This is not a dating page...
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LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
So if someone wants to have sex with people they don't know very well, they are a bad person? Can you explain this a little more?Granted, there are better, more polite ways to go about it. Someone who quickly friends, makes a move, gets turned down and immediately un-friends the person who turned them away is most likely a creeper looking to hook up. Friend requesting someone JUST to hit on them? That's a no-go in my book.
I never said ANYTHING about ANYTHING making someone a bad person. I said it makes them creepy. To me, a "creepy" person could simply be odd or suspicious, not necessarily bad. And it's not the potential sex aspect that does it.
If you want it broken down Barney-style, fine:
"I love(?) you, you love(?) me, but if all you want to do is make a pass at someone, just hit the 'send message' button instead of sending a friend request to someone you'll only stay friends with if they respond positively to your advances".
But, because this is the internet and not everyone speaks sarcasm to the same degree, let me explain it a bit more plainly, too:
I don't think someone should send a friend request to another individual JUST to hit on them, whatever the definition of "hit" might be, from "hey, want to hook up tonight?", to "Would you like to go out, sometime?" (where sex might not even be on the table), to "you're cute, are you seeing someone?" or even cat-calls. (Part of the challenge when people talk about this is trying to figure out what was actually said and what the recipient considers a "hit").
I especially feel someone shouldn't do this if their planned reaction to any negative response is to then un-friend the other individual.
Someone who does this IS pretty creepy because they're not being honest and approaching others under false pretenses. They're using the "friend" process when they actually have no interest in it and just want to hook up. They don't care about the people they send the requests to, they just care about getting what they want. And the un-friending of the individual who turns them down feels like an internet version of the manipulative "you're not REALLY my friend..." approach. It's like setting it all up to take an extra, spiteful, dig at a person for turning you down. To me, that adds to the "creep" factor.
If all you want is to make an advance, that's fine. But don't send a friend request to someone you're not interested in being "just (internet) friends" with. Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
Leave the friending process for those who want to continue to interact without making the interaction contingent upon one individual accepting the advances of the other.0 -
LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
Then we all get to chant JER-RY!arditarose wrote: »
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lZLVi4v7lSM 0 -
I have been on this site for months! I have never turned down a friend request!
And WHAT THE HECK. Nobody has hit on me, ever. Not the straight dudes, not the lesbians, not the pansexuals, nobody.
It's enough to make me think that this might not be epidemic on MFP! Unless you are trying to tell me nobody wants an old hag like me. Hmmmmmm.
You should probably prepare for an influx of nudes to your inbox. I mean, the nudes won't be mine. Probably. But I'm sure there will be some.0 -
blankiefinder wrote: »And WHAT THE HECK. Nobody has hit on me, ever. Not the straight dudes, not the lesbians, not the pansexuals, nobody.
It's enough to make me think that this might not be epidemic on MFP! Unless you are trying to tell me nobody wants an old hag like me. Hmmmmmm.
Me either!! Should we feel insulted? (J/k, happily married
)
Though I do turn down some friend requests. I like to interact with everyone on my list, but keep it's size low enough that it doesn't take the focus off what I am here for.
Yeah, I'm not looking to replace my husband at this point....but it's the principle of the thing, damnit!
I don't really use the "news feed" function so much. So I haven't really felt any "bloat" from too many friends. But, then, I don't have many...most are people I've enjoyed on various naughty derailing sarcastic threads. So, many of my friends list live behind bars half the time.
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »TheVirgoddess wrote: »I don't accept any friend requests, as that's not a part of this site I have interest in.
I did get a weird message nonetheless though from a guy who was like "Hey, chin up girl you're beautiful and you've got this," which was odd since I haven't posted anything indicating that I'm struggling with...well, anything, really. It was creepy and unwelcome, and I deleted it immediately.
That message apparently went to a lot of people.
yeah i got that one or something similar i think. its not hard to ignore LOLOLOL
I got it twice. However my reaction was:
and then -
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As someone married, I just kind of kick back and observe all the stuff that goes on and laugh.0
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Omg people are weird lol0
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I don't accept any friend requests, as that's not a part of this site I have interest in.
