Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))

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  • FroggyBug
    FroggyBug Posts: 4,883 Member
    edited March 2015
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    BZAH10 wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    I have to say, BZAH10 is one of my favorite people in this thread. She tries to talk to as many different people as possible and I love that. I wish I could comment more. I need to start reading this when I'm at home.

    Thank you! Sadly, I'm in the "no friends in real life" catagory so I have to say I've been enjoying this thread immensely! And, to be honest, your comment just made my day!

    BZAH10: That surprises me. You seem like a good listener. I figured you were very popular. At least you are popular here.

    JSurita2 wrote: »
    FroggyBug wrote: »
    Lois_1989 wrote: »
    My confession: I live vicariously through the people in this forum, because I have no physical friends. It's like watching the group of cool kids in the playground back when I was at school. :|

    I understand this one too. :( I have like two friends and then my family. That was why I was so afraid to join in here. I never feel like I fit in anywhere.

    Thankfully everyone here has been really nice.

    Everyone is nice on this thread at least. I've gotten my head nearly chopped off for stating an opinion once. I held my own but those vultures were coming at me. lmao. I found it quite amusing actually. How people can get so crazy and defensive on a message board with complete strangers is quite the laugh.

    I haven’t commented on a regular thread at this site since 2012-ish. I read a lot of them though and I can see how defensive some people get. I’d rather avoid that. :) The threads can be entertaining though.



    Confession: I actually like my boyfriend being at a higher weight but he is on this site as well and counting calories (he is losing weight too) because I want him to be healthier. I love the way he is now though. I don’t want him to get too small. I’ve always liked bigger guys.

    Edited to add: I will love him no matter what size. I didn't want anyone to think different!
  • rungirl1973
    rungirl1973 Posts: 2,559 Member
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    So this is my confession:
    I am incredibly lazy. When I say lazy I mean lazy. I worked from home so my day consists of rolling out of bed, walking to my computer, working for 9 hours, then sitting on the couch and watching TV or playing video games like a nerd. There’s not much more movement than that. I don’t even clean my house, I will let dishes pile up all week until I have my house cleaned by someone else on Fridays. I have a million pairs of underwear because I’d rather just go buy more pairs instead of doing laundry and I have enough leggings and T-shirts to go a whole month. When I have people over I always make my house presentable but when I don’t, which is the majority of the time/ my house is gross. When I tried to tell my friends I always get things like “you’re not lazy, you’re pursuing your masters, working full-time, etc.” I rarely leave my house and I’m constantly tired so I think a bit of depression might be part of the picture. I went through a horrible, horrible breakup and I’ve been single since 2011. Since then I’ve let my appearance go downhill and every time I try to improve it I get discouraged because my 226 pounds on a 5 foot 1 frame is not what I’m used to trying to doll up. I thought about discussing the way I feel with my doctor but I feel like saying I’m depressed is just a cop out for being lazy.
    On a totally unrelated note, when my bladder is full or even partially full I have spontaneous orgasms. Sometimes I hold it on purpose.

    I agree with everybody who said to get to a doctor for the depression. I've been where you are. My last divorce (yes, multiple) was in 2010, and I gained 100 lbs over the next 2 years. It was very much a defense mechanism (plus I was eating my feelings). I finally got over my hesitation and went to a therapist, who then pointed me to a psychiatrist and dietician. I saw all three of them regularly for a while and got myself on the road to loving myself again.
  • kellienw335
    kellienw335 Posts: 1,745 Member
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    So this is my confession:
    I am incredibly lazy. When I say lazy I mean lazy. I worked from home so my day consists of rolling out of bed, walking to my computer, working for 9 hours, then sitting on the couch and watching TV or playing video games like a nerd. There’s not much more movement than that. I don’t even clean my house, I will let dishes pile up all week until I have my house cleaned by someone else on Fridays. I have a million pairs of underwear because I’d rather just go buy more pairs instead of doing laundry and I have enough leggings and T-shirts to go a whole month. When I have people over I always make my house presentable but when I don’t, which is the majority of the time/ my house is gross. When I tried to tell my friends I always get things like “you’re not lazy, you’re pursuing your masters, working full-time, etc.” I rarely leave my house and I’m constantly tired so I think a bit of depression might be part of the picture. I went through a horrible, horrible breakup and I’ve been single since 2011. Since then I’ve let my appearance go downhill and every time I try to improve it I get discouraged because my 226 pounds on a 5 foot 1 frame is not what I’m used to trying to doll up. I thought about discussing the way I feel with my doctor but I feel like saying I’m depressed is just a cop out for being lazy.
    On a totally unrelated note, when my bladder is full or even partially full I have spontaneous orgasms. Sometimes I hold it on purpose.

