Holiday turns into negative comments regarding my gym workouts/results. How would you respond?

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  • jj_steele
    jj_steele Posts: 71 Member
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    I am so sorry that you had that experience. No matter what your relationship is like with your in-law, a statement like that hurts. If it happens again (or if it's still really bothering you after a few days), you should very calmly and politely let her know how hurtful her words are to you. Then, if you'd like, tell her what benefits you get from your visits to the gym. Quite often, people don't know (or claim that they don't know) how much hurt they are causing unless you let them know. In general people will treat you the way you teach (or allow) them to treat you. Just remember, be tactful.....treat them the way you would like to be treated!

    Also, remember that this is your journey. This is your health, fitness, well-being. You are the one in control! Be proud of your accomplishments. Good luck! :)

    P.S. Sory if this sounds preachy.
  • smantha32
    smantha32 Posts: 6,990 Member
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    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    I would tell her it's not any of her business, nor is it her money being spent.

    This.
  • moesis
    moesis Posts: 874 Member
    edited April 2015
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    Your time, your money, your health, your buiness.

    MIL is not part of this equation.
  • ccam99
    ccam99 Posts: 119 Member
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    Thanks everyone. Great advice and lots of laughs. :smile: Yes I am older (I feel and probably act younger than I should ;)), but I still agree with respecting my elders and she is of course my mother-in-law. Discussions with her usually turn into debates that keep me on my toes but I got frustrated yesterday where some of your answers would have been good replies. Sadly she has the mentality that people that work out are only doing it to lose weight and when they don't she feels like they are wasting time/money. I just remembered her comments about some co-workers last year that joined Curves (not my gym) and she did not notice any change in their appearance so her comments were very similar. I don't want to put her reasoning based on her age because my mother is older than her and a keeps physical knowing the benefits. I think it's just her mentality and I agree with a poster that said she just "doesn't get it". Guess even at my age it's hard for me to ignore people and move along so I put this post out there. I will use some of these replies next time. I shouldn't have to explain myself but I guess I wanted her to understand the benefits and maybe take a cue.
  • vivmom2014
    vivmom2014 Posts: 1,647 Member
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    mls100771 wrote: »
    Classic hater!



    Don't overly concern yourself with what people think. Some folks are threatened by people who are trying to do something different and break out of the norm. Mostly because it threatens the delicate structure of their own reality.

    ^^This. This, this, this, this, this.
  • HeySwoleSister
    HeySwoleSister Posts: 1,938 Member
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    ccam99 wrote: »
    Thanks everyone. Great advice and lots of laughs. :smile: Yes I am older (I feel and probably act younger than I should ;)), but I still agree with respecting my elders and she is of course my mother-in-law. Discussions with her usually turn into debates that keep me on my toes but I got frustrated yesterday where some of your answers would have been good replies. Sadly she has the mentality that people that work out are only doing it to lose weight and when they don't she feels like they are wasting time/money. I just remembered her comments about some co-workers last year that joined Curves (not my gym) and she did not notice any change in their appearance so her comments were very similar. I don't want to put her reasoning based on her age because my mother is older than her and a keeps physical knowing the benefits. I think it's just her mentality and I agree with a poster that said she just "doesn't get it". Guess even at my age it's hard for me to ignore people and move along so I put this post out there. I will use some of these replies next time. I shouldn't have to explain myself but I guess I wanted her to understand the benefits and maybe take a cue.

    It isn't disrespectful to respect yourself.

    Seriously, she does not get a vote. It's YOUR life. You are a GROWN A22 WOMAN. If she's commenting about YOUR personal decisions, SHE'S the one who is rude and disrespectful. Don't give her editorializing the time of day. Just rock on with your own bad self. You don't answer to her, it's obnoxious and ill-bred of her to act like her opinion matters at all.
  • ccam99
    ccam99 Posts: 119 Member
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    MyM0wM0w wrote: »
    That's just ridiculous. Exercise isn't just for weight loss, it's good for you.

    It increases your immune system
    it boosts your mood and fights depression (I would have pointed out with rude negative people like her in your life you need this benefit the most)
    improves sleep
    increases energy
    reduced risk of osteoporosis in women
    improves digestion
    reduces the risk of some cancers



    This for sure. I am not good put on the spot and after she didn't seem to like the few answers I had, I wish I had said these.
  • katy84o
    katy84o Posts: 744 Member
    edited April 2015
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    I wouldn't respond. I'd ignore whoever it was. Just, turn and walk away. Besides, who cares if you were using the gym as a social hangout. Are you not allowed to do social activities?
  • sgthaggard
    sgthaggard Posts: 581 Member
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    SezxyStef wrote: »
    I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
    What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?
  • enterdanger
    enterdanger Posts: 2,447 Member
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    I would have asked her if she really wants to be put in a home in her later years because no one will want to take her in when she's old and incontinent if she is also mean.

