QUICK! Weight loss secret right here!

135

Replies

  • LBuehrle8
    LBuehrle8 Posts: 4,044 Member
    Waaaaiiiit...by "move more," do you mean drinking salt water and senna tea? Because I heard I won't lose weight unless I hang out in the bathroom for three hours pooping and crying.

    Best response EVER. Can't stop laughing now
  • CooCooPuff
    CooCooPuff Posts: 4,374 Member
    It only works if you take some Garcinia Cambogia and drink 1,000 cups of green tea daily to boost your metabolism.

    Remember, you have to lose weight as quickly as possible!
  • bluworld
    bluworld Posts: 135 Member
    aimeerace wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    But....can't I make it go faster if I take some supplements? I want to lose a ton of weight by summer so I can look good in a swimsuit and go back to eating normally.

    You need to eat your body weight in soap which will wash away any toxins...
    Doing this WILL probably cause you to lose 10 lbs - the ability to digest food too - but hey, you'll get skinny.

  • rocknlotsofrolls
    rocknlotsofrolls Posts: 418 Member
    I finally realized that when I asked myself, "what does ALL of these diet plans have in common?" Regardless of the crazy crap like, "eat this, not that" and don't eat after 6, or the famous, "cut yourself off of all processed food and if it tastes good, spit it out" OK OK, I kinda made that one up myself. Anyways, they all come down to, "Eat less, move more"
  • mollypw1994
    mollypw1994 Posts: 357 Member
    malibu927 wrote: »
    aimeerace wrote: »
    malibu927 wrote: »
    But detoxes!

    BRING OUT THE PEEPS! Ha

    I finished my Peeps last night and woke up 1.8 pounds lighter. Obviously that was the reason and not that I was nauseous all afternoon.
    Well, that does it for me.

    Putting myself on the Peeps diet!!! With this I'm sure to lose 12 pounds by next week!

    I hear it's important to eat half your daily calorie allowance in peeps. The pink ones are the most effective.
  • NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner
    NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner Posts: 1,018 Member
    I slept for 8 hours. Why have I not lost 3 stone overnight?
  • fearlessleader104
    fearlessleader104 Posts: 723 Member
    If it were that simple, everyone would be skinny. Also, dr oz would have mentioned it.
  • NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner
    NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner Posts: 1,018 Member
    If it were that simple, everyone would be skinny. Also, dr oz would have mentioned it.

    They always say if it's too good to be true it usually is. So rather than eating less and moving more... I'm going to blend chicken breasts and drop in a few bottles of raspberry ketones. That's sure to make me skinny right?
  • fearlessleader104
    fearlessleader104 Posts: 723 Member
    The only real way is to do cardio for 5 to 12 hours everyday like on the biggest loser. It's called reality tv because it's all real.
  • NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner
    NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner Posts: 1,018 Member
    The only real way is to do cardio for 5 to 12 hours everyday like on the biggest loser. It's called reality tv because it's all real.

    Hmm can I hire one of those lovely men who shout at me and tell me I'll never lose weight if I don't bleed sweat through my toes?

    Oh yeah... That's a PT right?
  • fearlessleader104
    fearlessleader104 Posts: 723 Member
    I had a PT who doesn't have a nutrition degree but seems to know what's up. If I don't eat every 2 hours my metabolism comes to a halt and goes into starvation mode. Also any sugar or carbs just turn to fat straight away. Got to eat paleo with no oils or nuts to lose weight.
  • kathyway7810
    kathyway7810 Posts: 4 Member
    Enjoying everyone's comments. I'm a newbie and am still getting familiar with the site. Sounds like a fun group. Anyone I need to be warned about.......besides myself.......don't worry, I'm my self worst enemy
  • NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner
    NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner Posts: 1,018 Member
    Enjoying everyone's comments. I'm a newbie and am still getting familiar with the site. Sounds like a fun group. Anyone I need to be warned about.......besides myself.......don't worry, I'm my self worst enemy

    Morning @kathyway7810 All I'd say is avoid any of the detox, skinny pills, waaaah I put a pound on overnight and how can I lose belly fat right this second threads ha ha!

    Welcome on board!
  • kathyway7810
    kathyway7810 Posts: 4 Member
    By the way, what is the real scoop on Garcinia Cambogia?
  • ILiftHeavyAcrylics
    ILiftHeavyAcrylics Posts: 27,732 Member
    By the way, what is the real scoop on Garcinia Cambogia?

    Welcome! As long as you have a sense of humor you'll do alright here.

    Here you go:

    https://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/garcinia-probably-works-but-is-far-from-a-weight-loss-miracle/

    This is a good site to check if anything seems fishy. They're a bunch of scientists who review current medical literature and write about it in a way that's easy to understand.
  • _Terrapin_
    _Terrapin_ Posts: 4,301 Member
    I lost 4 inches on my waist this week. May I exhale now?
  • NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner
    NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner Posts: 1,018 Member
    _Terrapin_ wrote: »
    I lost 4 inches on my waist this week. May I exhale now?

