"Can't you just be normal?"
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As someone who recovered from an eating disorder a couple of years back I can really relate to the obsessive calorie counting thing. The way I learned was simply stopping. The only way you can change a behaviour is if you train your way out of it, it is only the fear that prevents this evolution. It's not easy and I tripped and checked along the way, but if you can estimate everything you eat anyway (which you must be able to do if you've been calorie counting since you were twelve) and you only eat the same amount of meals, although it is extremely hard to let go of anxieties, you can pretty much rest easy you're not going to get it incorrect. It will only get easier the longer you try it.0
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I am "interested" in a discussion on a public forum. If responses make you uncomfortable you may wish to find something else to do with your spare time. And FYI there's a very useful preview button - you've edited two posts more or less addressed to me after I've read them...
I just thought it was odd that nobody was calling out Mr. Greedy Greedy but rather asking the OP to see a counsellor for doing what many of us pat each other on the back for doing everyday.
All right, Jane. Good. By the way, it's *counselor. Glad for your instruction and thought I'd return the favor.
Have a good night and be well.
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I am "interested" in a discussion on a public forum. If responses make you uncomfortable you may wish to find something else to do with your spare time. And FYI there's a very useful preview button - you've edited two posts more or less addressed to me after I've read them...
I just thought it was odd that nobody was calling out Mr. Greedy Greedy but rather asking the OP to see a counsellor for doing what many of us pat each other on the back for doing everyday.
All right, Jane. Good. By the way, it's *counselor. Glad for your instruction and thought I'd return the favor. Have a good night and be well.
Both spellings are allowed. But that was actually interesting to find out which is more popular. I might use the single 'L' in the future
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I am "interested" in a discussion on a public forum. If responses make you uncomfortable you may wish to find something else to do with your spare time. And FYI there's a very useful preview button - you've edited two posts more or less addressed to me after I've read them...
I just thought it was odd that nobody was calling out Mr. Greedy Greedy but rather asking the OP to see a counsellor for doing what many of us pat each other on the back for doing everyday.
All right, Jane. Good. By the way, it's *counselor. Glad for your instruction and thought I'd return the favor. Have a good night and be well.
Both spellings are allowed. But that was actually interesting to find out which is more popular. I might use the single 'L' in the future
I didn't realize the British spelling is indeed with two letter Ls. Have looked it up and indeed, for British spelling, yes, two Ls.
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I think multiple people are also wondering why the boyfriend can't be normal and eat a lot of meals at home like "normal" people. Not being able to take leftovers home seems abnormal. Not going grocery shopping seems abnormal. So...what about him too?
Who's to say how many times day or a week is at home is normal? One of my closest friends eats dinner out every night and if not he orders. I personally will eat 2 meals, sometimes 3 meals out per day. That's normal for me.christinev297 wrote: »
It's more a question to be asked to the person screaming that his girlfriend is abnormal than anyone else. Like if he thinks she's abnormal, what's so damn normal about eating every single meal out - relatively speaking. I do purchase a lot of meals, too, but I wouldn't call coworkers who prefer to brown bag it, or turn down lunch outings with us abnormal
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It's more a question to be asked to the person screaming that his girlfriend is abnormal than anyone else. Like if he thinks she's abnormal, what's so damn normal about eating every single meal out - relatively speaking. I do purchase a lot of meals, too, but I wouldn't call coworkers who prefer to brown bag it, or turn down lunch outings with us abnormal
And that was one of my points, Jane (although who am I to say). The fact that the boyfriend feels it's abnormal seemed...odd to me. Off. SO MANY people count calories; so many people watch what they eat. The fact that the boyfriend thinks however the girlfriend is counting, eating and so on is "abnormal" just sort of made me go, "Huh...?"
Again, that's not to say the boyfriend isn't just a boor who likes to nag at his girlfriend for strange things. That's a possibility. We really can't know. If that's the case, he needs to stop. I didn't see where he was actually screaming at her but I did read quickly.