    No one ever says stuff like this to me. I must be intimidating! GRRR take that MIL. Actually, my mother in law and I butt heads all the times over her excessive gift giving to my toddlers. Our house is only so big and they can only play with one toy at a time. Finally, this Christmas after having the talk with her well in advance not to try and "outdo" santa again (just 1 gift please) I just told the kids to pick one toy to take home and the rest would stay at mom mom's house to be played with when they visit her. The look on her face was priceless.
  • oneloopygirl
    oneloopygirl Posts: 151 Member
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    Don't feel bad. My MIL did everything from wanting to know what sort of pills I took to lose weight to accusing me of having an eating disorder. Seriously... She tried to embarrass me at a family gathering by being rather loud in her comments and questioning, so that many of my in-laws could hear. I fired right back equally as loud that it came from running, which reduces my stress and keeps me from telling rude people exactly how I feel, and from watching what I eat because treats should be treats and not a main course. Yeah... Nothing has been said since. I wasn't rude or disrespectful, but I put a stop to it.
  • oneloopygirl
    oneloopygirl Posts: 151 Member
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    smantha32 wrote: »
    _dracarys_ wrote: »
    I would tell her it's not any of her business, nor is it her money being spent.

    This.

    Agree completely...
  • ccam99
    ccam99 Posts: 119 Member
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    Capt_Apollo wrote: »
    ccam99 wrote: »
    So yesterday my in-law questioned why I go to the gym since she sees no physical results in my appearance. I work out 3 times a week but have been in a mental rut and have not changed my eating so my appearance has not changed much. I do have an increase in muscle strength and and gaining improvement in my recovery rates. Working my heart and lungs, etc. She thinks it's doing nothing and that I'm only there for the social aspect. I get in and get out so I'm not standing around socializing but I do like the people I work out with or around at the gym and enjoy their company. She still thinks I am wasting my money and was pretty negative regarding my appearance. I told her I am gaining benefits that you can not see outwardly but she wouldn't agree. How would you respond?


    you're probably still wearing all your old clothes right??

    Yes and I think you are right there also. As I get in better shape I should dress to show it. Thanks

  • JPW1990
    JPW1990 Posts: 2,424 Member
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    sgthaggard wrote: »
    SezxyStef wrote: »
    I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
    What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?

    You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
  • dirtyflirty30
    dirtyflirty30 Posts: 224 Member
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    ccam99 wrote: »
    How would you respond?

    I wouldn't. You don't need to justify yourself and your health/fitness to her. Change the topic and be done with this busybody.

  • ngagne
    ngagne Posts: 57 Member
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    People don't have to go to the gym for only the sole purpose of looking better, getting healthier, etc.
    Going to the gym can simply just be a hobby.
    She shouldn't care - whatever your reasons for going, it's your hobby & if you enjoy going, that's all that should matter.
  • ninerbuff
    ninerbuff Posts: 48,535 Member
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    I've always felt "killing 'em with kindness" approach worked best.

    "Thanks for your concern. I know you have my best interests at hand. What approach do you think is best because it looks like you really know what you're talking about?"

    Then they bomb in front of you. Normally they shut up after that.

    A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
    IDEA Fitness member
    Kickboxing Certified Instructor
    Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
    9285851.png
  • Lounmoun
    Lounmoun Posts: 8,426 Member
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    clnrush wrote: »
    I am a mother in law... (I would never say something like this)
    I am so concerned with the dreaded mil stigma that I over complement her...
    all the family was over Sunday and I must have complemented here at least 4 times..
    she looked great, the food she made was awesome, liked how she styled her hair, etc...
    We do get along great and have some similar personality traits/interests. Yet I still worry about the darn stigma of mil.
    I feel bad for you having to deal with yours. Do what you want for yourself. :)

    I feel weird when my mil over compliments me. It makes me feel like she is having to try really hard to find something positive about me. We get along decently but it feels like her real feelings might be more negative/sarcastic toward me when she over compliments. You might be giving your dil a similar feeling unintentionally by trying too hard.
  • ccam99
    ccam99 Posts: 119 Member
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    sgthaggard wrote: »
    SezxyStef wrote: »
    I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
    What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?

    I can agree with this since when it comes to me I can fight my own battles. Been around this woman too long not to speak my mind but I still keep it respectful. Sometimes I just don't speak it like I should I guess. I would only pull my husband in on things concerning others in the family. I can hold my own when it's about me and prefer to because even though I may not have "won the battle" yesterday, I don't want her to think I need her son to fight it for me.

  • sgthaggard
    sgthaggard Posts: 581 Member
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    JPW1990 wrote: »
    sgthaggard wrote: »
    SezxyStef wrote: »
    I wouldn't...it's your mother in law and it's the responsibility of your spouse...their child to respond not yours.
    What? If my MIL says something directly to me, I'm not going to use my husband as a go-between to respond. This has nothing to do with her husband - why put him in the middle?

    You obviously don't have one of those mother in laws.
    Yes I do. I just don't need my husband to speak on my behalf.

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