    You should definitely talk to your doctor!
  • threnjen
    threnjen Posts: 687 Member
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    Francl27 wrote: »

    I don't really have friends either. There's another mom I get along pretty well with but we only see each other on the rare days she picks up her kids... but I've been so disappointed by friendships in the past, I don't actually care. Well, except when people talk about going out with their friends and post all the pictures and it makes me feel very lonely. But I haven't had a close friend since my first marriage 15 years ago.

    This is me. My best friend is my mom.
    I've recently acquired more of a friend, but she is very social and has tons of friends and I know it means more to me than it does to her. So I just keep it at arm's length so I don't end up disappointed.
    She had a girl's night out with her big friend group last week. I stayed home with her kids and my spouse and her spouse. It really drove home that she has this other life and I'm just a tertiary friend. But it's ok.

  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
    edited March 2015
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    confession:

    (and this ties in to the past 2 or 3 topics in this thread somehow)

    I used to be pretty judgmental of people with mental health issues. I'd dismiss it as weakness or attention seeking. Then about 2 years ago I started having panic attacks and anxiety. Fought it for a long time, tried to "fix" it on my own, nothing worked. Finally got help. Very humbling experience to say the least.

    Was also drinking quite heavily during this time. Knocking on the door of full-blown alcoholism. I think the anxiety and panic attacks were correlated to the drinking but I'm not which came first. Anyway after getting help the desire to drink really dropped off. Every once in a while I want to have a casual drink like everyone else but I don't trust myself. It might be fine, or I might spiral out of control and right now I'm not willing to take that risk. Drinking heavily, at least for me, was symptomatic of deeper issues I had been harboring.

    It all stems back to childhood I really believe that now. I didn't have that bad of childhood but for one aspect and it had a drastic effect on me without my realizing it until recently. I'll confess more on that later don't have the time now...

    Oh, and I used to be one of those who thought about sex constantly but after seeking help they put me on an anti-depressant (one more thing I used to not "believe in" doing until it effected me). It has really helped me a lot, but one side effect is it has pretty much killed my libido. I don't necessarily mind it and in fact find it strangely liberating. I can focus my thoughts on more productive things and feel more in control of my mind and body.

    Not a confession, but I highly recommend the book "Always the fat kid" - felt like I was reading my own biography and it really helped me understand myself.

    I had a very depressed friend when I was 17 too... and I never understood it... until I had severe depression when I hit 22 (when I started working, with the job where I had nothing to do like I mentioned in another post)... I lost all my friends (I had lost contact with the one above by then because her boyfriend decided that he liked me better), got divorced, I didn't have any support at all. I look back and can't imagine doing some of the things I did then, but now I know what you can do when you're truly desperate. Confession - I had some degus, a kind of rodent, and they kept getting out of their cage (chewed it out)... one of them bit my cat, and I was terrified that they would eat my computer cables, which was my only link to the outside world, that I caught them one at a time and threw them out of the window... I'm horrified when I look back.. I kept skipping classes too, and almost got in serious trouble because my job was paying for those. I got lucky because the woman I talked to was very understanding.

    Nobody in my family knows what I went through (my mom was judging my friend a lot when I was 17) and it took years to get better (my father died too, which didn't help, and nobody at my job even told me that they were sorry, totally ignored me while I was in tears then when I left complained because I didn't throw a party). I tried anti depressant but they made me horribly drowsy so I stopped taking them... I had suicide thoughts a few times too... it was awful. I moved to the US and I was pretty much a train wreck for years, flying to meet friends I had met online, which almost ended up badly one time... then I had fertility issues with my husband... I guess it's no wonder I gained so much weight.

    I will never underestimate mental issues, and I wish that more people were understanding about them.
  • FroggyBug
    FroggyBug Posts: 4,883 Member
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    Talkradio wrote: »
    Can I just say that I love you people? This thread has been hilarious, and healing, and cathartic.

    I've been having a stupid couple of weeks. My toddler has been working through a never ending stomach bug, and it's been all wiping butts and soiled laundry over here. I was sick too. We're driving 5 hours away and back this weekend to visit my husband's sister, and I'm just dreading that much car time after so many poor nights of sleep. My husband has been working a side job, so I haven't seen him all week. I'm just tired, and depressed, and GRUMPY. I hate everything right now.

    Except you guys.

    That sounds bad. :( Sorry you've had a rough week.

    I do love that avatar pic too! It always makes me smile.

    I love reading this thread.
  • threnjen
    threnjen Posts: 687 Member
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    My wife's 3 closest friends died in high school in the same accident and, though she probably won't admit it, I don't think she will ever allow herself to get close to people like that again.