I did get a weird message nonetheless though from a guy who was like "Hey, chin up girl you're beautiful and you've got this," which was odd since I haven't posted anything indicating that I'm struggling with...well, anything, really. It was creepy and unwelcome, and I deleted it immediately.
I guess he assumed everyone on here is depressed and struggling lol, weirdo0 -
Missy081113 wrote: »I joined this page for support to lose weight. Not 10 minutes after I signed up, I had a man hit on me. As soon as I told him I had a fiancé he unfriended me. I wanted to record my journey and help others lose weight not find a date. Please guys, use another site to find a date. This is for people looking for support and help on losing weight and getting healthy.
Women are guilty of it too.0 -
LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
So if someone wants to have sex with people they don't know very well, they are a bad person? Can you explain this a little more?Granted, there are better, more polite ways to go about it. Someone who quickly friends, makes a move, gets turned down and immediately un-friends the person who turned them away is most likely a creeper looking to hook up. Friend requesting someone JUST to hit on them? That's a no-go in my book.
I never said ANYTHING about ANYTHING making someone a bad person.
If you want it broken down Barney-style, fine:
"I love(?) you, you love(?) me, but if all you want to do is make a pass at someone, just hit the 'send message' button instead of sending a friend request to someone you'll only stay friends with if they respond positively to your advances".
But, because this is the internet and not everyone speaks sarcasm to the same degree, let me explain it a bit more plainly, too:
I don't think someone should send a friend request to another individual JUST to hit on them, whatever the definition of "hit" might be, from "hey, want to hook up tonight?", to "Would you like to go out, sometime?" (where sex might not even be on the table), to "you're cute, are you seeing someone?" or even cat-calls. (Part of the challenge when people talk about this is trying to figure out what was actually said and what the recipient considers a "hit").
I especially feel someone shouldn't do this if their planned reaction to any negative response is to then un-friend the other individual.
Someone who does this IS pretty creepy because they're not being honest. They're using the "friend" process when they actually have no interest in it and just want to hook up.
If all you want is to make an advance, that's fine. But don't send a friend request to someone you're not interested in being "just (internet) friends" with. Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
Leave the friending process for those who want to continue to interact without making the interaction contingent upon one individual accepting the advances of the other.
So if someone doesn't use the "friend" feature the same way you do on a social networking site, they are creepy and a liar?0 -
You do realise there are tens if not hundreds of thousands using MFP, statistically thats going to throw up all sorts of peeps. I cnat figure out whether it was being hit on or the defriending which upset the OP the most. A smart webiste would put them in jail.0
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Guys OP flounced like 5 pages back - this should now be a mean people thread.0
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Also, just curious, how is friending/unfriending someone harmful to them? Is there a USB attachment that squirts venom at you when you're unfriended on a social networking site?Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
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Missy081113 wrote: »I joined this page for support to lose weight. Not 10 minutes after I signed up, I had a man hit on me. As soon as I told him I had a fiancé he unfriended me. I wanted to record my journey and help others lose weight not find a date. Please guys, use another site to find a date. This is for people looking for support and help on losing weight and getting healthy.
So true!!! Happened to me too!!! Some women are guilty of it too. Please, people!
Oh noooose!!! Someone paid attention to you?!?!?
Please, unless they are truly harassing and/or vulgar, just take it as it is and move on.0 -
LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
Also, just curious, how is friending/unfriending someone harmful to them? Is there a USB attachment that squirts venom at you when you're unfriended on a social networking site?Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
Every time someone enters and exits your special place it lowers your desirability.....
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trinatrina1984 wrote: »Guys OP flounced like 5 pages back - this should now be a mean people thread.
i got wrapped up in ANOTHER mean people thread?
it keeps happening to me..........
