Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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Ditto. How are you doing today, Froggy?berlynnwall wrote: »I really love this thread. You guys have helped me through a pretty hard time, and I have seen you help so many other people through hard times as well. People on the internet can be awful, but they can also be great. Best thread ever.
Agreed.
I'm hanging in there. Last night was rough (cried a lot) but I'm doing better today so far. I keep having to remind myself that whatever happens will happen for a reason. I try to keep busy.
Thanks for asking!
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Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »CountessKitteh wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Last time I stayed at a hotel, I took some of the little cups of peanut butter from the continental breakfast. I'm eating one now, with a spoon, as a snack.
Thief! Just kidding. That is a fabulous idea! I buy the little pre portioned cups of hummus so I don't have to weigh it out. It's WAY more expensive, but my time is precious and I don't want to spend it weighing out a really sad amount of hummus.
No judgement, but store-bought hummus is sad no matter what size or form it comes in!
You can never beat homemade hummus. In fact, I just had some that I made a couple of days ago for dinner with Iranian-style kabab kubbideh! Yum. 
I've been meaning to make hummus for weeks, but I'm worried that I will eat the entire batch in a week three days.
I usually just make enough for 8 very small servings (like enough to spread on a kabab/chicken sandwich) or two big fat servings (that would make up a whole meal) or four medium servings (enough for a side dish). All that to say that I make about 500 grams of it at a time. Heh.
Confession: I'm just really super fed-up with myself. Ever since I've started "slipping" I've basically been tightening my "restriction" belt more and more and more. Baking ingredients? Banned from the house. Sweets? Banned from the house. Butter? Banned. Sugar? Banned. And yet, I still manage to mess up, because I'm just that awesome. And you know what? I'm sick of it.
I told my husband last night that if I keep this up, we're not going to have any food left in the house at all soon. :-/ The last straw for me was when I slipped up (2000+ calories over maintenance) because of trying to bake something (out of desperation) with a bunch of substitutes that tasted NASTY, and it turned out that I could have had the same amount of the real stuff for much less calories than that... It's like I just keep on baking because baking is "bad" (and yet I really love baking) and so tempting to do because I feel like I can't ever do it again if I'm being "good".
So you know what I did? I threw out everything I've been doing for these last few months. Everything. I went out and I bought flour, sugars, butter, baking powder, chocolate, and then I baked a big ole batch of chocolate chip cookies. I now have a freezer full of cookies and two big bags of chocolate chips and a whole bunch of ingredients to bake more WHENEVER I WANT. And that feels freeing.
I did slip up eat more cookies than I intended to yesterday, BUT I didn't eat the whole tray like I did every single time before this because "I have to finish these so I won't mess up again tomorrow!". Well, it's tomorrow now. There are still plenty of cookies. And there will be plenty the day after too. And I don't need to have one right now, because I can have one later. And that feels freeing, too.
Will this work? I really have absolutely no idea. But I'm really, really, really sick of all this "forbidden" and "good" and "bad" and not being able to bake. So I'm throwing everything out of the window and starting over again. Send me good vibes?
Sorry for the novel.
Yep! All the good vibes! Food is not good or bad or forbidden. It just is. It provides energy to your body. I'm planning on eating ice cream for dinner tonight (husband and son will be out of town). I have no guilt about that at all. It's a planned treat. It puts me 230 calories over for the day. But, if I hit the gym on the way home from work, which I plan to do, I should be fine.
Logically, I completely and utterly know that. I really do. I even have a college-level diploma in nutrition, the course of which I graduated from with a perfect 4.0 GPA to prove that I shouldn't be such a moron.
I used to have a better relationship with food, believe it or not. I could have one cookie and then say no because I didn't have calories for the rest, and I could keep all kinds of goodies in my house/fridge to eat small bits of when I had the calories for them. I'm honestly not sure what happened. I think it was that I would mess up, then restrict a little bit, then mess up again, and so on... And restriction begets restriction, and I kept restriciting further to "fix" the inevitable slips that I keep making.
But that's it. I'm done. No more "no" to anything--Or at least that's the plan. No more "I have to finish all of these so I won't have more of them to mess up again tomorrow". It just has to stop; it's such a horrible downward spiral. :-/
Hey, so stupid question, but didn't you post a while ago that you had just gotten your GED? Or am I confused on that?
And I think you are taking the right approach to your eating. Restrictions just lead to binging. Because of course then you become obsessed (at least I do!).0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I have a not-so-confessiony confession (that sounded weird.). I've mentioned here before that I was writing a book on an amateur writing website (Wattpad). Today, I finally finished the book! I just posted the final chapter like... Fifteen minutes ago.
