Holiday turns into negative comments regarding my gym workouts/results. How would you respond?
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I am so sorry that you had that experience. No matter what your relationship is like with your in-law, a statement like that hurts. If it happens again (or if it's still really bothering you after a few days), you should very calmly and politely let her know how hurtful her words are to you. Then, if you'd like, tell her what benefits you get from your visits to the gym. Quite often, people don't know (or claim that they don't know) how much hurt they are causing unless you let them know. In general people will treat you the way you teach (or allow) them to treat you. Just remember, be tactful.....treat them the way you would like to be treated!
Also, remember that this is your journey. This is your health, fitness, well-being. You are the one in control! Be proud of your accomplishments. Good luck!
P.S. Sory if this sounds preachy.0 -
_dracarys_ wrote: »I would tell her it's not any of her business, nor is it her money being spent.
This.0 -
Your time, your money, your health, your buiness.
MIL is not part of this equation.0 -
Thanks everyone. Great advice and lots of laughs. Yes I am older (I feel and probably act younger than I should
), but I still agree with respecting my elders and she is of course my mother-in-law. Discussions with her usually turn into debates that keep me on my toes but I got frustrated yesterday where some of your answers would have been good replies. Sadly she has the mentality that people that work out are only doing it to lose weight and when they don't she feels like they are wasting time/money. I just remembered her comments about some co-workers last year that joined Curves (not my gym) and she did not notice any change in their appearance so her comments were very similar. I don't want to put her reasoning based on her age because my mother is older than her and a keeps physical knowing the benefits. I think it's just her mentality and I agree with a poster that said she just "doesn't get it". Guess even at my age it's hard for me to ignore people and move along so I put this post out there. I will use some of these replies next time. I shouldn't have to explain myself but I guess I wanted her to understand the benefits and maybe take a cue. 0 -
Classic hater!
Don't overly concern yourself with what people think. Some folks are threatened by people who are trying to do something different and break out of the norm. Mostly because it threatens the delicate structure of their own reality.
^^This. This, this, this, this, this.0 -
Thanks everyone. Great advice and lots of laughs. Yes I am older (I feel and probably act younger than I should ), but I still agree with respecting my elders and she is of course my mother-in-law. Discussions with her usually turn into debates that keep me on my toes but I got frustrated yesterday where some of your answers would have been good replies. Sadly she has the mentality that people that work out are only doing it to lose weight and when they don't she feels like they are wasting time/money. I just remembered her comments about some co-workers last year that joined Curves (not my gym) and she did not notice any change in their appearance so her comments were very similar. I don't want to put her reasoning based on her age because my mother is older than her and a keeps physical knowing the benefits. I think it's just her mentality and I agree with a poster that said she just "doesn't get it". Guess even at my age it's hard for me to ignore people and move along so I put this post out there. I will use some of these replies next time. I shouldn't have to explain myself but I guess I wanted her to understand the benefits and maybe take a cue.
It isn't disrespectful to respect yourself.
Seriously, she does not get a vote. It's YOUR life. You are a GROWN A22 WOMAN. If she's commenting about YOUR personal decisions, SHE'S the one who is rude and disrespectful. Don't give her editorializing the time of day. Just rock on with your own bad self. You don't answer to her, it's obnoxious and ill-bred of her to act like her opinion matters at all.0 -
That's just ridiculous. Exercise isn't just for weight loss, it's good for you.
It increases your immune system
it boosts your mood and fights depression (I would have pointed out with rude negative people like her in your life you need this benefit the most)
improves sleep
increases energy
reduced risk of osteoporosis in women
improves digestion
reduces the risk of some cancers
This for sure. I am not good put on the spot and after she didn't seem to like the few answers I had, I wish I had said these.
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I wouldn't respond. I'd ignore whoever it was. Just, turn and walk away. Besides, who cares if you were using the gym as a social hangout. Are you not allowed to do social activities?1
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What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.1 -
I would have asked her if she really wants to be put in a home in her later years because no one will want to take her in when she's old and incontinent if she is also mean.
