"Can't you just be normal?"
Replies
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ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
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JaneiR36, it seems to me you are under the impression that every single person out there has issues with their weight and thus should keep an eye on what they're eating. Hence your comments about eating out a lot and multiple slices of pizza (who has only a few slices, I eat the whole damn thing!) being bad. Of course, I am being an assumer (see what I did there ) and I don't mean this as a personal attack or anything, it's just that I think it's a bit misguided to want to dictate everyone's eating habits - and to me it seems like that's what you're trying to do by painting eating out/not cooking for yourself as a bad thing.
If a person does not have a weight issue (and there still are a few of those around, despite the growing trend of obesity), I see absolutely no reason why they can't enjoy themselves or make their lives easier by not cooking. Restaurant food or even fast food is not the devil.
Sure, I can see your point about creating good eating habits early because it is much more difficult to get yourself on track later on, but again, there are plenty of people who are active enough or lucky enough (fast metabolism) to never feel the need to worry about what they're putting in their bodies. So again, eating out is not the problem.
Whereas feeling anxiety over what you're eating is certainly very alarming. I imagine it must be very difficult to live like that, and that is the sole reason I (and I imagine many others) suggested that the OP should speak to a professional. Life is supposed to be fun after all, not about constantly worrying such mundane things as eating.0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
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mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
SHE ALREADY ADMITS THAT SHE HAS AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP WITH FOOD
I don't know why this fact is so hard to comprehend.0 -
awesomewastaken wrote: »JaneiR36, it seems to me you are under the impression that every single person out there has issues with their weight and thus should keep an eye on what they're eating. Hence your comments about eating out a lot and multiple slices of pizza (who has only a few slices, I eat the whole damn thing!) being bad. Of course, I am being an assumer (see what I did there ) and I don't mean this as a personal attack or anything, it's just that I think it's a bit misguided to want to dictate everyone's eating habits - and to me it seems like that's what you're trying to do by painting eating out/not cooking for yourself as a bad thing.
If a person does not have a weight issue (and there still are a few of those around, despite the growing trend of obesity), I see absolutely no reason why they can't enjoy themselves or make their lives easier by not cooking. Restaurant food or even fast food is not the devil.
Sure, I can see your point about creating good eating habits early because it is much more difficult to get yourself on track later on, but again, there are plenty of people who are active enough or lucky enough (fast metabolism) to never feel the need to worry about what they're putting in their bodies. So again, eating out is not the problem.
Whereas feeling anxiety over what you're eating is certainly very alarming. I imagine it must be very difficult to live like that, and that is the sole reason I (and I imagine many others) suggested that the OP should speak to a professional. Life is supposed to be fun after all, not about constantly worrying such mundane things as eating.
I do love to relax and eat a good meal. Agreed everyone should get to as well (kinda like the OP is doing twice a month, isn't that enough to be considered enjoyment?) I'm saying a tiny person probably cannot eat the same amounts of food as their possibly larger companion and not gain weight
As I've said, the advice to see someone has been posted a billion times over. Don't worry, the OP has seen it and will apply it if necessary. Pretty hard to miss!
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mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
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The boyfriend isn't the one making the forum post on MFP. She even said he was fit. You should have caught that since you read everything she wrote in context.TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
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mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
Thanks for the last paragraph, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on that subject
I liked the rest of your post, too. As for the paradigm shift, I think about it like when people ask a thin person why they exercise or count calories. Well how do you think they stay that way? That's how they've chosen to maintain their size / activity level is by continuing to crank out the exercise and monitor their intake...
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Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
They might look like anything. Who's to say? Although I can tell you what I, who, as a child, was "started early" on my "eduction about calories," look like today. 195 lbs. at 5'1". (Of course I'm only one person, but you did put forth the question and I'm the only person I know from "real life" who was "taught" in this way, so there you have it.)
