Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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ShareenaFulton wrote: »Ha, I remember trying to treat my mum on the last Mother's Day. It was a total fail from start to finish. She dislikes eating out or crowded places so I decided to do a night in, lots of scrummy take-away food, bought in a big chocolate-fudgey brownie tray thing that was probably a billion calories per bite and got her a epic film with Sean Bean (her favourite) which took me a day to find as she's seen nearly all his films, topped off with a card and some flowers.
Reality was that she'd made some slow cook casserole thing that morning and by the time I arrived, couldn't be persuaded towards take-away. The movie I found was one she'd watched on Netflix a couple of days before, forgetting that it was the one I'd suggested (on top of which, she didn't enjoy it). She flat out refused to eat even a nibble of the brownie pudding because she was on a diet and to top it all off, I realised belatedly that the card I had chosen for her said "To Mum" and then in tiny, silvery script below actually said "on your birthday."
So please, spare a thought for some of the poor Mother's Day failures out there who try hard and still can't seem to get it right.
I'm sorry! It was all your good intent (and time and effort) that matters! I hope she realizes it. We all make mistakes and have our downfalls. Too bad this did not workout the way you planned, but I give you an A+ for effort!
You planned a lovely day!0 -
Thanks everyone. While I think she did appreciate the gesture, I was still really miffed that things didn't go well. She's someone who rarely does anything nice for herself and who seems to actively make it hard for others to do the same. Mother's day along with her birthday and Christmas is the only time she'll really let her guard down a bit and won't complain too much, so I tend to try and make them good. Nothing too big or expensive though, or she'll flip out and then you just end up doing more harm than good. Can be a bit of a tight-rope. Nevermind, there is always next year.
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Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.0
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Yeah, I did too. I don't want 'stuff'. All I ever want (and yes, I have expressed this previously) is something homemade/heartfelt. I loved it when they were little and made macaroni pictures or little photo frames at school. One of my treasured gifts was when my youngest painted a picture of me and the teacher framed them. I still have it on my wall.Italian_Buju wrote: »I am now going to bed irritated like I do nearly every single Mothers Day.
I was upset this year because nobody gave me a card. My husband made me feel like I was being bratty about it because they took me out for a nice lunch and to the bee farm.
At the risk of sounding terrible, I was slightly put out that my in-laws didn't really acknowledge that I was celebrating Mother's Day, too. We went to their house for lunch, got my mil a big box of chocolates, and nada for me. My mil has kind of set a precedent of making a big deal out of stuff, so it was weird to not even get a card from them. Obviously I'm not their mother, but isn't it strange to do it one year and not the next?
That would irritate me as well. I feel like the day is about mothers in general. It's almost like ignoring a shared birthday.0 -
I didn't log any food (and there was a lot) this weekend, but I logged in for about 15 seconds on Saturday and Sunday just so I wouldn't lost my streak.0
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IAmTheGlue wrote: »mysticlizard wrote: »
I haven't cleaned a bathroom or ran the vacuum in 15 years (the oldest is 31) my two youngest are 15 and 16. I am going to miss them when they move out in a couple of years. I will have to pay for a cleaning service. The older children's SOs rave about their cooking and house keeping abilities. I told the kids when I was raising them, I was teaching them life skills. I lied, I just taught them to do the jobs I didn't like.
I'm still super far behind in this thread but this made me lol. I have 4 children and I always use the phrase "life skills" for things they will need to know to get through life and "life lessons" for truths everyone learns eventually... usually the hard way.
One day my 13 year old daughter said "how many of these life skills are there?' She was so hopeful that I was checking things off a list and eventually the list would be done so I would stop asking them to do things.
@IAmTheGlue I too am super far behind, but I felt I had to comment on this. Your 13 year old daughter and my 13 year old daughter sound like they're cut from the same cloth. This definitely sounds like something she'd say for sure.
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pofoster21 wrote: »Unrelated but I heard on the radio Monday is National Eat Whatever You Want Day! For those in the US enjoy!
