Sex.. Is it really what keeps the relationship together?
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MoiAussi93 wrote: »Sex isn't the only thing that matters, but it is a "must have". If the sex isn't good, I won't want to be with the person very long. I would never be with them long enough to "love" them if the sex isn't good.
I don't know If I would say all of that. I guess you might not like virgins at all because there not good in bed. (Maybe)
I think since I never answer the OP that yes sex is also a must have in a relationship. I am one of those every other day types at minimum. Now if she sucks in bed then two qualities could help with that which will help build the relationship. Trust and communication. She does not have to be the best at sex for it to work. It would be up to me to also use those two qualities so she can become an amazing partner and also me for her which will lead to great sex
Maybe even mind blowing sex. I'm still trying to figure out what this means for men? Actually nevermind I think I can answer my own questions. I have a better guess what it means for women.0 -
Curvaceousnsassy wrote: »Here's my opinion and I'm 40 and have been in a few relationships lol my last relationship determined for me that good sex is definitely in my top 5 requirements because my last BF had no drive, was boring and was completely unaffectionate...I mean there was no cuddling, hand holding, kissing...nadda zilch nothing...I would lay in bed thinking "this can't be the rest of my life." So for YES sex is important...chemistry and passion are important. Yes. Period. (At least for me)
I feel this way. However, I don't know if sex is SO important it's what makes or breaks a relationship but I've been in an unaffectionate/ sexless relationship and have laid in bed wondering if this was going to be the rest of my life. Chemistry is definitely important. Feeling wanted is just as important too. But I do agree with this posters view.
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Having awesome sexual chemistry is an absolute necessity for a permanent marriage. I have it in mine, and I can tell you first hand that it is the single most important element for staying happy together for life.
Don't settle for less!
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My answer is this: Yes, and no. Sex is like extra glue to help hold the joints together, but what really keeps a relationship together is real covenant-like commitment. Most people have no clue as to what that is....sadly. It means you make yourself into the best person you can be for your spouse/so. It means selflessness on both sides, especially your own. It means that you actually fix problems rather than making them worse. Think about some of the people who can't have sex due to loss of, or other disabilities who have been in committed relationships which extend beyond death even. It has very little to do with sex in reality.
This!!
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ive been married 18 years.
no.0 -
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yopeeps025 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »Sex isn't the only thing that matters, but it is a "must have". If the sex isn't good, I won't want to be with the person very long. I would never be with them long enough to "love" them if the sex isn't good.
I don't know If I would say all of that. I guess you might not like virgins at all because there not good in bed. (Maybe)
I think since I never answer the OP that yes sex is also a must have in a relationship. I am one of those every other day types at minimum. Now if she sucks in bed then two qualities could help with that which will help build the relationship. Trust and communication. She does not have to be the best at sex for it to work. It would be up to me to also use those two qualities so she can become an amazing partner and also me for her which will lead to great sex
Maybe even mind blowing sex. I'm still trying to figure out what this means for men? Actually nevermind I think I can answer my own questions. I have a better guess what it means for women.
I'm a 44 year old woman, and have absolutely no interest in virgins!! Never had, never will.
I think with any new person, there is a learning curve. But that is very different than having bad sex. In my experience, a person who is good in bed is a good communicator, open minded, and will very quickly figure out what works for me...either by observation/trial & error, or by actually listening to what I tell them...I think I have a responsibility to speak up if I want something I'm not getting or if what they're doing isn't working for me. If they don't...then I don't see the point in sticking with them long enough to get attached emotionally and make the ultimate breakup more painful. This is not a process that takes months...you're either compatible or you're not and that is usually clear very quickly.0 -
My answer is this: Yes, and no. Sex is like extra glue to help hold the joints together, but what really keeps a relationship together is real covenant-like commitment. Most people have no clue as to what that is....sadly. It means you make yourself into the best person you can be for your spouse/so. It means selflessness on both sides, especially your own. It means that you actually fix problems rather than making them worse. Think about some of the people who can't have sex due to loss of, or other disabilities who have been in committed relationships which extend beyond death even. It has very little to do with sex in reality.
This!!
