Tired of explaining my diet to people
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Matter-of-factness works, too. Not many people have commented yet (my weight loss hasn't been dramatic thus far). But if anyone does, it usually goes something like this:
"Have you lost weight?"
"Yeah, a bit."
"Oh, well, you look great!"
"Thank you."
It's like being a witness in a courtroom, or talking to a customs agent. Give short one-word answers and don't volunteer anything. Don't be defensive, just give a statement of fact, thank them and move on.0 -
I love to listen to people tell me what they ate for a day and I'm standing there calculating approximate calories and then I tell them they just ate enough in one day for the entire week and they don't believe me. And then they judge me since I'm watching my calories and working out and they say "well you obviously don't know what you're talking about since you don't look like a perfect specimen either..... I was a couch potato until I was 53 years old and only have just started on this quest to get fit - at least I won't die with globs of fat wrapped around my heart while scarffing down bags of Ho-Ho's.0
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This makes sense. And I could do that if someone was bringing it over and asked what I wanted, as her in-laws did. Going to a restaurant is a little tougher. In the past, good intentions have flown out the window, as soon as I looked at the menu. But NOW (I'm so proud!) I am able to order what I want and and take half home. I'm getting there! Just shared that for no particular reasonpaulawatkins1974 wrote: »paulawatkins1974 wrote: »
This makes total sense. To me, chinese food WOULD be worth it. But I agree if something isn't worth it, no way would I be wasting extra calories on that, just to be polite. No way. "Indulgence meals" are too precious, and rare.You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
And herein lies the problem.
You can fit chinese food into your calories and it wouldn't be an "indulgence meal."
I COULD fit it, and I have. But I find for the amount of food that will fit for my day will leave me hungry later. Plus, I'm still working on moderation. It's something that didn't click as soon as I decided to lose weight.
Moderation is hard, I agree.
But, sometimes, it's important to just go along to get along. The OP could easily have a big bowl of wonton soup, steamed veggies and chicken with sauce on the side and a scoop of rice. That would be pretty filling.
Hungry later? Make a big bowl of popcorn.
That would be my plan anyway.
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Well, first of all, there is no reason to turn down invitations for lunch, dinner, etc. If you practice moderation and learn how to order foods that fit into your macros when you are out, then you should be fine at most events.
If someone offers you something that you don't like, just say no thank you. If they press you, just say you aren't hungry or you just ate. I don't talk to people about my diet because 1) it's not a diet, it's just how I live my life and 2) it opens up a debate.
If they continue to press, just say you don't want to discuss it and move on.
You are obviously not in the same situation lol.
OP: Speak with your family and friends regarding it bothering you they left me alone about it fairly quickly. People in the office still don't get it and it's been 2 years I don't think they ever will, you just have to learn to not let it get to you.
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Tedebearduff wrote: »Well, first of all, there is no reason to turn down invitations for lunch, dinner, etc. If you practice moderation and learn how to order foods that fit into your macros when you are out, then you should be fine at most events.
If someone offers you something that you don't like, just say no thank you. If they press you, just say you aren't hungry or you just ate. I don't talk to people about my diet because 1) it's not a diet, it's just how I live my life and 2) it opens up a debate.
If they continue to press, just say you don't want to discuss it and move on.
You are obviously not in the same situation lol.
OP: Speak with your family and friends regarding it bothering you they left me alone about it fairly quickly. People in the office still don't get it and it's been 2 years I don't think they ever will, you just have to learn to not let it get to you.
How do you know that I've never been in this situation? My mother can be the worst. I just don't entertain it and I also don't get annoyed by it. I just keep on keepin' on. And I'm capable of eating things in moderation. And I exercise my *kitten* off. And I've learned how to manage a restaurant menu.
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paulawatkins1974 wrote: »
This makes sense. And I could do that if someone was bringing it over and asked what I wanted, as her in-laws did. Going to a restaurant is a little tougher. In the past, good intentions have flown out the window, as soon as I looked at the menu. But NOW (I'm so proud!) I am able to order what I want and and take half home. I'm getting there! Just shared that for no particular reasonpaulawatkins1974 wrote: »paulawatkins1974 wrote: »
This makes total sense. To me, chinese food WOULD be worth it. But I agree if something isn't worth it, no way would I be wasting extra calories on that, just to be polite. No way. "Indulgence meals" are too precious, and rare.You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
And herein lies the problem.
You can fit chinese food into your calories and it wouldn't be an "indulgence meal."
I COULD fit it, and I have. But I find for the amount of food that will fit for my day will leave me hungry later. Plus, I'm still working on moderation. It's something that didn't click as soon as I decided to lose weight.
Moderation is hard, I agree.
But, sometimes, it's important to just go along to get along. The OP could easily have a big bowl of wonton soup, steamed veggies and chicken with sauce on the side and a scoop of rice. That would be pretty filling.