On the other hand, I can tell you what one child who has NEVER counted a single calorie, received healthful choices including plenty of veggies and didn't have to have "dessert" at every meal and a massive school-issued lunch that looks like a supersized McDonald's meal with a milk on the side to prove its nutritional worth, nor a "snack" for every - and I mean every single - event, even if it's a one-hour trip to and from the grocery store as parents today seem to feel kids "need," and who actually played - really played - physically, outside, might look like. He might look like my 28-year-old son, whom I raised in exactly the above way (and I was very thin too at the time, go figure), who is 5'9" and 145 lbs and in peak health, with no insane exercise regimens...nor ever counting a calorie.
And who loves his occasional several slices of pizza or giant burger with fries.
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Who says she has to eat the same amounts? You can go out and eat what you like, not what everyone else is having.awesomewastaken wrote: »JaneiR36, it seems to me you are under the impression that every single person out there has issues with their weight and thus should keep an eye on what they're eating. Hence your comments about eating out a lot and multiple slices of pizza (who has only a few slices, I eat the whole damn thing!) being bad. Of course, I am being an assumer (see what I did there ) and I don't mean this as a personal attack or anything, it's just that I think it's a bit misguided to want to dictate everyone's eating habits - and to me it seems like that's what you're trying to do by painting eating out/not cooking for yourself as a bad thing.
If a person does not have a weight issue (and there still are a few of those around, despite the growing trend of obesity), I see absolutely no reason why they can't enjoy themselves or make their lives easier by not cooking. Restaurant food or even fast food is not the devil.
Sure, I can see your point about creating good eating habits early because it is much more difficult to get yourself on track later on, but again, there are plenty of people who are active enough or lucky enough (fast metabolism) to never feel the need to worry about what they're putting in their bodies. So again, eating out is not the problem.
Whereas feeling anxiety over what you're eating is certainly very alarming. I imagine it must be very difficult to live like that, and that is the sole reason I (and I imagine many others) suggested that the OP should speak to a professional. Life is supposed to be fun after all, not about constantly worrying such mundane things as eating.
I do love to relax and eat a good meal. Agreed everyone should get to as well (kinda like the OP is doing twice a month, isn't that enough to be considered enjoyment?) I'm saying a tiny person probably cannot eat the same amounts of food as their possibly larger companion and not gain weight
As I've said, the advice to see someone has been posted a billion times over. Don't worry, the OP has seen it and will apply it if necessary. Pretty hard to miss!
My bf is 6 ft 7, naturally skinny, I'm 5 ft 7. Of course we can't eat the same all the time, that doesn't mean we can't go out together.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
Thanks for the last paragraph, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on that subject
I liked the rest of your post, too. As for the paradigm shift, I think about it like when people ask a thin person why they exercise or count calories. Well how do you think they stay that way? That's how they've chosen to maintain their size / activity level is by continuing to crank out the exercise and monitor their intake...
Yeah but, there's cranking out the exercise and then there's having anxiety because you missed a day at the gym because there was an ice storm and you're worried that you'll gain weight because of it and then you post on a public forum because you said something to your boyfriend about missing your gym day and he looked at you funny.
See the difference?
She's not just managing her weight. She's obsessing about it.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
Thanks for the last paragraph, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on that subject
I liked the rest of your post, too. As for the paradigm shift, I think about it like when people ask a thin person why they exercise or count calories. Well how do you think they stay that way? That's how they've chosen to maintain their size / activity level is by continuing to crank out the exercise and monitor their intake...
Yeah but, there's cranking out the exercise and then there's having anxiety because you missed a day at the gym because there was an ice storm and you're worried that you'll gain weight because of it and then you post on a public forum because you said something to your boyfriend about missing your gym day and he looked at you funny.
See the difference?
She's not just managing her weight. She's obsessing about it.
I hear ya. But if I were surrounded by slugs who wanted to do nothing but lay around all day every day and got mad because I didn't join them all the time, I might wonder if my anxiety over missed exercise is due to being pressured by them. I get it. You feel the two issues are independent, unrelated, and separable. I don't.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
Thanks for the last paragraph, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on that subject
I liked the rest of your post, too. As for the paradigm shift, I think about it like when people ask a thin person why they exercise or count calories. Well how do you think they stay that way? That's how they've chosen to maintain their size / activity level is by continuing to crank out the exercise and monitor their intake...