MikeCrazy - you may not be as crazy as I first suspected....LOL
I agree with this statement, I have been married to the love of my life for 26 years, and he is so much more than my lover. The commitment that is so evident is what truly makes sex so fulfilling in a long term relationship.... We both spend our time trying to be that best person we can be to each other....0 -
Not for me.0
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Sex was readily available for the ex...I still left him. No. It's much deeper than that.0
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MoiAussi93 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »Sex isn't the only thing that matters, but it is a "must have". If the sex isn't good, I won't want to be with the person very long. I would never be with them long enough to "love" them if the sex isn't good.
I don't know If I would say all of that. I guess you might not like virgins at all because there not good in bed. (Maybe)
I think since I never answer the OP that yes sex is also a must have in a relationship. I am one of those every other day types at minimum. Now if she sucks in bed then two qualities could help with that which will help build the relationship. Trust and communication. She does not have to be the best at sex for it to work. It would be up to me to also use those two qualities so she can become an amazing partner and also me for her which will lead to great sex
Maybe even mind blowing sex. I'm still trying to figure out what this means for men? Actually nevermind I think I can answer my own questions. I have a better guess what it means for women.
I'm a 44 year old woman, and have absolutely no interest in virgins!! Never had, never will.
I think with any new person, there is a learning curve. But that is very different than having bad sex. I'n my experience, a person who is good in bed is a good communicator, open minded, and will very quickly figure out what works for me...either by observation/trial & error, or by actually listening to what I tell them...I think I have a responsibility to speak up if I want something I'm not getting or if what they're doing isn't working for me. If they don't...then I don't see the point in sticking with them long enough to get attached emotionally and make the ultimate breakup more painful. This is not a process that takes months...you're either compatible or you're not and that is usually clear very quickly.
Preach. Tell us men what you want. There is no better feeling than hear the woman you're with scream exactly what she wants.
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I think it does if people let it, but I honestly think most sexual problems are actually communication problems.0
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I didn't read any of the other posts but there was a point in my relationship where my other half and I weren't having sex. he worked long hours and by the time I got into bed with him he was asleep. we had sex maybe a couple times a month. I was frustrated and it felt like he didn't care. It took a toll on our relationship. We were good otherwise but if theres no action in the bedroom it can put some stress on the relationship.0
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Absolutely not. I am 20 years old and still am a virgin and I have had quite a few long relationships. And sex was never involved I am still young, but I do not believe that sex ever has to be involved before marriage for it to be successful. Now when you are married I believe that it is a special way to show your love to one another and it could be a bond in the relationship. What I am getting to is sex can be important but it is not a crucial factor!
Please come back when you've actually had sex and have been married.0 -
I think it depends on the person. For me, I know I need physical proximity (hugs, snuggling, playing with hair, etc) to feel like my love tank is being filled, if that makes sense, but that doesn't necessarily mean sex. In fact, if there's sex but no other touching, I still don't 'fee'l loved. My husband is just the opposite. I'm a big fan of the Five Love Languages book - each person will feel fulfilled through different means and it's important in your relationship to identify what it is that makes your partner 'feel' the most loved. Knowing each other's love languages isn't make or break, necessarily, but it definitely keeps things well oiled. We're going on 10 years and almost never fight in part because we've made a point of learning each other's priorities and what we both need to feel loved.0
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Absolutely not. I am 20 years old and still am a virgin and I have had quite a few long relationships. And sex was never involved I am still young, but I do not believe that sex ever has to be involved before marriage for it to be successful. Now when you are married I believe that it is a special way to show your love to one another and it could be a bond in the relationship. What I am getting to is sex can be important but it is not a crucial factor!
Yeah. I thought that too when I was a 19-year-old virgin about to get married.
It turned out that I really had no idea what I was talking about.0 -
yopeeps025 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »MoiAussi93 wrote: »Sex isn't the only thing that matters, but it is a "must have". If the sex isn't good, I won't want to be with the person very long. I would never be with them long enough to "love" them if the sex isn't good.
I don't know If I would say all of that. I guess you might not like virgins at all because there not good in bed. (Maybe)
I think since I never answer the OP that yes sex is also a must have in a relationship. I am one of those every other day types at minimum. Now if she sucks in bed then two qualities could help with that which will help build the relationship. Trust and communication. She does not have to be the best at sex for it to work. It would be up to me to also use those two qualities so she can become an amazing partner and also me for her which will lead to great sex
Maybe even mind blowing sex. I'm still trying to figure out what this means for men? Actually nevermind I think I can answer my own questions. I have a better guess what it means for women.
I'm a 44 year old woman, and have absolutely no interest in virgins!! Never had, never will.
