuse all of it - you may as well not attend (go somewhere else?). They didn't ask you what kind of food you want, they asked you what you want from somewhere specific. They've chosen what is best for them to bring, and you should try to make the best of it. That's life. Request steamed veggies, consume soup, etc. Eat to your typical deficit number and do your "precious cheat" the next day.
That's subjective.
Damn straight.
I've had American Chinese food that was great and certainly not 'gelatinous', and I've had it where it was lousy.
I've had 'real Chinese food' that was great, and I've had it where it was lousy.
My advice to VeryKatie is to quit going to crappy Chinese restaurants. Admittedly, this is hard - the crappy ones vastly outnumber the good ones, at least around here.
I can't find any good places! Except dim-sum (Is that technically Chinese? I don't even know). My city isn't all that big and it seems like there's maybe 1.5 good Chinese food places, you know (including the dim-sum place)? And then if it's take out it's cold by the time you eat it and I just generally don't like cold food. And then it changes if you nuke it... I promise I'm not even that picky a person. Totally sounds like I am right here.
Can you use UrbanSpoon to get some ideas for good Chinese food places around you? Do you have any friends who might know a good place?
All I know is that I'm going to get me some Chinese food tomorrow after I leave my pole class. You guys have got me craving some.0 -
anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
It's not just not eating the same thing in this case. It's a matter of being grateful for a kind gesture, which is treating them to dinner. If this were me, I'd eat a portion that fit into my calories for the day and save my cheat meal for another night.
Bringing them a meal may be a kind gesture, but it it's not food she wants to eat, why the heck should she have to eat it?
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NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
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Whether or not I was trying to lose weight, I am not eating anything I don't want to eat. And the reasons why are irrelevant. Why are some advicing the OP to fit it in or lie or anything other than "No thanks. I am not having Chinese food tonight"?. Period.
I've been losing weight via CICO since September. I think I went to restaurants 2 or 3 times in the time and managed to find dishes that fit my goals. The difference is that *I* wanted to go to the restaurant. I wasn't pressured to go. I would not go if I didn't want to. To each his own. Some like choose to eat any or all things in moderation and others choose to avoid things that might sabotage their weight loss. There is no right or wrong. It's up to the individual.
I must have some kind of "repellant" because people just don't pressure or harrass me like that. I think it's like a previous poster said. If you keep your answers short, direct and to the point, you probably won't have any issues. Don't leave the door open for people to offer an opinion on what you're doing and they generally won't.0 -
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You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
"Chinese" food is gross. Real Chinese food is good, but that nasty, gelatinous stuff they call Chinese food here is not good. You could just request consume soup. It's just a broth and it looks like you're joining in on the festivities.
... I can see it from both sides. I know you find it annoying, but it is kind of rude to refuse all of it - you may as well not attend (go somewhere else?). They didn't ask you what kind of food you want, they asked you what you want from somewhere specific. They've chosen what is best for them to bring, and you should try to make the best of it. That's life. Request steamed veggies, consume soup, etc. Eat to your typical deficit number and do your "precious cheat" the next day.
That's subjective.
Damn straight.
I've had American Chinese food that was great and certainly not 'gelatinous', and I've had it where it was lousy.
I've had 'real Chinese food' that was great, and I've had it where it was lousy.
My advice to VeryKatie is to quit going to crappy Chinese restaurants. Admittedly, this is hard - the crappy ones vastly outnumber the good ones, at least around here.
I can't find any good places! Except dim-sum (Is that technically Chinese? I don't even know). My city isn't all that big and it seems like there's maybe 1.5 good Chinese food places, you know (including the dim-sum place)? And then if it's take out it's cold by the time you eat it and I just generally don't like cold food. And then it changes if you nuke it... I promise I'm not even that picky a person. Totally sounds like I am right here.
Can you use UrbanSpoon to get some ideas for good Chinese food places around you? Do you have any friends who might know a good place?
