Not so nice "support"

bstetson1

I lost FIFTY pounds and recently gained about five back. I have stopped logging calories but remain mindful of my eating and continue to workout (cardio and weight lifting) five days a week. I feel like the gain is likely muscle and TOM this week. I have been at maintenance since October. 5'4" and 134 lbs

Tonight my husband has made some mean spirited comments and I am about ready to explode. First he says my arm muscles are big but were more cut before. Later he said something about how my but looked larger when my middle was smaller and more defined. Apparently my but is old and flat. Even later, I went to the cabinet to make a bean burrito with non fat refried beans, wheat tortilla and low fat cheese for dinner and he said he can't believe that those even made it home. After that, I left the house and cried. I had no idea what to do so I headed for the gym for another thirty minutes of cardio.

I admit that I have been encouraging my skinny fat guy to work out with me and eat better but nothing as mean as this. I am about his health he seems to be focusing on my fat.

What gives, I am working so hard and I am actually to the point of anger over the negative comments right now.

SexyKatherine73

I have no answer but I offer you a HUG

TavistockToad

I think you need to ask him, not us.

mockchoc

You look amazing. I'll swap bodies. He's got issues.

Springfield1970

Hit Strong Curves by Bret Contraras and turn that booty into a dream.

He sounds a bit scared that he might lose you! Tell him he's pushing you away by saying that stuff. He may be unconsciously undermining you, do you want that? Sometimes getting our bodies back reveals some emotional things we may have been hiding from.

I know that by emotional eating and have a mediocre body, life was much easier. Now I'm single and have a great body I get to date hot young guys and deal with my anxious attachment issues. I've cried more in the last three years about this than my entire previous 41 years!

denvoyager

It would be awfully easy to just say -' ditch the eedjit!' , but it's not easy to do. Before you approach your hubby with your concerns, take yourself off to a nice quiet place,and take a pencil and a pad. Have a cup or thermos with you, to enjoy a drink on your own.
Then, like Robinson Crusoe, draw a line down the page and write down different aspects of yourself that are: a) enjoyable or 'feelgood'. ....and b) problematic or 'non feelgood'. Like youself,old Robbo seemed to be alone,and was trying to sort himself out, to deal with his life by looking at it in black and white.
You may find some things are out of proportion, like ' I like people' to ' I like tea' !, but I'm sure you get my drift.
You can do this for other aspects of life, over a period.
Decide to change/emphasise something small, easy to do , and you will have achieved the following:
I have identified what the problem is.
I've started to deal with it!
I hope this helps you. Please feel free to write back. It'll come good again, don't worry,Den

LKArgh

bstetson1 wrote: »

I lost FIFTY pounds and recently gained about five back. I have stopped logging calories but remain mindful of my eating and continue to workout (cardio and weight lifting) five days a week. I feel like the gain is likely muscle and TOM this week. I have been at maintenance since October. 5'4" and 134 lbs

Tonight my husband has made some mean spirited comments and I am about ready to explode. First he says my arm muscles are big but were more cut before. Later he said something about how my but looked larger when my middle was smaller and more defined. Apparently my but is old and flat. Even later, I went to the cabinet to make a bean burrito with non fat refried beans, wheat tortilla and low fat cheese for dinner and he said he can't believe that those even made it home. After that, I left the house and cried. I had no idea what to do so I headed for the gym for another thirty minutes of cardio.

I admit that I have been encouraging my skinny fat guy to work out with me and eat better but nothing as mean as this. I am about his health he seems to be focusing on my fat.

What gives, I am working so hard and I am actually to the point of anger over the negative comments right now.

How long have you been encouraging him and how often? If it is like, ask him a couple of times in the last months if he wants to go out with you for a run, then there is no excuse for his behaviour. If you have been regularly criticising his eating choices, or if you have told him to his face he is skinny fat or not fit enough etc, then it was inevitable that at some point he would decide it is his turn to be mean.

Sued0nim

1) I think you look amazing - look at you in that legging shot - you have a body to be bloody proud of !