No one ever says stuff like this to me. I must be intimidating! GRRR take that MIL. Actually, my mother in law and I butt heads all the times over her excessive gift giving to my toddlers. Our house is only so big and they can only play with one toy at a time. Finally, this Christmas after having the talk with her well in advance not to try and "outdo" santa again (just 1 gift please) I just told the kids to pick one toy to take home and the rest would stay at mom mom's house to be played with when they visit her. The look on her face was priceless.0 -
Don't feel bad. My MIL did everything from wanting to know what sort of pills I took to lose weight to accusing me of having an eating disorder. Seriously... She tried to embarrass me at a family gathering by being rather loud in her comments and questioning, so that many of my in-laws could hear. I fired right back equally as loud that it came from running, which reduces my stress and keeps me from telling rude people exactly how I feel, and from watching what I eat because treats should be treats and not a main course. Yeah... Nothing has been said since. I wasn't rude or disrespectful, but I put a stop to it.1
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_dracarys_ wrote: »I would tell her it's not any of her business, nor is it her money being spent.
This.
Agree completely...0 -
Capt_Apollo wrote: »So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?
you're probably still wearing all your old clothes right??
Yes and I think you are right there also. As I get in better shape I should dress to show it. Thanks
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sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.0 -
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People don't have to go to the gym for only the sole purpose of looking better, getting healthier, etc.
Going to the gym can simply just be a hobby.
She shouldn't care - whatever your reasons for going, it's your hobby & if you enjoy going, that's all that should matter.0 -
I've always felt "killing 'em with kindness" approach worked best.
"Thanks for your concern. I know you have my best interests at hand. What approach do you think is best because it looks like you really know what you're talking about?"
Then they bomb in front of you. Normally they shut up after that.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I am a mother in law... (I would never say something like this)
I am so concerned with the dreaded mil stigma that I over complement her...
all the family was over Sunday and I must have complemented here at least 4 times..
she looked great, the food she made was awesome, liked how she styled her hair, etc...
We do get along great and have some similar personality traits/interests. Yet I still worry about the darn stigma of mil.
I feel bad for you having to deal with yours. Do what you want for yourself.
I feel weird when my mil over compliments me. It makes me feel like she is having to try really hard to find something positive about me. We get along decently but it feels like her real feelings might be more negative/sarcastic toward me when she over compliments. You might be giving your dil a similar feeling unintentionally by trying too hard.0 -
sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
I can agree with this since when it comes to me I can fight my own battles. Been around this woman too long not to speak my mind but I still keep it respectful. Sometimes I just don't speak it like I should I guess. I would only pull my husband in on things concerning others in the family. I can hold my own when it's about me and prefer to because even though I may not have "won the battle" yesterday, I don't want her to think I need her son to fight it for me.
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Yes I do. I just don't need my husband to speak on my behalf.sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
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I would tell her to mind her own damn business.0
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sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
Yeah, it's two different issues. If my MIL makes one rude comment, I will handle my own business.
If my MIL makes rude comments at every family visit, to the point where it's clearly an ongoing issue, I feel it's my husband's responsibility to say "Mom, you will disrespect my wife like that, I expect you to stop. If it happens again, we will leave immediately and celebrate future holidays with people who we can enjoy spending time with."0 -
sgthaggard wrote: »
Yes I do. I just don't need my husband to speak on my behalf.sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
It's not so much speaking on your behalf as presenting a united front. Often "those" MILs are trying to wedge in and have a pissing contest to prove they are still #1 woman in their son's life.....
OP might feel a whole lot better right now if (assuming he was in the room to do so) her husband had answered his mother with, "Well, I think ccam looks amazing, and she's really enjoying working out. I love seeing her so happy and healthy!"
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I would tell her, "It is a part of my Stress therapy, instead of smacking people that ask dumb questions, I go to the gym and work out. Now, do you REALLY want me to stop working out"?0
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I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
+1
You're not going to win and even if you had prevailed in this round, there's probably another criticism ready to be lobbed your way. I'm sorry. I have dealt with toxic in-laws myself.0 -
WTH? Why do people say such weird things? I'd just give her a pitying half-smile and change the subject.0
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sgthaggard wrote: »
Yes I do. I just don't need my husband to speak on my behalf.sgthaggard wrote: »
What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
It's not so much speaking on your behalf as presenting a united front. Often "those" MILs are trying to wedge in and have a pissing contest to prove they are still #1 woman in their son's life.....
OP might feel a whole lot better right now if (assuming he was in the room to do so) her husband had answered his mother with, "Well, I think ccam looks amazing, and she's really enjoying working out. I love seeing her so happy and healthy!"
So much this!!!0 -
I'd love to come back with a clever comment but never manage to think of one, especially when hit with such an ignorant insult as that. BUT .... use it to your advantage, as others have said it indicates her insecurities, so next time you're at the gym and dont want to keep going on the treadmill or are wanting to quit a bit early on another piece of equipment, just remember her words and use it to motivate you to better things 0
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Invite her to come with you next time:)0
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