Or I call it, every day since Friday! It was a weekend of excess for sure.0 -
ShareenaFulton wrote: »Thanks everyone. While I think she did appreciate the gesture, I was still really miffed that things didn't go well. She's someone who rarely does anything nice for herself and who seems to actively make it hard for others to do the same. Mother's day along with her birthday and Christmas is the only time she'll really let her guard down a bit and won't complain too much, so I tend to try and make them good. Nothing too big or expensive though, or she'll flip out and then you just end up doing more harm than good. Can be a bit of a tight-rope. Nevermind, there is always next year.
Not to try to "diagnose" someone because I hate that. I'm not trained nor a professional, but from what you posted it sounds like she has a bit of a martyr thing going on. I always prefer the out-of-the-blue, complete surprises over the holiday, obligatory ones. Any chance of you doing something special for her "just because"? Just random and just because you want to? How do you think she'd take to that?0 -
salembambi wrote: »I confess that today on zee mothers day I feel like the biggest pile of loser because I cant give my mom all the things she deserves. my little sister got her some expensive stuff and im just sitting here like "hi im your oldest daughter & also a total failure you are welcome" My mom is my everything and it hurts that im so *kitten* she deserves better than me
As a mother, I can tell you that your mother understands if/that you cannot afford to get her expensive things. I have 3 adult children, each successful in their own ways but not all doing well financially. I do not, nor have I ever, expected expensive gifts from any of them. I would much rather hear "I love you mom"0 -
My fiance had a bachelor party on Friday and it was adorable. He very rarely drinks, so having him come home absolutely loaded was pretty hilarious...I filmed him for a while to show him the next day because I could not stop laughing at him. The photos his buddies sent were gold as well. Too funny. Somehow he'd never been to one before (which I find shocking as I feel like I've been to like fifty bachelorettes in my life...so many that I vetoed one of my own.)
But the next day he was feeling pretty rough and wanted pizza and taquitos and junior bacon cheeseburgers and I kind of caved and ate some crap with him that wasn't kind to my calorie allowance...but then when I tried my dress on last night, I found out it's too big, so I guess I have to not lose any more weight in the next two weeks anyway. I don't really know how to feel about this. I'm assuming I'm going to bloat up like crazy from all the food and booze on vacation the two days before the wedding, but still. I don't know if it's a good thing or what.0 -
Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
Hugs! I'm sorry about your mom. I'm sure you are doing the best you can as a mother and your children will appreciate it one day. I know I didn't appreciate my mom growing up. I was a brat and there were many "I hate yous" as a teen, but when I turned 18 and left and became an adult I was able to appreciate her and all that she did for me. We have a great relationship now and I believe that a lot of kids go through those phases where they think they know everything and you are the person trying to hold them back, not realizing at the time you are the person trying to protect them from this cruel world. I promise, they will get it some day. It sucks going through it though so I'm sorry.0 -
Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
They're 7! They don't really say the hate you do they?0 -
I didn't log any food (and there was a lot) this weekend, but I logged in for about 15 seconds on Saturday and Sunday just so I wouldn't lost my streak.
That happens to me on Sunday ALL the time! Sunday is usually laundry, clean up, and prep for the week, so no time to log or exercise. I had less than 4,000 steps yesterday!0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
They're 7! They don't really say the hate you do they?
All the time! They started at 4...0 -
Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
My mother and I never got on when I was growing up. We're complete opposites. I was laid back to the point of being in a coma while she was tightly wound and brutally strict. We really don't share much, if anything in common, even now. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I spent most of my life feeling only anger and fear towards her. I couldn't understand why she was so controlling, untrusting and at times, physically violent.
As I grew up, life dealt my family a good number of blows. My mum suffered from a series of breakdowns after my dad left and her own mother died. The shock of seeing that stern, unshakeable figure left helpless and broken was a real moment when everything changed. Caring for her over those horrible years, I found out about her own abuse as a child, the undiagnosed and untreated post-natal depression she suffered with after I was born. I learnt that she was strict and controlling, not because she took some cruel satisfaction from it, but because she was utterly terrified of losing us. Seeing her ill was the first time in my life I've ever felt that fear myself.
