This is not a dating page...
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »trinatrina1984 wrote: »Guys OP flounced like 5 pages back - this should now be a mean people thread.
i got wrapped up in ANOTHER mean people thread?
it keeps happening to me..........
Clearly you're one of the mean people.0 -
_Terrapin_ wrote: »LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
So if someone wants to have sex with people they don't know very well, they are a bad person? Can you explain this a little more?Granted, there are better, more polite ways to go about it. Someone who quickly friends, makes a move, gets turned down and immediately un-friends the person who turned them away is most likely a creeper looking to hook up. Friend requesting someone JUST to hit on them? That's a no-go in my book.
I never said ANYTHING about ANYTHING making someone a bad person. I said it makes them creepy. To me, a "creepy" person could simply be odd or suspicious, not necessarily bad. And it's not the potential sex aspect that does it.
If you want it broken down Barney-style, fine:
"I love(?) you, you love(?) me, but if all you want to do is make a pass at someone, just hit the 'send message' button instead of sending a friend request to someone you'll only stay friends with if they respond positively to your advances".
But, because this is the internet and not everyone speaks sarcasm to the same degree, let me explain it a bit more plainly, too:
I don't think someone should send a friend request to another individual JUST to hit on them, whatever the definition of "hit" might be, from "hey, want to hook up tonight?", to "Would you like to go out, sometime?" (where sex might not even be on the table), to "you're cute, are you seeing someone?" or even cat-calls. (Part of the challenge when people talk about this is trying to figure out what was actually said and what the recipient considers a "hit").
I especially feel someone shouldn't do this if their planned reaction to any negative response is to then un-friend the other individual.
Someone who does this IS pretty creepy because they're not being honest and approaching others under false pretenses. They're using the "friend" process when they actually have no interest in it and just want to hook up. They don't care about the people they send the requests to, they just care about getting what they want. And the un-friending of the individual who turns them down feels like an internet version of the manipulative "you're not REALLY my friend..." approach. It's like setting it all up to take an extra, spiteful, dig at a person for turning you down. To me, that adds to the "creep" factor.
If all you want is to make an advance, that's fine. But don't send a friend request to someone you're not interested in being "just (internet) friends" with. Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
Leave the friending process for those who want to continue to interact without making the interaction contingent upon one individual accepting the advances of the other.
I find the use of Barney as odd. Wait. . . odd=creepy. LAWDY!
Well, you certainly wouldn't be the first to say I was creepy!
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MysticRealm wrote: »If I get a friend request from a guy I go onto their page and look at their friends. If all their friends are young, good looking, girls
I do this, smile at myself because he thinks I'm one of them, then send him a message mentioning my husband. (of course, you cant see my face my the picture!)0 -
amusedmonkey wrote: »Such people exist everywhere regardless of the nature of the website or venue. Treat those incidences like you would a cat caller, shrug it off, and move on.
This. It's a shame that some men (and some women) say inappropriate things and that we have to have this conversation in the first place. The MFP community can be such a great inspiration and source of information.
I'm a middle-aged man, and I've never had the types of "cat call" comments that I know the women on this site receive. However, I have had people reply with hurtful and/or just plain mean comments to questions or other things I've posted. I was kind of put-off at first when this happened (actually I was pissed). But then I realized that their personality and their behavior was their problem not my problem.
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I really don't understand why anyone ever thinks that interactions online are or should be identical to those in real life. There are plenty of things people do online which they would never do in real life, and vice versa.LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
So if someone wants to have sex with people they don't know very well, they are a bad person? Can you explain this a little more?Granted, there are better, more polite ways to go about it. Someone who quickly friends, makes a move, gets turned down and immediately un-friends the person who turned them away is most likely a creeper looking to hook up. Friend requesting someone JUST to hit on them? That's a no-go in my book.
I never said ANYTHING about ANYTHING making someone a bad person.
If you want it broken down Barney-style, fine:
"I love(?) you, you love(?) me, but if all you want to do is make a pass at someone, just hit the 'send message' button instead of sending a friend request to someone you'll only stay friends with if they respond positively to your advances".
But, because this is the internet and not everyone speaks sarcasm to the same degree, let me explain it a bit more plainly, too:
I don't think someone should send a friend request to another individual JUST to hit on them, whatever the definition of "hit" might be, from "hey, want to hook up tonight?", to "Would you like to go out, sometime?" (where sex might not even be on the table), to "you're cute, are you seeing someone?" or even cat-calls. (Part of the challenge when people talk about this is trying to figure out what was actually said and what the recipient considers a "hit").
I especially feel someone shouldn't do this if their planned reaction to any negative response is to then un-friend the other individual.
Someone who does this IS pretty creepy because they're not being honest. They're using the "friend" process when they actually have no interest in it and just want to hook up.
If all you want is to make an advance, that's fine. But don't send a friend request to someone you're not interested in being "just (internet) friends" with. Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
Leave the friending process for those who want to continue to interact without making the interaction contingent upon one individual accepting the advances of the other.
So if someone doesn't use the "friend" feature the same way you do on a social networking site, they are creepy and a liar?
Well, where I come from, if someone comes up to another person and says "I want to be friends" but they don't want to be friends, that statement is considered a lie. So the person, therefore, is a liar.
Apparently, you've got a different perspective, but if I can't gauge a person's intent based on what they say because they're lying, the creep factor goes up. It doesn't make someone a bad person, but people who lie arouse suspicion. When others are suspicious of you, you're considered more "creepy" than "comforting".
And what makes that particularly egregious to me is that there's no need for that lie on this site. The buttons are right next to each other. There's no need for the "Want to be friends? Yes? Hey, now that we're friends, you want to go out with me? No? Well I don't need / want you as a friend then" drama that makes people wonder if they should accept friend requests because they don't know if they can trust the other person actually wants to be friends.
