Tired of explaining my diet to people
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auntchellebelle wrote: »auntchellebelle wrote: »I don't eat gluten everyday but I may have a PB and J sandwich on wheat bread once a week. Because I haven't found a gluten free bread that I like yet. I am still new to this.
Hey, I'm not criticizing. I just think that there's a lot of misunderstanding out there about celiac and gluten-free. It's become something of a fad diet, or a habit that lots of non-celiac people have gotten into either because they suffer from IBS or other, or because it's trendy.
The challenge is that it leads many people to believe that a little bit of gluten is fine to feed actual celiac sufferers, when in truth it's not and it would make them very sick. I have a couple of friends in that boat, and it drives them nuts.
Celiac is the cause of my severe anemia. (I am too young to have this many health problems) But when I turn something down, I wish I didn't have to explain myself. People think everyone can eat anything they want, I wish I could.
Some tough love coming your way here.... Not having found a bread you don't like is no excuse. Stop exposing yourself to gluten. Do you understand what celiac does to your body? It causes your immune system to destroy the villi lining your small intestine. Your body can't absorb nutrients from the food you're eating when this happens. Complete avoidance of gluten is the only way for your body to heal itself.
If you can't find a gluten free bread, smear your peanut butter and jelly on a gluten free brand of rice cakes until you can find something you like. Your health is not worth a piece of bread.
ps... most GF breads are improved with light toasting or a few seconds in the microwave.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »auntchellebelle wrote: »I wish saying "No thank you" was that easy. I get people who will offer me something and I politely say no thank you and they get ugly. I suffer from Celiac Disease, so I try to stay away from wheat for the most part, not completely, but I do limit it so when people say "one piece of cake won't kill you" it really makes me mad. They are right it won't "kill" me but it sure won't help me!
People just don't get it!
I'm sorry, but ... what? You have celiac disease and don't avoid wheat completely? Are you aware of the risk you're taking and what repeated gluten exposure can do for celiacs?
Nevermind0 -
I'm with the "move cheat night to a different night" camp. I personally don't believe in "cheat" meals/days/whatever because that's applying a label to food that is suggestive of shame/guilt related behavior. it's just food. That aside, I know a lot of people do it. My friend, for one, was lamenting about how she wouldn't be able to have thanksgiving dinner (including my fantabulous pie) with my family because, gosh darn it, her cheat day wasn't until the day AFTER thanksgiving and she knew she wouldn't be able to look at this huge feast before her and only have a tiny bit to suit her calorie needs (she's short). when I suggested she make thanksgiving her cheat day and then go back to her regular schedule the next week (after all, only the difference of a day) she looked baffled. as though it was never something she would have thought of. I mean...you don't DO that, right? cheat day is THIS day of the week. never THAT day! pretty rigid rules for something that's supposedly "cheating" anyway. lol
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Liftng4Lis wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
Woahhhhhh. Why would Chinese make a cheat night? Make this fit into your allowance, drink a lot of water to offset the sodium, done.
LOL
You mustn't do Chinese take out the way some of us do. A sensible normal portion will just make me mow down my whole family
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nicsflyingcircus wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
It's not just not eating the same thing in this case. It's a matter of being grateful for a kind gesture, which is treating them to dinner. If this were me, I'd eat a portion that fit into my calories for the day and save my cheat meal for another night.
Bringing them a meal may be a kind gesture, but it it's not food she wants to eat, why the heck should she have to eat it?
You know what? She doesn't have to eat it. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. No one is holding her down and force feeding it to her.
Is it how I would handle my important personal relationships with people? No.
I would:
1) want to keep the peace with my inlaws
2) be grateful for a free meal and
3) recognize that it's only one stupid dinner. So much angst for ONE dinner.
And, for the record, if one dinner is going to derail your weight loss then you're doing it wrong.
I've been married over 14 years and have a good relationship with my in-laws. Which means if I tell them politely "no thanks" it doesn't create drama.
Amd I am not of the camp that subscribes to the belief that one day will derail conscientious weight loss effort. I still don't see why her not wanting to eat it makes her the bad guy.
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jennifershoo wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
So you would be okay if someone offered me something sweet and I said no thank you, I'm diabetic when I am not?
What's bothering you with that?
I have explained this multiple times on this thread. You falsely claim you have an allergy, then eat a good you may or may not realize has they food you are claiming to be allergic to in it, people will think we'll if you can eat it so can the other person who is actually allergic.
This 100%. It is one of the major reasons I don't eat anything I haven't prepared myself.NJGamerChick wrote: »emily_stew wrote: »So, as I see these people here who get all rude and angry, I think it's important to point out a couple of things.
