"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
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garystrickland357 wrote: »SummerSkier wrote: »I hope to be just as strong and fit when I am 30 as I am now.
comments noted. So sorry if y’all are struggling. All are entitled to their opinions. I have no argument. It just shows the point of this thread. 
You look like a runner to me. Thin but healthy.
Bingo.
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I actually tell people now that what they are saying is offensive, and they are comparing me to what I used to be, not what a healthy size is. people quickly stopped commenting and I dont care if I come across as rude because frankly making comments like that is rude anyway.4
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I had these comments many times in my 20's. My brother and sister in law were always trying to insinuate I was anorexic. Once they realised I ate like a horse, they added bullimia to their diagnosis.
Fat people always told me to eat a sandwich and put some weight on. And at one point, I did become underweight, but it wasn't due to anorexia, it was due to being a starving student who spent all their money on rent, with little left for food.
My parents asked me nicely about this, and I told them what the problem was, so they brought food around for me during that time. That's because they were actually concerned, and not just trying to demonise my weight or gossip mindlessly about me.
I know people on here have said, 'if someone was drastically underweight, you should say something, because they may have an eating disorder.' Or, they might have cancer, or be naturally thin or have some other reason. But, if they do have anorexia, then saying you're too thin is seen as a positive reinforcement to their disease, and may encourage them to further starve themselves. It would be better to ask the person why they think they're so thin, if you're really concerned. And only if you're close to the person, I think.
What I find interesting though, is that being overweight is also a health concern, yet most decent people would never dream of saying, 'you're too fat and I think you have a health problem'. Why not? Why are we concerned for the anorexic's health, but not the obese person's? It's a double standard.
Edited to add, I don't currently have these problems as I'm overweight at the moment.
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MinimalistShoeAddict wrote: »I still think that there is much less "skinny shaming" than "fat shaming" in society if we are being honest. Skinny folk are generally seen as nicer, more attractive, smarter, healthier, more dedicated, etc.
Let's not pretend that skinny or normal body weight folks are some discriminated class of citizens.
I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.
I strongly disagree with the 99% part. Many of the people who hear this have been at a healthy weight their entire life.
Your example may be true in many cases but nowhere near 99% of the time.
You may be right about fat shaming being more common than skinny shaming, however I do not think one is more acceptable than the other.
Until 3 months ago, I been overweight for my age since before 6th grade. I'm now 60.1 -
I know this is over a year later, but if anybody ever has a problem like this again, many companies have an anonymous tip line that, in many cases, is monitored by Internal Audit, who in turn have a direct line to the Board of Directors Audit Committee. That will get action. I work in internal audit...Yisrael1981 wrote: »This just happened to me today in my office. My manager came over to me today and said a few people had come over to him and said I look horrible that I am too skinny. It really threw me for a loop and I did question myself
I started at 220 and ended at 145-147, currently maintaining at about 2000 calories a day plus some treats on the weekend...
The wise man in me says these people just have a hard time adjusting to my new look, however it definitely was a painful experience
I can relate. My manager also runs HR and has told me twice in the past two days that I am skinny, it is not attractive and I must not lose any more weight (said in a dramatic voice). I am still 5kgs from my goal so nope, I am not going to listen to that, particularly as it is coming from the same woman who demanded to know if I was pregnant this time last year because I had a bit of a tummy - in front of a room full of people. She was not happy with my embarrassed "no, I am not pregnant, I am just fat" and went on and on, saying "you can tell us you know, we will be happy for you".
Not only was I fat not pregnant, but I am also unable to have children, a fact which most people are aware of. Beyond awkward.
Yep. Folks that run HR don't always know how to HR.
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I am so glad I read this post. After losing 110lbs I am now getting people say to me how I do not need to lose anymore. While that may be true, I really like the way I look now and so I keep working at it. So there are some weeks where I may still lose. But I think the one thing that bothers me most though is when people ask if you are ok, just because you have lost weight. After getting asked this so often it makes me doubt myself.3
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I am so glad I read this post. After losing 110lbs I am now getting people say to me how I do not need to lose anymore. While that may be true, I really like the way I look now and so I keep working at it. So there are some weeks where I may still lose. But I think the one thing that bothers me most though is when people ask if you are ok, just because you have lost weight. After getting asked this so often it makes me doubt myself.
I understand how you feel, and my immediate reaction to "are you OK" is the same.
On the flip side, when you're 30+ like I am (OK, it starts around 30+, but I'm 60+), it's sadly more common for people to start having serious physical problems or chronic diseases. It's arguably a faux pas to ask a person who's lost weight whether they're OK, but IMO it's a much worse faux pas to congratulate someone who's ill on their weight loss. Often sick people don't look sick right away, in a stereotypic kind of way. As a survivor of stage III (advanced) cancer, and a cancer widow, I can see both sides of this.
It's a conversation neither party wants to have: "You've lost weight: You look great!" "Actually, I'm dying."