Yeah but, there's cranking out the exercise and then there's having anxiety because you missed a day at the gym because there was an ice storm and you're worried that you'll gain weight because of it and then you post on a public forum because you said something to your boyfriend about missing your gym day and he looked at you funny.
See the difference?
She's not just managing her weight. She's obsessing about it.
I hear ya. But if I were surrounded by slugs who wanted to do nothing but lay around all day every day and got mad because I didn't join them all the time, I might wonder if my anxiety over missed exercise is due to being pressured by them. I get it. You feel the two issues are independent, unrelated, and separable. I don't.
Well, that's where the analogy stops a bit. Young people are sociable. Now, eating out at restaurants, if OP doesn't always want to do that even with ordering a sensible meal once a week (which is reasonable)... I'm not going to argue with you, she does have an option that would make both her and her friends happy. But kids go out drinking. Why she can't go and just order club soda or a diet soda if all she's worried about is calories is beyond me.
So there's something else going on here, we don't have the full story. These conflicts of interest between her and her friends aren't insurmountable. In fact, back when I was young and single, I did Nutri-System, a plan where I had to eat only pre-packaged food, and managed to continue my social life, including going dancing and out to the diner with friends (I just ordered coffee) just fine.
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awesomewastaken wrote: »
Who says she has to eat the same amounts? You can go out and eat what you like, not what everyone else is having.
My bf is 6 ft 7, naturally skinny, I'm 5 ft 7. Of course we can't eat the same all the time, that doesn't mean we can't go out together.
Yup, this. I go out with friends, I go out with family. I don't eat exactly what others are eating and others don't eat what I'm eating and it's all good because we are different people. And nobody ever seems to feel the need to say anything. "How come you're not eating an extra-large cheeseburger with double chilli fries like I am?" It just doesn't happen. We're not analyzing one another's plate and whipping out the food scales. The person I'm with doesn't generally care. S/he is enjoying his/her own meal. And the "outing" is for being social, so we're talking and laughing. What I order is never an issue and it's rarely a problem to eat something that's within my calorie goals, while still being a "fun" food.
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mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
Thanks for the last paragraph, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on that subject
I liked the rest of your post, too. As for the paradigm shift, I think about it like when people ask a thin person why they exercise or count calories. Well how do you think they stay that way? That's how they've chosen to maintain their size / activity level is by continuing to crank out the exercise and monitor their intake...
Yeah but, there's cranking out the exercise and then there's having anxiety because you missed a day at the gym because there was an ice storm and you're worried that you'll gain weight because of it and then you post on a public forum because you said something to your boyfriend about missing your gym day and he looked at you funny.
See the difference?
She's not just managing her weight. She's obsessing about it.
I hear ya. But if I were surrounded by slugs who wanted to do nothing but lay around all day every day and got mad because I didn't join them all the time, I might wonder if my anxiety over missed exercise is due to being pressured by them. I get it. You feel the two issues are independent, unrelated, and separable. I don't.
According to the OP, her boy friend "is in excellent shape" ... yet you keep making assumptions about him being a "slug" (your term) while continuously excusing her admitted issues.0 -
brianpperkins wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
Thanks for the last paragraph, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on that subject
I liked the rest of your post, too. As for the paradigm shift, I think about it like when people ask a thin person why they exercise or count calories. Well how do you think they stay that way? That's how they've chosen to maintain their size / activity level is by continuing to crank out the exercise and monitor their intake...
Yeah but, there's cranking out the exercise and then there's having anxiety because you missed a day at the gym because there was an ice storm and you're worried that you'll gain weight because of it and then you post on a public forum because you said something to your boyfriend about missing your gym day and he looked at you funny.
See the difference?
She's not just managing her weight. She's obsessing about it.
I hear ya. But if I were surrounded by slugs who wanted to do nothing but lay around all day every day and got mad because I didn't join them all the time, I might wonder if my anxiety over missed exercise is due to being pressured by them. I get it. You feel the two issues are independent, unrelated, and separable. I don't.
According to the OP, her boy friend "is in excellent shape" ... yet you keep making assumptions about him being a "slug" (your term) while continuously excusing her admitted issues.