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It's not normal to start focusing on calorie counting at 12 years old. Seek professional help, please.0
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It's more a question to be asked to the person screaming that his girlfriend is abnormal than anyone else. Like if he thinks she's abnormal, what's so damn normal about eating every single meal out - relatively speaking. I do purchase a lot of meals, too, but I wouldn't call coworkers who prefer to brown bag it, or turn down lunch outings with us abnormal
And that was one of my points, Jane (although who am I to say). The fact that the boyfriend feels it's abnormal seemed...odd to me. Off. SO MANY people count calories; so many people watch what they eat. The fact that the boyfriend thinks however the girlfriend is counting, eating and so on is "abnormal" just sort of made me go, "Huh...?"
Again, that's not to say the boyfriend isn't just a boor who likes to nag at his girlfriend for strange things. That's a possibility. We really can't know. If that's the case, he needs to stop. I didn't see where he was actually screaming at her but I did read quickly.
We're clearly not in the same circle since nobody else I know counts calories. Yes I have lots of friends who read labels when shopping or before they eat something and are mindful of being healthy. But not a single one of my friends (and I don't have a limited friend group) has a food scale and tosses in the components of their fruit salad to log, or put their peanut butter on the scale before spreading it on bread. I'm actually surprised that's considered normal among you and your peers. Most of mine still think carbs make them fat and protien makes you skinny. Most of my friends have never even heard of weighing food before even if they were aware of tracking calories.0 -
Lots of people count calories. Probably not as many people as young as you are. Your boyfriend sounds like a food snob...maybe you do too? I feel like your bf's behavior is abnormal and yours is by being anxious and not letting loose a little more often. But then again you do allow yourself a couple meals a month to do whatever.0
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It's more a question to be asked to the person screaming that his girlfriend is abnormal than anyone else. Like if he thinks she's abnormal, what's so damn normal about eating every single meal out - relatively speaking. I do purchase a lot of meals, too, but I wouldn't call coworkers who prefer to brown bag it, or turn down lunch outings with us abnormal
And that was one of my points, Jane (although who am I to say). The fact that the boyfriend feels it's abnormal seemed...odd to me. Off. SO MANY people count calories; so many people watch what they eat. The fact that the boyfriend thinks however the girlfriend is counting, eating and so on is "abnormal" just sort of made me go, "Huh...?"
Again, that's not to say the boyfriend isn't just a boor who likes to nag at his girlfriend for strange things. That's a possibility. We really can't know. If that's the case, he needs to stop. I didn't see where he was actually screaming at her but I did read quickly.
Well My family's reaction to calorie counting is "do you really think people will look at a food's label before eating it??" Some conversations are just not meant to be :laugh: I'm not sure how they would react to putting food on a scale. Guess I could see someone freaking out over something they feel is strange and the only appropriate response being "hey, calm down already". But I will admit we can't really know the entire backstory
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We're clearly not in the same circle since nobody else I know counts calories. Yes I have lots of friends who read labels when shopping or before they eat something and are mindful of being healthy. But not a single one of my friends (and I don't have a limited friend group) has a food scale and tosses in the components of their fruit salad to log, or put their peanut butter on the scale before spreading it on bread. I'm actually surprised that's considered normal among you and your peers. Most of mine still think carbs make them fat and protien makes you skinny. Most of my friends have never even heard of weighing food before even if they were aware of tracking calories.
Of for the love of...
One last time. I was explaining why some of us responded the way we did, given what you'd written and given our own experiences.
If we were wrong, you're healthy and on the right track, great.
If your boyfriend is pulling this out of thin air, tell him to stop doing it.
I'm not sure what else there really is to say.
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Seems like there's a lot of enabling going on in this thread . . .0
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OP you should try an experiment to see if you gain weight by eating intuitively. You may be really good at it and not need to count.
I get where you're coming from, I wish people would get their knickers in a twist so easily about young people being overweight. That's far more worrying.
Your BMI is in a healthy range?0 -
We're clearly not in the same circle since nobody else I know counts calories. Yes I have lots of friends who read labels when shopping or before they eat something and are mindful of being healthy. But not a single one of my friends (and I don't have a limited friend group) has a food scale and tosses in the components of their fruit salad to log, or put their peanut butter on the scale before spreading it on bread. I'm actually surprised that's considered normal among you and your peers. Most of mine still think carbs make them fat and protien makes you skinny. Most of my friends have never even heard of weighing food before even if they were aware of tracking calories.