My husband refused to read it until it was fully complete (he hates incomplete things, whether they're books or series) but he wanted to read it when it was done. So, he read it today, and I was really nervous because he's usually reeeeally picky about the books he reads. He said that he enjoyed it and the plot was really unique! (very rare praise from him) I'm SO GIDDY RIGHT NOW.
I also got tons of feedback on how unique and original the storyline is from almost every single commenter, so now I feel all warm and fuzzy and special.
Yay me!
Great job! Congrats! Yay you.
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And I should add that I married into a Polish -ski last name that sounds pretty funny with my clearly-of-another-ethnicity first name, so my name is pretty weird now because I'm not from either of those cultures anyway.
My maiden name is a ski name. I kinda hated it when I was a kid but grew to love it. I (jokingly) tried to talk my husband into taking my name but he wanted no part of it. Also, my maiden name started with a W and was 10 letters long, my married name starts with an A and is 5 letters.0 -
I have to go get a cervical biopsy in a few minutes. I'm not looking forward to this.
Good luck! I spend my days dealing with those sorts of things after they leave the doc's office, so I can totally (try to) answer questions or concerns if you have them!
ETA: Occasionally I forget to put all the words in the sentance.0 -
pofoster21 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »CountessKitteh wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Last time I stayed at a hotel, I took some of the little cups of peanut butter from the continental breakfast. I'm eating one now, with a spoon, as a snack.
Thief! Just kidding. That is a fabulous idea! I buy the little pre portioned cups of hummus so I don't have to weigh it out. It's WAY more expensive, but my time is precious and I don't want to spend it weighing out a really sad amount of hummus.
No judgement, but store-bought hummus is sad no matter what size or form it comes in! You can never beat homemade hummus. In fact, I just had some that I made a couple of days ago for dinner with Iranian-style kabab kubbideh! Yum.
I've been meaning to make hummus for weeks, but I'm worried that I will eat the entire batch in a week three days.
I usually just make enough for 8 very small servings (like enough to spread on a kabab/chicken sandwich) or two big fat servings (that would make up a whole meal) or four medium servings (enough for a side dish). All that to say that I make about 500 grams of it at a time. Heh.
Confession: I'm just really super fed-up with myself. Ever since I've started "slipping" I've basically been tightening my "restriction" belt more and more and more. Baking ingredients? Banned from the house. Sweets? Banned from the house. Butter? Banned. Sugar? Banned. And yet, I still manage to mess up, because I'm just that awesome. And you know what? I'm sick of it.
I told my husband last night that if I keep this up, we're not going to have any food left in the house at all soon. :-/ The last straw for me was when I slipped up (2000+ calories over maintenance) because of trying to bake something (out of desperation) with a bunch of substitutes that tasted NASTY, and it turned out that I could have had the same amount of the real stuff for much less calories than that... It's like I just keep on baking because baking is "bad" (and yet I really love baking) and so tempting to do because I feel like I can't ever do it again if I'm being "good".
So you know what I did? I threw out everything I've been doing for these last few months. Everything. I went out and I bought flour, sugars, butter, baking powder, chocolate, and then I baked a big ole batch of chocolate chip cookies. I now have a freezer full of cookies and two big bags of chocolate chips and a whole bunch of ingredients to bake more WHENEVER I WANT. And that feels freeing.
I did slip up eat more cookies than I intended to yesterday, BUT I didn't eat the whole tray like I did every single time before this because "I have to finish these so I won't mess up again tomorrow!". Well, it's tomorrow now. There are still plenty of cookies. And there will be plenty the day after too. And I don't need to have one right now, because I can have one later. And that feels freeing, too.
Will this work? I really have absolutely no idea. But I'm really, really, really sick of all this "forbidden" and "good" and "bad" and not being able to bake. So I'm throwing everything out of the window and starting over again. Send me good vibes?
Sorry for the novel.
Yep! All the good vibes! Food is not good or bad or forbidden. It just is. It provides energy to your body. I'm planning on eating ice cream for dinner tonight (husband and son will be out of town). I have no guilt about that at all. It's a planned treat. It puts me 230 calories over for the day. But, if I hit the gym on the way home from work, which I plan to do, I should be fine.
Logically, I completely and utterly know that. I really do. I even have a college-level diploma in nutrition, the course of which I graduated from with a perfect 4.0 GPA to prove that I shouldn't be such a moron.
I used to have a better relationship with food, believe it or not. I could have one cookie and then say no because I didn't have calories for the rest, and I could keep all kinds of goodies in my house/fridge to eat small bits of when I had the calories for them. I'm honestly not sure what happened. I think it was that I would mess up, then restrict a little bit, then mess up again, and so on... And restriction begets restriction, and I kept restriciting further to "fix" the inevitable slips that I keep making.