    No! If you do you will put 6lbs on which is freaking ridiculous!!!!!!!
  • rocknlotsofrolls
    rocknlotsofrolls Posts: 418 Member
    I just had a thought. I would LOVE to see what Dr. Oz looks like on his way to the bank.
  • FluffySandwich
    FluffySandwich Posts: 1,293 Member
    WHAT DO YOU MEAN I CAN'T LOG NAPS AS EXERCISE?! :angry:
  • pollypocket1021
    pollypocket1021 Posts: 533 Member
    EWJLang wrote: »
    aimeerace wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    But....can't I make it go faster if I take some supplements? I want to lose a ton of weight by summer so I can look good in a swimsuit and go back to eating normally.

    You need to eat your body weight in soap which will wash away any toxins...

    ~takes notes~

    Will that also jump-start my metabolism?

    No, in order to jump start your metabolism, you'll need to mix equal parts fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper; drink 8oz every 2 hours. DON'T FORGET TO CHEW. It doesn't work unless you chew it! Rinse with mother of vinegar.
  • NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner
    NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner Posts: 1,018 Member
    People people people! I'm doing the Scarsdale diet next to shift 1lb a day... If I stick to it for 156 days... I will no longer exist... I'll be like the David Copperfield of the dieting world!!!! Who's with me?!
  • rocknlotsofrolls
    rocknlotsofrolls Posts: 418 Member
    aimeerace wrote: »
    People people people! I'm doing the Scarsdale diet next to shift 1lb a day... If I stick to it for 156 days... I will no longer exist... I'll be like the David Copperfield of the dieting world!!!! Who's with me?!

    count me in!
  • HeySwoleSister
    HeySwoleSister Posts: 1,938 Member
    aimeerace wrote: »
    People people people! I'm doing the Scarsdale diet next to shift 1lb a day... If I stick to it for 156 days... I will no longer exist... I'll be like the David Copperfield of the dieting world!!!! Who's with me?!

    BUT HOW WILL YOU DETOX? If you do the Scarsdale diet, you may wither away and leave nothing behind but a bunch of toxins.

    Or, if you're an emotionally manipulative profiteer, you may end up driving your illicit lover, a teacher at an exclusive Girls' school, to shoot you down. (This is all I know about the Scarsdale diet, LOL)
  • LovelyIvy466
    LovelyIvy466 Posts: 387 Member
    EWJLang wrote: »
    aimeerace wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    But....can't I make it go faster if I take some supplements? I want to lose a ton of weight by summer so I can look good in a swimsuit and go back to eating normally.

    You need to eat your body weight in soap which will wash away any toxins...

    ~takes notes~

    Will that also jump-start my metabolism?

    No, in order to jump start your metabolism, you'll need to mix equal parts fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper; drink 8oz every 2 hours. DON'T FORGET TO CHEW. It doesn't work unless you chew it! Rinse with mother of vinegar.

    You forgot about the apple cider vinegar. YOU HAVE TO DRINK A GLASS OF APPLE CIDER VINEGAR EVERY DAY PEOPLE! I haven't had a cold in 50 years because I drink it with echinacea every day, and I do a detox cleanse every month. Cuz toxins.
  • FluffySandwich
    FluffySandwich Posts: 1,293 Member
    EWJLang wrote: »
    aimeerace wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    But....can't I make it go faster if I take some supplements? I want to lose a ton of weight by summer so I can look good in a swimsuit and go back to eating normally.

    You need to eat your body weight in soap which will wash away any toxins...

    ~takes notes~

    Will that also jump-start my metabolism?

    No, in order to jump start your metabolism, you'll need to mix equal parts fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper; drink 8oz every 2 hours. DON'T FORGET TO CHEW. It doesn't work unless you chew it! Rinse with mother of vinegar.

    You forgot about the apple cider vinegar. YOU HAVE TO DRINK A GLASS OF APPLE CIDER VINEGAR EVERY DAY PEOPLE! I haven't had a cold in 50 years because I drink it with echinacea every day, and I do a detox cleanse every month. Cuz toxins.
    But is your poop black sludge? IF IT'S NOT BLACK SLUDGE YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

  • HeySwoleSister
    HeySwoleSister Posts: 1,938 Member
    EWJLang wrote: »
    aimeerace wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    But....can't I make it go faster if I take some supplements? I want to lose a ton of weight by summer so I can look good in a swimsuit and go back to eating normally.

    You need to eat your body weight in soap which will wash away any toxins...

    ~takes notes~

    Will that also jump-start my metabolism?