Hungry later? Make a big bowl of popcorn.
That would be my plan anyway.
I think that's awesome!0 -
So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
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Put it in a form letter, keep several copies in envelopes and hand them out?0
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So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
Why not just be an adult and say you would rather not because you don't like that type of food? You can literally put people in danger by lying.0 -
You should just be more intimidating overall. People don't usually ask me to explain myself cause I'm a *kitten*.
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acorsaut89 wrote: »It drives me nuts that moderation doesn't end well for me and I have to keep explaining that. I've decided to tell people it's not an addiction or a satiety issue or carb cravings or some emotional compulsion or anything else. It's just that I enjoy quietly hating on all you people who can effortlessly have one piece of cake and then walk away satisfied. I am enjoying my bellyful of hatred, okay? So I'm going to be off in this corner with my steak, scowling at all the normal-weight people cruising the dessert bar for sensible portions to fit into their daily allotment. Because I like it!
I think you should probably talk to a therapist if people with normal eating habits bother you that much...
If that is normal how come so many Americans are obese or overweight? By definition, that isn't normal!
No - what she's saying is that if what other people eat or how they eat bothers you that much then that's not normal.
Further, normal eating habits are about eating things in moderation - for example, one piece of cake, one piece of chocolate, a regular size meal, not the super size - those are normal eating habits. Americans (and Canadians, for that matter) have totally blown portion sizing out of the water and that's why so many of us are obese or overweight . . .it's all about that portion size.
Normal:
conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected
the usual, average, or typical state or condition
As the majority of people on my continent are overweight or obese, eating things in moderation (maintenance) is abnormal. It is healthy to eat at maintenance and make good food choices. Over eating, and making poor food choices, is the usual, average, typical, and expected behaviour of a North American (and encouraged by media) - unhealthy, but normal.
Anyone in a deficit is exceptional 0 -
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It drives me nuts that moderation doesn't end well for me and I have to keep explaining that. I've decided to tell people it's not an addiction or a satiety issue or carb cravings or some emotional compulsion or anything else. It's just that I enjoy quietly hating on all you people who can effortlessly have one piece of cake and then walk away satisfied. I am enjoying my bellyful of hatred, okay? So I'm going to be off in this corner with my steak, scowling at all the normal-weight people cruising the dessert bar for sensible portions to fit into their daily allotment. Because I like it!
I think you should probably talk to a therapist if people with normal eating habits bother you that much...
If that is normal how come so many Americans are obese or overweight? By definition, that isn't normal!
Since the majority of America is overweight ... that is now normal. Norms evolve over time ... standards don't.
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emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.0 -
So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
I couldn't agree more! When I was in Iraq I spent time in some Iraqi's homes. They had brought out small plates of food and I ate everything on my plate (like most Americans have been taught) and they immediately put more food on my plate. The translator I was with told me that I should always leave a little bit on my plate, or else I am showing them that they did not give me enough.
Everyone's path and understanding is different. Every time I think I know everything, I find out how little I actually know.
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Yes and no. My boyfriend and I are both health nuts. So we really pick on each other, but it's all in love. Around the holidays he kept asking "When are you going to cook Paleo again?" and finally I made the executive mommy decision to (as per the man Mark Stinson) add potatoes and rice into our Paleo diets. She were both happy, because I'm getting what I want and he is perceiving it as the diet he wants.
But man, my daughter. I made brisket last night and she picked up the (non-paleo) BBQ sauce and said "Do you have any idea how much sodium this stuff has?!?! Are you supposed to be having all that sodium?!?!"
For all their jaw flappin' about my cookin', they were literally racing each other across teh kitchen back to the serving area for seconds.
I guess what makes it different is that it's normal and welcome in the family. If a stranger did it, or someone did it in a rude way, I might have to randori theirs *kitten*.0 -
Matter-of-factness works, too. Not many people have commented yet (my weight loss hasn't been dramatic thus far). But if anyone does, it usually goes something like this:
"Have you lost weight?"
"Yeah, a bit."
"Oh, well, you look great!"
"Thank you."
It's like being a witness in a courtroom, or talking to a customs agent. Give short one-word answers and don't volunteer anything. Don't be defensive, just give a statement of fact, thank them and move on.
I have lost 50 pounds. I have 50 more to go, but people definitely comment. It usually goes like this:
"Have you lost weight?"
"Yeah, a little."
"I need to lose weight- what in the world are you doing?"
"Oh, just trying to eat better."
"Is that all? Do you work out? How many calories do you eat?"
"I try to move a little bit more, yes. Hey, what movie do you think we need to see tonight?"
For some reason, everybody in my life starts down the 20 questions road, and I'm just not interested in discussing it casually, so I generally change the subject. If somebody offers me something and I don't want it, I just say "no, thank you". If more questions follow, see above.