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LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
Also, just curious, how is friending/unfriending someone harmful to them? Is there a USB attachment that squirts venom at you when you're unfriended on a social networking site?Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
Oohh...where can I get one of those. For, you know, reasons...0 -
It happens to the best of us.callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »trinatrina1984 wrote: »Guys OP flounced like 5 pages back - this should now be a mean people thread.
i got wrapped up in ANOTHER mean people thread?
it keeps happening to me..........
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jennifer_417 wrote: »
It happens to the best of us.callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »trinatrina1984 wrote: »Guys OP flounced like 5 pages back - this should now be a mean people thread.
i got wrapped up in ANOTHER mean people thread?
it keeps happening to me..........
They all end up in a mean people thread if you leave it long enough.0 -
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LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
So if someone wants to have sex with people they don't know very well, they are a bad person? Can you explain this a little more?Granted, there are better, more polite ways to go about it. Someone who quickly friends, makes a move, gets turned down and immediately un-friends the person who turned them away is most likely a creeper looking to hook up. Friend requesting someone JUST to hit on them? That's a no-go in my book.
I never said ANYTHING about ANYTHING making someone a bad person. I said it makes them creepy. To me, a "creepy" person could simply be odd or suspicious, not necessarily bad. And it's not the potential sex aspect that does it.
If you want it broken down Barney-style, fine:
"I love(?) you, you love(?) me, but if all you want to do is make a pass at someone, just hit the 'send message' button instead of sending a friend request to someone you'll only stay friends with if they respond positively to your advances".
But, because this is the internet and not everyone speaks sarcasm to the same degree, let me explain it a bit more plainly, too:
I don't think someone should send a friend request to another individual JUST to hit on them, whatever the definition of "hit" might be, from "hey, want to hook up tonight?", to "Would you like to go out, sometime?" (where sex might not even be on the table), to "you're cute, are you seeing someone?" or even cat-calls. (Part of the challenge when people talk about this is trying to figure out what was actually said and what the recipient considers a "hit").
I especially feel someone shouldn't do this if their planned reaction to any negative response is to then un-friend the other individual.
Someone who does this IS pretty creepy because they're not being honest and approaching others under false pretenses. They're using the "friend" process when they actually have no interest in it and just want to hook up. They don't care about the people they send the requests to, they just care about getting what they want. And the un-friending of the individual who turns them down feels like an internet version of the manipulative "you're not REALLY my friend..." approach. It's like setting it all up to take an extra, spiteful, dig at a person for turning you down. To me, that adds to the "creep" factor.
If all you want is to make an advance, that's fine. But don't send a friend request to someone you're not interested in being "just (internet) friends" with. Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
Leave the friending process for those who want to continue to interact without making the interaction contingent upon one individual accepting the advances of the other.
I find the use of Barney as odd. Wait. . . odd=creepy. LAWDY!
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LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »vanessangonzalez wrote: »Agree, OP!
How many men have you asked out?
(And why don't any women want to answer that?)
I'll answer, even though I have zero issue with a dude putting feelers out. I've asked three dudes out in my life. One is my husband
And I didn't get the message that apparently everyone else got
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »I have been on this site for months! I have never turned down a friend request!
And WHAT THE HECK. Nobody has hit on me, ever. Not the straight dudes, not the lesbians, not the pansexuals, nobody.
It's enough to make me think that this might not be epidemic on MFP! Unless you are trying to tell me nobody wants an old hag like me. Hmmmmmm.
You should probably prepare for an influx of nudes to your inbox. I mean, the nudes won't be mine. Probably. But I'm sure there will be some.
If they're not yours, I'm not lookin.
hmph.0 -
LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
So if someone wants to have sex with people they don't know very well, they are a bad person? Can you explain this a little more?Granted, there are better, more polite ways to go about it. Someone who quickly friends, makes a move, gets turned down and immediately un-friends the person who turned them away is most likely a creeper looking to hook up. Friend requesting someone JUST to hit on them? That's a no-go in my book.
I never said ANYTHING about ANYTHING making someone a bad person.
If you want it broken down Barney-style, fine:
"I love(?) you, you love(?) me, but if all you want to do is make a pass at someone, just hit the 'send message' button instead of sending a friend request to someone you'll only stay friends with if they respond positively to your advances".