The perspective that life brings as you grow up really makes you appreciate the people around you. Your kids will come into this knowledge too, in time. One thing I wish is that it hadn't all been hidden from us growing up. It's a horrible feeling to find out, as an adult, that you never really knew the person who raised you. Parents should be more open to their kids about both the good and the bad of life before they were born. It's easier to do that than to forgive lies that are only revealed when your older.0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
They're 7! They don't really say the hate you do they?
All the time! They started at 4...
Soap in the mouth! It works!0 -
ShareenaFulton wrote: »Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
My mother and I never got on when I was growing up. We're complete opposites. I was laid back to the point of being in a coma while she was tightly wound and brutally strict. We really don't share much, if anything in common, even now. I'm ashamed to admit it, but I spent most of my life feeling only anger and fear towards her. I couldn't understand why she was so controlling, untrusting and at times, physically violent.
As I grew up, life dealt my family a good number of blows. My mum suffered from a series of breakdowns after my dad left and her own mother died. The shock of seeing that stern, unshakeable figure left helpless and broken was a real moment when everything changed. Caring for her over those horrible years, I found out about her own abuse as a child, the undiagnosed and untreated post-natal depression she suffered with after I was born. I learnt that she was strict and controlling, not because she took some cruel satisfaction from it, but because she was utterly terrified of losing us. Seeing her ill was the first time in my life I've ever felt that fear myself.
The perspective that life brings as you grow up really makes you appreciate the people around you. Your kids will come into this knowledge too, in time. One thing I wish is that it hadn't all been hidden from us growing up. It's a horrible feeling to find out, as an adult, that you never really knew the person who raised you. Parents should be more open to their kids about both the good and the bad of life before they were born. It's easier to do that than to forgive lies that are only revealed when your older.
Tough for your mom. Parenting's hard, but sometimes it's not really an excuse, honestly.
I confess that sometimes it's tough here because both my husband and I like quiet and being alone and it doesn't always work so well with two 7yo kids.
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quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession: My SO pissed me off to tears on Mother's Day. He got highly intoxicated the night before. I don't think I've ever seen him that drunk. He puked ALL night. No sleep for me. Then he slept in - not me, the MOTHER, on MOTHER'S DAY!!! Then he wouldn't go with us to our trip to Craters of the Moon cuz he was "sick" (hungover). I think he owes me another Mother's Day.
That should get bonus mothers day plus additional SIFU flowers.0 -
ShareenaFulton wrote: »Thanks everyone. While I think she did appreciate the gesture, I was still really miffed that things didn't go well. She's someone who rarely does anything nice for herself and who seems to actively make it hard for others to do the same. Mother's day along with her birthday and Christmas is the only time she'll really let her guard down a bit and won't complain too much, so I tend to try and make them good. Nothing too big or expensive though, or she'll flip out and then you just end up doing more harm than good. Can be a bit of a tight-rope. Nevermind, there is always next year.
Not to try to "diagnose" someone because I hate that. I'm not trained nor a professional, but from what you posted it sounds like she has a bit of a martyr thing going on. I always prefer the out-of-the-blue, complete surprises over the holiday, obligatory ones. Any chance of you doing something special for her "just because"? Just random and just because you want to? How do you think she'd take to that?
Out-of-the-blue tends to make her uncomfortable and defensive. On set days she can prepare herself better. She knows what's coming, the reason behind it etc. It works most of the time, until it doesn't. Hahaha. I'm happy to work with what wriggle room I'm given though. It's a chance, if nothing else, to get creative. Don't get me wrong, the odd little thing once or twice a week like making her dinner, or finding her favourite crisps "on sale" makes her happy. As long as it's small and inexpensive, she'll be happier to receive it.
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kellienw335 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
They're 7! They don't really say the hate you do they?
All the time! They started at 4...
Soap in the mouth! It works!
