Fining Parents of Bullies

watergirl75

I am a mom of 3. And I have a child that is the one that is always on the receiving end of the hitting, biting, rude words. Things like that. I have always taught my children to respect others and be kind to your friends and if you are angry you use your words and not physcial harm to others. I often wonder why "some" kids are the way they are. Why do they hit, kick, bite, say rude things.....it makes me wonder what they see at home. And I always have blamed the parents. But so many valid points have been brought up here that I never thought of. I never thought that some kidsare just simply mean and they lack the empathy factor. I guess in my naive thinking, I always thought that as longs as they were raised in a nurturing environment, there should be no reason they lack that empathy factor. So I do see where my thinking could be misconstrued however, getting them help and things like that sounds brilliant but in the meantime what do the children do that didn't deserve what this kid dished out? There still has to be some type of consequences for actions that harm others.

I completely agree with you. I think that there should be some sort of punishment for children who bully. And I'm sorry to hear about your child's troubles. Have you considered that perhaps the best approach might be to encourage your children to be able to defend themselves from this sort of behavior both physically and verbally? Thigs like martial arts may help give them confidence in dealing with this behavior.

As a child I was very fearful of confrontation. I was oblivious till I started school that people were mean. I was also slower due to some kinethestic issues, so martial arts probably wouldnt have given me the confidence to confront the faster bullies.

I agree encouraging confidence, but that doesnt always work especially if you have a very overly sensitive child.

Personally being an overly sensitive kid and on the receiving end of bullying. If I had a child who was put to the same situation I would now directly confront the schools, counselor, the parents and the child or children. I would ask for an apology. I would then ask the schools to monitor closely that the behavior doesnt continue, and get that all in writing. If it happens online I would monitor that and directly confront the parent with threats of a suit if it continued. I would then make sure my child got the proper counseling to deal with that feeling of victimization and constantly support that she is a worthwhile person so much better than the weak bullies and one day she will shine above them.

Right! He is a sensitive child. Always has been and I will never apologize for what he is. And I feel like just because he is a sensitive chid shouldn't make him a target for someone else's abuse. I did try martial arts but it just didn't keep his interest. He likes to read, make books and play with his Kindle.

kiesha22001

I raise my kids to defend themselves whenever possible. With that being said, if they grow up to be bullies, I pray they get the *kitten* whooping they deserve.

^^ this!

Though, I instruct them to ask for assistance from adults first, run, and then defend.

eric_sg61

If kids wants to get back at their parents can the kids become temporary bullies unitl said parents are punished?

SteelySunshine

My solution would be to call parents and schedule a counseling session with them and their child, discussing bullying and putting an action plan in place. Or as a most severe measure, community service for the child since it is THEIR behavior that is at fault.

I think this would be a good solution. All I have to add is that I think that more than one counseling session should be involved. I don't think the fine(s) will work at all. For one the victim has to be very active in pursuing this remedy and most victims will keep quiet about what is going on. Plus, the bully will often increase the bullying behavior to keep the victim quiet with threats against them if they talk to anyone.

However, this law may have one effect that makes it look like it's working. Families with children that bully, might just move to another town, thus reducing the population of bullies in this particular town.

JUDDDing

I raise my kids to defend themselves whenever possible. With that being said, if they grow up to be bullies, I pray they get the *kitten* whooping they deserve.

Definitely.

Bullying is mostly a problem of insufficient retaliation.

People tend to get away with as much as you let them get away with.

edge_dragoncaller

Suspended for 3 days from school.

In High-School, I saw a couple guys in a shoving match and Boy-A knocked the hat off of Boy-B. Well, when Boy-B leaned over to pick up his hat, Boy-A shoved him into a wall and caused him to smack his head against the concrete wall. I stepped between them while a couple other observers picked up Boy-B. Well, Boy-A didn't like this and tried to get me out of the way by swinging at me.

I elbowed him in the face and broke his nose.

We both got a 3-day suspension for fighting.

Despite the witnesses, I was suspended for three days because I stood up to defend a helpless guy from being pummeled, and then defending myself because of a 0-tolerance policy.

( this last comment is said in frustration and not aimed at the OP or anyone else specifically )

It is pathetic enough that in our society, we are teaching kids that they cannot defend others or themselves without being punished, and now some Jack-Holes want to start fining the parents as well? F*** That.

UsedToBeHusky

Suspended for 3 days from school.

In High-School, I saw a couple guys in a shoving match and Boy-A knocked the hat off of Boy-B. Well, when Boy-B leaned over to pick up his hat, Boy-A shoved him into a wall and caused him to smack his head against the concrete wall. I stepped between them while a couple other observers picked up Boy-B. Well, Boy-A didn't like this and tried to get me out of the way by swinging at me.