Well, this is odd. If you've never been around people who counted calories, what gave you the idea to start counting calories at age 12?
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Springfield1970 wrote: »OP you should try an experiment to see if you gain weight by eating intuitively. You may be really good at it and not need to count.
She did. She stated that she quit counting calories for at time, did not gain any size yet felt anxiety anyway.
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We're clearly not in the same circle since nobody else I know counts calories. Yes I have lots of friends who read labels when shopping or before they eat something and are mindful of being healthy. But not a single one of my friends (and I don't have a limited friend group) has a food scale and tosses in the components of their fruit salad to log, or put their peanut butter on the scale before spreading it on bread. I'm actually surprised that's considered normal among you and your peers. Most of mine still think carbs make them fat and protien makes you skinny. Most of my friends have never even heard of weighing food before even if they were aware of tracking calories.
Well, this is odd. If you've never been around people who counted calories, what gave you the idea to start counting calories at age 12?
Her mum brought her up like that
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OP, for me, the fact that you count calories is not so much the relevant part, but the high levels of anxiety, and possible interference with your life are the red flags. At the end of the day, I'd really recommend speaking to a professional about this. If you do not have any issues with your behaviour interfering with your daily life, and you are able to cope with your anxiety, then that will be apparent in your sessions. If, however, your anxiety, and behaviour are issues, then they should be able to help you cope with them, possibly through CBT.
There is no harm in speaking to someone, just in case, but there might be harm in not.0 -
What is 'normal' about eating most/all of your meals in a restaurant?
While I agree that stressing over not knowing the calories of everything you eat is not a good thing, there is nothing at all wrong with wanting to eat the majority of your meals at home. That just seems smart to me.0 -
Ditch the boyfriend and friends. They should be more supportive. But you also need to consult with a healthcare professional regarding your unhealthy relationship with food.
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You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.0 -
TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Quit trying to bring common sense to MFP.0 -
Seriously, there is no place for that. Let's just all go back for saying it is the boyfriends fault.brianpperkins wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Quit trying to bring common sense to MFP.
Exactly. How DARE he decide to eat out three times a day. SABOTAGE, obvs.0 -
TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
This. /thread.0 -
Ooh, and don't forget him SCREAMING at her that she should be normal for a change. Deffo his fault.
Seriously, there is no place for that. Let's just all go back for saying it is the boyfriends fault.brianpperkins wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Quit trying to bring common sense to MFP.
Exactly. How DARE he decide to eat out three times a day. SABOTAGE, obvs.
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Seriously, there is no place for that. Let's just all go back for saying it is the boyfriends fault.brianpperkins wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Quit trying to bring common sense to MFP.
Exactly. How DARE he decide to eat out three times a day. SABOTAGE, obvs.
But you know us girls need to stick together and always side with each other while blaming the boyfriend. Power in numbers.
Of course. Damn the man, yo.0 -
awesomewastaken wrote: »
Ooh, and don't forget him SCREAMING at her that she should be normal for a change. Deffo his fault.
Seriously, there is no place for that. Let's just all go back for saying it is the boyfriends fault.brianpperkins wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Quit trying to bring common sense to MFP.
Exactly. How DARE he decide to eat out three times a day. SABOTAGE, obvs.
Obviously. Because he's Mr. Greedy Greedy right? How dare he show some concern over her (self-admitted) unhealthy relationship with food. Terrible person, indeed.0 -
i don't see anything wrong with you not wanting to eat in restaurants because you can't control what they put in the food. when I was growing up we never ate out. i attribute a lot of my weight loss issues with the introduction of fast food and restaurant eating to my lifestyle.
maybe you could relax your standards a bit and go out just to be sociable have an iced tea or something that does not have any added sugar etc.
People may just want your company and your always refusing to accompany them probably makes them feel like you just don't want to be with them.0
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