AHHHH NO SOAP! My parents used to do this to me growing up, so gross!0 -
My daughter's stupid dog attacked a baby bunny in our backyard this morning. I'm SO over that little a-hole monster. If she didn't love him so much, he'd be gone. Mind you, he's a Chihuahua/minpin mix and he's far more vicious than my pit has EVER been.
I tend to not talk badly about pets because it does bring on assumptions, usually negatively towards the poster but I can totally relate because just this morning, the dog I have somehow managed to end up with (ex mother-in-law finds a stray, she finds the owners that doesn't want him back because he repeatedly runs off and doesn't return, well she kind of gifted (read: pushed) him onto my ex-wife and daughter, well when we split up and I got primary custody and my daughter wanted the dog at MY house since she is there the most).
Well the little son-of-a-b that sheds everywhere won't stay off of furniture (my daughter is highly allergic to pet hair-dander) so I have to pin him up and close off access during the day while at work. Then IF he gets off his leash, he doesn't come home until he is filthy dirty. I swear I've come THIS >|< close to taking his *kitten* to the pound or threatening the mom & ex MIL to take him back, or else. But I just can't force myself to do it. So instead, I have to look at his dumb, shedding, non-listening *kitten* every day. And I know that sounds bad typed out but oh effing well. >_<
Another confession is I was sooo lazy yesterday I couldn't hardly make myself do ANYTHING, which is odd because I am usually up and going. Finally around 6PM I MADE myself go lift weights before I was consumed with guilt.
I also sometimes type out confessions then delete before posting. Which obviously this time was not the case.
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kellienw335 wrote: »kellienw335 wrote: »Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
They're 7! They don't really say the hate you do they?
All the time! They started at 4...
Soap in the mouth! It works!
AHHHH NO SOAP! My parents used to do this to me growing up, so gross!
Lol my four year old got a good taste of the dish soap on Friday after he told me to shut up. I am thinking he won't be saying that again0 -
ShareenaFulton wrote: »ShareenaFulton wrote: »Thanks everyone. While I think she did appreciate the gesture, I was still really miffed that things didn't go well. She's someone who rarely does anything nice for herself and who seems to actively make it hard for others to do the same. Mother's day along with her birthday and Christmas is the only time she'll really let her guard down a bit and won't complain too much, so I tend to try and make them good. Nothing too big or expensive though, or she'll flip out and then you just end up doing more harm than good. Can be a bit of a tight-rope. Nevermind, there is always next year.
Not to try to "diagnose" someone because I hate that. I'm not trained nor a professional, but from what you posted it sounds like she has a bit of a martyr thing going on. I always prefer the out-of-the-blue, complete surprises over the holiday, obligatory ones. Any chance of you doing something special for her "just because"? Just random and just because you want to? How do you think she'd take to that?
Out-of-the-blue tends to make her uncomfortable and defensive. On set days she can prepare herself better. She knows what's coming, the reason behind it etc. It works most of the time, until it doesn't. Hahaha. I'm happy to work with what wriggle room I'm given though. It's a chance, if nothing else, to get creative. Don't get me wrong, the odd little thing once or twice a week like making her dinner, or finding her favourite crisps "on sale" makes her happy. As long as it's small and inexpensive, she'll be happier to receive it.
Ah, I understand. And I posted that before your other post about her past. I'm very sorry for all of that, but at least you did find out her history and how it contributed to your relationship. Some people never get an explanation. Doesn't mean it is excusable, but it's good that you have some basis for the behavior.0 -
I don't think I ever want another dog again. Mine barks all day long at everything (thankfully we have a pretty quiet street or I can't even imagine) and drives me INSANE. And he'll destroy every tissue or paper or toilet paper roll he can get his paws on. And he hates dogs and might attack them so I don't even dare walking him. I'm so over dogs.0
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My daughter's stupid dog attacked a baby bunny in our backyard this morning. I'm SO over that little a-hole monster. If she didn't love him so much, he'd be gone. Mind you, he's a Chihuahua/minpin mix and he's far more vicious than my pit has EVER been.