I elbowed him in the face and broke his nose.

We both got a 3-day suspension for fighting.

Despite the witnesses, I was suspended for three days because I stood up to defend a helpless guy from being pummeled, and then defending myself because of a 0-tolerance policy.

( this last comment is said in frustration and not aimed at the OP or anyone else specifically )

It is pathetic enough that in our society, we are teaching kids that they cannot defend others or themselves without being punished, and now some Jack-Holes want to start fining the parents as well? F*** That.

When I was in school, there was a girl being sexually harassed by another boy because she had come out about her sexuality. The school did nothing about it for months. One day, he went too far. She beat the brake shoes off of him. He got an in-school suspension while she got an out-of-school suspension. He never touched her again though.

eamartin

Parents need to pay attention to their children & raise them properly. All 3 of my children are school aged & I would be damned if they didn't have respect for themselves & others around them. Children are not born bullies.. they are raised that way.

You're wrong.

Bullying is learned behavior. Children learn through social experience and modeling. It's also true that there is a biological component that must be taken into account. For instance, all human beings have aggressive tendencies, and children are born into the world with varying levels of innate aggression.

If children are not taught how to successfully and constructively deal with their aggressive tendencies, they will behave aggressively. It might take more consistent effort and instruction to teach a child with a higher innate level of aggression how to control his impulses, but it can, and should, be done. But even with a higher level of innate aggression, a child still needs to learn how to bully.

wineplease

I'll be honest. My daughter is one of these children. Finding an effective treatment plan hasn't been as easy at sounds either. From pre-K up until this year, we were not able to reign in her behavior.

I'm right there with you. My son, David, has autism. He's not a bully, but there are reasons he acts out at school. I get phone calls from the principal's office often!

UsedToBeHusky

I'll be honest. My daughter is one of these children. Finding an effective treatment plan hasn't been as easy at sounds either. From pre-K up until this year, we were not able to reign in her behavior.

I'm right there with you. My son, David, has autism. He's not a bully, but there are reasons he acts out at school. I get phone calls from the principal's office often!

So what if someone didn't know that their child has autism. I mean, I plan to have my daughter tested over the summer, but she has an IQ of 130+. You wouldn't think that she had it (if she does). Many many kids that are considered 'bullies' are in a similar position. Would you want to be fined every time another child misinterpretted your son's behavior?

edge_dragoncaller

When I was in school, there was a girl being sexually harassed by another boy because she had come out about her sexuality. The school did nothing about it for months. One day, he went too far. She beat the brake shoes off of him. He got an in-school suspension while she got an out-of-school suspension. He never touched her again though.

And this is exactly where the issue lies with the big outcry about bullying. The one who swings, gets the worst punishment even if they were bullied into snapping in anger and frustration.

If you teach a bully that punching gets him in trouble, then he/she will trip their victim. When that become punishable, then the bully will switch to jabbing thier victim with a pencil in the lunch line.

Once the bully realizes that he/she can get their chosen prey in trouble by calling them names and insulting them to the point where the victim lashes out, the Bully has won.

We try to teach our children that Bullying is wrong, and that's a good thing. We teach them not to fight, but to run to a teacher for help. Not only does this usually mean that the bullied kid now gets it even worse for being a "tattler," but it teaches them, as they grow up, to not stand up for themselves, but to always look for someone else to resolve the issue for them.

a.k.a. raising a generation of pu**ies.

ninerbuff

Kids usually learn behaviors from parents and peers. If the parent is a bully too (not uncommon with a child who's a bully) then fining them would what? Have them bully their kid even worse because of the fine?

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ldrosophila

When I was in school, there was a girl being sexually harassed by another boy because she had come out about her sexuality. The school did nothing about it for months. One day, he went too far. She beat the brake shoes off of him. He got an in-school suspension while she got an out-of-school suspension. He never touched her again though.

And this is exactly where the issue lies with the big outcry about bullying. The one who swings, gets the worst punishment even if they were bullied into snapping in anger and frustration.

If you teach a bully that punching gets him in trouble, then he/she will trip their victim. When that become punishable, then the bully will switch to jabbing thier victim with a pencil in the lunch line.

Once the bully realizes that he/she can get their chosen prey in trouble by calling them names and insulting them to the point where the victim lashes out, the Bully has won.

We try to teach our children that Bullying is wrong, and that's a good thing. We teach them not to fight, but to run to a teacher for help. Not only does this usually mean that the bullied kid now gets it even worse for being a "tattler," but it teaches them, as they grow up, to not stand up for themselves, but to always look for someone else to resolve the issue for them.

a.k.a. raising a generation of pu**ies.

