Holiday turns into negative comments regarding my gym workouts/results. How would you respond?

ccam99

So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?

SmartAlec03211988

A punch to the face would be inappropriate, but..

unhgoose

That is so rude. I'm sorry you have to socialize with such a miserable person. After I picked my jaw off the floor I would have said something about how exercise makes me feel good mentally and physically. It makes me happy, and my going to the gym really isn't any of her business.

auroranflash

That sounds petty and rude. You know there are more reasons to exercise than just your appearance, right? Like, your health? There's a saying that goes "No matter how slow you run, you're still lapping everyone who is on the couch" ... You do you and keep going. Make little changes at a time and keep track of your progress. Set goals and go after them. Enjoy the happiness and healthful benefits exercise brings you, and don't worry about nosey, likely jealous busy bodies.

mrihel6615

Sounds like somebody (your in laws) might just be unhappy with themselves and reflect that anger onto you. My family does the same thing, my sister is over weight and she made fun of me yesterday for not eating a doughnut by saying "what, don't want to calculate the calories or something?" I usually just don't respond or say "okay." It doesn't matter what they SEE, it matters that you're doing good for yourself and improving yourself everyday!

ew_david

I would tell her it's not any of her business, nor is it her money being spent.

SezxyStef

I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.

Lounmoun

I would just change the subject. Sounds like she just wants to pick on you so it doesn't really matter what you say.
Is she paying for the gym? Is she your doctor or personal trainer? If not, then it is none of her business if you go or what you do there.

999tigger

I'd just thank her for her concern, but you are happy with going and that you find it beneficial.

I wouldnt waste any more time on her because you will never change her mind. You are also 52 according to your profile which is old enough to not be bothered about what someone else says, its what you think that matters in this instance. You sound healthier. If you want to lose weight then you need to sort out what you consume as thats the most important for weight loss.

You then use the gym or exercise of choice to support and complement it. For direct weight loss / burn you need to do a lot, but for health benefits then just do good quality exercise which tests you. Cardio and resistance.

Hippychick5983

Tell her it is your money to waste and that it isn't about her it is about you. That you appreciate her concern but it is your life and YOU are noticing a difference. That you are doing this for YOU and YOU alone. If you are feeling a difference and noticing a difference, even if they are small ones, then it is working for you.

laurie62ann

There will always be "Negative Nancy's" so chin up and do what makes you feel great!

lydiakitten

If your weight hasn't change much, but you have seen in increase in muscle, it obligatorily means that there has been a decrease in your body fat percentage, which is a great thing. Don't let anyone tell you your effort is wasted, and don't let the slowness of results and the resentment of people in your social circle wound you.

earlnabby

ccam99 wrote: »

So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?

I would have either said something simple like "I enjoy it" and changed the subject or, if she has a regular thing she does like a weekly Bridge game or Bingo or goes to a casino I might have said "Well, I am not seeing any benefits for you from playing cards"

abuck_13

Some people need a high five......in the face.......with a chair......

noobletmcnugget

I think that's probably just her projecting her own insecurities about her shortcomings. Just ignore her. Who cares what she thinks. It's a positive thing for you to do and that's all that matters

darrensurrey

Improved cardio-vascular fitness is still important. Is she qualified in medicine? If not, tell her: shut yer cakehole! (in a very strong south London accent).

SmartAlec03211988 wrote: »

A punch to the face would be inappropriate, but..

crazyjerseygirl

ccam99 wrote: »

So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?

Wow. Your inlaw is a jealous little *kitten*.
I'd just start flexing and lifting heavy things. I'm quite fat but you can still see my wee little guns!

snickerscharlie

Tell her to honk on bobo.

Corpsebride81

Tell her to stop exercising her mouth so much and maybe join you so she too can be healthier and maybe lose some of that attitude too x

aquamarina_182

ah, the in laws.... o_O dont fret over what they say. You're doing you and thats all that matters

SingRunTing

"I enjoy working out and its good for me."
"It's really none of your business."

After that, this:

SezxyStef wrote: »

I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.

ArvinSloane

"Thank you for your opinion. I'll be sure to give it the consideration it deserves." ::superior smile, change of subject::

Bugdude54

Tell her that when she dies she'll appreciate the fact you were in the gym when you're required to help carry her casket.

DebraJean122

Such a typical comment from someone who doesn't know the benefits. Keep up the good work and the + 'tude and you are doing it for yourself.

Liftng4Lis

1. Throat punch.
2. Tell her what you do is none of her business.
3. Tell your husband to deal with her.
4. Another throat punch.

mls100771

Classic hater!

One of the things you're going to have to come to terms with, is some people just don't "get it".

Don't overly concern yourself with what people think. Some folks are threatened by people who are trying to do something different and break out of the norm. Mostly because it threatens the delicate structure of their own reality.

Bottom line is if it feels good, makes you feel good about yourself, and is ultimately has healthful benefits, to hell with the haters!

lauracups

Go into "Spock" mode. Her negativity is illogical, therefore dismiss it and move along.

jmagdalena707

If my MIL was that rude to me about my exercise I would say either "it makes me happy to go and that's reason enough" or "Wow, that a really nasty thing to say"

It would depend on how gracious I'm feeling at that moment. I think they're both effective at letting her know the comments aren't appreciated. The latter calls her out but would also put her on the defensive so there would be that to deal with.

On a side note, I'm sorry you have to deal with that kind of negativity. It has nothing to do with you or your results. When people act ugly it's all about their own issues. You have the right, and are worthy of taking care of yourself(through exercise) without justifying it to anyone.

SezxyStef

SingRunTing wrote: »

"I enjoy working out and its good for me."
"It's really none of your business."

After that, this:

SezxyStef wrote: »

I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.

Mind you when my MIL made a comment that I was too skinny...(keep in mind she and her daughter are obese) and I needed to stop I started doing pull ups in my living room using the trim around the door as my grip and said oh okay....

JenAndSome

Wow. First of all I wouldn't be talking about going to the gym with my in-laws. They obviously don't "get it" so there is no need to discuss it with them.

Grimmerick

I'd turn the conversation back onto the real problem

" I think the more immediate issue here is why you have an unnatural need to make others feel bad about trying to do good things for themselves that has nothing to do with you ,this can stem from an insecurity, I would really like to help you become a better more caring person so you don't become a negative influence on my children and the others around you. So let's discuss"

But say it in a very nice way of course