1. People have emotions about food. And it doesn't just have to do with weight. Some people were raised in homes where you are being a bad host if you don't offer guests food. Some people like to entertain and are emotionally invested in the food they have made because they put effort into it. Some people are heavy and haven't figured out their diet plan yet. Some people are just not understanding. If you remove your own food anxiety from the equation and look at the other person's point of view, you'll realize that 99% of the time there is no reason to get upset, defensive or whatever.
2. In some cultures, it is considered positively rude to turn down food or drink. If you go to the middle east, for example, you WILL eat what they give you (even if just a bite) because it's a smack in their face (and their culture of hospitality) if you don't.
Net, net? Step outside yourself for a second and see the other side.
Even in Vietnamese and Indian. It's considered extremely rude to turn down food.
OP, I use "allergy" excuse. No one bothers if they hear that word. They don't want to be bothered with ER.
NO!!
Are you suggesting the Big "No" to me?
EDTA : Allergy Excuse Works for me.
Using allergies and intolerances as a false excuse can put people in danger and even kill people. Thank you for contributing in putting our lives in danger.
You may ask well what is the big deal about an allergy. Well if I am exposed I end up with a tube down my throat and on a ventilator for 3days to a week. Anyone who thinks lying about allergies is okay, would you like to pay for the ICu room I end up in?
nope. But I might help you smack the idiot you chose to surround yourself with that gave you poisoned food.
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auntchellebelle wrote: »I wish saying "No thank you" was that easy. I get people who will offer me something and I politely say no thank you and they get ugly. I suffer from Celiac Disease, so I try to stay away from wheat for the most part, not completely, but I do limit it so when people say "one piece of cake won't kill you" it really makes me mad. They are right it won't "kill" me but it sure won't help me!
People just don't get it!
Actually, a trace amount of gluten CAN kill you over time, much like any other poison, which is pretty much what gluten is to anyone with CD. Horrible things, too, can result from constant exposure. Really, join a popular GF group or just ask on here for GF support. There are many of us here who would gladly make suggestions and help you.
P.S. Aldi, if you have one around you, has a delicious GF bread and it's $4 a loaf. It doesn't need to be toasted, either.0 -
This time I decided not to talk about dieting at all. I feel like everyone around me is sick and tired of hearing me spout off about, low carb, sugar is the devil, intermittent fasting, 5:2 diet, paleo, vegetarian...just to name a few.
Lose 10 to 20 then gain it all back.
So I committed to this process of counting calories using MFP January 1. I'm going to do this all year God willing and I'm not saying a word about it to anyone unless they ask about it.
I figure it will take a weight loss of 30lbs or more to be real noticeable so until that happens I'm shutting my trap and concentrating on the process. It is my only goal right now.
Commit to the process and the results I need will follow and I'm not talking trash in the meantime LOL0 -
You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
In that situation, where there's already family strife about refusal, I would probably eat the Chinese food, but a smaller portion that wouldn't blow my calories for the day. You're fortunate that they're offering you a choice, because there are reasonable choices for Chinese food.
In social situations where I don't have control and people don't know me well, I tend to eat small portions of whatever is on offer. If someone has taken the time to prepare food for me, I want to show my appreciation. If I have the chance, I usually say something like "just a small serving please, it looks delicious".
Close friends and family know that I have always watched my weight and there's never a drama over food. I eat out with family a lot, and some of them have now adopted some of my eating habits, such as sharing desserts, dressings on the side, choosing grilled fish, avoiding deep fried, saving up cals for blow-out meals etc.
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Your discussions with Chinese food are nothing like mine.
I tend to order steamed whatever with no sauce and we bring it home.
I have deconstructed the dish of pepper steak steamed into it's components and weighed this out on a food scale. Fried rice is rarity. I can't take it totally apart.
I have developed quirks.
But on the other hand my Mother-in-Law died nearly 2 years ago. She was a great woman. I'd give anything to have her back to look at me funny over deconstructing the food.
Tomorrow isn't promised. Eat with the people who love you and make memories. the small ones are the ones you'll wish you had back when they are gone.0 -
Danilynn1975 wrote: »Your discussions with Chinese food are nothing like mine.
But on the other hand my Mother-in-Law died nearly 2 years ago. She was a great woman. I'd give anything to have her back to look at me funny over deconstructing the food.
Tomorrow isn't promised. Eat with the people who love you and make memories. the small ones are the ones you'll wish you had back when they are gone.
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Anyone else having the frustration of people constantly asking you to explain your diet and goals to them? I wish I could just say "no thank you" to food being offered without them asking why and having to explain. Then when I say that I'm watching what I eat it's like it becomes a debate issue and I'm having to defend myself and/or repeat my refusal several times. I don't really want to have to discuss it, it's tiresome. Am I alone in this? Sorry for the rant but I'm wondering if other people have had the same experience and have tactics that are effective at cutting off the line of questioning that comes after turning down food or eating related invitations without being rude.
