Holiday turns into negative comments regarding my gym workouts/results. How would you respond?
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I would tell her to mind her own damn business.0
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sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
Yeah, it's two different issues. If my MIL makes one rude comment, I will handle my own business.
If my MIL makes rude comments at every family visit, to the point where it's clearly an ongoing issue, I feel it's my husband's responsibility to say "Mom, you will disrespect my wife like that, I expect you to stop. If it happens again, we will leave immediately and celebrate future holidays with people who we can enjoy spending time with."0 -
sgthaggard wrote: »
Yes I do. I just don't need my husband to speak on my behalf.sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
It's not so much speaking on your behalf as presenting a united front. Often "those" MILs are trying to wedge in and have a pissing contest to prove they are still #1 woman in their son's life.....
OP might feel a whole lot better right now if (assuming he was in the room to do so) her husband had answered his mother with, "Well, I think ccam looks amazing, and she's really enjoying working out. I love seeing her so happy and healthy!"
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I would tell her, "It is a part of my Stress therapy, instead of smacking people that ask dumb questions, I go to the gym and work out. Now, do you REALLY want me to stop working out"?0
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I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
+1
You're not going to win and even if you had prevailed in this round, there's probably another criticism ready to be lobbed your way. I'm sorry. I have dealt with toxic in-laws myself.0 -
WTH? Why do people say such weird things? I'd just give her a pitying half-smile and change the subject.0
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sgthaggard wrote: »
Yes I do. I just don't need my husband to speak on my behalf.sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
It's not so much speaking on your behalf as presenting a united front. Often "those" MILs are trying to wedge in and have a pissing contest to prove they are still #1 woman in their son's life.....
OP might feel a whole lot better right now if (assuming he was in the room to do so) her husband had answered his mother with, "Well, I think ccam looks amazing, and she's really enjoying working out. I love seeing her so happy and healthy!"
So much this!!!0 -
I'd love to come back with a clever comment but never manage to think of one, especially when hit with such an ignorant insult as that. BUT .... use it to your advantage, as others have said it indicates her insecurities, so next time you're at the gym and dont want to keep going on the treadmill or are wanting to quit a bit early on another piece of equipment, just remember her words and use it to motivate you to better things
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Invite her to come with you next time:)0
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So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much.
That's what family and friends are there for - to lay it out bluntly, when we need to hear it.
Also....how does she know you're going to the gym at all?0 -
I
If my MIL makes rude comments at every family visit, to the point where it's clearly an ongoing issue, I feel it's my husband's responsibility to say "Mom, you will disrespect my wife like that, I expect you to stop. If it happens again, we will leave immediately and celebrate future holidays with people who we can enjoy spending time with."
You are right, but as a male, I would need to know that you have this expectaion.0 -
A united front is great but the original post I was responding to said that it was the husband's responsibility to respond, not the DIL. If the MIL felt comfortable enough to make the obnoxious comment, not through her son but directly to her DIL, then there's no need to involve the son in the response.sgthaggard wrote: »
Yes I do. I just don't need my husband to speak on my behalf.sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
It's not so much speaking on your behalf as presenting a united front. Often "those" MILs are trying to wedge in and have a pissing contest to prove they are still #1 woman in their son's life.....
OP might feel a whole lot better right now if (assuming he was in the room to do so) her husband had answered his mother with, "Well, I think ccam looks amazing, and she's really enjoying working out. I love seeing her so happy and healthy!"
If he feels like speaking up in support, hey, fantastic. But if the comment is made directly, I'm going to respond directly.
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I guess I would just say "You're entitled to your opinion...." and really struggle to not offer her a saucer of milk.0
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I would say prove them wrong! Next year come with some major changes! That'll shut them up! #howrude #getitgirl0
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You are right, but as a male, I would need to know that you have this expectaion.
It should be a given, if a member of your family, whether you are male or female, is intentionally harassing or instigating with a member of your immediate family, it's your responsibility to let them know it's inappropriate behavior, and you will not be forced to choose between your spouse/children and other family members.
Like I said, the previous poster obviously doesn't have one of "those" MILs, because "those" MILs do not stop after one comment or one conversation. They feel they are on a mission to destroy the marriage and get their son/daughter back "where they belong."
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I get the same exact schtick from my husband who prefers to watch TV over everything. Some people are haters and negative. Nevermind that we feel better, mentally and physically, with exercise, regardless of appearance changes. You also work out (my version) to vent frustrations and not go postal with the idiots of the world (like her). said with a smile.0
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I'd pretty much change the subject, and spend less time around her, probably. That's very poor of her. However, maybe what she says will bump you into newer and better efforts. I think that's the effect it would have on me. It would shake me out of my rut.So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?
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Thanks everyone. Great advice and lots of laughs.
Yes I am older (I feel and probably act younger than I should ), but I still agree with respecting my elders and she is of course my mother-in-law. Discussions with her usually turn into debates that keep me on my toes but I got frustrated yesterday where some of your answers would have been good replies. Sadly she has the mentality that people that work out are only doing it to lose weight and when they don't she feels like they are wasting time/money. I just remembered her comments about some co-workers last year that joined Curves (not my gym) and she did not notice any change in their appearance so her comments were very similar. I don't want to put her reasoning based on her age because my mother is older than her and a keeps physical knowing the benefits. I think it's just her mentality and I agree with a poster that said she just "doesn't get it". Guess even at my age it's hard for me to ignore people and move along so I put this post out there. I will use some of these replies next time. I shouldn't have to explain myself but I guess I wanted her to understand the benefits and maybe take a cue.
Honestly why do you have to reply or give a response thats anything more than a smile? Anything else is a wasye of time, she wont change her mind, as some people have pointed out its about her personality and she is provoking the situation. Why do you have to wnat her to do anything, spend your time better by reviewing your logging or working hard at the gym, which will give you results that speak for themselves. Do whats best for you.0 -
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If my MIL makes rude comments at every family visit, to the point where it's clearly an ongoing issue, I feel it's my husband's responsibility to say "Mom, you will disrespect my wife like that, I expect you to stop. If it happens again, we will leave immediately and celebrate future holidays with people who we can enjoy spending time with."
You are right, but as a male, I would need to know that you have this expectaion.
Oh, you're absolutely right!
That would clearly be a decision we'd have to arrive at together, but I would request that he deliver the news to his family.
Of course, in our marriage I'm the one who has to handle these things, since it's my family who acts like *kitten*.0
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