"Can't you just be normal?"

Nouurann

How DO 'normal' people do it? I've never been overweight but I've been counting calories since I was 12 (19 now), so I've always attributed my weight maintenance to that. I've been weighing my food for a couple years now, most of my friends and family are used to it, although still chime in every now and then with snide/sarcastic remarks about it. Anyway, I've gone periods of time where I try not to weigh food, and while my weight doesn't change (I tend to eat the same 5-10 meals anyway) I'm in constant anxiety over simply not knowing the exact (well, as exact as possible) numerical value of the foods I'm eating because in the end it's math. It drives me crazy.

Because "eye-balling" or guessing freaks me out, I never go out to bars/restaurants. Not even chains unless it's something SUPER standardized like Starbucks (their food is extremely consistent cause it's all prepackaged..drinks are always off though. I worked there, and sometimes if we're out of nonfat milk we mix nonfat with 2% without clarifying to customers. Little stuff like that).

Anyway, back to the main point, all my friends & boyfriend do is go out to eat or drinking or whatever and I never go and they always get so annoyed over it. It's not like I don't eat decadent food or high-calorie meals, I'm not afraid of food I just like to know WHAT I'm eating. Just this morning my boyfriend wanted to go out to breakfast, but I didn't want to because I have my own plans and priorities when it comes to food, and tripling my calories on a meal I could just make at home doesn't seem super enticing. He eats out for almost all 3 meals at super nice places and is in excellent shape, so he doesn't "get it". And yeah, I'll have an occasional restaurant meal and not worry (like, once or twice a month) but this is everyday for him. He hates I never join him, but was never so blunt about until today. He was like "can't you just be normal?". But I don't get it, how do you not care about not knowing what you're eating? Do you consider yourself to have 'normal' eating habits in regards to weighing? Do your peers think you're crazy?

malibu927

It sounds like you should speak with a professional about your relationship with food. Anxiety over food is not healthy.

Liftng4Lis

malibu927 wrote: »

It sounds like you should speak with a professional about your relationship with food. Anxiety over food is not healthy.

Absolutely agree!

awesomewastaken

malibu927 wrote: »

It sounds like you should speak with a professional about your relationship with food. Anxiety over food is not healthy.

My first thought when reading this post as well.

Please, OP, talk to someone about your feelings. You really shouldn't be stressing this much over food.

cazpom37

i third this

lngrunert

I find the idea that you've been counting calories since the age of 12 to be extremely alarming. I would second the idea to seek professional help, as it sounds like you've had an obsessive and disordered relationship with food from a very young age.

callsitlikeiseeit

malibu927 wrote: »

It sounds like you should speak with a professional about your relationship with food. Anxiety over food is not healthy.

ditto. you don't have a normal relationship with food.

TheDoctorDana

What they said ^ You sound like you have become a prisoner of your own anxiety

JoRumbles

"Normal" people eat to their appetite and stop when they are full. If you observe the eating habits of "naturally thin" people you will see that they often leave food on their plate, say no to snacks, or eat small portions. Its is very possible to do this without counting calories. Other people over eat, become overweight and need to count calories so they can learn appropriate portions.

It sounds like you are obsessing over food. No one should say no to every meal out. You look very slim in your photo, so it sounds like you need to see a doctor.

Sued0nim

You need help from professionals because this is disordered thinking ...when it affects your life and your mental health so negatively

Just know that life can be so much better, get help ...it will be hard but there is a much better place out there for you

TavistockToad

Packaged food can be up to 20% out with the calories they claim to contain, just so's you know.

Arliah

Your anxiety about it also obviously impacts your social life (i.e. your boyfriend is getting really annoyed that you never join him), so that's DEFINITELY not a good thing.

TavistockToad

awesomewastaken wrote: »

malibu927 wrote: »

It sounds like you should speak with a professional about your relationship with food. Anxiety over food is not healthy.

My first thought when reading this post as well.

Please, OP, talk to someone about your feelings. You really shouldn't be stressing this much over food.

Agreed

zoeysasha37

You need too seek help.

TimeaDeborahh

A lot of people here are saying you need help, but maybe you're just OCD? I am kind of the same way, if I don't know how many calories are in something it drives me nuts, however I'm not as extreme as you. Are you this particular about everything in life, or is it just food? I think it's okay that you're like this for the majority of the time, but I think maybe you should have an occasional cheat day where you don't keep track of what you ate. Just live life & enjoy! Don't be a slave to your calories, it may cost you your relationship...