    Confession: Despite countless conversations over our 13 years together, I have been unable to convince my wife that she is not responsible for the deaths of her friends and I fear she may never stop blaming herself.

    That is really heavy :( And sad :(
  • threnjen
    threnjen Posts: 687 Member
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    I've noticed that instantly after I workout I view myself differently in the mirror. It's strange, but when I'm super lazy I think I look fat and disgusting. After working out I instantly think I'm gorgeous even tho the way I look hasn't changed. Maybe make some workout goals and appreciate the improvements in what your body can do to improve your self image.
    This happens to me too. I think it's really a wake up call sometimes that a huge part of our appearance is rooted in our own self-confidence!

  • Suzmp85
    Suzmp85 Posts: 184 Member
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    Honestly, it's TOM and I want some junk food..yeah, real healthy, I know..lol
  • AgentOrangeJuice
    AgentOrangeJuice Posts: 1,069 Member
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    In my IRL, I have absolutely no one that shares my interests.

    I haven't played Dungeons and Dragons in 10 years.

    No one to argue about who the greatest Green Lantern is.

    No one to geek out about the latest Marvel Legends Figures, I GOT THE NEW IRONFIST
    FIGURE IT'S FREAKING AWESOME.

    I'm the Chubby guy in karate so I'm kinda like a pariah, I do the motions but my side kick and round houses aren't even remotely good or high, so I'm not into Tournaments and you know, if you're not bringing in Trophies for the Dojo.. . . . Oh but Matt, Sensei says "Good Job Matt at least 5-6 times an hour.

    No one to talk to about the New Star Wars, because you know, people are concerned that the crossguard lightsaber the new Villain is wielding in the first teaser would chop his own hands off if he started twirling it around, but my point is, that dude isn't trying to twirl anything, he's just going to over head chop everything like Darth Vader did, he's a Vader Worshipping Acolyte, that's my opinion on that. BTW, I think Luke is the mastermind Dark Lord that doesn't appear until the end of the first movie. In the original script for Star Wars, after Vader dies on the Death Star, Luke picks up his helmet and puts it on and says "I'm Vader now!" but, they changed the script for marketability.
  • ShibaEars
    ShibaEars Posts: 3,928 Member
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    bkhamill wrote: »
    I just ate a 300 cal Sea Salt chocolate bar! Now there will be no getting out of going running after work today! I hate TOM!

    That sounds delicious though! (apologies to the person who doesn't like the word delicious ;) )
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,371 Member
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    In my IRL, I have absolutely no one that shares my interests.

    I haven't played Dungeons and Dragons in 10 years.

    No one to argue about who the greatest Green Lantern is.

    No one to geek out about the latest Marvel Legends Figures, I GOT THE NEW IRONFIST
    FIGURE IT'S FREAKING AWESOME.

    I'm the Chubby guy in karate so I'm kinda like a pariah, I do the motions but my side kick and round houses aren't even remotely good or high, so I'm not into Tournaments and you know, if you're not bringing in Trophies for the Dojo.. . . . Oh but Matt, Sensei says "Good Job Matt at least 5-6 times an hour.

    No one to talk to about the New Star Wars, because you know, people are concerned that the crossguard lightsaber the new Villain is wielding in the first teaser would chop his own hands off if he started twirling it around, but my point is, that dude isn't trying to twirl anything, he's just going to over head chop everything like Darth Vader did, he's a Vader Worshipping Acolyte, that's my opinion on that. BTW, I think Luke is the mastermind Dark Lord that doesn't appear until the end of the first movie. In the original script for Star Wars, after Vader dies on the Death Star, Luke picks up his helmet and puts it on and says "I'm Vader now!" but, they changed the script for marketability.

    I sympathize. My husband sorta gets it but I'm a bigger geek.
  • hnsaunde
    hnsaunde Posts: 757 Member
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    I watched my boyfriend fall off of a ridge while we were scrambling last summer. He was airlifted off of the mountain (I had to leave him to go get help-no choice), ended up in critical care for a week and had a total of 12 days spent in the hospital. Every time I can't get a hold of him, I get terrified that something's happened and I'm not there. I used to worry about him in an abstract sort of way, but after seeing/dealing with it first-hand like that, I'm a lot more anxious and clingy around him. He's tolerant of it for now, but I'm afraid I'm going to push him away eventually if I can't learn to trust him to take care of himself again.
  • bkhamill
    bkhamill Posts: 1,289 Member
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    ShibaEars wrote: »
    bkhamill wrote: »
    I just ate a 300 cal Sea Salt chocolate bar! Now there will be no getting out of going running after work today! I hate TOM!

