Not so nice "support"

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  • SLLRunner
    SLLRunner Posts: 12,942 Member
    bstetson1 wrote: »
    I lost FIFTY pounds and recently gained about five back. I have stopped logging calories but remain mindful of my eating and continue to workout (cardio and weight lifting) five days a week. I feel like the gain is likely muscle and TOM this week. I have been at maintenance since October. 5'4" and 134 lbs

    Tonight my husband has made some mean spirited comments and I am about ready to explode. First he says my arm muscles are big but were more cut before. Later he said something about how my but looked larger when my middle was smaller and more defined. Apparently my but is old and flat. Even later, I went to the cabinet to make a bean burrito with non fat refried beans, wheat tortilla and low fat cheese for dinner and he said he can't believe that those even made it home. After that, I left the house and cried. I had no idea what to do so I headed for the gym for another thirty minutes of cardio.

    I admit that I have been encouraging my skinny fat guy to work out with me and eat better but nothing as mean as this. I am about his health he seems to be focusing on my fat.

    What gives, I am working so hard and I am actually to the point of anger over the negative comments right now.

    I don't know, if my partner made comments to me like that I would take a long hard look into my relationship with him. That would be after I told him he's not allowed to make demeaning remarks to me about my body. Those kind of comments are 100% uncalled for and, in my opinion, are abusive.

    I will never allow another person to quench my fitness journey.

    I suggest you have a long serious talk with that man.
  • 999tigger
    999tigger Posts: 5,235 Member
    Is this turning into a MEAN people thread?
  • flatlndr
    flatlndr Posts: 713 Member
    bstetson1 wrote: »
    I have been at maintenance since October. 5'4" and 134 lbs

    Tonight my husband has made some mean spirited comments and I am about ready to explode. First he says my arm muscles are big but were more cut before. Later he said something about how my but looked larger when my middle was smaller and more defined.

    Has your husband had his eyesight checked lately? I just peeked at your pics. You look great!

  • JenniferIsLosingIt
    JenniferIsLosingIt Posts: 595 Member
    tuckerrj wrote: »
    Liftng4Lis wrote: »
    I would introduce him to the couch! Actually, the retorts I have right now aren't made for a public forum, so the couch!

    Uh, no. He's not a child to be sent off for a time out. In 35 years of successful marriage, this hasn't happened. If you don't want to share a bed with him, YOU go sleep on the couch. Better yet, behave like an adult and tell him, "What you said hurt me. Why exactly did you say that?.... etc."

    This right here ^^
  • jkramsey42
    jkramsey42 Posts: 22 Member
    "My arm muscles are big but were more cut before." How is that mean-spirited? Sounds like an observation.
    "My but[t] looked larger when my middle was smaller and more defined." He did not say "old," he did not say "flat," he made a then-vs-now comparison. How is THAT mean?
    Sounds like you're overreacting, from what you've said here at least.
    If you don't like what he's saying, TELL HIM THAT, ffs. Anonymous folks on the internet are not going to fix your relationship if you're not talking to him like a grown-up.
  • panda4153
    panda4153 Posts: 417 Member
    So I may be on the wrong path here, but I do not see that what he said is all that bad, it sounds like good natured teasing to me. Me and my husband do that all the time, its not hurtful in anyway and we both get a good laugh, and it goes both ways. Are you sure that that you did not read more into it. You yourself said you had TOM visiting, and I know that I am crazy irritibable during that time, and everything upsets me, even when its not logical to do so.

    I agree with others that you should tell him that his comments hurt, but also look at the context in which he said it, and do you do or say similar things, is that part of the nature of your relationship, and is this out of the ordinary.

  • rdlewis123
    rdlewis123 Posts: 106 Member
    I too have recently lost 50 pounds and the dear hubby is a bit threatened by my change. He is quite a bit overweight himself, and chooses not to make a change at this time. I think he feels guilty that I have been able to make changes and he won't. Sometimes these feelings of insecurity come out in very ugly ways. He realizes that he may not be the only one who sees the differences and that my options may be more open to find someone else ( which I would NOT do, I already have him trained)! I agree with posts above that you should tell him that his words hurt. And keep up the habit of working off the stress at the gym rather than taking other unhealthy measures!
  • MaVieEntiere
    MaVieEntiere Posts: 135 Member
    What is skinny fat?

    Here is a big hug! Talk to him.... not to us. :)
  • MaVieEntiere
    MaVieEntiere Posts: 135 Member
    PS - you look great and I am sure you are doing great!

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