DKRICHY

Like the others have said, I'd speak to a professional e.i. psychologist. Maybe not an ED thing but anxiety or OCD or any number of things. THAT SAID, my son with Autism eats only a small variety of foods. He doesn't eat much when we go out (for different reasons than yours) BUT he still goes. He doesnt have a great relationship with food either, but he typically eats at home and just gets a drink when we go out. You don't have to join in on the eatting. You can still go for the social aspect of hanging out with your friends, no need to stay home.

Thelinna

TimeaDeborahh wrote: »

A lot of people here are saying you need help, but maybe you're just OCD?

There's actually a really high rate of people who have eating disorders and OCD. Eating disorders and anxiety go pretty hand in hand.

Not to say that you do have an eating disorder, OP. But you should seek out help, because it sounds like your relationship with food isn't healthy. It's impacting your social life because you won't go out because of not knowing what will be in your food. That's not healthy.

LoupGarouTFTs

TimeaDeborahh wrote: »

A lot of people here are saying you need help, but maybe you're just OCD?

Someone with OCD should seek psychological help. An occasional obsessive behavior probably isn't harmful--I'm annoyed by asymmetry, for example, and will arrange things symmetrically when I can--but a disorder interferes with a person's life. Someone who refuses to participate in social events to the point of it interfering with her relationship over exaggerated concern over her food should probably consult with someone to determine if an actual disorder exists.

mumblemagic

TimeaDeborahh wrote: »

A lot of people here are saying you need help, but maybe you're just OCD? I am kind of the same way, if I don't know how many calories are in something it drives me nuts, however I'm not as extreme as you. Are you this particular about everything in life, or is it just food? I think it's okay that you're like this for the majority of the time, but I think maybe you should have an occasional cheat day where you don't keep track of what you ate. Just live life & enjoy! Don't be a slave to your calories, it may cost you your relationship...

My best friend was hospitalised due to OCD, so I don't think OCD is 'just' OCD. It is a serious mental health condition, that for many suffers needs treatment just as much as an eating disorder.

OP: See your doctor. Your eating habits are affecting your social relationships. This is not healthy (whether it's due to OCD or an ED or anxiety or whatever).

Sued0nim

DKRICHY wrote: »

Like the others have said, I'd speak to a professional e.i. psychologist. Maybe not an ED thing but anxiety or OCD or any number of things. THAT SAID, my son with Autism eats only a small variety of foods. He doesn't eat much when we go out (for different reasons than yours) BUT he still goes. He doesnt have a great relationship with food either, but he typically eats at home and just gets a drink when we go out. You don't have to join in on the eatting. You can still go for the social aspect of hanging out with your friends, no need to stay home.

Nobody diagnosed but anxiety can be treated ...you don't think she needs help

thingofstuff

Please, please seek professional help. There are three factors a psychologist/psychiatrist/counsellor must consider when determining if someone has a mental illness. They are: personal distress (your own feelings of unease with not knowing what's in food made by others and necessity of weighing what you make); disruption of social life/daily living (your anxiety around eating out or going out with your boyfriend causing you to be socially restricted); and distress of others (your family, friends, and boyfriend expressing frustration and concern with your relationship with food). Also having a preoccupation with food since the age of 12 is very alarming. There is so much more to life than obsessing over what goes in your mouth. As was mentioned above, thin people are thin because they have a lifestyle and eat within their means, you don't have to obsess over counting calories to be healthy, fit, and slender. Your self-worth should not revolve around being thin enough to look appropriate for your fit boyfriend as well.
OCD and Anxiety are highly comorbid with anorexia, but you don't need to have an eating disorder to have an obsession with food. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy might be very useful for helping you reprogram your anxiety towards food and learn some relaxation techniques so you can go out and enjoy a meal with your boyfriend as a treat sometimes.
Good luck and I hope you follow through with making a change for your happiness.

Nouurann

I'm not anti-social....I go out to shows and clubs and concerts and parties and all that good stuff just not restaurants. I don't understand why that's considered interfering with my life? I just prefer not to do something. It just so happens that the rest of the world loves that "something". I started counting calories so young cause my mom brought me up on it along with her, and the habit just stuck.