She only operates in extremes. People who don't work out often enough are slugs, people who eat meals out are stuffing their faces and their waistlines.
0 -
^ I should add to the above (again, just personal and obviously in the category of anecdotal): the only time in my life my friends and family DID look at my plate, and did make comments, were when I got down to 95 lbs., lost hair in chunks, fainted regularly, lost my memory at times and was still saying I was fat and needed to lose "just five more pounds, really, just five more".
Yes, I got therapy. In case anyone is wondering.0 -
brianpperkins wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
Thanks for the last paragraph, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on that subject
I liked the rest of your post, too. As for the paradigm shift, I think about it like when people ask a thin person why they exercise or count calories. Well how do you think they stay that way? That's how they've chosen to maintain their size / activity level is by continuing to crank out the exercise and monitor their intake...
Yeah but, there's cranking out the exercise and then there's having anxiety because you missed a day at the gym because there was an ice storm and you're worried that you'll gain weight because of it and then you post on a public forum because you said something to your boyfriend about missing your gym day and he looked at you funny.
See the difference?
She's not just managing her weight. She's obsessing about it.
I hear ya. But if I were surrounded by slugs who wanted to do nothing but lay around all day every day and got mad because I didn't join them all the time, I might wonder if my anxiety over missed exercise is due to being pressured by them. I get it. You feel the two issues are independent, unrelated, and separable. I don't.
According to the OP, her boy friend "is in excellent shape" ... yet you keep making assumptions about him being a "slug" (your term) while continuously excusing her admitted issues.
She only operates in extremes. People who don't work out often enough are slugs, people who eat meals out are stuffing their faces and their waistlines.
Her own issues keep showing through her comments allegedly about the OP's posts.0 -
She only operates in extremes. People who don't work out often enough are slugs, people who eat meals out are stuffing their faces and their waistlines.
Yes, what was up with that? The boyfriend is a slug, the boyfriend screams at her, because he likes to go out to eat regularly he doesn't know how to boil an egg...?
0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »mamapeach910 wrote: »ceoverturf wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »You guys are arguing over something ridiculous. It doesn't matter how often the boyfriend eats out, or how little the OP does. It doesn't matter if she counts calories or started too young and it doesn't matter how old she is.
The OP said (her own words):I know I don't have a healthy relationship with food
That, IMO, is entirely enough reason for her to talk to someone.
Because I'm looking at everything she wrote in context, not just one sentence. We're all familiar with the freshman 15 and relationship weight gain. She's in the "before" stage, being made to feel like there's something wrong with her because of only eating a couple meals a month outside of her home. I just don't see the point of wasting a professional's time. If anyone needs to see one, it's the boyfriend: a chef. For some cooking lessons. And also her boyfriend and friends need to find other things to do for fun rather than stuffing their faces and waist lines. They could AVOID being an MFP "before" story altogether
Please explain how eating out frequently = stuffing their faces and their waist lines. Do you know these people? Are you friends with them?
I'll freely admit that is an assumption. Restaurant foods do tend to be fairly calorie dense. Perhaps the OP can give some examples of what they order
What difference would that make? AFAIK, this thread was started by and is about OP and her eating habits, not her BFs
Because calorie counts in foods eaten by a taller, more muscular male who remains trim could easily make a small female put on a lot of weight. Yeah she could select the low calorie options (which is a very helpful suggestion given earlier), but sometimes you just want the dang double cheese burger, and as she explained in her OP a lot of times you can make the same food at home for way less calories
It really has nothing to do with that though. The first 2 years of my time in college, the only thing I cooked was hot chocolate and popcorn. I lost the freshman 15 (and I was already a normal weight) because I just walked around campus a lot and ate in moderation. These people are in college. Male or female, absolutely nothing wrong with eating out regularly. Size doesn't matter. It's not unusual for people to maintain a healthy physique and eat out constantly.
I didn't gain weight until a couple years after college due to inactivity and stuffing myself silly when I felt sad...didn't even have to eat out to get there.
It's really irrelevant to the issues the OP is personally having. She needs to solve them. It has nothing to do with how her friends and boyfriend eat.