2) what else is going on with him? ... is he normally this much of an *kitten*?
- only you can say if this is his normal modus operandi or if something else is up (it sounds to me like he's lashing out for some reason)

3) tell him what an *kitten* he is, tell him how upset you are.. he needs to know that whatever is troubling him he can't just become a fountain of negative ire .. but seriously you're only resolution for this is talking to him

Lissa_Kaye

awe, not cool, dont let it get you down girl

spicy618

Sorry you let him make you feel this way.

I will love to have your physique. You should love it too.
Just about when I hit 40, is when I stopped giving an 'F' what other people thought of me and what I look like. Being happy and healthy is more important to me, than making someone else happy. Also, I control my happiness and sadness for the most part.

Blessings to you.

burnsgene42

I admire your spirit. When you were feeling down and dismal you went and worked out. You didn't go to the Ice Cream shop or St@rbucks. Way to go!!!!
Have pity on your poor husband (- Sounds like he may have been having a bad day.
Personally I have to keep counting my calories or I will gradually slip back into old habits.
But as you know you are in charge of you. Looks to me like you're doing a great job.
Stay with it. (;

asdowe13

Time to have a chat with your husband and not a bunch of internet strangers.

Datarn

adowe wrote: »

Time to have a chat with your husband and not a bunch of internet strangers.

Good words!

theboys020409

Greetings! 9 times out of 10 he did not mean what he said! He is talking crazy because he is afraid he will lose you because you are looking and feeling good inside and out!!! He is afraid another man that works out and eats like you do will steal you away! Just assure him that you love him and only him and keep up the good work! At the end of the day he will respect and admire all your efforts! Hang in there and always remember the old saying for every obstacle and situation! This to shall pass!!!

alaynavee

rabbitjb wrote: »

1) I think you look amazing - look at you in that legging shot - you have a body to be bloody proud of !

2) what else is going on with him? ... is he normally this much of an *kitten*?
- only you can say if this is his normal modus operandi or if something else is up (it sounds to me like he's lashing out for some reason)

3) tell him what an *kitten* he is, tell him how upset you are.. he needs to know that whatever is troubling him he can't just become a fountain of negative ire .. but seriously you're only resolution for this is talking to him

This ^^^ ...you've worked very hard to make yourself look near perfect and his comments are HURTFUL, and by walking away without saying anything, you are taking them in and by default accepting them. It takes guts, but I learned to stand up to negativity and criticism in my marriage by putting on a self-protective "shield" and absolutely refusing to take any comment that did not make me feel good about me. Someone said this already, your guy has issues with himself that he may be taking out on you. I hope things get better!! Hugs to you (O)

spookyface

Maybe he doesn't want you to get a big ego so he's tearing you down.

Travis_2

Just break up.


Or you know. Be aware he has no self confidence and talk things out with him rather than the internet.

Unknown

This content has been removed.

scottacular

adowe wrote: »

Time to have a chat with your husband and not a bunch of internet strangers.

This. We cannot tell you why your husband acts the way he does and what his reasoning is or what is going through his head at that point. Definitely talk it out with him, getting angry and not dealing with the issue isn't good.

FabsolutelyMe

Please don't get discouraged by his comments. It reads to me that he is a bit threatened by this new sexy mama you've become. Not just in appearance, but also in confidence. I'd definitely let him know how hurtful he's being and then try to reassure him that your doing this for you and that you need him to be more supportive. If that doesn't work then take that frustration out in the gym and give him something to worry about!! Just joking..but just let those words wash off of you. He'll come around and realize there's nothing to worry about. If not and it continues, then let him know he is pushing you away and that he is making it harder to look to him for support in more ways than one. Good luck to you!! Be strong and know you are doing the right thing for your health!!!

NatJ522

You need to talk to him and let him know he is really hurting your feelings. By the way, you look amazing!

shamcd

Honey, I can relate. My husband has just very recently said some hurtful things to me since I've decided to take control of my body. It started out as an agreement between the two of us that we were going to do this together and support each other. He quit, I didn't.