Thanks for your responses. I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food but I don't undereat or anything, so I don't think I'm at the extreme of an ED..

MelodyandBarbells

Since you do eat out twice a month, no, I don't think you're abnormal compared to someone who eats out three meals a day. You may just have different definitions of what it means to relax and have fun. It seems your boyfriend prefers to explore various restaurants for fun

LoupGarouTFTs

EDs are not just comprised of undereating disorders. Your concerns with food are interfering with your relationship with your boyfriend. Please seek professional help, if for no other reason than to prove all of us wrong.

mymodernbabylon

Doesn't matter. Because this will impact your life as you get older in ways you can't imagine. Think about it - do you want a future daughter to do the same as you do? Do you never want to be able to go out to a restaurant with a significant other and enjoy food without worrying about it? Etc, etc. etc. As a therapist, I would definitely say that you should seek help.

sbahlezinwe67

You say you have never bn overweight it puzzles me why were you concerned with counting calories from the first place? I know some people who eat what ever they like and in big portions but never gain weight maybe you are one of those people but you never got time to know yourself

TheVirgoddess

Nouurann wrote: »

I'm not anti-social....I go out to shows and clubs and concerts and parties and all that good stuff just not restaurants. I don't understand why that's considered interfering with my life? I just prefer not to do something. It just so happens that the rest of the world loves that "something". I started counting calories so young cause my mom brought me up on it along with her, and the habit just stuck.

Thanks for your responses. I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food but I don't undereat or anything, so I don't think I'm at the extreme of an ED..

Not having a healthy relationship with food is enough of a reason to talk to someone, IMO. You don't have to call it an ED if you don't want to - but isn't it worth getting help with? Wouldn't it be nice not to have that anxious feeling when you think about food or eating?

MoiAussi93

You need professional help. You have some type of eating disorder or obsessive compulsive disorder...I don't have the expertise to diagnose you, but something is wrong. This is interfering with your relationships and your life, and the problem will probably get worse if you don't seek treatment.

Btw, I am somebody that usually says people here are too quick to throw the ED label on people. In your case, I have to agree with them.

malibu927

Nouurann wrote: »

I'm not anti-social....I go out to shows and clubs and concerts and parties and all that good stuff just not restaurants. I don't understand why that's considered interfering with my life? I just prefer not to do something. It just so happens that the rest of the world loves that "something". I started counting calories so young cause my mom brought me up on it along with her, and the habit just stuck.

Thanks for your responses. I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food but I don't undereat or anything, so I don't think I'm at the extreme of an ED..

Anorexia and bulimia are not the only EDs out there. You've been concerned about your weight since you were 12, which is extremely alarming. Your mother should have let you grow up healthily and not obsessed like this. Please speak to a professional who can help you get your anxiety and obsession under control.

mumblemagic

JaneiR36 wrote: »

Since you do eat out twice a month, no, I don't think you're abnormal compared to someone who eats out three meals a day. You may just have different definitions of what it means to relax and have fun. It seems your boyfriend prefers to explore various restaurants for fun

Excellent point.

However, the anxiety that the OP feels when she stops counting calories suggests something deeper than a simple preference for not eating out.

OP: even if you don't think you have a problem, it might be a good idea to go to the doctor. Your family is clearly worried about you. Best case scenario is that you go there, the doc says you're fine, and you can show your family that you are taking their concerns seriously but that there is nothing wrong with you. Worst case scenario is that you do have a mental health condition, but if you go to the doc now you can start getting treatment before it affects you beyond the level you find acceptable.

awesomewastaken

Nouurann wrote: »

I'm not anti-social....I go out to shows and clubs and concerts and parties and all that good stuff just not restaurants. I don't understand why that's considered interfering with my life? I just prefer not to do something. It just so happens that the rest of the world loves that "something". I started counting calories so young cause my mom brought me up on it along with her, and the habit just stuck.

Thanks for your responses. I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food but I don't undereat or anything, so I don't think I'm at the extreme of an ED..

If it's affecting your relationship with your boyfriend, then I'd say it's interfering with your life. And you found it bothersome enough to post a topic here.

You might not like the answers or the advice but there really isn't much people on here can do for you. The sensible thing to do would be to talk to a professional. Whether you do it or not is up to you of course.