But that's it. I'm done. No more "no" to anything--Or at least that's the plan. No more "I have to finish all of these so I won't have more of them to mess up again tomorrow". It just has to stop; it's such a horrible downward spiral. :-/
Hey, so stupid question, but didn't you post a while ago that you had just gotten your GED? Or am I confused on that?
And I think you are taking the right approach to your eating. Restrictions just lead to binging. Because of course then you become obsessed (at least I do!).
Yup, I did. Strangely enough, I was able to get this diploma before I even got a high school diploma. Proof of high school graduation wasn't required to participate in the course, so I just conveniently didn't mention that I didn't have one. Shhhh! 0 -
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quiksylver296 wrote: »I am currently listening to a co-worker b!tching at her husband on the phone. It has been going on all day, on and off. If I get up and shut her office door, do you think she'd get the point?!?
I've seen people at my work do that when people are on speakerphone conference calls.0 -
I confess that I am addicted to chapstick. I carry it with me everywhere. I mention this because I just had a 2nd one bite the dust on me this week and I'm so glad I have a spare in my desk at work. It doesn't have to be the Chapstick brand. I will try all kinds and probably have 10 tubes at home. I bought myself some for my Christmas stocking last year.
Ooh! I got the best stuff! It came in a package I ordered from Amazon, even though I didn't order it. It says "Prickly Pear Moisturizing Lipcare" with SP 15. It is seriously THE BEST!!!0 -
I can't remember if I said last time around, but I'm Julie. Nice to get to know a few more of you.
Welcome back, glad you had a great holiday and good luck @bkhamill
I have a Polish last name, my grandad was Polish. I was really offended when I got asked a few years back if I'd married a pole!! It's part of my heritage, and I always though I got a lot of how I look from that side. I guess I must just be that age.0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I have a not-so-confessiony confession (that sounded weird.). I've mentioned here before that I was writing a book on an amateur writing website (Wattpad). Today, I finally finished the book! I just posted the final chapter like... Fifteen minutes ago.
My husband refused to read it until it was fully complete (he hates incomplete things, whether they're books or series) but he wanted to read it when it was done. So, he read it today, and I was really nervous because he's usually reeeeally picky about the books he reads. He said that he enjoyed it and the plot was really unique! (very rare praise from him) I'm SO GIDDY RIGHT NOW.
I also got tons of feedback on how unique and original the storyline is from almost every single commenter, so now I feel all warm and fuzzy and special. Yay me!
Congratulations. That's a big deal. I am envious of people that have the ability to write!!0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I have a not-so-confessiony confession (that sounded weird.). I've mentioned here before that I was writing a book on an amateur writing website (Wattpad). Today, I finally finished the book! I just posted the final chapter like... Fifteen minutes ago.
My husband refused to read it until it was fully complete (he hates incomplete things, whether they're books or series) but he wanted to read it when it was done. So, he read it today, and I was really nervous because he's usually reeeeally picky about the books he reads. He said that he enjoyed it and the plot was really unique! (very rare praise from him) I'm SO GIDDY RIGHT NOW.
I also got tons of feedback on how unique and original the storyline is from almost every single commenter, so now I feel all warm and fuzzy and special. Yay me!
That's very cool!0 -
Confession #2 of the day: Last Friday, I was chatting with one of the security guards and he told me it was his birthday. So I did what I thought was amusing and underestimated his age. He asked me if I was flirting with him and I was so embarrassed, I probably turned bright red. Now when I see him I try to be nice but not flirtatious but it still feels awkward.
2nd part of the confession, Monday when I asked him how his bday was, he told me he got to have cake and steak. Now I want cake and steak.
Well, is he cute???0 -
Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I have a not-so-confessiony confession (that sounded weird.). I've mentioned here before that I was writing a book on an amateur writing website (Wattpad). Today, I finally finished the book! I just posted the final chapter like... Fifteen minutes ago.
My husband refused to read it until it was fully complete (he hates incomplete things, whether they're books or series) but he wanted to read it when it was done. So, he read it today, and I was really nervous because he's usually reeeeally picky about the books he reads. He said that he enjoyed it and the plot was really unique! (very rare praise from him) I'm SO GIDDY RIGHT NOW.
I also got tons of feedback on how unique and original the storyline is from almost every single commenter, so now I feel all warm and fuzzy and special.Yay me!
Yay, you, indeed!!!0 -
riderfangal wrote: »Susieq_1994 wrote: »Well, I have a not-so-confessiony confession (that sounded weird.). I've mentioned here before that I was writing a book on an amateur writing website (Wattpad). Today, I finally finished the book! I just posted the final chapter like... Fifteen minutes ago.