I dont know about raisng a generation of pu..ies. I think that is a bit harsh, but I will agree the real bullies are usually subtle and its verbal attacks and ostrisization. I think by not giving kids the proper out to defend themselves against bullies is the reason why you see school shootings and suicides.

Some kids arent emotionally equipped to defend. You have to teach those kids this is temporary, you are smarter, you will succeed, and one day you be more successful than your weak bullies. That's what my Mom told me and it really helped me get through school. I was determined to go to college and be better. Guess what? I am :happy:

Reedern

My personal opinion is that if the parent REALLY cares about whether or not their kid bullies would depend on what they are taught from a very young age. If a parent doesn't teach their kids about the subject then they obviously don't really care whether or not their kid is one. What I mean is that I plan to teach my kids (currently 2yrs and 5 mos) before they start school:
1. what bullying is
2. why it is NEVER ok
3. How to handle it if they are victims of bullies

I am hoping that by teaching them at an early age, they will understand that it isn't ok and will never become one. Obviously this will not work everytime, so in this case, if I knew my child was a bully, I would consider taking them to a prison and expose them to what a real bully is so they can see that it is hurtful and not something funny. "Scared straight" per say...

As to the original question... I think in some cases a fine may make a difference and in others it could very well make things worse for the child at home. Every situation is different.

ninerbuff

Oh yeah, sounds like a great idea. Let's fine the parents and cause some of these kids to be viciously beaten or emotionally abused by their parents as retaliation for costing them money. Sounds really effing dandy.

My kids have cost me money with their bad decisions and never once have I visciously beaten or emotionally abused them. They have consequences and are made aware of what will happen next time, but never beaten or abused.

But you're not the parent of some kids who may be emotionally abused at home. You can't correlate that your home life is like anyone elses. People raise their kids different ways. Some spank, some don't. Some hit, some scream. It's not the same for everyone.

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ninerbuff

They need to just paddle them the way we got paddled when we messed up! Enough of this no spanking, no paddling BS! And if they keep it up...kick them out of school, 1st offense...no second chances. Eventually, the bully will get the point.

Nope. I don't spank my child now (who is a straight A student and hasn't missed a day of school this year) and to let someone in charge paddle her because she might be wrongfully accused of a misdoing?

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ninerbuff

Could it also be that some parents talk "at" their kids, instead of "to" their kids? One thing I learned in direct sales is that people will give you the real objection to a purchase if you hear what their objections are. Bad sales people don't listen to what a customer wants or needs. I would say the same could be said about parenting. Kids aren't ever gonna tell you the real reason why they ****ed up. Answers like "I don't know" or "not sure why" are common, but engaging in a conversation and listening to them may give the parent the actual reason why they act out.

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wineplease

But you're not the parent of some kids who may be emotionally abused at home. You can't correlate that your home life is like anyone elses. People raise their kids different ways. Some spank, some don't. Some hit, some scream.

That was MY point.

Tuala42

Its not fair to just always assume that when a child is a bully, that the parents are at fault. I have a nephew who was adopted as a young child who has behavior/emotional issues due to whatever happened to him as an infant and toddler. believe me my brother and his wife are completely aware of the problems , have tried numerous forms of counseling, are over their heads in debt, and are wonderful parents. Fining them for things that he has done would accomplish nothing. Providing counseling though sounds like a great idea so they can try to stay out of bankruptcy.

DalekBrittany

Parents need to pay attention to their children & raise them properly. All 3 of my children are school aged & I would be damned if they didn't have respect for themselves & others around them. Children are not born bullies.. they are raised that way.

You're wrong.

Bullying is learned behavior. Children learn through social experience and modeling. It's also true that there is a biological component that must be taken into account. For instance, all human beings have aggressive tendencies, and children are born into the world with varying levels of innate aggression.

If children are not taught how to successfully and constructively deal with their aggressive tendencies, they will behave aggressively. It might take more consistent effort and instruction to teach a child with a higher innate level of aggression how to control his impulses, but it can, and should, be done. But even with a higher level of innate aggression, a child still needs to learn how to bully.

You're still wrong. At least that they learned it at home. There are just some cases where the child has different issues, for the sake of argument, let's say autism. Sometimes actions against others that the child may not understand are wrong are construed as bullying. Does this make it the parent's fault because they "taught" their kids to bully? I don't think so. I will give you that in some cases, it is a learned behavior. But it is unfair to say that in every single case, the kid learned it at home. It's just wrong.