But, because this is the internet and not everyone speaks sarcasm to the same degree, let me explain it a bit more plainly, too:
I don't think someone should send a friend request to another individual JUST to hit on them, whatever the definition of "hit" might be, from "hey, want to hook up tonight?", to "Would you like to go out, sometime?" (where sex might not even be on the table), to "you're cute, are you seeing someone?" or even cat-calls. (Part of the challenge when people talk about this is trying to figure out what was actually said and what the recipient considers a "hit").
I especially feel someone shouldn't do this if their planned reaction to any negative response is to then un-friend the other individual.
Someone who does this IS pretty creepy because they're not being honest. They're using the "friend" process when they actually have no interest in it and just want to hook up.
If all you want is to make an advance, that's fine. But don't send a friend request to someone you're not interested in being "just (internet) friends" with. Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
Leave the friending process for those who want to continue to interact without making the interaction contingent upon one individual accepting the advances of the other.
So if someone doesn't use the "friend" feature the same way you do on a social networking site, they are creepy and a liar?
Well, where I come from, if someone comes up to another person and says "I want to be friends" but they don't want to be friends, that statement is considered a lie. So the person, therefore, is a liar.
Apparently, you've got a different perspective, but if I can't gauge a person's intent based on what they say because they're lying, the creep factor goes up. It doesn't make someone a bad person, but people who lie arouse suspicion. When others are suspicious of you, you're considered more "creepy" than "comforting".
And what makes that particularly egregious to me is that there's no need for that lie on this site. The buttons are right next to each other. There's no need for the "Want to be friends? Yes? Hey, now that we're friends, you want to go out with me? No? Well I don't need / want you as a friend then" drama that makes people wonder if they should accept friend requests because they don't know if they can trust the other person actually wants to be friends.
Just click the "send message" button and you can tell someone they're looking good, ask them if they're interested in going out, propose marriage, or (adjusting for any word count limitations) send them your doctoral thesis, all without being "Friends".
Now, if MFP only let you send messages to people on your friends list, then I'd be saying "the only way someone can talk to you for any purpose is if they're on your friend list. You can't fault them for friending you, making an advance, and then unfriending you when you turned them down, because they had to be on your FL to see if you were interested, in the first place."
ETA: And if the issue was someone sent the OP a message and hit on them, I'd say "hey, he asked, you said no, he went away. Just like when you interact with people on the street, as long as he doesn't keep pestering you, and depending somewhat on what was said, there's nothing wrong with him making an advance and getting turned down."0 -
Wow, such controversy over nothing. Just ignore messages like that and get on with it, they're not even worth acknowledging.0
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natboosh69 wrote: »Wow, such controversy over nothing. Just ignore messages like that and get on with it, they're not even worth acknowledging.
/ end topic0 -
LiftAllThePizzas wrote: »
Also, just curious, how is friending/unfriending someone harmful to them? Is there a USB attachment that squirts venom at you when you're unfriended on a social networking site?Click the "send message" button and make your advance. If they respond positively, go with it. If they turn you down or ignore you, no harm, no foul, just move on.
1) "No harm, no foul" is an idiom that simply means no damage of any kind was done.
2) There is generally considered to be such a thing as emotional and psychological pain. Much of the current bullying hubbub is dealing with emotional and psychological attacks that don't require a single physical action. It's like when a woman doesn't respond to a guy's advance and he says "What, are you a lesbian?". If someone's planning to leverage a hollow "friend" status to further their intents, I wouldn't put it past them to include unfriending as a spiteful parting shot.
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Missy081113 wrote: »I joined this page for support to lose weight. Not 10 minutes after I signed up, I had a man hit on me. As soon as I told him I had a fiancé he unfriended me. I wanted to record my journey and help others lose weight not find a date. Please guys, use another site to find a date. This is for people looking for support and help on losing weight and getting healthy.
Women are guilty of it too.
^this
Also, wtf MFP? Eight pages on this?0
u, bb 
This discussion has been closed.
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