So, to the extent I can, I try to take "are you OK?" as a sign that people care about me, not as a critique of my appearance . . . unless their manner or body language clearly tell me differently. YMMV.13 -
actually believe it or not there is LIGHT at the end of the tunnel. I got a lot of concerned (maybe) comments when I first hit my goal last year, but now that I am maintaining where I choose to be, and I haven't dwindled away to nothing, those comments have 100 percent stopped. So give it time, keep on keepin on with what YOU want, and the "too skinny" or "you are not going to lose anymore" comments really do stop.6
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Here's what I wished I'd said when people used to say it to me: 'thank you for letting me know. Would you like us to discuss your weight, now?'
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I was hiking the other day, and it's customary around these trails, to greet your fellow hikers. "Good morning" or "Hi" is the usual greeting.
As I reached the top of one peak, I saw a young woman standing there, looking off into the distance. She was what I would consider petite (@ 5'3" and slender). As I started to pass her, before I could greet her, an athletic looking woman reached the top from the other side. She looked at the young woman and said, "Good lord, you're thin!" By the lack of response or reaction from the young woman, I guessed she didn't know this person from Adam.
When did this become a customary greeting to strangers?
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Yes, I heard that a lot about a year ago when I was around 15% body fat and my goal was <10%. I figure that the average American is overweight or obese (based on statistics, this describes 2/3 of Americans) and I can see that when I look around. The new "normal" is overweight and healthy is considered to be underweight or thin. It's a common perception that I should be overweight. I disagree. So I will take care of me and let others go along on their fat merry way. My typical response is that I actually need to lose more and then go into a description about the average American's size regarding their perception. In the end, they don't have much to argue with (usually these are also "average American size" people).4
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My neighbor and I weigh very close to the same - 116-118#. We are the same height. She constantly tells me I am too skinny. Maybe because I am 10ish years older than she and have the squiggly arm thing? People are so funny.0
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midwesterner85 wrote: »Yes, I heard that a lot about a year ago when I was around 15% body fat and my goal was <10%. I figure that the average American is overweight or obese (based on statistics, this describes 2/3 of Americans) and I can see that when I look around. The new "normal" is overweight and healthy is considered to be underweight or thin. It's a common perception that I should be overweight. I disagree. So I will take care of me and let others go along on their fat merry way. My typical response is that I actually need to lose more and then go into a description about the average American's size regarding their perception. In the end, they don't have much to argue with (usually these are also "average American size" people).
Yeah - I even see that here at MFP. LOL. MK2fit, you are probably the same weight as your neighbor but I bet you are in much better shape! Muscle takes more space than fat, right?
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Considering the obesity epidemic in the US, I think most people wouldn't recognize a healthy-sized person if one bit them in the rear. When you're used to overweight being average, normal looks too skinny.7
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I had an interesting conversation with my best friend (She's known me for over 30 years) while we were on holidays together last week.
Some quick background..... I've been overweight my whole adult life. In 2004 I decided enough was enough, started watching my calories and took up running. I lost 105 lbs. Then I had a couple of knee surgeries, kind of lost myself and gained all that weight back and more. April 2017 I hit 288 lbs and knew I had to get my *kitten* together..... I've lost 111 lbs since then.
So..... back to the conversation. She was saying how proud she was of me for losing the weight again - lol she really is great. And then I mentioned how I still needed to lose another 20 or so lbs.
She was aghast! She thought I looked great and said I would look too gaunt if I lost anymore weight.
She was clearly worried my weight loss had gotten out of control and I would get too skinny!
So I asked her how much she thought I weighed? I'm 59 years old and 5'4".
150-155 lbs she said............. no.. I'm 180 I replied. She looked at me dumbfounded.
Weight is all relative.... all she really knew was that I had lost a whole lot and looked healthier and thinner than before so gee I mustn't need to lose anymore.
I don't have this conversation with everyone, but it puts things in perspective for me and don't get upset when I hear the same thing from other people.
My BMI will still be in the "over weight" range at 160lbs but I'll reassess when I get there. 10 -
Yes, of course. I get this a lot from my family.
When I was overweight at 151lbs (I'm 5'1''), my parents would say to "watch my weight" and whatnot. But when I got down to 100lbs, they say I'm just "skin and bones," even though I look perfectly healthy and don't look underweight at all. \:
My mom and sister-in-laws aren't that bad, they also comment on how small I am now and how they wish they were my size.1 -
In the past month a couple of people have said (unasked) that they think I should stop losing weight. I smile and say thank you. I know what they mean to do is clumsily compliment how well I’m looking NOW.
I don’t even think about it.
(and strength training FTW! I actually stopped actively dieting and losing weight a couple of months beforehand. Lol, they were really more noticing me getting fitter.)2 -
I think I am going to start saying "We have just gotten so used to seeing people overweight that we think of it as normal. My BMI is around 24. I am actually toward the upper end of the healthy range for my height."2
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