    That sounds delicious though! (apologies to the person who doesn't like the word delicious ;) )

    It was, I only planned to eat 1/3 of it when I bought it.
  • mysticlizard
    mysticlizard Posts: 896 Member
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    When I relocated several years ago, my mother told me I needed to make new friends. So I met other women and tried to do the friend thing. Most of them complained about their husbands. I told my husband, I always felt awkward because I had nothing to complain about and really couldn't relate. He said I should make something up if it would make me feel better. He is so totally awesome! I thought about it but didn't. Then I realized these women seemed to get something out of the drama and the being unhappy. It was then that I decided that my husband and my four long distance friends were enough.
  • mimstastical
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    @LBuehrle8‌ & @fitfatty88‌ Thanks for the words of advice. I just scheduled an appointment for next Tuesday.
  • jessiruthica
    jessiruthica Posts: 412 Member
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    No one to talk to about the New Star Wars, because you know, people are concerned that the crossguard lightsaber the new Villain is wielding in the first teaser would chop his own hands off if he started twirling it around, but my point is, that dude isn't trying to twirl anything, he's just going to over head chop everything like Darth Vader did, he's a Vader Worshipping Acolyte, that's my opinion on that. BTW, I think Luke is the mastermind Dark Lord that doesn't appear until the end of the first movie. In the original script for Star Wars, after Vader dies on the Death Star, Luke picks up his helmet and puts it on and says "I'm Vader now!" but, they changed the script for marketability.

    I'll talk about New Star Wars with you! I honestly didn't know about Luke and Vader's helmet, which puts a whole new spin on things! I'm mildly irritated that Disney et al have decided to ignore everything that's been written since Episodes 4, 5, and 6 (particular the Thrawn stuff) but have decided to move past it and give them a shot. This in no way takes away my rights to complain later!

    Have you been to the Your Geekery for Today thread? Some very good stuff there!
  • rungirl1973
    rungirl1973 Posts: 2,559 Member
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    I don't feel so bad that I don't have any local friends after seeing how common it is. I lived in IL most of my life and still have a ton of friends there. I met all of them after finishing school, so I know it can be easy to make friends as an adult. I also have several internet friends that I've met over the years, but they live all over the country. There's a really great running club close to where I live, they get together once per week. I always talk to people when I'm there, but I guess I don't know how to make friends anymore.
  • kellienw335
    kellienw335 Posts: 1,745 Member
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    In my IRL, I have absolutely no one that shares my interests.

    I haven't played Dungeons and Dragons in 10 years.

    No one to argue about who the greatest Green Lantern is.

    No one to geek out about the latest Marvel Legends Figures, I GOT THE NEW IRONFIST
    FIGURE IT'S FREAKING AWESOME.

    I'm the Chubby guy in karate so I'm kinda like a pariah, I do the motions but my side kick and round houses aren't even remotely good or high, so I'm not into Tournaments and you know, if you're not bringing in Trophies for the Dojo.. . . . Oh but Matt, Sensei says "Good Job Matt at least 5-6 times an hour.

    No one to talk to about the New Star Wars, because you know, people are concerned that the crossguard lightsaber the new Villain is wielding in the first teaser would chop his own hands off if he started twirling it around, but my point is, that dude isn't trying to twirl anything, he's just going to over head chop everything like Darth Vader did, he's a Vader Worshipping Acolyte, that's my opinion on that. BTW, I think Luke is the mastermind Dark Lord that doesn't appear until the end of the first movie. In the original script for Star Wars, after Vader dies on the Death Star, Luke picks up his helmet and puts it on and says "I'm Vader now!" but, they changed the script for marketability.

    I'd set you up on a play date with my husband, but we live in SC!
  • threnjen
    threnjen Posts: 687 Member
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    ShibaEars wrote: »


    I don't have any friends or people in my life with similar interests. My gym partner will workout with me, but only once or twice a week and doesn't take it as seriously as me. I'd like to go hiking/biking and travel to different places to do those things, but if I ask anyone to go for a walk they look at me like I grew a second head. I also suck at making new friends due to my social awkwardness.

    My confession: I am scared to date or even try to approach someone I find attractive because I assume their reaction will be "ewwww". And I also feel that I am not attractive or good enough to even deserve to have someone love me. It makes me sad that I feel this way, but I don't know how to change it.

    I wish I lived near you because you seem really nice and I would enjoy doing those things :)
    I'm also so awkward. So, so awkward.

    Second part, aww :( I'm sad you feel like that!! You're so pretty too, at least from what I can see with the mask :P