I base my response on who is asking. The majority of the time, I know the people that will accept a simple “no thank you.” I also know the ones that will want to say “Oh a little bite won’t hurt” or “It’s good for you.” “What diet are you on?” Blah blah blah.
I rarely discuss dieting per se in detail in social gatherings. I never say I am dieting – because I am not. I simply say my eating habits have changed. Other times, I might say no to a food and indicate I’m saving myself for later or that I intend to have some later etc. (people forget).
If I am specifically asked about how I lost my weight, I keep it simple and tell them they can check out the MFP app for more information. I avoid all confrontation and try to validate whatever the person is saying – to some degree. I will readily give in that “everyone is different” and each of us should follow the advice of our own doctors etc . - knowing it is a position almost no one would argue with.
It is the same way with eating out. I always go online and pre-select a few different meals. This avoids the whole “diet” talk – because I can simply look at the menu and say “I’m in the mood for XYZ.” They don’t have a clue that I knew ahead of time.
It also can’t hurt to change the topic to “them” with a compliment or by asking their advice about something unrelated.
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auntchellebelle wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »auntchellebelle wrote: »I wish saying "No thank you" was that easy. I get people who will offer me something and I politely say no thank you and they get ugly. I suffer from Celiac Disease, so I try to stay away from wheat for the most part, not completely, but I do limit it so when people say "one piece of cake won't kill you" it really makes me mad. They are right it won't "kill" me but it sure won't help me!
People just don't get it!
I'm sorry, but ... what? You have celiac disease and don't avoid wheat completely? Are you aware of the risk you're taking and what repeated gluten exposure can do for celiacs?
Nevermind
Not nevermind. If you truly have celiacs (been tested and confirmed by you doctor), continuing to eat gluten will slowly destroy your intenstinal tract until you can no longer absorb nutrients. I am shocked your doctor did not tell you that this could kill you (even trace amounts over long term).0 -
so OP interested to hear how you handled the situation and how the dinner with the inlaws went?0
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Danilynn1975 wrote: »
But on the other hand my Mother-in-Law died nearly 2 years ago. She was a great woman. I'd give anything to have her back to look at me funny over deconstructing the food.
Tomorrow isn't promised. Eat with the people who love you and make memories. the small ones are the ones you'll wish you had back when they are gone.
My MIL used to drive me crazy because I never felt my house was clean enough or my parenting style correct. She died 3 years ago March, and my mom 2 yrs ago Feb. When I read the OP all I could think is that I'd love to have one more meal with either of them even if all they did was nag me...
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it isn't unusual to consume 600 -1000 cals of booze at a social event, and if I didn't, my friends would consider me extremely dull.
Being dull or not is about social skills, not your beverage choices, right? So wave your beer around and hoot and holler, or whatever it is you normally do. Talk normally, ask questions, be interested in other people, don't be a downer... all that good stuff. Get a Diet Coke - nobody knows what's in it.
Or you could do a trick that Frank Sinatra used to do, that I read in a book: he'd have a drink and be mixing around the room, talking to people, taking sips here and there. He'd leave the mostly-full drink somewhere. Then go get another, and do the same thing. People think he's this big lush, being charismatic, but he's just creating an impression. It's wasteful, but if you're in _that_ tough of a social situation, it's a good tactic.
Anyways, just experiment. I'm sure you can pull off whatever level of alcohol consumption you want, without causing social problems for yourself if you try.When my parents in law arrange meals out it's a massive binge. There's just no way I could sip a gin and slimline tonic all evening and restrict myself to a low calorie meal whilst watching them stuff whatever they wanted and drink bottles of wine and cocktails. I'm incredibly impressed that people can do that, how???
Same deal goes for food. Push it around your plate if there's too much, give it to somebody else if you have to, or even throw it out discreetly. The point of socializing is to be talking anyways, so just focus on that.
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nicsflyingcircus wrote: »nicsflyingcircus wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
It's not just not eating the same thing in this case. It's a matter of being grateful for a kind gesture, which is treating them to dinner. If this were me, I'd eat a portion that fit into my calories for the day and save my cheat meal for another night.
Bringing them a meal may be a kind gesture, but it it's not food she wants to eat, why the heck should she have to eat it?
You know what? She doesn't have to eat it. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. No one is holding her down and force feeding it to her.
Is it how I would handle my important personal relationships with people? No.
I would:
1) want to keep the peace with my inlaws
2) be grateful for a free meal and
3) recognize that it's only one stupid dinner. So much angst for ONE dinner.
And, for the record, if one dinner is going to derail your weight loss then you're doing it wrong.
I've been married over 14 years and have a good relationship with my in-laws. Which means if I tell them politely "no thanks" it doesn't create drama.
Amd I am not of the camp that subscribes to the belief that one day will derail conscientious weight loss effort. I still don't see why her not wanting to eat it makes her the bad guy.