I think with any new person, there is a learning curve. But that is very different than having bad sex. I'n my experience, a person who is good in bed is a good communicator, open minded, and will very quickly figure out what works for me...either by observation/trial & error, or by actually listening to what I tell them...I think I have a responsibility to speak up if I want something I'm not getting or if what they're doing isn't working for me. If they don't...then I don't see the point in sticking with them long enough to get attached emotionally and make the ultimate breakup more painful. This is not a process that takes months...you're either compatible or you're not and that is usually clear very quickly.
Preach. Tell us men what you want. There is no better feeling than hear the woman you're with scream exactly what she wants.
Except when your neighbors have to hear it lol.0 -
Also I find it amusing that now I have ads for SecondLife, which is what put the nail in the coffin of my first marriage.0
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ILiftHeavyAcrylics wrote: »Absolutely not. I am 20 years old and still am a virgin and I have had quite a few long relationships. And sex was never involved I am still young, but I do not believe that sex ever has to be involved before marriage for it to be successful. Now when you are married I believe that it is a special way to show your love to one another and it could be a bond in the relationship. What I am getting to is sex can be important but it is not a crucial factor!
Yeah. I thought that too when I was a 19-year-old virgin about to get married.
It turned out that I really had no idea what I was talking about.
Amen!0 -
MeganMoroz89 wrote: »I think you are right in the sense that a lot of people will use sex as an excuse for why their relationship is bad, even when that isn't actually the answer.
But I do still think that sex is important in every relationship (whether you have it often or not). If what you need is sex once every two months then that's what you need, but if you have a higher libido and you need sex twice every week then that's something you and your partner have to make an effort for to keep one another sexually satisfied.
@MeganMoroz89 Troof. I would never argue that sex is not important and it can be trying in a relationship where libidos are very different. Been there, done that.
In for satisfying, frequent sex.
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yopeeps025 wrote: »never2bstopped wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »1. I wouldn't say it keeps a relationship together but I am willing to bet that if you take away the sex you will add a lot of complications. All of the other things that frustrate you in life will become even more frustrating....
2. When couples get together sex is usually a constant but as the relationship ages, if the two are not on the same wave someone is going to cheat and someone is going to be feeling neglected, and someone is going to be hurt.
3. My personal rule. "The same things you do to get the woman/man is the same thing you have to do to keep the woman/man".....this includes sex.
interesting number 3 you got there. I agree with is sometimes. I usually always pay for the first date. I rather not keep paying for everything all the time.
You haven't gotten the person after the first date, so as long as you set your expectations early you should be fine.
well we would have to define what the other posters means by get? There are different "gets" for people. relationship, FWB, etc....
Get as when you make the decision to begin dating exclusively. Everything it took to get therenever2bstopped wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »never2bstopped wrote: »yopeeps025 wrote: »1. I wouldn't say it keeps a relationship together but I am willing to bet that if you take away the sex you will add a lot of complications. All of the other things that frustrate you in life will become even more frustrating....
2. When couples get together sex is usually a constant but as the relationship ages, if the two are not on the same wave someone is going to cheat and someone is going to be feeling neglected, and someone is going to be hurt.
3. My personal rule. "The same things you do to get the woman/man is the same thing you have to do to keep the woman/man".....this includes sex.
interesting number 3 you got there. I agree with is sometimes. I usually always pay for the first date. I rather not keep paying for everything all the time.
You haven't gotten the person after the first date, so as long as you set your expectations early you should be fine.
well we would have to define what the other posters means by get? There are different "gets" for people. relationship, FWB, etc....
For this discussion I would define get by relationship, since that is what this thread is about.
Get defined as all of the work it took to "get" to relationship status. If you were a gentleman you have to continue being a gentleman. So since the subject is pertaining to sex, if your freak meter is high in the beginning then moment you tame it down, doubts will raise.0 -
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Next Tuesday is my 15th anniversary. So, something is working... HAHAHA..
I did not want this thread to continue down the pooper..
Edited to add: I do get all of mine here at home and I am happy camper...
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I think partners have to be matched sexually. I'm an everyday kind of person married to a once a month kind of person and that causes some tension. You know, it's free, when things aren't going well and you can't go out to a movie or out for a date night, it's just always there.
Well, unless your partner is just not into it..![:\](https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/resources/emoji/confused.png ":\")
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