All I know is that I'm going to get me some Chinese food tomorrow after I leave my pole class. You guys have got me craving some.
It seems what I like is not the same as what UrbanSpoon likes in terms of Chinese food. I mean, tons of people like the stuff I describe as being gelatinous and gross... but... for obvious preferences, I don't like that. So it's not very helpful in this case. I found the 0.5 good restaurant through a friend. It has half authentic food and half Americanized food.
That being said - I'm the kind of picky eater that even if it's not something I'd choose, I'd still eat it. The only thing I actually have to pass on is scalloped potatoes. The smell of them actually makes me run to the bathroom to barf. It's so weird! I don't even know WHY! I guess it's the scalded milk? But still, logically I don't see why that makes me almost barf.
OH that brings me to a tactic I use that I forgot about - it's called the "Put a bunch of other stuff on your plate so that it's full by the time the thing you hate comes around and you can use the 'my plate is too full' line" trick. It's a pretty self explanatory name for a trick. But of course... then you have to eat everything else on the plate. Hopefully it's 60% veggies...0 -
jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.0 -
Whether or not I was trying to lose weight, I am not eating anything I don't want to eat. And the reasons why are irrelevant. Why are some advicing the OP to fit it in or lie or anything other than "No thanks. I am not having Chinese food tonight"?. Period.
I've been losing weight via CICO since September. I think I went to restaurants 2 or 3 times in the time and managed to find dishes that fit my goals. The difference is that *I* wanted to go to the restaurant. I wasn't pressured to go. I would not go if I didn't want to. To each his own. Some like choose to eat any or all things in moderation and others choose to avoid things that might sabotage their weight loss. There is no right or wrong. It's up to the individual.
I must have some kind of "repellant" because people just don't pressure or harrass me like that. I think it's like a previous poster said. If you keep your answers short, direct and to the point, you probably won't have any issues. Don't leave the door open for people to offer an opinion on what you're doing and they generally won't.I visit my parents every Friday and every Friday this is the conversation:
Mom: Hey are you going to eat lunch?
Me: Nah
Mom: You never want to eat what I with us
Dad: Ah leave him alone. He doesn't want to eat what we are eating
I enjoy what they are eating, I just don't feel like eating it. Because it's my choice as an adult what I eat.
Pretty much this.
I pay my own bills, therefore I decide what I do and don't do.0 -
Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread. That's my hot button issue.)0 -
jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
What? Yes! I have personally had experience with this. Before I was an expert on what I can and cannot eat I had a friend bake me something she thought was okay because "so and so" had an allergy and could eat it. An hour later I'm in the ER being emergency Intubated because my airway was closing and medications were not helping.
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NJGamerChick wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.
This is a stretch. If someone gave your food you were intolerant of (when you asked them not to) it means they were careless and/or wreckless or malicious. Has nothing to do with someone begging off of food by using a false excuse. You should be able to say "no garlic, please" and expect no garlic, regardless of whether you have an allergy.0 -
For me, because I'm only trying to lose a few pounds I get a lot of "You don't need to lose weight, why are you on a diet?" or "one cookie won't kill you" type remarks. Well sorry people. I'm 5'1 if I eat more than 1200 calories a day I won't lose weight. My friend who is 5'9"....sure a cookie won't kill her diet but for me I have to be really careful (or find 2 hours a day to exercise which isn't practical for me). I have this figured out. I know what works for me and if that cookie puts me over my 1200 it won;t work, period.
So I usually don't say anything about a diet...if they offer me something I can;t fit into my daily calorie count I just say "no thanks, I'm fine." or "I brought my lunch" or "I have other plans" they don;t need a reason why every time. Sometime I lie and say I already ate or just had a snack. lol
If they ask personal questions about your goals you can always say, "Sorry, that's not something I'm sharing with others."
A two-hour workout for a cookie? You're doing it wrong.
I don't know, maybe it is one AMAZING cookie...
I would work out 2 hours for that...