But in her case it IS causing drama.
I don't think anyone is calling her a bad person. No where did I say that.
To me, one Chinese food meal isn't worth the drama this is creating for OP. But that's just me. I don't let silly things like dinner get in the way of my personal relationships.0 -
nicsflyingcircus wrote: »nicsflyingcircus wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
It's not just not eating the same thing in this case. It's a matter of being grateful for a kind gesture, which is treating them to dinner. If this were me, I'd eat a portion that fit into my calories for the day and save my cheat meal for another night.
Bringing them a meal may be a kind gesture, but it it's not food she wants to eat, why the heck should she have to eat it?
You know what? She doesn't have to eat it. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. No one is holding her down and force feeding it to her.
Is it how I would handle my important personal relationships with people? No.
I would:
1) want to keep the peace with my inlaws
2) be grateful for a free meal and
3) recognize that it's only one stupid dinner. So much angst for ONE dinner.
And, for the record, if one dinner is going to derail your weight loss then you're doing it wrong.
I've been married over 14 years and have a good relationship with my in-laws. Which means if I tell them politely "no thanks" it doesn't create drama.
Amd I am not of the camp that subscribes to the belief that one day will derail conscientious weight loss effort. I still don't see why her not wanting to eat it makes her the bad guy.
But in her case it IS causing drama.
I don't think anyone is calling her a bad person. No where did I say that.
To me, one Chinese food meal isn't worth the drama this is creating for OP. But that's just me. I don't let silly things like dinner get in the way of my personal relationships.
I think they're just saying your way is not the only way to do things and still be happily married. The in laws are adults. They're not gonna die just because one person said "no thanks" when they want to order take out
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OMG, I cannot believe that some folks are actually suggesting that she eat something she doesn't want. Maybe the problem is that she explain too much to even US. It shouldn't matter why she doesn't want it. She doesn't friggin' want it! If the MIL is mad because she won't eat it, so what? That means she just wants to be mad about something. Anything. The OP is an adult, not a child. No one, including her MIL, should be dictating what she eats.
That being said, I can easily order from a chinese restaurant while losing weight. Even sauteed shrimp and broccoli fits the bill. Eat half and save the rest for later. But she doesn't want to so she shouldn't have to.
I must be in an ornery mood because I "wish" someone would actually try to pressure me into eating something I have graciously declined. I think that's actually disrespectful and totally dismissive of the adult OP's feelings. WTH???0 -
nicsflyingcircus wrote: »nicsflyingcircus wrote: »anaisbutterfly7 wrote: »You guys are all cracking me up, this is awesome. I feel like I should give some color to what sort of precipitated this aggravation. My in-laws are brining over Chinese food tonight and tonight is my cherished cheat meal night and Chinese food is simply not cheat worthy so it's causing family strife that I told them not to bring me any and I will get my own food, which is what opens up the "diet" discussion. My husband is mad at me for being rude, and my in laws are still trying to get me to tell them what I want from the Chinese restaurant.
I don't get this either, but I have seen it happen to my friends and my brother (who is married). Apparently not eating the exact same thing as the family is rude to some people. If that is the case, and you are willing to modify your day for the idea of family unity, you can eat a healthy meal from the Chinese place and then push your cheat meal to tomorrow.
It's not just not eating the same thing in this case. It's a matter of being grateful for a kind gesture, which is treating them to dinner. If this were me, I'd eat a portion that fit into my calories for the day and save my cheat meal for another night.
Bringing them a meal may be a kind gesture, but it it's not food she wants to eat, why the heck should she have to eat it?
You know what? She doesn't have to eat it. She doesn't have to do anything she doesn't want to do. No one is holding her down and force feeding it to her.
Is it how I would handle my important personal relationships with people? No.
I would:
1) want to keep the peace with my inlaws
2) be grateful for a free meal and
3) recognize that it's only one stupid dinner. So much angst for ONE dinner.
And, for the record, if one dinner is going to derail your weight loss then you're doing it wrong.
I've been married over 14 years and have a good relationship with my in-laws. Which means if I tell them politely "no thanks" it doesn't create drama.
Amd I am not of the camp that subscribes to the belief that one day will derail conscientious weight loss effort. I still don't see why her not wanting to eat it makes her the bad guy.
But in her case it IS causing drama.
I don't think anyone is calling her a bad person. No where did I say that.
To me, one Chinese food meal isn't worth the drama this is creating for OP. But that's just me. I don't let silly things like dinner get in the way of my personal relationships.
I think they're just saying your way is not the only way to do things and still be happily married. The in laws are adults. They're not gonna die just because one person said "no thanks" when they want to order take out
I'm perfectly capable of understanding their point of view.
I just don't agree with it, since it's clearly causing angst.
But different strokes and all that.0
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