We can't know that unless we actually know what they tend to order. Only the OP can tell us that - that is, if we choose to believe her when/if she does. Would it still be irrelevant if whenever they go out, they tend to have a lot of calorie dense drinks**, multiple slices of pizza, etc etc?
No, there's nothing wrong with eating meals out. One more time: IF he's gonna throw stones about somebody being abnormal, the guy eating ALL his meals outside and cooking nothing needs to check himself before the girl cooking most meals at home and eating outside twice a month. A "remove the log in your eye first" type thing. Or glass house issue, if you prefer.
**actually thinking back to college I remember a pamphlet explaining that saving calories and avoiding weight gain was a great reason to the mostly underage targets to quit [binge] drinking...
Nothing wrong with multiple slices of pizza and drinks with calories
No, we have no idea what her friends eat. Neither does she since she doesn't go out eating with them every time. I, like others, am just pointing out that there's nothing wrong with eating out daily. But again, it's irrelevant to her issues.
It's her personal relationship with food. And unfortunately, the anxiety she's describing isn't normal to feel. She could get another boyfriend who only eats out 4 times a week and she'd still have the anxiety with her own personal eating habits.
I'm mostly just going by the fact that a lot of times when people open their diaries wondering why they aren't losing weight, lots of outings to restaurants can be a red flag. A) the food as listed tends to have a lot of calories (not a problem if you can fit it! Although ***ASSumption alert*** Smaller people generally can fit less). B ) despite what is listed, the calories in the food can be much more.
I understand how you feel about her stated anxiety. I just disagree and feel like the answer to her asking herself, "am I crazy for only wanting to eat out twice a month" is probably, "no, not really. If anything your boyfriend probably eats a few too many meals outside"
I know we have no idea what they eat. Can we gain some knowledge on what they typically order based on her outings with them? Although if you're saying she hasn't eaten with them 100% of the time, so she doesn't know, yeah, you got me there. I'm not a hardcore statistician but I'm generally of the belief that you can gain relevant knowledge based on an adequate sampling. Crazy, ridiculous, and comedically hilarious, right?
The problem is that she didn't really ask if she was crazy for wanting to eat out only twice a month. Re-read her original post and add two of her sentences together. Re-read WHY she doesn't like to eat out. She needs to know EXACT calorie counts and gets anxiety unless she does. You're missing that big point. Her having that anxiety is disordered behavior.
Her mother having her calorie count from the age of 12 set her up for a disordered relationship with food. Now its bearing fruit. She needs to sort it out.
Good points. Answer me this, though. How is that different from when we advice people to potentially pick restaurants with published nutrition information online and even preselect their food prior to leaving, just to address... feeling a certain way about their numbers due to not knowing how many calories they'll be eating?
Paragraph 2: if we started educating kids on calories and what contributes to early obesity that so many of them have to deal with, what do you think that might look like?
I'm not going to address your points directly because you keep thinking about things as an overweight person. OP is not overweight. You need to shift your paradigm and see things from her perspective.
When I was thinner and maintaining my weight, when I went out to eat, I simply ordered what I knew to be less calorie-dense menu items like broiled or baked fish and a salad with dressing on the side, or for breakfast, 2 poached eggs and toast. I also didn't eat the full portion of fish because it was always large.
The OP has been "dieting" since she was 12. She should have a rough idea of correct portion sizes and be able to order herself a sensible meal in a restaurant if she doesn't want to blow a lot of calories when she goes out to eat.
As for kids and nutrition? That's for parents and schools to do the educating. Not restaurants. I'm not sure why you're even asking that unless you think all kids will need to learn to count calories to stem the obesity epidemic and then... seriously? I don't think kids need to count calories. I believe in raising children to follow their hunger signals (no clean plate club), know portion sizes, and to have a diet rich in fruits and vegetables and I believe they need activity every day.
Thanks for the last paragraph, I enjoyed reading your thoughts on that subject
I liked the rest of your post, too. As for the paradigm shift, I think about it like when people ask a thin person why they exercise or count calories. Well how do you think they stay that way? That's how they've chosen to maintain their size / activity level is by continuing to crank out the exercise and monitor their intake...