Any chance of hiring a dog trainer? I did that as a gift to my son when he ended up with two untrained dogs within a short time frame and unexpectedly and was going crazy. It was pricey, but if you find the right trainer (which thankfully we did after some searching) they train the human to train the dog. That way you have the knowledge and skills not just for this dog but for any you may have in the future. It was well worth the price. Just a suggestion. (He and both the dogs are very happy now!)0 -
Ouch.
Ouch, my family wants a dog and I've already said if they ever got one, I wanted nothing to do with its care. It's harsh, but given their track record with my nieces and nephew, that dog would be a monster.
I tend to not talk badly about pets because it does bring on assumptions, usually negatively towards the poster but I can totally relate because just this morning, the dog I have somehow managed to end up with (ex mother-in-law finds a stray, she finds the owners that doesn't want him back because he repeatedly runs off and doesn't return, well she kind of gifted (read: pushed) him onto my ex-wife and daughter, well when we split up and I got primary custody and my daughter wanted the dog at MY house since she is there the most).My daughter's stupid dog attacked a baby bunny in our backyard this morning. I'm SO over that little a-hole monster. If she didn't love him so much, he'd be gone. Mind you, he's a Chihuahua/minpin mix and he's far more vicious than my pit has EVER been.
Well the little son-of-a-b that sheds everywhere won't stay off of furniture (my daughter is highly allergic to pet hair-dander) so I have to pin him up and close off access during the day while at work. Then IF he gets off his leash, he doesn't come home until he is filthy dirty. I swear I've come THIS >|< close to taking his *kitten* to the pound or threatening the mom & ex MIL to take him back, or else. But I just can't force myself to do it. So instead, I have to look at his dumb, shedding, non-listening *kitten* every day. And I know that sounds bad typed out but oh effing well. >_<
Another confession is I was sooo lazy yesterday I couldn't hardly make myself do ANYTHING, which is odd because I am usually up and going. Finally around 6PM I MADE myself go lift weights before I was consumed with guilt.
I also sometimes type out confessions then delete before posting. Which obviously this time was not the case.
I would LOVE a dog or cat one day, but they are a lot of responsibility and I don't feel financially or emotionally up for it.
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Italian_Buju wrote: »I had no idea there were so many Oreo flavours. I thought there was regular, golden and red velvet. I may have heard of one or two others, but never cotton candy, or cookie dough, or rootbeer float.
We get so ripped off in Canada
THIS
Like is it really THAT hard just to make the extra flavors of things (HELLO PEANUT BUTTER CAPTAIN CRUNCH), in both places??
Exactly. I want all the fun flavors of pop-tarts, pop and cereal. Like, why can't I get Vanilla Coke anymore? Or Cherry Coke? (I mean, I add vanilla or cherry vodka to get the flavors, but having just flavored pop would be nice).
I suspect in a lot of cases it's because we use ingredients down here that are illegal up there. Some brands make two versions, like MIO, others just don't bother.
Canada had much stricter food laws than the US does and that is why we get "gipped". I am a little bit glad that we have stricter food laws...less that I have to try and talk myself out of "trying".0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »I didn't log any food (and there was a lot) this weekend, but I logged in for about 15 seconds on Saturday and Sunday just so I wouldn't lost my streak.
That happens to me on Sunday ALL the time! Sunday is usually laundry, clean up, and prep for the week, so no time to log or exercise. I had less than 4,000 steps yesterday!
While I had some things going on, I can't say I was super busy, so there's no real excuse other than I just didn't want to lol.
I kind of took a break from the internet overall this weekend, which was nice.0 -
kellienw335 wrote: »Honestly all this Mother's Day talk makes me sad that I never got that kind of relationship with my mom. All those facebook or twitters messages to the 'best mom ever' etc just reminded me that I would just never say that about mine... and I get a bit jealous. I'm also not sure my kids will ever say that about me as lately there's been more 'I hate you's' than anything else.
They're 7! They don't really say the hate you do they?
My 6 year old has said she hates me several times this year. Kids that age are so dramatic. I know it's hard, but you can't take it personally. What they really mean is that they are super angry at you and their lack of power in the situation (whatever it may be). They don't mean it.
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