Just click the "send message" button and you can tell someone they're looking good, ask them if they're interested in going out, propose marriage, or (adjusting for any word count limitations) send them your doctoral thesis, all without being "Friends".
Now, if MFP only let you send messages to people on your friends list, then I'd be saying "the only way someone can talk to you for any purpose is if they're on your friend list. You can't fault them for friending you, making an advance, and then unfriending you when you turned them down, because they had to be on your FL to see if you were interested, in the first place."
ETA: And if the issue was someone sent the OP a message and hit on them, I'd say "hey, he asked, you said no, he went away. Just like when you interact with people on the street, as long as he doesn't keep pestering you, and depending somewhat on what was said, there's nothing wrong with him making an advance and getting turned down."
I'm not sure why you would expect that 1- everyone should view the "friends" feature on a website the same way you do, or B- there is only one universal definition of what "friendship" means in real life for every person (except "creepy" people, apparently.)
Also, unless someone has their profile set to public (which very few people seem to) you can't see what someone has written about themselves on their profile, etc, unless you are friends with them. So it might also be reasonable to assume if someone was asking to be "friends" their motivation might have been to see more details about the person to perhaps better gauge whether or not that person might be a suitable match.
BTW I'm happily married and never have nor would I ever hit on, make propositions to, or flirt with anyone on this or any site. I ask because I'm truly curious about the vague and complex "rules" and expectations various people have about social interactions, and the fact that they always assume their own ideas about it are or should be universal.0 -
So being unfriended on a website by someone you had known for less than ten minutes would cause a grown adult to experience psychological pain?LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
Also, just curious, how is friending/unfriending someone harmful to them? Is there a USB attachment that squirts venom at you when you're unfriended on a social networking site?Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
1) "No harm, no foul" is an idiom that simply means no damage of any kind was done.
2) There is generally considered to be such a thing as emotional and psychological pain. Much of the current bullying hubbub is dealing with emotional and psychological attacks that don't require a single physical action. It's like when a woman doesn't respond to a guy's advance and he says "What, are you a lesbian?". If someone's planning to leverage a hollow "friend" status to further their intents, I wouldn't put it past them to include unfriending as a spiteful parting shot.
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I had a fun conversation with that guy that sent out the "chin up" message to chicks. Last time he contacted me we were talking about the size of "The Rocks" reproductive organs, as the guy apparently had very low self-esteem and seemed to be very emasculated somehow.0
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »I have been on this site for months! I have never turned down a friend request!
And WHAT THE HECK. Nobody has hit on me, ever. Not the straight dudes, not the lesbians, not the pansexuals, nobody.
It's enough to make me think that this might not be epidemic on MFP! Unless you are trying to tell me nobody wants an old hag like me. Hmmmmmm.
You should probably prepare for an influx of nudes to your inbox. I mean, the nudes won't be mine. Probably. But I'm sure there will be some.
If they're not yours, I'm not lookin.
hmph.
That's the thing about surprise nudes-- you never realize you don't want to look until it's too late.
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »I have been on this site for months! I have never turned down a friend request!
And WHAT THE HECK. Nobody has hit on me, ever. Not the straight dudes, not the lesbians, not the pansexuals, nobody.
It's enough to make me think that this might not be epidemic on MFP! Unless you are trying to tell me nobody wants an old hag like me. Hmmmmmm.
You should probably prepare for an influx of nudes to your inbox. I mean, the nudes won't be mine. Probably. But I'm sure there will be some.
If they're not yours, I'm not lookin.
hmph.
That's the thing about surprise nudes-- you never realize you don't want to look until it's too late.
Very true. She'll send you. . . .wait. Not for public consumption. . .nvm. . . .
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flyingtanuki wrote: »The buttons are right next to each other. There's no need for the "Want to be friends? Yes? Hey, now that we're friends, you want to go out with me? No? Well I don't need / want you as a friend then" drama that makes people wonder if they should accept friend requests because they don't know if they can trust the other person actually wants to be friends.
Just click the "send message" button and you can tell someone they're looking good, ask them if they're interested in going out, propose marriage, or (adjusting for any word count limitations) send them your doctoral thesis, all without being "Friends".
Maybe MFP should add a "wanna bang" button - you know, then the interface would be:
"add friend" button to add the person as a friend
"send message" button to send a message
"wanna bang" button to ask the person to bang
That way, none will accept a friend request or receive a message and then be shocked to discover its an attempt to scoop.
If MFP did that, the button would be twice the size of the other two, and there would be no way for people not interested in receiving them to turn it off.0 -
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flyingtanuki wrote: »If MFP did that, the button would be twice the size of the other two, and there would be no way for people not interested in receiving them to turn it off.
Maybe on the setting up your "goals" page, you enter whether you want to accept bang requests (lose 1 lb/week, maintain weight, get laid, etc.), and the software determines based on that setting whether to forward the requests to you or send the interested requestor to say www.dialaprayer.com ...
But if the person sending and the person receiving had different ideas of what "bang" meant, then that would make the sender a lying creepy cyberbully. (But not a bad person.)0 -
LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »flyingtanuki wrote: »If MFP did that, the button would be twice the size of the other two, and there would be no way for people not interested in receiving them to turn it off.
Maybe on the setting up your "goals" page, you enter whether you want to accept bang requests (lose 1 lb/week, maintain weight, get laid, etc.), and the software determines based on that setting whether to forward the requests to you or send the interested requestor to say www.dialaprayer.com ...
But if the person sending and the person receiving had different ideas of what "bang" meant, then that would make the sender a lying creepy cyberbully. (But not a bad person.)
As long as they aren't being called a bad person..... (Cuz cyber bully is socially acceptable and in no way judgmental) 0
This discussion has been closed.
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