Yeah but, there's cranking out the exercise and then there's having anxiety because you missed a day at the gym because there was an ice storm and you're worried that you'll gain weight because of it and then you post on a public forum because you said something to your boyfriend about missing your gym day and he looked at you funny.
See the difference?
She's not just managing her weight. She's obsessing about it.
I hear ya. But if I were surrounded by slugs who wanted to do nothing but lay around all day every day and got mad because I didn't join them all the time, I might wonder if my anxiety over missed exercise is due to being pressured by them. I get it. You feel the two issues are independent, unrelated, and separable. I don't.
Lol @ slugs? More ASSumptions.0 -
She only operates in extremes. People who don't work out often enough are slugs, people who eat meals out are stuffing their faces and their waistlines.
Yes, what was up with that? The boyfriend is a slug, the boyfriend screams at her, because he likes to go out to eat regularly he doesn't know how to boil an egg...?
It's not even the slug thing, she was making an analogy because we were talking fitness. It's equating young people wanting to go out all the time with being a problem that I find odd. In the analogy with our fitness buff, her friends were slugs because they didn't want to join her at the gym, so it was apt. Anyway, back to how it fits the OP, and why the upset in the thread confuses me
Back when I was younger, it was normal for younger people to go out all the time and socialize. Is this not normal anymore? We went out dancing at the club and then went to the diner.
0 -
mamapeach910 wrote: »
Back when I was younger, it was normal for younger people to go out all the time and socialize. Is this not normal anymore? We went out dancing at the club and then went to the diner.
I don't know. I was a teenager in the 80s and a huge chunk of what we did socially involved food. Parties, with (beer and
) food, going to the house of the cool kid who owned a VCR to watch movies and have some popcorn, going to the movies and having popcorn, treating one another to an eggroll at the Chinese place down the street from the school after school was out, a "first date" at an actual (gasp) restaurant.
And yes, we WERE always out, LOL. Nobody ever wanted to be in.
You wanted to go where the fun was and be with all your friends. Even me, a shy kid.
(By the way, we definitely weren't fat. When I was in school, there might be one, two stretching it, overweight kids in any given grade. And I mean overweight by then-standards of maybe 15 lbs. or more, not by today's standards, when so many young kids are overweight that you have to be obese to be considered overweight.)
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mamapeach910 wrote: »
She only operates in extremes. People who don't work out often enough are slugs, people who eat meals out are stuffing their faces and their waistlines.
Yes, what was up with that? The boyfriend is a slug, the boyfriend screams at her, because he likes to go out to eat regularly he doesn't know how to boil an egg...?
It's not even the slug thing, she was making an analogy because we were talking fitness. It's equating young people wanting to go out all the time with being a problem that I find odd. In the analogy with our fitness buff, her friends were slugs because they didn't want to join her at the gym, so it was apt. Anyway, back to how it fits the OP, and why the upset in the thread confuses me
Back when I was younger, it was normal for younger people to go out all the time and socialize. Is this not normal anymore? We went out dancing at the club and then went to the diner.
I knew there was a reason I liked your previous post. Thank you for recognizing an analogy.
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awesomewastaken wrote: »JaneiR36, it seems to me you are under the impression that every single person out there has issues with their weight and thus should keep an eye on what they're eating. Hence your comments about eating out a lot and multiple slices of pizza (who has only a few slices, I eat the whole damn thing!) being bad. Of course, I am being an assumer (see what I did there ) and I don't mean this as a personal attack or anything, it's just that I think it's a bit misguided to want to dictate everyone's eating habits - and to me it seems like that's what you're trying to do by painting eating out/not cooking for yourself as a bad thing.
By the way, this post again. I totally agree with wanting to eat the whole damn pizza. How many times would you go out to a yummy sub and pizza place and eat a couple wings or have a salad since that's what you can make fit in your day before the whole experience is no longer even worth it? Or maybe your version of moderation could be going out twice a month instead and having decent quantities of good food? And the rest of the time make delicious meals at home? Hmm wonder who this reminds me of
But yeah I agree with another post that a potential solution would be to go for the hanging out, not necessarily for the food. Personally, I'd rather just do something else
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Perhaps we should wait till the OP *hopefully comes back, instead of bickering with each other?? Because as usual it's not getting anyone anywhere!