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So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
I couldn't agree more! When I was in Iraq I spent time in some Iraqi's homes. They had brought out small plates of food and I ate everything on my plate (like most Americans have been taught) and they immediately put more food on my plate. The translator I was with told me that I should always leave a little bit on my plate, or else I am showing them that they did not give me enough.
Everyone's path and understanding is different. Every time I think I know everything, I find out how little I actually know.
LOL. SO TRUE.
I made the same mistake when I was in Dubai. But, I have to admit, the food was so delicious I didn't want to stop eating it, anyway!0 -
NJGamerChick wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.
This is a stretch. If someone gave your food you were intolerant of (when you asked them not to) it means they were careless and/or wreckless or malicious. Has nothing to do with someone begging off of food by using a false excuse. You should be able to say "no garlic, please" and expect no garlic, regardless of whether you have an allergy.
Except sensitivities and allergies can be triggered by cross contamination as well. Most food places do not take allergies seriously because of people who do this. I personally never eat out because I can't trust any resturant not to kill me.0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread.)
I understand what you're saying. But I think if someone is the type to ignore another person's stated food allergy, they're just an *kitten*. I am allergic to mangos. I break out in a painful rash all over my mouth, anywhere the mango juice touches. But it won't kill me. One of these a holes could see me inadvertently drink something with some mango juice in it and not die. They don't see the painful rash that lasts the next 3 days. They will still go on believing allergies don't exist. Not because I lied, but because they're an a hole.
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NJGamerChick wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.
This is a stretch. If someone gave your food you were intolerant of (when you asked them not to) it means they were careless and/or wreckless or malicious. Has nothing to do with someone begging off of food by using a false excuse. You should be able to say "no garlic, please" and expect no garlic, regardless of whether you have an allergy.
Ah, it should work that way, but it doesn't. Human nature is fickle. And for some reason, human nature hates people it perceives as special snowflakes. You can't expect no garlic when the chef has an ego the size of a continent and thinks it will ruin his dish and he got away with it last time.
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Yes exactly - either - tell them you're not that hungry and ask them to just bring you some steamed veggies- any chinese restaurant will do that (i'm allergic to soy, I know). Eat a very small amount of a regular dish so you don't go over cals and have your treat tomorrow, or just tell them you're on a diet. Lots of choices to still get what you want!anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
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nicsflyingcircus wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
It's not just not eating the same thing in this case. It's a matter of being grateful for a kind gesture, which is treating them to dinner. If this were me, I'd eat a portion that fit into my calories for the day and save my cheat meal for another night.
Bringing them a meal may be a kind gesture, but it it's not food she wants to eat, why the heck should she have to eat it?
You know what? She doesn't have to eat it. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. No one is holding her down and force feeding it to her.
Is it how I would handle my important personal relationships with people? No.
I would:
1) want to keep the peace with my inlaws
2) be grateful for a free meal and
3) recognize that it's only one stupid dinner. So much angst for ONE dinner.
And, for the record, if one dinner is going to derail your weight loss then you're doing it wrong.
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spunkyabroad wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread.)
I understand what you're saying. But I think if someone is the type to ignore another person's stated food allergy, they're just an *kitten*. I am allergic to mangos. I break out in a painful rash all over my mouth, anywhere the mango juice touches. But it won't kill me. One of these a holes could see me inadvertently drink something with some mango juice in it and not die. They don't see the painful rash that lasts the next 3 days. They will still go on believing allergies don't exist. Not because I lied, but because they're an a hole.
Just a question- not trying to be rude- but are you allergic to actual mango or the urishol in the skin? A lot of people don't realize mango skin contains urishol and don't prepare mangos properly.
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spunkyabroad wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread.)
I understand what you're saying. But I think if someone is the type to ignore another person's stated food allergy, they're just an *kitten*. I am allergic to mangos. I break out in a painful rash all over my mouth, anywhere the mango juice touches. But it won't kill me. One of these a holes could see me inadvertently drink something with some mango juice in it and not die. They don't see the painful rash that lasts the next 3 days. They will still go on believing allergies don't exist. Not because I lied, but because they're an a hole.
