Sex.. Is it really what keeps the relationship together?

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  • kmlong2015
    kmlong2015 Posts: 515 Member
    edited March 2015
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    Its a problem with us. My hubs wants it 24/7 while I can settle at maybe once a week. And its not the lack of sex that screws our relationship up, its the arguments we get into when he wants it and I don't.
  • Need2Exerc1se
    Need2Exerc1se Posts: 13,575 Member
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    Every relationship is different, but IMO no, sex is not the most important thing. Sex is pretty easy to find. It's the deeper connections that are hard to find and worth hanging around for.
  • rughead06
    rughead06 Posts: 4,291 Member
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    Must agree with Need, ever relationship is different. I mean i want sex all the time but my g/f only a little. But this comes from different work schedule and daily life interferring. has our relationship taken a toll, i do not think so. I mean we make up for it other ways by doing things together that makes us happy.
  • iamlynn74
    iamlynn74 Posts: 502 Member
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    1. I wouldn't say it keeps a relationship together but I am willing to bet that if you take away the sex you will add a lot of complications. All of the other things that frustrate you in life will become even more frustrating....

    2. When couples get together sex is usually a constant but as the relationship ages, if the two are not on the same wave someone is going to cheat and someone is going to be feeling neglected, and someone is going to be hurt.

    3. My personal rule. "The same things you do to get the woman/man is the same thing you have to do to keep the woman/man".....this includes sex.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    iamlynn74 wrote: »
    1. I wouldn't say it keeps a relationship together but I am willing to bet that if you take away the sex you will add a lot of complications. All of the other things that frustrate you in life will become even more frustrating....

    2. When couples get together sex is usually a constant but as the relationship ages, if the two are not on the same wave someone is going to cheat and someone is going to be feeling neglected, and someone is going to be hurt.

    3. My personal rule. "The same things you do to get the woman/man is the same thing you have to do to keep the woman/man".....this includes sex.

    interesting number 3 you got there. I agree with is sometimes. I usually always pay for the first date. I rather not keep paying for everything all the time.
  • denversillygoose
    denversillygoose Posts: 708 Member
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    What matters most is that both partners are on the same page about their sex life.
  • 10ecmuscle
    10ecmuscle Posts: 121 Member
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    You damn right,
    Men need to feel wanted sexual just like a woman. It makes us feel more..manly
    Women need it to feel more womanlY and desired.
    If the bedroom connection is going downhill I guarantee the whole relationship is suffering.
  • never2bstopped
    never2bstopped Posts: 438 Member
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    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    iamlynn74 wrote: »
    1. I wouldn't say it keeps a relationship together but I am willing to bet that if you take away the sex you will add a lot of complications. All of the other things that frustrate you in life will become even more frustrating....

    2. When couples get together sex is usually a constant but as the relationship ages, if the two are not on the same wave someone is going to cheat and someone is going to be feeling neglected, and someone is going to be hurt.

    3. My personal rule. "The same things you do to get the woman/man is the same thing you have to do to keep the woman/man".....this includes sex.

    interesting number 3 you got there. I agree with is sometimes. I usually always pay for the first date. I rather not keep paying for everything all the time.

    You haven't gotten the person after the first date, so as long as you set your expectations early you should be fine.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
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    never2bstopped wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    iamlynn74 wrote: »
    1. I wouldn't say it keeps a relationship together but I am willing to bet that if you take away the sex you will add a lot of complications. All of the other things that frustrate you in life will become even more frustrating....

    2. When couples get together sex is usually a constant but as the relationship ages, if the two are not on the same wave someone is going to cheat and someone is going to be feeling neglected, and someone is going to be hurt.

    3. My personal rule. "The same things you do to get the woman/man is the same thing you have to do to keep the woman/man".....this includes sex.

    interesting number 3 you got there. I agree with is sometimes. I usually always pay for the first date. I rather not keep paying for everything all the time.

    You haven't gotten the person after the first date, so as long as you set your expectations early you should be fine.

    well we would have to define what the other posters means by get? There are different "gets" for people. relationship, FWB, etc....
  • JenAndSome
    JenAndSome Posts: 1,893 Member
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    natalegreen2015 wrote: »
    does sex really determin the strength of your relationship? Just curious. I've had multiple friends who are mid twenties late twenties constantly blaming their sexual experiences with there partners to be the reason for their relationship to end or going south. I mean, if you truly "love" someone why concentrate so much on satisfaction instead of sensuality. I'm old fashion if you get what I'm saying

    Old fashioned...