My husband refused to read it until it was fully complete (he hates incomplete things, whether they're books or series) but he wanted to read it when it was done. So, he read it today, and I was really nervous because he's usually reeeeally picky about the books he reads. He said that he enjoyed it and the plot was really unique! (very rare praise from him) I'm SO GIDDY RIGHT NOW.
I also got tons of feedback on how unique and original the storyline is from almost every single commenter, so now I feel all warm and fuzzy and special. Yay me!
Congratulations. That's a big deal. I am envious of people that have the ability to write!!
Thanks! I just keep refreshing my notification page, hoping for new comments. I wouldn't say I'm much of a writer, actually. I'm a pretty good essay writer, so I can convey a lot of information in a very concise manner. As a result, my first story is really short. Each chapter is like... One and a half pages.
My sister's been a writer since she was about 13, and she writes novels. My entire BOOK could fit into one of her chapters! 0 -
I confess that I have been putting off telling you all this good news but...
My son was awarded a scholarship from our state due to his disability that covers the cost of his private school (tried a few public schools but our state is scraping bottom in public schools and it was a horrible experience) and tutoring and therapies. The fact that as a single mom just starting a career (2 years now) I am able to see him get all the support he needs to be his best person - this is awesome! This can only be used for very specifically approved things but saves me so much money that I would have found somehow but now can use for other necessities as well. This is such a relief and completely unexpected.
Then I just got an email from a club I belong to (because my son loves this particular hobby) where all the guys in the club are making him a project of this hobby to have ready for him when he gets home (awwwwwwwww). He has about 70 grandpa's who have taken him in to their hearts in this club that has to do with model trains.
My daughter is doing very well with her food and mood and I've actually seen her laugh a few times today (she's interning with me so we have lots of together time.) One of my favorite bands (Cake) is going to be in town when I'm out of town and she is planning to go to the concert with her friends (she looked so smug about it I had to laugh).
MY (can you tell I"m smitten) SO booked us our haunted hotel room in a ghost town for our Halloween plans and he has already ordered his Dread Pirate Roberts costume. I guess I'd best get working on that Princess Buttercup wedding dress...
Today is a good day.0 -
Ditto. How are you doing today, Froggy?berlynnwall wrote: »I really love this thread. You guys have helped me through a pretty hard time, and I have seen you help so many other people through hard times as well. People on the internet can be awful, but they can also be great. Best thread ever.
Agreed.
I'm hanging in there. Last night was rough (cried a lot) but I'm doing better today so far. I keep having to remind myself that whatever happens will happen for a reason. I try to keep busy.
Thanks for asking!
(((((HUGS))))))
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And I should add that I married into a Polish -ski last name that sounds pretty funny with my clearly-of-another-ethnicity first name, so my name is pretty weird now because I'm not from either of those cultures anyway.
My maiden name is a ski name. I kinda hated it when I was a kid but grew to love it. I (jokingly) tried to talk my husband into taking my name but he wanted no part of it. Also, my maiden name started with a W and was 10 letters long, my married name starts with an A and is 5 letters.
My maiden name started with a "Z", was long, and very difficult to spell. Not to mention I grew up during the time when all kids were organized alphabetically. I didn't even bother. Just went to the back of the room, back of the line, etc. My first marriage I got an "A" last name and kept that thing even after the divorce just to be moved to the front of the line already! Although as an adult it really didn't matter.0 -
I confess that I have been putting off telling you all this good news but...
My son was awarded a scholarship from our state due to his disability that covers the cost of his private school (tried a few public schools but our state is scraping bottom in public schools and it was a horrible experience) and tutoring and therapies. The fact that as a single mom just starting a career (2 years now) I am able to see him get all the support he needs to be his best person - this is awesome! This can only be used for very specifically approved things but saves me so much money that I would have found somehow but now can use for other necessities as well. This is such a relief and completely unexpected.
Then I just got an email from a club I belong to (because my son loves this particular hobby) where all the guys in the club are making him a project of this hobby to have ready for him when he gets home (awwwwwwwww). He has about 70 grandpa's who have taken him in to their hearts in this club that has to do with model trains.
My daughter is doing very well with her food and mood and I've actually seen her laugh a few times today (she's interning with me so we have lots of together time.) One of my favorite bands (Cake) is going to be in town when I'm out of town and she is planning to go to the concert with her friends (she looked so smug about it I had to laugh).
MY (can you tell I"m smitten) SO booked us our haunted hotel room in a ghost town for our Halloween plans and he has already ordered his Dread Pirate Roberts costume. I guess I'd best get working on that Princess Buttercup wedding dress...
Today is a good day.
Wow, that's a wonderful lot of good news!! Big, big congratulations! 0
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