    No, in order to jump start your metabolism, you'll need to mix equal parts fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper; drink 8oz every 2 hours. DON'T FORGET TO CHEW. It doesn't work unless you chew it! Rinse with mother of vinegar.

    You forgot about the apple cider vinegar. YOU HAVE TO DRINK A GLASS OF APPLE CIDER VINEGAR EVERY DAY PEOPLE! I haven't had a cold in 50 years because I drink it with echinacea every day, and I do a detox cleanse every month. Cuz toxins.
    But is your poop black sludge? IF IT'S NOT BLACK SLUDGE YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

    I thought it was supposed to be frothy and floaty? WHICH WITCH DOCTOR DO I TRUST?
  • malibu927
    malibu927 Posts: 17,562 Member
    EWJLang wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    aimeerace wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    But....can't I make it go faster if I take some supplements? I want to lose a ton of weight by summer so I can look good in a swimsuit and go back to eating normally.

    You need to eat your body weight in soap which will wash away any toxins...

    ~takes notes~

    Will that also jump-start my metabolism?

    No, in order to jump start your metabolism, you'll need to mix equal parts fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper; drink 8oz every 2 hours. DON'T FORGET TO CHEW. It doesn't work unless you chew it! Rinse with mother of vinegar.

    You forgot about the apple cider vinegar. YOU HAVE TO DRINK A GLASS OF APPLE CIDER VINEGAR EVERY DAY PEOPLE! I haven't had a cold in 50 years because I drink it with echinacea every day, and I do a detox cleanse every month. Cuz toxins.
    But is your poop black sludge? IF IT'S NOT BLACK SLUDGE YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

    I thought it was supposed to be frothy and floaty? WHICH WITCH DOCTOR DO I TRUST?

    Dr. Oz, obviously
  • LovelyIvy466
    LovelyIvy466 Posts: 387 Member
    malibu927 wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    aimeerace wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    But....can't I make it go faster if I take some supplements? I want to lose a ton of weight by summer so I can look good in a swimsuit and go back to eating normally.

    You need to eat your body weight in soap which will wash away any toxins...

    ~takes notes~

    Will that also jump-start my metabolism?

    No, in order to jump start your metabolism, you'll need to mix equal parts fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper; drink 8oz every 2 hours. DON'T FORGET TO CHEW. It doesn't work unless you chew it! Rinse with mother of vinegar.

    You forgot about the apple cider vinegar. YOU HAVE TO DRINK A GLASS OF APPLE CIDER VINEGAR EVERY DAY PEOPLE! I haven't had a cold in 50 years because I drink it with echinacea every day, and I do a detox cleanse every month. Cuz toxins.
    But is your poop black sludge? IF IT'S NOT BLACK SLUDGE YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

    I thought it was supposed to be frothy and floaty? WHICH WITCH DOCTOR DO I TRUST?

    Dr. Oz, obviously

    Dr Oz is a GENIUS you guys. He is the only one we should listen to about health. And we should all read the Secret.
  • NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner
    NobodyPutsAmyInTheCorner Posts: 1,018 Member
    malibu927 wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    aimeerace wrote: »
    EWJLang wrote: »
    But....can't I make it go faster if I take some supplements? I want to lose a ton of weight by summer so I can look good in a swimsuit and go back to eating normally.

    You need to eat your body weight in soap which will wash away any toxins...

    ~takes notes~

    Will that also jump-start my metabolism?

    No, in order to jump start your metabolism, you'll need to mix equal parts fresh lemon juice, maple syrup, and cayenne pepper; drink 8oz every 2 hours. DON'T FORGET TO CHEW. It doesn't work unless you chew it! Rinse with mother of vinegar.

    You forgot about the apple cider vinegar. YOU HAVE TO DRINK A GLASS OF APPLE CIDER VINEGAR EVERY DAY PEOPLE! I haven't had a cold in 50 years because I drink it with echinacea every day, and I do a detox cleanse every month. Cuz toxins.
    But is your poop black sludge? IF IT'S NOT BLACK SLUDGE YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

    I thought it was supposed to be frothy and floaty? WHICH WITCH DOCTOR DO I TRUST?

    Dr. Oz, obviously

    Dr Oz is a GENIUS you guys. He is the only one we should listen to about health. And we should all read the Secret.

    If it's a secret... Are we allowed to? Pahahahahaha
  • FluffySandwich
    FluffySandwich Posts: 1,293 Member
    I second that you should trust Dr. Oz, but you should also sort through your poop with toothpicks to make sure it is full of cayenne pepper. The cayenne pepper is bound to toxins, so if you see cayenne pepper, you're probably doing it right!!

    And if you DON'T see cayenne pepper, move up your intake to five cups of it per day. You should see results and lose about 15 pounds per day as well as lose all the toxins in your body :) And possibly your will to live, but don't worry about that.
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