Just a question- not trying to be rude- but are you allergic to actual mango or the urishol in the skin? A lot of people don't realize mango skin contains urishol and don't prepare mangos properly.
I've had the same reaction from mango juice in a cocktail and eating the actual fruit so I just avoid it like the plague.
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Since when has it become socially acceptable to lie about a medical issue?
So all those who seem it is okay to lie about allergies, how would you feel if someone said "no I can't eat that, I'm diabetic" when they are not?0 -
spunkyabroad wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread.)
I understand what you're saying. But I think if someone is the type to ignore another person's stated food allergy, they're just an *kitten*. I am allergic to mangos. I break out in a painful rash all over my mouth, anywhere the mango juice touches. But it won't kill me. One of these a holes could see me inadvertently drink something with some mango juice in it and not die. They don't see the painful rash that lasts the next 3 days. They will still go on believing allergies don't exist. Not because I lied, but because they're an a hole.
Well, yes, but, the people lying don't help. I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone with celiac disease. Not eating gluten has become such a fad, that rip-off artists have sold gluten-containing products and labeled them gluten free to jump on a perceived health craze bandwagon.
They're aholes and they are riding on the backs of a bunch of liars who say they can't eat gluten.
People like me who really can't eat gluten are the ones who suffer.
Yes, the aholes are still aholes no matter what happens, but the liars don't help the situation.
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NJGamerChick wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.
This is a stretch. If someone gave your food you were intolerant of (when you asked them not to) it means they were careless and/or wreckless or malicious. Has nothing to do with someone begging off of food by using a false excuse. You should be able to say "no garlic, please" and expect no garlic, regardless of whether you have an allergy.
Except sensitivities and allergies can be triggered by cross contamination as well. Most food places do not take allergies seriously because of people who do this. I personally never eat out because I can't trust any resturant not to kill me.
I believe that some people don't take it seriously but I don't think it's mainly because some people lie about food allergies. I think the people who blow it off are just idiots.
As an aside, I know some people (actually, many people) who don't eat pork. Or I should say "won't" eat pork. A lot of folks I know don't take that seriously. They might cook with pork and serve it to them anyway. Or they may fry something in oil where pork was fried previously. That I have seen a lot. I do wonder if they are trying to prove a point like: If pork was so bad, how come you didn't know it was in what you just ate?
And I have a confession... My ex-boyfriend didn't like food warmed in the microwave. So if I made something I'd always have to warm it SLOWLY in the oven or on the stove. At least a few times, when he wasn't paying attention, I warmed it in the microwave. And he didn't notice or die... not the same thing but it made me laugh to remember I did that...0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »jennifershoo wrote: »NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
What???? No.
So, if someone goes to a restaurant and claims a garlic allergy because he doesn't like garlicky food and eats a dish with garlic and is fine, and someone with a true allergy to garlic goes into a restaurant claiming the same, you think the person with the true garlic allergy will be taken as seriously after the person with a false claim goes in? What if it happens more than once, like, say 10 times?
I've had this happen to me, not with an allergy, but a medically diagnosed sensitivity. Last time, I was miserable for 3 weeks because proper disclosure wasn't made. Why? Because people are too dense to realize how these false claims hurt those who genuinely need precautions.
This is a stretch. If someone gave your food you were intolerant of (when you asked them not to) it means they were careless and/or wreckless or malicious. Has nothing to do with someone begging off of food by using a false excuse. You should be able to say "no garlic, please" and expect no garlic, regardless of whether you have an allergy.
Ah, it should work that way, but it doesn't. Human nature is fickle. And for some reason, human nature hates people it perceives as special snowflakes. You can't expect no garlic when the chef has an ego the size of a continent and thinks it will ruin his dish and he got away with it last time.