I can almost guarantee you that he's worried that you're going to move on without him. You've gotten healthy, I'm sure you've gained tons of confidence, and you're beautiful. What has he done? Likely, not nearly as much as you and that can be intimidating. He probably did not mean to be so awful, and if he did, move on. You know your husband better than anyone, you know if he's genuine or not. If he's just being a temporary jerk, then talk about it on neutral ground. If this is how he's become full-time, then harness that anger, take it to the gym, and improve yourself even more.

callsitlikeiseeit

bstetson1 wrote: »

I lost FIFTY pounds and recently gained about five back. I have stopped logging calories but remain mindful of my eating and continue to workout (cardio and weight lifting) five days a week. I feel like the gain is likely muscle and TOM this week. I have been at maintenance since October. 5'4" and 134 lbs

Tonight my husband has made some mean spirited comments and I am about ready to explode. First he says my arm muscles are big but were more cut before. Later he said something about how my but looked larger when my middle was smaller and more defined. Apparently my but is old and flat. Even later, I went to the cabinet to make a bean burrito with non fat refried beans, wheat tortilla and low fat cheese for dinner and he said he can't believe that those even made it home. After that, I left the house and cried. I had no idea what to do so I headed for the gym for another thirty minutes of cardio.

I admit that I have been encouraging my skinny fat guy to work out with me and eat better but nothing as mean as this. I am about his health he seems to be focusing on my fat.

What gives, I am working so hard and I am actually to the point of anger over the negative comments right now.

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))

i get it, my husband says mean things on occasion (though he doesnt usually MEAN them that way, sometimes it is just how i take it- cultural differences and all LOL )

He does sound insecure. thats a him problem, not a you problem (i know, hard to handle when hes taking it out on you). keep doing what youre doing.

boys are stooopid

asdowe13

shamcd wrote: »

Honey, I can relate. My husband has just very recently said some hurtful things to me since I've decided to take control of my body. It started out as an agreement between the two of us that we were going to do this together and support each other. He quit, I didn't.

I can almost guarantee you that he's worried that you're going to move on without him. You've gotten healthy, I'm sure you've gained tons of confidence, and you're beautiful. What has he done? Likely, not nearly as much as you and that can be intimidating. He probably did not mean to be so awful, and if he did, move on. You know your husband better than anyone, you know if he's genuine or not. If he's just being a temporary jerk, then talk about it on neutral ground. If this is how he's become full-time, then harness that anger, take it to the gym, and improve yourself even more.

How can you possibly know any of this?

She needs to take this conversation to him. Not us!

LuckyMe000

Just sounds like he may be getting a little insecure

snowflake954

I'm sure you know this, but he probably wasn't even mad at you. He picked a fight knowing where you are most vunerable--it worked. He got you to cry and then he feels better. Strange, but my fights with my husband go this way too. After you've been married for awhile you know just what buttons to push to start a fight. After awhile my husband is sorry and apologizes. I know he really loves me, but marriage is not always easy. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try to discuss it calmly. Try to find out what the real problem is. Best.

urloved33

When we improve - people around us think (and feel) about themselves (what about me, who am I with the new you etc) I would do just as you did...hit the gym. I would also ask my mate if he had something he wanted to discuss with me and to please keep his sarcastic comments to himself. (if he has nothing good to say...say nothing) To you big hugs and keep up the great work, you look fantastic!

CObluegrass

be open and honest with him about the type of support you need from him. Maybe he's noticed the weight gain/struggle and your lack of calorie counting and thinks he's being helpful. Running off and crying will only confuse him. Communicate. With words. With him.

ew_david

There are three sides to every story...

Liftng4Lis

I would introduce him to the couch! Actually, the retorts I have right now aren't made for a public forum, so the couch!

TracyV125

You look fabulous! Congrats on your weight loss and maintenance!

I think you need to have a conversation with your hubby when you're feeling calm. Let him know that he hurt your feelings. My guess is he didn't realize he hurt you.

I've learned from past experience to never assume someone knows how you feel. Tell them.

Good for you though taking your frustration to the gym. It's the best therapy!