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awesomewastaken wrote: »JaneiR36, it seems to me you are under the impression that every single person out there has issues with their weight and thus should keep an eye on what they're eating. Hence your comments about eating out a lot and multiple slices of pizza (who has only a few slices, I eat the whole damn thing!) being bad. Of course, I am being an assumer (see what I did there ) and I don't mean this as a personal attack or anything, it's just that I think it's a bit misguided to want to dictate everyone's eating habits - and to me it seems like that's what you're trying to do by painting eating out/not cooking for yourself as a bad thing.
By the way, this post again. I totally agree with wanting to eat the whole damn pizza. How many times would you go out to a yummy sub and pizza place and eat a couple wings or have a salad since that's what you can make fit in your day before the whole experience is no longer even worth it? Or maybe your version of moderation could be going out twice a month instead and having decent quantities of good food? And the rest of the time make delicious meals at home? Hmm wonder who this reminds me of
But yeah I agree with another post that a potential solution would be to go for the hanging out, not necessarily for the food. Personally, I'd rather just do something else
You make nothing but assumptions about others. Your hyperbole has grown old. So many posts from you in this thread ... nothing of value yet.0 -
You are also 19.
Everyone is at their thinnest at nineteen. In twenty years, your peers will not look the same.0 -
brianpperkins wrote: »awesomewastaken wrote: »JaneiR36, it seems to me you are under the impression that every single person out there has issues with their weight and thus should keep an eye on what they're eating. Hence your comments about eating out a lot and multiple slices of pizza (who has only a few slices, I eat the whole damn thing!) being bad. Of course, I am being an assumer (see what I did there ) and I don't mean this as a personal attack or anything, it's just that I think it's a bit misguided to want to dictate everyone's eating habits - and to me it seems like that's what you're trying to do by painting eating out/not cooking for yourself as a bad thing.
By the way, this post again. I totally agree with wanting to eat the whole damn pizza. How many times would you go out to a yummy sub and pizza place and eat a couple wings or have a salad since that's what you can make fit in your day before the whole experience is no longer even worth it? Or maybe your version of moderation could be going out twice a month instead and having decent quantities of good food? And the rest of the time make delicious meals at home? Hmm wonder who this reminds me of
But yeah I agree with another post that a potential solution would be to go for the hanging out, not necessarily for the food. Personally, I'd rather just do something else
You make nothing but assumptions about others. Your hyperbole has grown old. So many posts from you in this thread ... nothing of value yet.
Thank you for reading
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One of us had to read and understand the OP's posts ... it seems I'm that one of us.brianpperkins wrote: »awesomewastaken wrote: »JaneiR36, it seems to me you are under the impression that every single person out there has issues with their weight and thus should keep an eye on what they're eating. Hence your comments about eating out a lot and multiple slices of pizza (who has only a few slices, I eat the whole damn thing!) being bad. Of course, I am being an assumer (see what I did there ) and I don't mean this as a personal attack or anything, it's just that I think it's a bit misguided to want to dictate everyone's eating habits - and to me it seems like that's what you're trying to do by painting eating out/not cooking for yourself as a bad thing.
By the way, this post again. I totally agree with wanting to eat the whole damn pizza. How many times would you go out to a yummy sub and pizza place and eat a couple wings or have a salad since that's what you can make fit in your day before the whole experience is no longer even worth it? Or maybe your version of moderation could be going out twice a month instead and having decent quantities of good food? And the rest of the time make delicious meals at home? Hmm wonder who this reminds me of
But yeah I agree with another post that a potential solution would be to go for the hanging out, not necessarily for the food. Personally, I'd rather just do something else
You make nothing but assumptions about others. Your hyperbole has grown old. So many posts from you in this thread ... nothing of value yet.
Thank you for reading
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Can't y'all just be normal?0
This discussion has been closed.
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