Agree0 -
spunkyabroad wrote: »spunkyabroad wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread.)
I understand what you're saying. But I think if someone is the type to ignore another person's stated food allergy, they're just an *kitten*. I am allergic to mangos. I break out in a painful rash all over my mouth, anywhere the mango juice touches. But it won't kill me. One of these a holes could see me inadvertently drink something with some mango juice in it and not die. They don't see the painful rash that lasts the next 3 days. They will still go on believing allergies don't exist. Not because I lied, but because they're an a hole.
Just a question- not trying to be rude- but are you allergic to actual mango or the urishol in the skin? A lot of people don't realize mango skin contains urishol and don't prepare mangos properly.
I've had the same reaction from mango juice in a cocktail and eating the actual fruit so I just avoid it like the plague.
The rash was likely due to the urishiol and not the mango itself. In case people are wondering, urishiol is the oil found in poison ivy, sumac and oak. It is also found in the skin of a mango at a lower concentration. It causes contact dermatitis where it touches. It is estimated that over 80% of the earths population is allergic to it (why some get the rash and others don't). If you don't prepare a mayo properly you can accidently ingest it. If only your mouth breaks out and no where else, I'd say it was likely from the skin, not the magi itself.0 -
spunkyabroad wrote: »spunkyabroad wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »Regarding the food allergy excuse and people not taking it seriously...
It's a thing. Some people are just idiots. They get their back up when they hear it and want to "test" the whole "allergy business". So they sneak something in food because they just don't "believe in" food allergies.
When people lie about a food allergy, they could eat the offending food, and not suffer any ill effects, and that bumbling idiot will then go on in their persistent belief that food allergies aren't a real thing. They could then go on to "test" someone with a real issue.
Now, how does this apply to this thread? Probably in no way if you're outright refusing food. The fact remains that for those of us with honest to goodness food allergy/intolerance issues, we've all come across these food testing idiots before and this whole business about people lying about food allergies for whatever reason is a real hot button for us.
Just don't do it.
(You should see me let loose on a gluten thread.)
I understand what you're saying. But I think if someone is the type to ignore another person's stated food allergy, they're just an *kitten*. I am allergic to mangos. I break out in a painful rash all over my mouth, anywhere the mango juice touches. But it won't kill me. One of these a holes could see me inadvertently drink something with some mango juice in it and not die. They don't see the painful rash that lasts the next 3 days. They will still go on believing allergies don't exist. Not because I lied, but because they're an a hole.
Just a question- not trying to be rude- but are you allergic to actual mango or the urishol in the skin? A lot of people don't realize mango skin contains urishol and don't prepare mangos properly.
I've had the same reaction from mango juice in a cocktail and eating the actual fruit so I just avoid it like the plague.
The rash was likely due to the urishiol and not the mango itself. In case people are wondering, urishiol is the oil found in poison ivy, sumac and oak. It is also found in the skin of a mango at a lower concentration. It causes contact dermatitis where it touches. It is estimated that over 80% of the earths population is allergic to it (why some get the rash and others don't). If you don't prepare a mayo properly you can accidently ingest it. If only your mouth breaks out and no where else, I'd say it was likely from the skin, not the magi itself.
Just to be clear, I'm not advocating you going out and getting a mango to test whether it is the mango itself just incase it is. Just wanted to share this piece of information because most people don't realize mangos contain urishiol and anyone who has bad reactions to poison ivy should be really careful with mangos. Similarly, since your reaction is that bad, be really careful around poison ivy since the concentration is higher in the plants than mango.0 -
How does one properly prepare a mango? I usually peel the skin off like a clementine and dig in.
>.<0 -
NJGamerChick wrote: »How does one properly prepare a mango? I usually peel the skin off like a clementine and dig in.
>.<
By not cutting into the skin when cutting it up. If you cut into the skin while cutting it, you are essentially spreading the urishiol to the edible part of the fruit.0
This discussion has been closed.
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