    Yeah I think I get it. I think what a lot of people are missing is that you should never jump into a sexual relationship until you are ready in the first place. Affection is really the important thing. There are plenty of other ways to show affection than just to sleep with someone. Most people crave attention and contact and like to be shown that they are loved and appreciated. Holding hands, light touches, kissing etc. Its not all just fitting bits into pieces. I think the blaming on lack of sex is really just lack of affection in general. Once you lose that the relationship goes south.
  • IrZeo
    IrZeo Posts: 58 Member
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    I feel like sex is important but it should never be a brick that makes up a relationship or makes it fall apart. Making love to your spouse is a bonus that both of them should/can enjoy - but a relationship can (and should imo) be able to survive without it should that be the case.
  • never2bstopped
    never2bstopped Posts: 438 Member
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    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    never2bstopped wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    iamlynn74 wrote: »
    1. I wouldn't say it keeps a relationship together but I am willing to bet that if you take away the sex you will add a lot of complications. All of the other things that frustrate you in life will become even more frustrating....

    2. When couples get together sex is usually a constant but as the relationship ages, if the two are not on the same wave someone is going to cheat and someone is going to be feeling neglected, and someone is going to be hurt.

    3. My personal rule. "The same things you do to get the woman/man is the same thing you have to do to keep the woman/man".....this includes sex.

    interesting number 3 you got there. I agree with is sometimes. I usually always pay for the first date. I rather not keep paying for everything all the time.

    You haven't gotten the person after the first date, so as long as you set your expectations early you should be fine.

    well we would have to define what the other posters means by get? There are different "gets" for people. relationship, FWB, etc....

    For this discussion I would define get by relationship, since that is what this thread is about.
  • ChaseAlder
    ChaseAlder Posts: 804 Member
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    The key to happiness in my marriage is separate bathrooms.
  • Maerwhyn
    Maerwhyn Posts: 22 Member
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    I believe intimacy is much more important than sex. People can pay to have mind-blowing sex and not know the other person's name. Intimacy is different. It can (and when married, should) include sex, but if you haven't developed the relationship through talking together, playing together, working together, and loving and forgiving each other, the best sex in the world won't save the relationship. If you have a great relationship, bad sex won't ruin the relationship, but I also believe you should work to make it better. Good sex is a wonderful way to deepen the relationship.
  • yopeeps025
    yopeeps025 Posts: 8,680 Member
    edited March 2015
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    never2bstopped wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    never2bstopped wrote: »
    yopeeps025 wrote: »
    iamlynn74 wrote: »
    1. I wouldn't say it keeps a relationship together but I am willing to bet that if you take away the sex you will add a lot of complications. All of the other things that frustrate you in life will become even more frustrating....

    2. When couples get together sex is usually a constant but as the relationship ages, if the two are not on the same wave someone is going to cheat and someone is going to be feeling neglected, and someone is going to be hurt.

    3. My personal rule. "The same things you do to get the woman/man is the same thing you have to do to keep the woman/man".....this includes sex.

    interesting number 3 you got there. I agree with is sometimes. I usually always pay for the first date. I rather not keep paying for everything all the time.

    You haven't gotten the person after the first date, so as long as you set your expectations early you should be fine.

    well we would have to define what the other posters means by get? There are different "gets" for people. relationship, FWB, etc....

    For this discussion I would define get by relationship, since that is what this thread is about.

    OK so to your quote.
    "You haven't gotten the person after the first date, so as long as you set your expectations early you should be fine."

    Said no one to me because I have not only had a first date. Always leads to more which is usually what I want. I'm picky with who I date. I don't feel like wasting mine or someone else time.
  • PerfectMisfit
    PerfectMisfit Posts: 360 Member
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    No, I don't think it's what keeps a relationship together. Is it important that both people are satisfied with it, sure. But if sex is the most important thing in your relationship, that's sad.
  • musclegood_fatbad
    musclegood_fatbad Posts: 9,809 Member
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    Razmataza wrote: »
    No, I don't think it's what keeps a relationship together. Is it important that both people are satisfied with it, sure. But if sex is the most important thing in your relationship, that's sad.

    Said perfectly. If sex is the most important thing...it's not going to last.

  • MelancholyRose
    MelancholyRose Posts: 11
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    I didn't create this quote, but I believe it one hundred percent:

    Couples who play together, stay together.

    You can experience intimate joy with another person without technically having "sex" and you can love a person without it. On the other hand, sex has evolved with us as a means of bonding with a partner. We do bond in other ways, but sex is important. To deny that is to deny the problems your relationship is having. It's not the MOST important thing, but you have to have something that binds you on an intimate level. And sex is best at that.
  • MoiAussi93
    MoiAussi93 Posts: 1,948 Member
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    Sex isn't the only thing that matters, but it is a "must have". If the sex isn't good, I won't want to be with the person very long. I would never be with them long enough to "love" them if the sex isn't good.
  • ItsMeGee3
    ItsMeGee3 Posts: 13,254 Member
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    In my opinion, sex is only as good as the relationship. The key to both is good communication. In 17 years of marriage, I can tell you it's had it's ups and downs (No pun intended). Just like any lasting relationship, it requires work. Adding fuel to the relationship fires up the sex life.

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