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It drives me nuts that moderation doesn't end well for me and I have to keep explaining that. I've decided to tell people it's not an addiction or a satiety issue or carb cravings or some emotional compulsion or anything else. It's just that I enjoy quietly hating on all you people who can effortlessly have one piece of cake and then walk away satisfied. I am enjoying my bellyful of hatred, okay? So I'm going to be off in this corner with my steak, scowling at all the normal-weight people cruising the dessert bar for sensible portions to fit into their daily allotment. Because I like it!
Thank you Jolinia, I get your dry humor. Made me smile. Do what works for you within reason, and isn't this whole community supposed to be a support system? I don't mind constructive criticism or even suggestions, if solicited, but snide comments...... C'mon you guys....0 -
emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
So you would be okay if someone offered me something sweet and I said no thank you, I'm diabetic when I am not?0 -
I don't usually discuss my diet, but if someone asks me, I'm more than happy to go into every boring detail, including BMR / TDEE, calorie counting in general, macros tracking, weighing my food, and then we can move on to exercise, including my routine, my HRM, apps I use, workout venues, etc. If a person isn't into this stuff, they probably won't bring it up again.0
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emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
So you would be okay if someone offered me something sweet and I said no thank you, I'm diabetic when I am not?
What's bothering you with that?0 -
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emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.0 -
I didn't sift through the last 5 pages- so if its not on topic- feel free to ignore me
I don't normally discuss my diet with others but if they ask if I am losing weight I usually say yes and if they ask how, I'll explain how. The frustrating part is when coworkers/friends come running to me to tell me what crazy diet they are on and ask my feedback on it. some of the diets they come up with are crazy.0 -
jennifershoo wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
So you would be okay if someone offered me something sweet and I said no thank you, I'm diabetic when I am not?
What's bothering you with that?
I have explained this multiple times on this thread. You falsely claim you have an allergy, then eat a good you may or may not realize has they food you are claiming to be allergic to in it, people will think we'll if you can eat it so can the other person who is actually allergic.
This 100%. It is one of the major reasons I don't eat anything I haven't prepared myself.NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
You may ask well what is the big deal about an allergy. Well if I am exposed I end up with a tube down my throat and on a ventilator for 3days to a week. Anyone who thinks lying about allergies is okay, would you like to pay for the ICu room I end up in?
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kommodevaran wrote: »
If it's a consolation, you didn't come across like that to me, I got the "stuff ourselves with food we don't like" so I got you. But I'm not a native speaker either, so who knows
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Truly not trying to be combative, just curious about the thought process behind using a food allergy as a polite excuse to decline an insistent offerer putting other people in danger and even killing others?
I have some allergies. My daughter has the same. They are life threatening for her but not for me. So maybe I'm biased, but I take food allergies very seriously. I haven't used allergies as an excuse to refuse food, but luckily I don't have people around me who won't take a polite no thank you for an answer.
How exactly is this dangerous? If the argument is that it makes people not take allergies seriously, let me tell you some people are just *kitten* and won't take allergies seriously. I've been to the er with my daughter because people didn't take it seriously or believe in the face of all evidence. I don't see how Billy Bob saying he is allergic to whatever would make those people any less or more inconsiderate *kitten*.0 -
You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
"Chinese" food is gross. Real Chinese food is good, but that nasty, gelatinous stuff they call Chinese food here is not good. You could just request consume soup. It's just a broth and it looks like you're joining in on the festivities.
... I can see it from both sides. I know you find it annoying, but it is kind of rude to refuse all of it - you may as well not attend (go somewhere else?). They didn't ask you what kind of food you want, they asked you what you want from somewhere specific. They've chosen what is best for them to bring, and you should try to make the best of it. That's life. Request steamed veggies, consume soup, etc. Eat to your typical deficit number and do your "precious cheat" the next day.
That's subjective.
Damn straight.
I've had American Chinese food that was great and certainly not 'gelatinous', and I've had it where it was lousy.
I've had 'real Chinese food' that was great, and I've had it where it was lousy.
My advice to VeryKatie is to quit going to crappy Chinese restaurants. Admittedly, this is hard - the crappy ones vastly outnumber the good ones, at least around here.
I can't find any good places! Except dim-sum (Is that technically Chinese? I don't even know). My city isn't all that big and it seems like there's maybe 1.5 good Chinese food places, you know (including the dim-sum place)? And then if it's take out it's cold by the time you eat it and I just generally don't like cold food. And then it changes if you nuke it... I promise I'm not even that picky a person. Totally sounds like I am right here.
Of course, the real point of my original post was for the OP to specify some things she's willing to eat so that she can maintain a good relationship with people who will be in her life forever, and then to have her cheat meal the next day instead.0
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